Please Help - Not Sleeping, Always Crying, Gonna Lose My Mind!

Hi K.,

It sounds like your baby has reflux. Especially if he's spitting up. Wanting you to hold him (upright especially) and rock or bounce him is very typical of a reflux baby. You said he was colicky too? I'm almost positive that after a couple days or so on some Zantac or maybe even Prevacid(or the like) will have a dramatic difference on your babys sleep. Poor guy, he's got to be soooo tired as well. Over tiredness is not good for the baby and will cause him to sleep worse, not better despite what some may think. Talk to your baby's Ped. and ask him for a script for one of those meds, I bet it helps. It works, trust me, and it won't hurt your baby. Don't worry about that. I have 3 kids, my first was a breeze...no problems at all. My second was a nightmare...soooo colicky. He's 12 now and they did not have any help for colicky babies back then. He just suffered and so did I. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 1/2 and it wasn't until recently that I realized why. He had acid reflux. I now have a 2 month old baby girl and she is also colicky. Not as bad as my son but she has reflux. I didn't want to give her the Zantac her Dr prescribed because I just thought it wasn't good to give a little baby medicine. I finally gave in and after 2 days she was soooo much better. I saw a difference the first time I gave it to her but a big difference after 2 days. It doesn't taste great but you have to get him to swallow it. Make sure you call his Dr though to make sure you are giving the right dose for his weight. I wouldn't go out and buy it over the counter until you talk to his Ped.

Another suggestion on formulas to give before bedtime would be Enfamil AR which has a thickening rice starch and it's meant for spit-up babies with acid reflux. I would try that for a 3 month old instead of adding cereal. That can constipate him and he's still a little too young for that.

One last suggestion would be to look up a woman named Dana Obleman. Shes's a sleep expert for babies and has great information that really works. Although, you got to relieve him of his reflux first.

Best of luck to you and yours. Hope you can all get some rest soon.

T

This one may be just more of a cuddle bug. But you might have him checked anyway for reflux. It might still be burning but not alot of spit up. Otherwise - it won't hurt him to cry/fuss just a little bit in a swing, exersaucer, or bouncer. You might also get a baby carrier that you wear. That way he would be near you and happy, your hands would be free and able to work with your other son.

Your first son didn't act this way because he had you all to himself to meet his every need. Your baby needs to be held and is way to young to be left to cry. Buy a sling or some sort of carrier or wrap and carry him with you. He needs the close physical contact to grow and thrive properly. There are lots of new studies that are showing that babies need to be held more than we once thought. I hated when my babies cried and my second son cried nonstop for the first 3 months. I held both my babies constantly for the first year of their lives. Why can't you rock your baby to sleep? Let Dad take one child and you take the other for bedtime. My boys are 2 and 5 and my husband always takes our baby and I take our older son. Please don't ever let a child as young as 3 or 4 months cry it out to go to sleep. Personally, I don't think it is good for a child of any age. I know how hard it is and how exhausted you feel. In a few months you'll be past all this and in a good routine. Just hang on a little longer.

Hi K.,
He is NOT getting enough sleep for his age for sure. Not good. Sounds like he could be dealing with infant reflux. I kind of doubt though it's possible that he's getting spoiled. Yes that can happen at 3 months. I would go to the store and get some Cherry Supreme Mylanta (there is no Aluminum in it) and give him about a 1/2 teaspoon on an empty tummy and see if there is a difference and he settles down without you holding him. If he does I would really suspect reflux. And I would push the issue with his doctor.
C.

Hi K.,

I feel your pain. There is nothing worse than a crying baby that you cannot console when you yourself are exhausted too. My son was a difficult baby too. I thought it was colic but the dr said it wasn't. My son was put on Zantac and we lived on Mylicon. We found that white noise helped sooth him. There were many times my husband and I took turns holding him at 2am with the vent-a-hood fan running in the kitchen. As for naps those were the worst. I had a short window in which he would fall asleep. What routine do you use at night for him to sleep? Have you tried swaddling him and putting him on his side?

No guilt. You are not alone. Do you have a friend your 2 year old could play with? You could take turns having play dates. Does your 2yr old go to Mother's Day Out? You may want to look into that, even if it is just for you to nap.

I hope you find comfort in your replies.

All I can say is that I feel your pain more than you know and the book "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp was a lifesaver for me. The first time I tried one of his techniques and it WORKED, I cried and my daughter slept.

Don't worry about letting him cry a little. So many people who are strongly against EVER letting a baby cry didn't have one who cried no matter what you did to help!

