I will try and keep this short. About 6 months ago my parents have moved to TX. They live a few blocks away from me and about 10 mintutes from my sister. My sister has always had a jealousy issue with me (which she has already admitted to me a long time ago). She always seems to need the attention from my parents focused on her. Naturally since my parents live so close to me I see them a lot. If I go to the store and they need something I'll get it and vice versa. I have 3 girls 5yrs, 3 yrs, 2 yrs, and one due this Oct. My husband is in the military and is away many times. Right now he's away again and yes, I ask my mom to please watch the girls here and there so I don't have to take them all with me and get things done more quickly. If my husband was here or if my parents didn't live nearby I certainly don't need any help. My sister keeps saying now that I am my mother's favorite child and they help out too much. Yet, if any of us try to call her to see if she'd like to do something or come over, then she's too busy or doesn't pick up her phone. Also, she has 1 child who is 8 and is in school full-time. None of my children are in school yet. I try to brush off all her remarks and jabs towards me but it's starting to build up. Am I wrong? Am I not supposed to talk to my parents as much? I know I AM Very independent and don't need to rely on anyone for any help and I'm getting tired of hearing that I'm not independent anymore from my sister. I've lived away from family before and I know I can do things on my own if I need to.
Thank you for soo many responses already. It's so helpful to get opinions from other people. Just to kind of give a bit more info. She is 7 yrs. older than I. We have two brothers, both older than me also. She said she was happy when I was born, but soon after felt jealous because she wasn't the only girl anymore. There's nothing I could do about that. I too, think it's petty and immature of her to act this way, but like I said it's getting frustrating because she's turning my niece into a mini-her. Also, her famous line that she keeps telling my parents and me is that maybe I shouldn't have had so many kids if I can't handle it on my own (which once again, I am perfectly capable of doing), and that's why she only had one. I don't want my kids to feel guilty for seeing their grandparents when they do, since my sister doesn't bring my neice around when she can anytime she wants. Sorry, I think all I need is to vent my feeling to someone. Thank you all for your responses. It really does help. I think Kim L. has a good idea, and maybe I'll try some one on one time with my sister and go out for lunch. I have taken both my sister and mom out at thesame time for lunch, but maybe she just needs her own alone time with me.
I would just lovingly tell her that it bothers you when she says stuff to you about it. It's always best to keep things open and honest than to let things build up to the point that it develops into anger
Tell your sister you love her very much. What does she want. What does she need from this relationship? Maybe she somehow gets more attention being the jealous sister. I know your busy with three and one on the way. She doesn't get it. But don't make it be about her not getting it make it be that you really desire having a good healthy relationship with her.
Maybe your mom could watch the kids and you could treat your sister to lunch or a pedicure. Its about finding what draws your closer not the annoying qualities of your sister. Maybe write a cute little note but be sincere. Tell her something that you admire about her and no buts and nothing negative. Maybe invite her over more with her daughter/husband for a dinner. See if she could bring something to add to dinner. Maybe she is having problems articulating what she is truly desiring ..possibly a stronger relationship with you? I understand relatives that don't get it. My husband is a CPA. From Jan-April he works extremely long hrs. about 70 hrs wk. My mother in law is very needy she leaves these irrating messages nathan has forgotten about me again. can't he call. its not possible for her to understand our plight. i have 3 kids almost 4 yrs, 6yrs and 10yrs. ugh. hang in there.
We all need help from time to time. I would not give a hoot what your sister says. Your pregnant with a little one and your husband is away. So what if you see and talk to your parents all the time. So did I and my brothers were the same way. I helped my parents also, we helped each other. So guess who takes care of my mother now that my dad has passed away.......ME. No one comes around now. Next time your sister says something I would just say "SO WHAT"! I will call you next time mom or dad needs stuff at the store. I bet she will change her tune.
I have similar issues with my brother, so I know where you're coming from. My tactic is to limit contact with him and his drama. His drama is a gift-- a bad one that I don't have to accept.
But your insistance on independance and questioning the correctness fo your relationship with your parents is why I'm responding.
