Really Upset About an Incident at My Child's Preschool

two words: screw them. Sorry if that sounds harsh but if there's one thing I've learned lately, it's to completely ignore what other people think of how I raise my children. Next time, tell them to mind their own business.
Lynsey

OMG, I would have lost it on them both. Do NOT waste any more time thinking about the possibility of you doing anything wrong. I'm sure your son was lovin' life getting to run around on the stage. If he would have even ventured over to the side, you would have been there. Plus, he could have been hurt worse walking across a parking lot (I know, my son tripped himself up walking across the school parking lot and had the biggest goose -egg on his forehead I'd ever seen!) Anyway, some people have quite the nerve. I could maybe see it if your 2 year old was running up and down the bleachers by himself, but a big open stage?! No. Plus, there is a much nicer way to approach someone if you truly feel their child is in serious danger. Bullies, that's what they are.
As far as the school.....it's maybe a little premature to judge the whole school based on two people. The rest of the parents could be much nicer and supportive.
Sorry that happened to you!

That is upsetting!!!!! I would have let my kids do the exact same thing and it would have made me feel like a horrible parent if I would have heard the same thing. I have the "wild child(s)" of the neighborhood and although I have never heard comments, but I do get the looks when I let my kids walk around the back yard in their barefeet (gasp!) or play in the mud after a rain (oh my!). Point is....we all choose to let our kids do different things. People shouldn't judge, but they do....and some old men can just be plain crotchety.

I would keep sending your daughter to the same school, though, if you really like it. There is a mom like that in every preschool and in every class.

Once again, you aren't a bad mom. YOu were just letting your little guy have fun. Mine would have been right up there with yours.

Perhaps there was a danger you were unware of, with the sets or things you couldn't see. Or. Perhaps they percieved a danger that was not there.

Your child is safe. You took precautions. My guess is that you will take extra precautions next time whether they are needed or not :)

Let it go. Try to just shrug it off.

the problem is them, not you. You were being a great mom, allowing your child a bit of fun and keeping an eye on him so he'd be safe. I think you'd enjoy this blog: http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

Here's the thing...I don't think you did anything wrong and I think that they definitely crossed the line. However...we all sometimes look at the world around us and judge the actions of others. On occasion we feel the need to express it. You just have to ignore it and you can't judge the whole facility based on the isolated actions of a few that may have just been having a bad day.

I recently had a lady verbally attach me in a parking lot because I had my kicking and screaming toddler thrown over my shoulder hustling to get back to the car. It wasn't like I could set her down on the burning hot concrete to ride out the tantrum, right? In that moment, even though I knew I was keeping my daughter safe, I felt like the worst mother in the world...mostly because I really wanted to punch the lady in her face.

I have to agree with the man who asked you to get your son down. BUT he could and should have done it in a much nicer way for sure. The stage really isn't someplace for the little ones to play. It's a piece of equipment and it has a special use. At my son's preschool, siblings(non-students) were not even allowed on the playground because it was a liability issue and your son being on stage running was a liability issue for the school.

The lady who made comments was clearly out of line. She had no business getting in the middle of it and making comments just to be rude at that point.

I wouldn't let this incident cloud your idea of the school if you have been happy until this point. If you've been happy and your daughter has done well there, I see no reason to pull her out.

I am one to be more careful and wouldn't allow my child to run like that. I've taken care of hundreds of kids and once you turn on the running switch, they don't always stay in a tight little circle in the middle of an area like you are describing.

However, they were being just mean. Especially the lady. She didn't need to act like that. Maybe you should be just a tad bit more careful. Had he fallen off you would have hated yourself. But don't worry about those people. They aren't worth your time.

Look. I would have done what you did except for one fact. I would have told the man to mind his own business and worry about his own child and not mine. Thank you very much. I don't think I would have held my tongue too. Sorry to say but I can deal with my own and if you were standing there I don't see a problem unless the teacher(s) themselves approached you. Don't let these people run you out. Hold your head up very high. And take him back. You both could learn a lesson from this experience. Plus you will find judgemental people everywhere. Even in the places that say judge not.
Head UP!!!

This does sound upsetting. I have to be honest that there have been times that I have seen people allowing their kids to do really dangerous things and I have wanted to say something. But these are things like allowing their child to climb on top of very tall play structure tube slides (on the outside) as they talk on their cell phones. The situation you're describing sounds far from "dangerous".

And also, I have been criticized about letting my son, in particular, do things that other people felt were dangerous. However, I know my son well and I know what is and is not safe for him to do.

I wouldn't worry about what other people say. One of my favorite sayings is "you can't control what people do think of say." As long as you know that you weren't putting your child in danger, I'd let it go. It's not worth your energy. And I would keep my child there if you like the teachers and the school and if your child is happy there.

