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The only thing keeping them in your room will do is cause them fear to be without the two of you. As a mom myself I understand all of the fears you face. I still worry what if someone breaks into his window and takes him and I can't hear because I am way across the house, but that is my fear not his. I also worry about fires and tornadoes and every other thing that could go wrong, but as parents we must hide those fears to make our children stronger. Children look to us to lead, and we must lead without fear. One day they will be without us, hopefully that day is when everyone is much much older but we must spend our time preparing our boys to be men. Don't get me wrong, ocassionally my son still feels the need to curl up next to me on some nights, and I allow him to. You just have to find a way to have a healthy balance. You also need that husband wife time that you can't get with kids in your room. Good Luck!!!

I understand his concerns, however, they do need to know that mommy and daddy need their own space.

If you are having trouble with them settling down then I would start taking baths (with lavendar sented soap) just before bed as part of a bed-time routine, no playing allowed after bath-time, just putting on pajamas, brushing teeth and using the bathroom. Then, read one or two stories and/or play soft classical musical while in bed. I lay with my daughter for about 5-10 minutes and she falls asleep easily...while I know that many parents want their children to fall asleep on their own, many just will not do it until they are older...i've tried crying it out at various stages of life and this child would cry for hours if you'd let her.

I do advocate bedtime routines, and set bed times, both of your children are old enough to know when the clock says a certain time. Mine goes to the bathroom now before it's actually bathtime so she can have an extra story read or song sung to her, and she's only six.

I hope I gave you some ideas, feel free to email if you like.

M. and Amara (8/25/01)

With the exception of the first few months, we have never allowed our boys to sleep with us -- not in our bed, not in our room. My husband absolutely can not sleep if they are in there. (There have been exceptions, of course.)

In order to make your husband more comfortable about them being in a different room, you can get a monitor for them. Trust me when I say that you can hear them better in your room thru a monitor than you can when they are actually in your room!! =-) Although, I will say, at ages 8 and 4, they are capable and likely to come to you if there is a problem. My 6 and 4-yr-olds come get us in the middle of the night if they need us.

I agree that a bedtime routine greatly helps get everyone settled. However, when it comes to putting the kids to bed, they are certainly old enough to be told that they don't play or they loose a privilege the next day. Start punishing them for playing instead of laying still. My boys still have issues on occasion where they are laughing and cutting up, but to a point, we don't tolerate it during the week. Friday night, they can be as silly as they want (to a point). =-)

I also agree that you, as parents, need alone time. Unless you just love having them in your room at night, you need some space from your kids to be with your husband. I hope you two are able to work this out. It can be rough when you don't agree on something like this. Good luck to you!!

Wow at what age does he think is ok for them to sleep in their own room? They have moniters for listening to them, and kids can always find mom's room when they have a nightmare. I am sorry but that seems weird to me. My kids all sleep in their own beds, but we allow them to snuggle with us if they have a nightmare. I know cosleeping works for some families but it could be awkward when the 8 yr old tells friends at school that he is sleeping with his parents. I know DHS requires kids to have to their own room.

We have younger children than you all but what we do is keep a baby monitor on in their room at night that way if they have nightmares or really need us we can hear them (you could get a digital video one if that soothes your dh better). It really helps because you can still hear them breathing and everything, you might just try it because it helps them grow individually and independently but also keeps the feeling that they are near; and, when your dh (dear hubby) is ready and comfortable you can shut them off for good :)