Your relationship with your parents, and theirs with your children is the greatest gift life has to offer. Don't question it! You children will carry that love into every relationship they ever have for the rest of their lives. You can rest easy knowing that your kids live in a deep pocket of family love. Is that worth giving p on for any cost?
"It takes a village to raise a child."
There's a reason that saying it exits. We are a part of a community, and as such we give and we receive. That's expected. Don't give weight to your sister's opinions. Even just agree with her and move on. You keep asserting that you can take care of your children by yourself if you have to, but you shouldn't have to. That's why we have families. If you couldn't do it without help, it would be okay and actually more normal than if you could! You're sister is projecting, and her issue has nothing to do with whether or not you are independent, and it's really none of her business anyway, unless you're hurting your parents or burdening or taking advantage of them. Are you sure that your sister is not expressing things based on their complaints? If she's not, and your parents are fine and happy to help, then PLEASE, don't listen to your sister. Instead, be sympathetic about the fact that she's unhappy about something - maybe it's her relationship with your parents, maybe it's something else. Offer her some compassion, and don't even hear her remarks.
Who cares who thinks your independent. Do YO think you are? That's all that matters. Focus on making sure your own girls don't grow up to act toward eachother like your sister acts toward you. This sounds like a problem your mom needs to deal with if she is feeling neglected form your parents. Your relationship with your parents has nothing to do with her relationship with them.
Hi- If your husaband is in the military and you are raising 4 kids under the age 6 or 7, alone at times, then you are a saint. If you were my friend or neighbor I would help you out myself. I live near my Mom too and there is a lot of "help" back and forth it's what families do and it's a good thing not bad. She may watch my girls or pick them up from school sometimes but beleive me I am cooking her dinner and my husband is Mr. handy man nearly every weekend. It goes both ways and sounds like your relationship with your parents does too. Your family is serving our country, we all have a responsibility to help out. I think your sister is really upset or resentful about something else. You need to have a heart ot heart with her and try to find out why this bothers her. If there's nothing more to her feelings then she is just being selfish and petty. Good luck and good job raising your kids under tough circumstances!
Oh , I hear you sister. My sister is exactly the same way. She does not always admit it, but as she has gotten older sh e has become worse.
I have always felt my mom tried to be as fair as possible, but sister feels like I am favored, even though I am the last one to ask for help.. My sister blames everything on everyone else in the family.. She told my mother it is our "moms fault" that sister "has money problems, cause our mother always helps" her out....??? My mother finally told sister, "I am not giving you any money when you ask since you said that".. Sister says, "I never said that"...??? My mother has quit asking if sister needs help with anything, because when she does help sister criticizes the quality of the help.. We have tried to speak with her about it, but she just denies it..
I just ignore sister now. My mom has finally quit calling sister unless she is inviting her to something and many times sister does not answer..
It is amazing how the phones start ringing when sis needs something, but many times, unless it is for the grandchildren we are not available any longer.. We will see if she ever figures it out on her own..
I just wanted to say that my sister has also had jealousy issues and often tried to hurt me in one way or another...she has always been in denial about it however, and finally just stopped talking to me altogether. It has been several years now, and she ignores all of my cards sent to her.
Count your blessings that your sister is at least still in your life
Counteract her comments with love. Ignore the "parent favorite" part, that's childish and address the real problem - and that's her not getting as much attention as she would like. Both of you have access to your parents if you want to. If you are the older child, this is typical. She is probably competing with you for grandkids privilege as she only has one and your children are always seeing your parents, she looks up to you, but doesn't want to admit that she wishes she was like you. Jealousy and envy are two different things. One is wanting love & attention, the other is an evil motive or intention to take what someone else has. Don't take it too personal, just continue doing what you have to do.
Use the help while you have it!!! I too am a military wife, and no one knows how hard it can be, not only the stress of acting as a single parent, but the added stress of worrying about the safety of the man you love. If your parents are happy to help, there is no shame or blame in accepting it. It does not mean you are not independent or strong. Part of being a strong and independent woman is knowing were your supports are and using them. It is not about always doing everything on your own, that makes you lonely, not strong.