Head up, girl! :)

I would also be really upset, so I'm totally validating that, but I would also let my kid run around a stage both way higher and less shut in. What's the worst that could happen? He falls three feet? He'd be fine. My son fell of a kitchen chair twice in a 10 minute span this morning. I think you were doing just fine by your son, and while it's always upsetting to be judged by others, try to comfort yourself that it's not too bad to be judged by people who are clearly a*$h*les : )

Tell them to mind their ____ business. If you are right there with your child, then you are being responsible. I don't know what is going on in the world that people think they can come up to parents and say whatever they want. Out of line, for sure. Try your best to shake it off and go back there with your head held high.

Hi - I have also been in similar circumstances. Strangers are always telling you what to do with your kids. Tell them to mind their own business. When my kids were babies I was appalled by people telling me what to do - even in grocery stores. I feel your pain.
L.

I am in a theater group, and I am on a stage like this one all the time. I actually think it is dangerous, and that it was innapppropriate for your child to run around on the stage. If you were up there holding his hand letting him see what was like for a bit, ok. But running around by himself up there out of your reach, he could have started a game of chase me and take off for the other open edge of the stage, turning around to look at you over his shoulder,..other children could see him and want to do the same thing, then 3 or 4 children running around on the stage? From the point of view of someone liable for that stage, the school, janitor, etc, I would have had to ask you to get your child down. BUT I would have done it politely and I would not have made any comments like that lady. I would not judge you as a bad mom or anything like that. I do not believe that you were putting your son in danger, just not setting limits/boundaries. SOmetimes we have to tell our children no, not everywhere is ok for a child to play even if you think it is safe does not make it a good idea. It is really not a big deal however, I would not drop out of that preschool for this, people will have their opinions and some people are just rude about it. Screw her. shrug it off, no harm no foul.

Sometimes people are just nasty, and yes, you get angry, and then yes, you start to doubt yourself, too. I wasn't there so I can't say if, in my opinion, you were doing something wrong, but I absolutely understand your reluctance to return, because while the man may have been truly concerned about your child, the woman was being spiteful and superior for no good reason. If she is a teacher, I would consider another school. If she is just a parent, though, then it isn't really the preschool's fault (nasty people attend every single school, sadly). I'm sorry you had to go through that. I went through something similar at church recently - and you'd think at church, people could be a little more open-minded. Oh well.

Hi Sara
Sounds to me like you assessed the situation, and thought your child no matter how young or what anyone else thought, you thought your child was in no immediate danger. If that is so and there were no dangers that they knew of that you did not, perhaps your child is more capable to handle situations than others think.
Since I had a child that walked at 7 months, and climbed out of the crib before that, he was obviously more capable at 15 months than our child who didn't start walking til 14 months.
Perhaps they thought it was someone else's child who was not there watching. Perhaps you should have made a scene saying something like. "You are such a big girl you can do so many things now that you had a birthday and mommy is watching you" Instead of acting guilty, which you were not, by the sound of this recap of events.
Don't judge the school by the parents, and don't judge the teachers because they react by the law of averages.
God bless you and keep up the good work
SAHM married 40 years --- adult children 38,34, and twins 20

I'm sorry both those people expressed their opinions so poorly and so meanly. I would have allowed my daughter to do the exact same thing. You were watching him, you were being a good parent. The others may have been afraid his behavior could be contagious and they would lose control of their little ones (and with a few kids running wild on the stage, the situation may have become more dangerous). I always believed in free-spirited play, under my own watchful eye. There was no need for them to turn a few moments of adventure into a hostile situation.

The person is an idiot in my opinion. It sounds like you were aware of the situation and were doing the right thing. You'll find more people like this as your child (children) grow up. And, these are the people who think their own children can do nothing wrong. Also, she definitely should not be speaking like that when children are around so they can hear. Parents should ask their children to walk away when they are speaking, of course, depending on their age and where they are. Otherwise, don't say anything negative about a child or parent in front of other children. It is the worst possible thing to speak about important issues and allow the children to listen on. I'd let it go, and if you are happy with the school there is no reason for you to leave. You'll find the same morons at other schools - public, parochial and private - as we've had our kids in all 3.

whether justified or not he had no right to address you that way, and she had no business remarking afterwards.

K.,
I can't imagine the flack you've gotten about this. You were doing fine. The man was in error, and the woman showed lack of social grace too.

I don't know how these two people connect with your daughter's preschool, but if they are employed by them, I would consider changing preschools.

May I recommend a waldorf-based curriculum/preschool? You won't be disappointed, and your children will not be subject to scenes as the one you were involved in.

good luck, and you can email me
M.

MORONS! That is the nicest thing I can say about those people. They have no right to judge you or how you parent. If children were dancing on that stage, then they were in the same DANGER as your son. Yes, kids get abnoxious at times and crazy. Maybe to them he was 'too full of energy", but that does not give them a right to act the way they did. While one parent will let their child run around in a public place, another wont. It is that simple. People parent differently. Those people are far from perfect, so do not let their ignorance, upset you. As for going to that school again, if it was school personal then I would talk to the owner. If it was the parent or relative of another child, do not hold the school accountable for the actions of others. It is out of the school's control.
As long as you were confident your child was not in harms way and you were in control, do not second guess yourself. If you are not sure, then just watch your son a little more~lesson learned. Something similiar happen to me when I was a (young) mother, and it really bothered me too. As hard at it is, let it go. These people do not know YOU!
I hope this helps.

