Hi,
My four yr old daughter recently started screaming lately and I'm at a loss as to what to do. I've asked her if something hurts, if she's upset about something or tried to get her to talk and "use her words". She has been in school since around 3yrs old. She just switched teachers and is in Pre-K now. I've talked with the teacher and she did have a "red" day too because she bit someone. Otherwise, she's been doing okay. I guess adjusting to sitting more and not always being able to "play". I was really surprised that she bit someone because that's never happened. Also, we got two pups in the beginning of the summer...and they both got parvo and we had to put them to sleep a week before school started. I talked with her at length about it ...when she had questions, like what happened to the puppies, where do they go when they die, etc. I don't know if she fully understands. Do you think she is grieving, and maybe with the adjustment of school is regressing? I am not sure what to do. Thanks for any suggestions/advice.!
PS: I don't think anything triggers it...she just does it out of the blue. Like today, when I would ask her questions, she would reply with a loud scream!! and she also screamed more when my husband came home from work. It's moreso just out of the blue, ....but you are right . She does get attention from it. And she LOVES to hear herself.
Try telling her that you are calling the doctor about this....then say that you spoke with him and he said that it is OK if she screamed but it was dangerous for your ears so she had to do it in her room. Then put her in her room for the rest of the day. Don't yell-just be very matter of fact. This is a method that John Rosemond uses and is supposed to really work.
John Rosemond is a bully, and you sound like you want to be more supportive and caring towards your daughter than that. Of course the puppy deaths have been difficult, even though she might not fully understand. I would continue to encourage and respond to her questions, but also be careful you aren't asking too many questions. Her screaming may just be a way to ask you to be quiet. What sorts of questions are you asking her when she screams? She may just need to be reminded that she can ask you to "please be quiet", if she doesn't want to talk about something. If she continues to scream, I would remain calm, explain that screaming makes it hard to talk, and find something else to do until she is done. Your husband might make a quick suggestion of a better way to greet him, how about a big hug? But if she screams, also matter of factly, "I'll see you when you're finished", and move on. Minimize the attention from screaming, and help her find a better way to get your attention.
As far as the school, I'm not sure why a program for 4 year olds is requiring more sitting and less play. Play is how young children learn, so I would look closely at the school's expectations. What is she supposed to be doing while she is sitting? What does she say was the reason for her biting? Again, help her find a better plan to get what she wants, because biting hurts and gets people angry. Be calm and helpful to her, and if it seems like she is really stressed by a school situation that isn't meeting her needs, find a better school. I also wonder about a preschool that gives a "red" day for a 4 year old child two weeks into the school year, not helpful.
The part about her sitting more and not being able to play is a possibility.
Four year old girls love to hear their own voice. Is she screaming for attention? I'm sure she's finding that it's working for her ;)
When does she scream? If she is playing does she just stop and scream?
I think we need more info, like what triggers the scream session?
Maybe you could just start writing down every time she screams with what happened before, how long the scream lasted, and anything that made it shorter. Include the time of day and maybe even what she had to eat. After a few days, perhaps you can point out a pattern and be better able find a solution.
My daughter screamed a couple of times, and I just had to tell her it hurt my ears and if she really wanted to scream, maybe we could do it outside. I also tried to explain that a scream like that usually means something is very wrong and that it scares you because you think she's really hurt. Kind of like the boy who cried wolf. You won't know if something's really wrong since she screams so often.
I keep saying this over and over in my replies, but here I go again....
It's going to sound kooky, but please check her for strep throat. Have them do both a rapid test and a 72 hour test if that one comes up negative. It is RAMPANT strep season right now and some kids react to infections with behavioral issues instead of the classic sore throat. My daughter would scream, grunt, become non-verbal, bite, kick, start wetting the bed, and do weird body postures like putting her head into the couch cushions, among other things.
If you would like to read more about our story, you can here:
www.chickiepea.wordpress.com (my food blog)
My daughter actually went undiagnosed for 9 years and developed PANDAS, an autoimmune disorder.
I hope this helps, and I am happy to answer any questions.
M.