Do you have a sling? The Moby wrap is a great, great investment. It allows you to securely carry your baby, hands free. That way you would have more options for playing with your other son while holding your baby.

Hang in there mama! You are doing a great job even though it doesn't FEEL like it to you all the time.

I'm sorry you are going through this. My son was pretty similar at that age. We found a few things that helped. First, prevacid. It did help after we were on it for a few weeks. Second, swaddling at nap and bedtime. The swaddling worked for a while, but then he'd wiggle out of it. When that started, the sleep issues came back a bit. So, one day I was doing tummy time with him and he fell asleep and slept for like 3 hours...even with noise going on around him. After that, my husband and I discussed our options...keep him on his back to sleep like we'd been told and continue with the issues or put him on his tummy. We did the tummy, I was a nervous wreck to start off. But he was old enough and strong enough to raise his head and to turn it, we took any loose items and blankets out of his bed and changed from the fluffy, cute crib bumper and put in a breathable one. He slept much better on his tummy. He is now 2 years 9 months and still sleeps on his tummy.

I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed by this sleeping issue! I had a great sleeper the first time around and an awful sleeper the second time, as well. No fun!

I'm personally super against crying it out. I've done with all three of mine what you don't want to do: held 'em all the time. My Moby Wrap helped with keeping my hands free. Neither of the older ones have suffered from my near constant holding of the littler ones. I spend quite a bit of time on the floor with everyone, actually. Then I can hang out with the older ones while still holding the little one; most of the time, the little one is content to sit or lie on the floor, too, while we're all together. Also, older siblings are quite happy to entertain the little one in a bouncy seat while I do quick jobs around the house or go to the potty.

There really hasn't been any negative impact on any of my children from this type of parenting, neither from the holding/wrapping (they all crawled at 7 mos, walked at 10 mos, so being in my arms for as good bit of the day didn't hamper their learning to get around on their own) or from being the older sibling who has to share momma. They're growing up to be pretty awesome, I think. Well adjusted, polite, independent when they need to be, well behaved, not clingy or whiney or mean spirited brats. ;)

My younger two were cat nappers during the day, the middle more so than my last. But really, their routines change so often as they grow & eventually they grew into better nappers. For instance, my one year old was a 20-30 minute napper (I could extend the naps by nursing her back to sleep as soon as she started to stir) several times a day and eventually changed to taking 2 one-hour(ish) naps during the day. I've learned to be a bit more fluid & follow her schedule (I hesitate to even use that word, since it's not so rigid as to really be a schedule) more than expecting her to fit into what I want her to do.

Good luck! I hope you can find what feels good to everyone & keeps you all happy & sane & rested! :)

I read over your question very quickly so forgive if I missed something. First of all (just my opinion of course!) that is the BEST book ever. I have 2 boys who are 4 and 5 and that book saved my life! By 4 months I finally got some well needed rest :). I just wanted to mention acid reflux. My second boy had this and once our dr figured it out and got him on medicine, he was a different baby. I later realized, my first had it too. It went away on its own, but I don't remember at what age...didn't last too long. Just FYI...hope this helps!

My sister went through this and it did pass, but I'm not sure what else you can do. Maybe have story time with your son and hold one while reading to the other. Have you talked to your pediatrician? Maybe they can help. I really hope things improve for you.

Your son's night sleeping pattern sounds pretty common for a baby his age. Regarding increasing the length of his naps during the day, have you tried using the Miracle Swaddle? I still swaddle my 5 month old using this method and it makes all the difference in the world - he sleeps much longer and sounder. He fusses when I put it on, but then frequently will quiet right down once I pop the pacifier in his mouth.

I, unfortunately, do not have a solution for you. I would just like to offer you some encouragement. My daughter was EXACTLY the same way!!! She finally, at 13 months, started sleeping through the night. I read an article that made me realize that she associated me with going to sleep (since I rocked her to sleep), and didn't know how to fall asleep on her own. Thus, when she naturally woke up during the night (something we all do), she didn't know how to get back to sleep on her own. I finally let her cry it out and she sleeps through the night every night now. Your son is a little young for the cry it out method, but soon you can try that. My advice is to be sure you always lay him down awake so he learns to fall asleep on his own. Hang in there!! It'll get better!!!

You haven't done anything wrong. If you can afford it get someone in to help so that you can get a bit more sleep. Or ask a relative to come for awhile. This phase should pass. Some babies need more than others. You can only do what you can do. And, talk to your pediatrician if it doesn't improve after awhile.