I have a friend who has foster children. The 4 year old boy poops on the floor on purpose. No matter what she does, she can not get him to stop. He has also peed in the toy box. Does anyone have experience with this and what to do? Has anyone overcome this problem? Please, really in need of help! Thank you!
My friend is working with the agency. They said they will get him into therapy, but so far, it hasn't happened. She was looking more for anyone who may have experienced this and positive stories. I should have made that clear, sorry. The agency has told her that children like this go on to poop in inappropriate places, like a neighbors porch! We were not wanting to believe that. Also, that councling before age 10, doesn't work well, they are too young. Again, we were thinking how could it hurt? Yes, we understand that it is very difficult for these children to be pulled from their home that they have known. Its so sad that the abuse or neglect is all they know. These children need stability, and love, and not to be moved every few months. It is a real shame.
i hope that anyone fostering kids gets more help, training and professional advice than can be offered on a public site.
and i hope that anyone in this situation truly seeking help would never take advice offered on so little information.
khairete
S.
Counseling doesn't work well with young children. There are therapists trained specifically to work with young children. Play therapy is one type.
I'm starting over. Diane B described this little boys situation well. Have your friend read it over and over. As I read other responses I realized I was confusing what to do in short term and long term fostering. I also need to know how long he's been with her. Knowing how to handle this Needs to be based on why he's doing this and whether he's ever been able to take care of his toileting needs.
An important thing to always remember is that he is younger than his chronological age and that he's scared. He may have learned to cover scared with anger. We help foster kids by treating them where they are.
Without knowing more I can't really advise your neighbor except to tell her that this boy is unlikely to respond to any teaching until he trusts you.
I don't know if this will help. I've been in a few homes where pooping on the floor at this age was acceptable. I suspect he's likely peeing in the toy boxes because he's jealous as well as angry. Perhaps giving him a few toys of his own and his own container to hold them would help.
Foster care children might need psychological help. Tell your friend to talk to the child's case worker and get him the help he needs.
Since he's in foster care? Was he neglected and this is his way to get attention? Does this child have verbal skills at 4 or is he behind? I would think he needs attention, positive reinforcement and communication.
I would seek out the case worker and psychological help.
The kid needs a psychiatrist.
Your friend needs to make sure this child gets some professional help - and she needs the help in order to figure out how to handle him.
It sounds behavioral. If he's from foster care, he is adjusting and could probably use a psychologist to help him adjust, and your friend might need some ideas/tips/support also.
Sometimes kids do it for attention .. other times someone in the past may have been too strict with potty training ... once she figures out why he's doing it, it will be easier to redirect him to the toilet.
The thing is not to make the child feel ashamed. Just be consistent in showing him where to go, and don't go over the top rewarding him to do what he should be doing.
Good luck to your friend :)
J.
If your friend is in the foster care system as a foster parent, she has resources. She needs to reach out to those resources - the case worker and therapist - to help her deal with this situation.
I feel really sorry for the kid. How traumatic to be ripped from your "normal" and into a house where things are TOTALLY different! Can you imagine what he is going through?? It's got to be traumatic.
Without knowing if the boy was abused or neglected? I would tell my friend to talk to the case worker for the boy and NOT GIVE UP ON HIM. I wonder how many people have given up on him in his short life? He needs HELP.
No, I've not experienced this. I would tell him that he doesn't need to poop on the floor or pee in a toy box to get attention. I would praise him when he went to the bathroom to do his business and reinforce that praise again.
Good luck!!!
We had issues with peeing at age 4 with both our oldest bio kid and our adopted kiddo. They did it out of anger/frustration. It was....odd, but I when I dared to share this info, we found out that "rage peeing" was not all THAT uncommon for boys around that age. Both boys outgrew it pretty quickly. Our youngest (bio) pooped in the yard, but that was mostly confusion. He thought if he could pee by the tree, he could poop there too. I don't know if the older 2 boys ever did that. I think they probably did and just never told on each other!
Our oldest bio kid is very smart but has some hard-wired behavioral challenges. Our adopted kiddo's only real trauma was coming to live with us, but that was a big one since he had lived with his foster family from 3 days to 11 months old, and then was suddenly with strangers (us).
If your friend has resources, I guess the thing for them to guide her on finding out what the boys feelings are when he does this. Is he confused? Is he angry? Is he trying to exert some control over his environment with this behavior? (all of these were true for us). For a foster kid, I'd also want to find out if the bathroom was a safe place prior to this. I wish your friend luck & yes, you may share may story if you think it will help.
-e
Is he receiving therapy of any kind? If not, that's the first priority.
There are way too many variables in this scenario to give an answer:
How long has he been in foster care? Does have sibs? Where are they? What is his medical status? Developmental age? Mental status?
Your friend needs to report this to caseworker and get him a psychological evaluation.
Until then she should just clean up the bowel movements or urine without saying a thing. She should not respond to it besides cleaning it up until he gets help.
Lord knows what the poor kid has been through.
ETA: this could be about control, getting negative attention or just lack of training. If it is the first two drawing attention to it will just make it worse.
Why has she not already talked with the placement agency about this?
This child needs help and psychological attention.
Yesterday.
I seldom agree with Gamma, but I do agree on this one. Bribery. He's likely urinating and defacating on the floor to gain attention. Remember, to a troubled child, any attention, even negative, is attention. So switch it up to positive attention. A treat for using the toilet. Every time.
Kids coming into foster care might have gone through horrible things. There's no telling what happened to them in the bathroom and they may actually be terrified to go in there by themselves.
I suggest she talk to the worker and let them know this problem. It can let them know to look for other things in their investigation and it can also be a medical issue that needs treatment.
This foster mom knows what she's doing? She's had several before? Then I imagine she's pretty good at what she does and she'll figure out what to do.
Giving kids single M&M's or Jelly Beans can be a great incentive to go in the toilet. She can let them have 1 for pee and 2 for pooh but she has to see it in the potty every time. Plus she might need to supervise to make sure he wipes because he might not have been taught well.
Some parents have no idea how to potty train and they just let the kid figure it out and they don't get it right. She probably won't want to let this kiddo have ANY unsupervised time for a while.
Is she talking with the social service agency that placed him? Because they should have resources to help them work through this.
We don't know enough about this special needs child to help.
ETA: Counselling for kids: counselling for kids this age is not typically for the kid, it's for the parent to give them specific strategies to help them help their kids. Counselor meets with kid to get to know him/her, and then meets with the parent to talk strategy. At least that's how I've seen it.
