Please Help Me... - Rochester,MN

Updated on February 19, 2009
C.R. asks from Rochester, MN
5 answers

I posted a thread a bit ago about 2 guys I was having feelings for....the father of my child and another guy. Well, I have thought about things and I'm scared......to be alone...to leave Nick...to be with the other guy. I was complaining Nick wouldn't change at all from being on the computer all his free time. Well, he changed....but I'm still not happy. Is it because I still like this other guy more? Is it depression? Am I stupid? I just don't' know how I feel. I'm happy Nick changed and his spending more time off the computer and with me and Gabe, but I'm not happy about something.....and I have no idea what it is or how I even figure it out. Are there any pointers I can get from someone? You all were very helpful last time and I hope u can help em with this problem. Please and thank you to all who give me advice :P ---{---{@

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So What Happened?

Thank You to everyone who replied to me. I have given it some thought and I think...Nicole??....was right. I think I'm not happy with myself. Maybe I need to do some things for myself instead of thinking of everyoen else all the time. A little alone time would be good. Thank you so much. I also called the doctor and I made an apt to go see them and see if I'm depressed :P Just in case :P Hmm, thank you all once again for the advice. I really appreciate it. ----{----{@

More Answers

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M.W.

answers from St. Cloud on

Love is a choice. You must remember that.

Have you cut off all contact with this other man? Because it is just human nature to want things we can not and should not have. So, you need to remove the temptation.

Go to a Pastor and ask him to counsel you (and maybe you and your fiance' together.) Christian counseling has helped some people that I know -- who were not Christians at that time..... They also went to regular counseling and they said it did more damage than anything.

You should watch the movie FIREPROOF and do "The Love Dare" on Nick. You can get it from your local library or a bookstore. (This movie is also a good movie for couples to watch together but since he is already making an effort I suggest that you watch it by yourself first and do (or at least start) The Love Dare on him BEFORE you watch it as a couple.)

1 mom found this helpful
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B.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

Sounds like your just not in love with the guy. It's one thing to love someone it's another thing to be in love.

I know this firsthand and am in a similar position as you. I am still inlove with my ex and we've been seperated for 7 years. I am with someone new and have a child with this guy and love him but I'm not inlove with him. I'm unhappy as well for many reasons and trying to figure out myself what to do. Going back to my ex I'm in love with is not a option. I don't want to settle for less and stay with my current guy either but I also don't want to be alone I was a sinlge mom for 6 years and it was quite lonely.

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C.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would talk to your doctor and/or a therapist about the possibility of you being clinically depressed. I was unhappy for several years about my relationships, my job, my apartment, my family, the weather--you name it. Only after doing a short course of drug treatment and talking with a counselor did I feel better.

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A.H.

answers from Sioux Falls on

If you are not happy with you, you will never be happy in any relationship. Write a gratitude list (things you are thankful for) every day (keep it simple - air to breathe.. clothes to wear...you can move your body...), and a list of things you like about you - more than physical, make it character traits. Also write out what your priorities are in life and put that in check, if you don't know what you want you will never get where you want to be.
Also when my hubby spent all of his time on the computer I was mad, and even when he stopped it took time to let go of my anger and forgive him for what had happened and trust he would be there for us. Things don't change and poof all is perfect. One thing changes, then another thing changes and another and all of a sudden things are DIFFERENT and if you have done positive action normally better. It takes teamwork to be in a relationship, but one will only work if both players are totally committed. Half way won't get you any where. But before you can commit to him you have to commit to yourself that you are a good person and deserve wonderful from you and your partner. So you need to work on you inside so you have something to offer him, right now you don't. If you are bouncing and can't decide, you can't commit to anyone and have nothing inside of you to give to another person. So meet up with a counselor and start working on you, learn to like and love yourself and become the woman you truly are. Then you will be able to be comfortable alone, and when the time is right give the man of your dreams all of your heart and soul without question.
Take care and if you need talk let me know

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.J.

answers from Minneapolis on

to me it sounds like your not happy with yourself, not who your around or not around....

comparing one guy to the other isn't going to really work...you could end up going to the other guy and end up with the same issues your feeling now...therefore the answer of you 'unhappiness' lies with you...

I am not saying this to be rude to you, I just think if you find your own happiness doesn't rely on someone else or who your with you will be happy no matter if you end up by yourself...KWIM

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