Please Someone Help!!!!!!!!!!!

So, is the ex actually there all the time when you are working those days? If not, maybe you'd be better finding alternate care for the baby.

added - Dawn, I was kinda thinking the same thing but didn't know how to word it so as not to scare the daylights out of her! She'd be better off in that thought as to finding alternate care.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to young for sleepovers. One year is the youngest that I would allow my son for a sleepover. He just couldn't handle that much inconsistancy.
Babies need routines. NEED. not should have, maybe have, but NEED. If anything changes then their whole world is upside down and things just aren't in their comfort zone. Hence the crying. Put your foot down, tell the women to F**** off. He's your child, you call the shots, not her. Ignore her phone calls, ignore him unless he has your child, and enjoy being a mom.
My ex used to bully me about his rights. I told him tough. Go get a laywer and we can battle this the legal way. He backed down. You can do this. Be strong!!!
Oh and go to a laywer anyway. You need to know your rights vs his. You need child support set up through the legal system so that you actually recieve it.

You are going to have to end up in court over this, but in the meantime, I agree, a 3 month old baby is way to young to spend the night away from Mama. Plus, the grandmom has no rights to say where the baby spends the night.

Not only NO but HELL no!!!

Go through the court system and get everything documented and in writing...a SET schedule with child support in place...

You need to be clear with your boyfriends mother - YOUR rules, boundaries, etc. I wonder what the heck the are doing to him to make a THREE MONTH old react like this!!!

EVERY child needs a routine and consistency...this sucks in a huge way. As it sounds like he's not getting it....

this will not be fun nor will it be easy...stand strong. you are your sons advocate and don't let ANYONE bully you or threaten you...get a lawyer and get a court order post haste!

You do not owe your ex partner and his Mother any visitation rights. In fact - get started filing for child support with you as the custodial parent. NOW!

Tell them, you are fine with the baby being watched by them when you are at work - but that is IT. NO overnights, this is an infant not a pre-schooler. Infants belong with their Mothers unless the Mother is harmful to the child.

Go to human services. Children less than 1 year old typically aren't allowed overnight stays away from the mother, especially if she is breast feeding. You guys need to get a LEGAL agreement.

You also need to agree on parenting style, and how you will handle every possible situation that may or may not arise.

Child support is for your baby. You aren't doing anything wrong or bad by setting up child support payments. If he has an issue with helping to support his child financially then he shouldn't have helped get you pregnant. It's his baby too- He is obligated.

You need to take care of yourself and your baby first and always. You two are the most important pieces of this puzzle.

Talk to human services, figure out how to set up custody and child support.

Best wishes-

You need a court order. Actually you need a court order to direct support as well.

You need a visitation order by the Court. I would try calling the Friend of the Court and see if they can help you. Sometimes, they can appoint a caseworker to work out a visitation schedule and have the judge order it. But, they may also suggest that you get an attorney who can prepare a visitation schedule and then have it ordered by the Judge. That's what I'd do.

Your son is too young to be going back and forth for overnights, in my opinion. He needs consistency and security. Tell them that for now, daytime visits are fine, but he needs to be with mama for the evenings.

You also need to pursue this legally. You need to get a court order for child support and a legal custodial plan in place. If grandma is fighting about visitation, get your ducks in a row now, not later. A legal arrangement right off the bat will protect you and your child later on. Don't be bullied.

You need to go to court or at least mediation for a workable custody. I agree, the baby is just too young for sleepovers, he needs stability right now.

Your baby is to young for sleep overs even at his dads house! Your baby needs you. I would only let them baby sit! You should go to the district attorney and file for child support right away then get a custody agreement.
Hope this helps
Good luck to you and congrats on the birth of your baby!

I second what Jo G. said. You need to get a court order in order to protect you, him and your child. Get a lawyer or go through the attorney generals office if you can. It's obviously not working doing it the way you are doing it. Good luck!

No way, sista, at three months a baby is really still just an extension of mom's body. Bad enough you gotta leave him while you work.

Please call your local family court system and set up legal custody guidelines.

Protect yourself and that baby, mom!

And ask us anthing!

:)

your child is way to young for over night visits, call a lawyer, or an advocate and dont let them bully you this way. Any mother should know that baby is too little to sleep anywhere.

Do not be bullied! If there is no chance of reconcilliation with your BF then you need to have a legal agreement put in place that way there are no arguments and you aren't stressed out. Get legal counseling asap. Best wishes

I feel for you. I won't write more about what to do because you have some really good suggestions about child support and custody.

But you opted to hook up with a boy, not a man. A man would have married you and made a life-long committment. Your boy only wanted fun and pleasure. It didn't take him long to "run home to mommy" when it came to feedings, dirty diapers, and crying in the middle of the night.

When all this calms down and it comes time to find a life long companion, find one that is committed to you and your child. How do you know?

He treats you like the queen of his castle and when he starts to change from boy to man. The first indication he is becoming a man willing to take on a man's responsibility is when he gets down on one knee, shows you a ring, and asks you to marry him. The second indication he has become a man is when he is standing in front of someone in authority, gazing into the eyes of the beautiful girl he can't stop looking at and can't stop thinking about hoping and praying she will say, "I do" at the appropriate time.