Wow I can't believe the rudeness of those people. Obviously if you were standing right there you were watching your son. If your child should not have been on the stage there was a much nicer way of asking you to have him get down. I could understand if you were off chatting with someone and your son was just running around (that drives me nuts)!

I say ignore them and go back there like nothing happened and you didn't hear anything.

Next time you need to turn to the woman who was rude and tell her to mind her own business that you had everything under control.

The nerve of people! I don't blame you for being upset! But try not to let it bother you or control your life!

I would have said very loudly that some people just don't know how to set a good example by NOT being rude and judgemental.

We all have to make decisions about the safety of our children & everyone has different opinions about what is right or wrong. Your concerns shows that you truly are a good mom. I have let my child do things that in retrospect might not have been the safest choice. I learned from that and moved on--just like every other parent does. In the end, there is absolutely no good excuse for being rude even if the man and woman were correct. Just confidently take whatever lesson from it that you want to keep & move on like the good mother that you are!

I have a different take: I think it is great you let your child "be on stage alone" and run around. To let him feel what it is like. I was very good on stage but did not get encouragement (my mom never came to the school play that I starred in for example). So your child possible felt more comfortable being on stage after this experience! Good 4 u.

as for the comments, again as I have a different perspective and I believe as a momma you took the necessary precautions, just feel confident that you were doing your best for your child in the moment. They do not have all the information, only what they see.

Having said that, I would not judge the whole preschool on their comments. The opposite, see the positive. They are concerned about safety. So are you, but it is good to know when you are not there with a momma's eye, that others are. When you are there, you can let your LO be safe and do other new things.

HTH.
Jilly

It is hard to hear that. You are a great mom and you do the best, just like other people. Having a child with autism, I have certainly heard things that hurt, but I know that I am the best mom for my daughter, just like you are the best for yours! I wish so many others would strive not to judge others because we have NO idea what there situation is. I have learned so much from my child about not judging others. I am sorry that you had to hear those things. Is there good things about the pre-school that you like? I would balance out the positives and the negatives and use your gut!
Try to let what they say roll off your back, they don't know you and they don't have any right to make you feel that way.

I for one would not have allowed my toddler on a stage, even if I was watching. They are so quick at that age and have concept of danger. However it was extremely rude of the other people to chastise you in that way. A simple soft suggestion that it is against the school's rules or the like would have been enough. They did have the child's safety in mind so I wouldnt remove your daughter from the school.

Hi, I have to tell you that people are going to be judgemental regardless of what you do. There are always going to be people that judge you and you can choose to ignore it, get upset over it or find a good answer to give it right back. I usually ignore it, but I have at times said something. People actually criticized me for having my 2 yo on a harness at Disney World! I didn't care - I'd rather be safe than sorry. So no matter what you do it is going to be wrong in someone's eyes. I am 46 and I have 4 children from 5 - 26 years old! I cannot tell you how many times over the years people have tried to give me advice (unwanted) or criticized me. My kids are all healthy, smart and safe (so far-knock on wood!) If you felt he was safe, then be confident in yourself and tell them to get a life.

I think unfortunately you just happened to run into people with very strong opinions. Maybe they did feel your son could get hurt, but could've addressed it better. Did the man possibly work in the building? he could've been worried about legal issues if your son did fall off. And as for the other lady, well there's tons of rude opinionated people out there who throw in their two cents when it's not wanted.
Don't take it too personal, if you feel you were watching your child properly, let it roll of your back. You're going to run into people like this EVERYWHERE. Just shrug it off, and go on with your business. I'm sure you're just very upset right now, but I wouldn't worry about going back to the school. It's probably long forgotten by anyone who saw it :)

I concur with most all of the responses you have received so far. And I would add: Kudos to you for taking into account that your little one had been sitting (I assume quietly) during a long recital.. and needed to burn off a little energy. I would have have done something similar before listening to him scream in his car seat all the way home after he had been a good boy during the recital.

I have to share that I was in a similar situation recently that erked me too... I was having some one on one time with my daughter who is turning 3 in a week. We were grocery shopping. She had been ubber good and really helpful and on the way out, I let her hang onto the backside of the cart. I was pushing it downhill and it had picked up a bit of speed. She started giggling and I let out a whoop and giggled with her. I was in complete control of the cart the whole time and I had some guy state that she was going to fall off and get run over by the cart. It wasn't so much the idea that he was concerned for her safety but rather the manner in which he said it. It was snide and mean and well, just erked me. By the time I got home, I was stewed. Thankfully, my husband was able to put the "positive" spin on it and that the stranger was probably trying to be genuinely concerned. I think in all these types of situations, I think it is the delivery more than the message.

I agree with most of the others - don't judge the school based on a few folks (who may not have even been schools representatives). I do not see the point in bringing up to them either. You may learn that you truly were in the wrong (i.e. that there is a policy barring non-students from being on the stage). I would just file this incident under "good to know" and maybe try an alternative location in the future to release that pent up energy!!

~C.