Random Question... If You've Been Divorced, Do You...

The inlaws from my first and second marriages, no. The first live in South America and don't speak English. The second are convinced that I only married into their family for money, despite the fact that I took nothing with me when I left but the things that had been mine before we married. I left EVERYTHING that we had acquired as a couple.
From my third marriage, yes. They actually support my reasons for leaving.

My sister does. Her ex was never very good about keeping in touch and so my sister does it now so her boys stay in contact with their Grandma. Her ex MIL will even come in town and stay with her and watch the boys when my sister needs to travel.

Also, my husband (and I) stay in contact with my SD's grandparents (my husband was not married and they are not his in-laws, but his daughter's grandparents just the same). When "T" comes home to visit I always make arrangements with her Gma to see her and have time with them (SD lives in CA and her Gparents are here in WA). They are very nice people and I even occasionally meet with her for lunch b/c we both work downtown.

I am still very close with my ex sister in laws and brother in laws and neices and nephews. They were in my life for a long time. I have been divorced for 24 years but I am still close to them all. (Father and Mother in law are deceased) I love them all and that is why we are still in contact.

Nope.

No kids, no love lost. They were still Mr. and Mrs. to me, even after we were married.

I have called them when I need to and they call me when they need to. I was, sad to say, the mature one in the relationship. I say sad because I am not known for my maturity. :P

It is not like it used to be but really, in light of a few comments from Genna this weekend, I am considering contacting them more. She apparently is sad she doesn't see them enough and really when we were married I was the one to bring them around. Apparently he doesn't get that is all on him now. :(

I did, in a limited capacity, because they were/are my son's grandparents. Their son did not always see our son and therefore, they would otherwise have not seen my son at all.

yes. I see them weekly. My ex lives close to them and they used to watch her a lot and since he gets home from work between 6:30 and 7 on his day with her I take her there to eat dinner with them before he picks her up from there. It gets her more time with her dad too, since he doesnt have to drive the 40 minutes to get her from M.. I stay for a good 1/2 hour and talk, I havent taken them up on staying for dinner yet though. I also visit with them when I'm in the area or my daughter asks to. They caused a lot of the issues my ex had and were a lot of the reason we split, but everyone has flaws, and they are still my daughters grandparents no matter what. I hope to always be in thier life. I also hopw to stay in my nieces and nephews lives. I didn't divorce his family=) I J. had his niece sleep over a few weeks ago

yes and no.

I talk to my MIL every week. I still have alot of respect for her. She is so sweet and with my kids with my husband now. when ever she comes to the house she is so good with them and has asked me if they can call her grandma also when they were babies. She says kids can never have too many people loving them she treats all of my kids wonderful and she will say that all of my kids are her grand babies.

My one ex sil and I are still very close and talk all the time. She is wonderful! She comes and see's my oldest for his birthday and Christmas every year even though my ex cut him out of his life. She is great with my younger ones also, she treats them them as family also.

My other sil brings me all of her daughter clothes that she grows out of. That is the only time we have contact.

My other sil and both brother in laws I have no contact with at all. We don't care for each other at all and don't pretend that we do. Its a mutual decision.

My ex step fil we talk to each other when we see each other... we don't go out of our way thou.

My ex fil... nope. I have no time for him at all. I seen what he did to my ex and how bad he hurt him, I had no respect for him then or now. He knows how I feel and if I see him I don't even acknowledge him... if he says hi or something first, I will say hi then walk away.

My ex is still close and good friends with my brother. I have no problem with it.

I feel divorce is between two people that's it. It shouldn't pull in other family members or friends and make them choose one side or another. If you like the person as a person then yes you should keep that contact... if you don't like them then no I don't think you should have to go one way or another just because they are part of the ex's family.

they get treated just like you would treat any other person.

Okay, I haven't been divorced, but I did want to give some insight as a grand-daughter. My grandparents divorce, before I was even born. They all stayed fairly close growing up, when my grandma passed away, my grandpa's side even went to the funeral, Even though they had been divorced for 40 years, they still remained in each other's life. My grandpa still went to my grandma's family's funerals, maybe not all the functions. My grandma was a twin, and my grandpa is still really good friends with her last husband. They all acted mature and left the past behind.

I'm new to this whole divorce thing... so it may change over time... but I made the mistake of trying.

Not only will my inlaws (the ones I've watched their kids for weeks on end / my son has been best buds with one of his cousins for years) not answer my phonecall (or my son's), but my SIL wrote up a 5 page diatribe on what a wonderful husband/father my STBXH is (the one who decided to use my head for basketball practice), how he could NEVER have been abusive (even though SIL and I have talked about it off and on for years), and what a terrible mother (who needs CPS to come take away my son) I am, and why my STBXH shouldn't have to pay childsupport or alimony. It's an absolute crazy train of a letter.

I haven't tried again since that letter got submitted to the courts.

My mom stayed in touch with her ex MIL/SIL over the years. Obviously since she was my grandmother/Aunt. I know that they also wrote each other often, especially when my grandmother was sick. She had written to her to take care of her " babies" ( me and my brother) , and that she always loved her as her own. She adored my mother, even after the divorce from my father. I think they had a better relationship then my own father had with his mom!

I think though if their aren't kids involved, it might be harder, or if the divorce was very difficult on either families. It depends on the situation.

I'm a child of divorce, and my grandparents had a polite relationship with my dad after my parents divorced. They didn't seek each other out, but there was no reason not to do holidays together, send birthday/Christmas cards, etc. If there is no strife in the in-law relationship, why not keep nice people in your life?