THEN you have found a real man who wants to become a REAL husband.

Good luck to you and yours.

Go to court, get custody. As a grandparent, she probably has no rights. Put it in legal writing when each of you get the baby (it's hard to take a child away from their mother, no worries there). Even if he gets the baby one weekend a month, use it! Work extra hours or do something nice for yourself. Relax :) I think you're already been more than accommodating; they need to get on the same page.

D.,

You opened the door to let this happen. Your boyfriend's mother does not have any say in what happens with your child unless she wants to take you to court. If you want to continue to let his father take care of him fine, but pick him up when you get off work.

A baby needs to be on a schedule. As his mother you decide what that schedule will be. If you do, you won't have a screaming child (most of the time). Close that door or expect more pushing from the grandmother.

What's going on with the father? Is he as spineless as he sounds or he's he a good care giver for his child?

Blessings...

Take a deep breath. You're going to get through this.
As far as I know, you don't have any legal obligation to your ex's mother. She's not the parent. You want to keep her out of the loop if you can. Read Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
It always pays to keep things as smooth as you can with your ex. See if you can have a reasonable conversation with him (without his mom). Be as business-like and reasonable as you can. Let him know you recognize the importance of his involvement in your child's life, and you want to work with him to make arrangements that work for everyone.It isn't working with your son to spend the night, and you're sure as the father he will want what works for his son. (Hard for him to argue with that!)
If he's the irrational type, it's trickier. Make sure you have a support group. Do whatever you can to keep this from becoming a full-on war.
Separation is really hard on kids. Try to keep things at home as routine as you can for your baby. He needs a lot of reassurance going through this.
Do you have a church you feel comfortable attending? That would likely be a great source of support and encouragement.
Bless you - don't worry. Hugs,
L.
http://susannasapron.blogspot.com/

go to court over it. that way she will have to accept what the judges orders.

Your baby's health and stability comes first. His mom has no right to tell you what and/or how to do. Apparently, she didn't do the best job with her son. Anywho...be careful. With a grandmother like that you want to protect yourself and the baby. I always expect the worse and plan accordingly. No surprises. If you can have a rational conversation with your ex, try it but be mindful to let him know that if this can't work to your terms, you will have to do what's best for your son and yourself and seek legal advice. As a mother of two...it's not easy sweetie. It's not easy at all. And being a single mother isn't a cake walk. I wish you and your tiny prince all the joy and blessings.

Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer.

You need an:

- Emergency Order of Custody (it's the agreement that stands until your actual mediation &/or hearing, be VERY careful with it, as it can set the tone for the final custody agreement. It's called 'emergency' because it's typically accomplished within 24 hours to stand in place until the actual court date can be set several weeks to a couple of months from now).

- Emergency Order of Child Support (again, a temporary order that will be changed after your mediation/ court dates).

REMEMBER this is not "your" money. This is your BABY'S money; money that his father owes to him. Never go 'easy' on child support, because you're stinting your child what he is rightfully due.

REMEMBER child support and custody are NOT linked (except to figure out the percentage each parent owes the child). Even if he's 10 years behind, you cannot deny court ordered visitation. It's not pay to play. Same token, he cannot cannot cannot threaten to withhold money &/or not return him unless you let him "out" of his CS. It's VERY important to stay on the right side of the law in child support and custody, and the ins and outs your lawyer can explain to you... because violating the custody agreement can be grounds to change or revoke custody. Even in 50/50 custody, child support NEEDS to be addressed for such things as

- Who pays for childcare, how, and to whom
- Who pays for health insurance, how, and to whom
- What KINDS of childcare/schooling and who makes those decisions/has veto rights
- Right of first refusal
- Who claims your son on their taxes and when
- and several other not-so-small-details

NEVER deal with the legal system without an attorney. Never, never, never. And don't "share" an attorney. Each of you need your own, or at the very least, you need your own. Even lawyers get an attorney when they are in court. "The lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client" quote is very, very true. Much less anyone who hasn't spent the 3 years learning all the tangles involved with the law. There are many free sources, but they usually have VERY long waiting lists. If you have to borrow the money, it's worth it to have legal representation, rather than have to wait weeks or months, and most family law attorneys will work out a payment plan with you after an initial couple hundred dollar retainer. Getting a lawyer isn't about screwing your ex, it's about PROTECTING and educating yourself.

DO look up standard custody agreements for infants under 1 year of age.

Your son is as much his father's child as he is yours. Generally if custody is shared equally there is no child support - since each parent is paying for the expenses incurred in their 50% of the time. If your ex truly wants to be a parent, then I would think that is his right. A judge will need to decide the details, so you need an attorney and to go to court. If he does not really want to parent you will find out when you both talk to the judge. I am assuming that you either already pump or are formula feeding since you are away from your son during the day. I do not see that overnights would be any different to an infant. I would also not call a baby staying with his father a 'sleep over' any more than I would call a baby staying with her mother a sleep over.

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