I'm NOT divorced, But was in a 5 year live-in relationship before my current marriage. I did stay in touch with his Mother for years. An occasional catch up lunch. Then when I became engaged, etc, it became increasingly awkward. She gave me a nice Wedding gift and we haven't been in touch since.

I've never been married but have been through two pretty painful splits after a 5 and 8 year relationship. The 5yr gave me my daughter and I do keep in touch with her Dad and his family but it took a while. Things were pretty nasty for about 3 years after the spit, his Mom was worried that I wouldn't let them see their granddaughter so they financed a lengthy court battle with him trying to win custody. After all the dust settled, he and I repaired the past damages done and started working for our daughter rather than against her by us being petty. We do better now apart than we ever did together! :) On the 8 year split, no, I don't keep in touch but it was really difficult. There were no kids together but we had a blended family with his and hers...and some of his family members were so great, it was really hard to walk away even though I knew it was the best thing for my daughter and myself. The more contact I have with his family, the more he thinks I want to still be with him...so I had to walk away completely.

My ex inlaws were not "in touch" when we were married! They could not be bothered with their only grandkids and even now only see them on occasion and they live less than 5 minutes from my ex. The first few years of our marriage (we were married 9) I took it personally, like his mom didn't like me. Then I realized it was just her. She isn't social at all and doesn't really care about anyone except her husband. I thought I had pretty crappy inlaws but then compared to the MIL and inlaws who are overly involved, I would rather have ones that don't bother at all.

I've not been divorced, but my mom was. She kept in limited touch with my paternal grandma by sending her some pictures of me every 6 months or so for a few years. She got into an argument with my paternal grandpa once though, and threw their address/number in the trash when we moved. (He was the devil, from everyone's accounts). When I found my grandma 18 years later, we picked up and had some nice times together, and she still had the photos mom had sent (framed), and she said she understood why mom left and lost touch (it was a bad situation).
Mom also stayed in touch with grandma/grandpa (but noone else) on my adoptive dad's side. She remarried when I was 4, and he adopted me. 14 years later they divorced, and mom didn't talk much to them for a few years, but after some "healing time", mom and grandma ended up being better friends as ex-inlaws than they were as family. They spoke pretty regularly until grandma passed last year.
The reason she stayed in touch, in both situations, was simply because of kids. My husband was married before, but he doesn't talk to any of his ex-inlaws (or her), but there were no kids to bind them together after divorce. We did see his exwife's brother out one night at a restaurant, and he came over and spoke briefly, and bought us a couple rounds of drinks. But that's the only contact we've had with anyone from his previous marriage.

Yes. As long as they are decent people, I think the kids have a right to know their whole family. You have to set healthy boundaries in all your personal relationships but I see no reason to cut them off.

Nope. My first marriage lasted about 2 years and it was right after college. No kids. Easy split.
We did NOT have kids, or I would have been in touch, I'm sure.
They were awesome people. No ill feelings. Both dead now. :(

We are not in touch but we were not close beforehand. I invited them to bday parties for my son and they came. However to me its their sins responsibilty to nuture my sons bond with them. I think we all do better without being in touch. Personally as im no longer a part if their family i dont need to be in touch but am glad we can be cordial at any function for my son

Forgive any typos im typing on my nook.

R.:

With Trent, my first fiance, I still keep in touch with his parents and him.

With Ian, my first husband, I did up until Elayne was 21 - then not so much. We might drop each other a line every once in a while to say hello. Other than that? Nope. Not because I don't like them. They are great people (even if they are Obama supporters!! LOL!!) we just don't have much in common after Elayne became an independent adult.

I did at first. Eventually communication just sort of stopped. My ex-husband will text me about twice a year, and in those texts I usually ask how his mom is doing. The reason why was simply because I really liked his mom. She was a sweet person.
My guys family is in contact with all their ex's (not him but all his aunts, uncles and his dad). It's interesting to see ex's and the current wives sitting down together chatting it up, but in that family if you had kids with your ex, they are always considered a part of the family.

Nope, marriage did not last long, he needed them more than I did. i didnt know them very well only met them twice. No children involved. But i was really surprised to learn that years later even now I think, my half brother still talks to them through the computer & he only met them once at the wedding and they live in different states! I asked him what they talked about and he said other things and not me...That really freaks me out though and knowing him i find it hard to believe he does not talk about me! lol
I've moved on with my life and dont even talk to my ex.

i would say it depends on the situation.. did u and your x have kids? .. if then id say yes..or was it a messy divorce or a peaceful one? if u have no kids and no contact at all with your ex because the divorce was a disaster theres no real reason why u have to stay in touch with them.. my fiances parents divorced when he was very little and it wasnt a very pleasant divorce.. neither of them stay in touch with any of the other sides family .. my cousin on the other hand who has 2 kids with her ex does not talk to him at all (kids are older they keep in touch with him so she has no reason why she needs to) but will occasionally touch base with the x-inlaws for the kids sake .. so really it depends on your individual situation

Yes. Once there was a sudden downpour in OKC and we were stranded a bit east of my moms house so we dropped in on my ex mother in law. She just handed us all towels and we sat and visited for over an hour until the water levels went down by the military place on SW 44th between Agnew and Penn, the vehicles were kind of floating when we were trying to decide if it was safe for me to drive through it. The rain was heavy, sudden, and we had been at Crossroads Mall and were coming home down Santa Fe when it hit. The bowling alley was pretty flooded too.

Anyway. We enjoyed a long friendship after my ex and I were divorced. I even went to see her at the Alzheimer's ward where she lived out the end of her life.

She was a super tall super thin OCD person who I had nothing in common with but I loved her just the same.