Relationship Changes with First Child After Second Was Born.

Act in loving ways and the loving feeling will follow.

One on one time with him, doing his favorite things.

You need to have Mommy/Son time. Take him to lunch and a movie on the weekend sometime or do something he loves to do. I always try to lay in bed and talk to my kids one on one before bedtime sometimes. I just lay there and their little mouths just start talking and telling me all kinds of stories. Good luck!

Oh honey I know how you feel.
I have a 2 y/o and a three month old.
Sometimes I do feel like all I do is yell at my son, or tell him to stop doing things.
One thing that helped me ALOT. Taking little mommy & son trips. I'd leave my daughter with her daddy and run to the store with my son. Or when she is sleeping, I ignore all the other things that I feel need to be done and spend all that time with my son.
You just need some mommy & son time.

All children need a close bond with mom. You will find that when he is grown, he will take a wife and you will no longer be #1. There is nothing like a daughter when they are grown, but you pay a high price in those teen years for daughters.
Start by taking him to a place that he would love to go- just the 2 of you, have lunch together and make the time about him. When he is home, praise him all of the time, and as he helps, tell him how much you appreciate him and how much sister loves him. When you sit down to feed her, always spend that time as story time. " Baby has to eat, but this is our time to read, get your favorite book and sit next to me." I would say that within a week you will have rekindled that old flame. Good luck. I raised 2 boys and a girl, never had problems when they were little.

It sounds like you are having an issue with "balance" in your life.....reflect on how things have changed with your daughter's arrival and see if everything you do is necessary such as if you are over booked with activities that can be culled......make things more scheduled and organized....He DEFINITELY is feeling stress from you and may be pressing those buttons to get your attention as well as you have put less time into him and more with the new baby....kids feel this stuff too.....he is having a hard time adjusting to a new person taking his spot in your life so put yourself in his "shoes" and see how he must feel with all this change......If he is getting ready for Kindergarten, he is old enough to be set in his ways and may feel displaced by the baby.....Definitely give him some alone time with you and do some special things to make him feel important. He should enjoy helping with his sister and it shouldn't be a chore or yelled at to do something to help....that will create a distance between the two siblings.....be careful how you deal with this as it will reflect on the two children and their future relationship. There could be animosity building between him and the baby.....Just make him feel special........

Do you think it has anything to do with him being a boy????? I know moms that once they got their 'girl' they were practically through with their sons and left them to their dads to raise while they raised the girl.

So, he had a new baby sister and started Kindergarten in a few short months? Wow, two huge changes in your little guy's life. I would recommend including him as much as possible in life with baby sister. It's ok to ask him to get things for you, but also make it special that he can do so. Let him help you bathe her, cuddle him and read him a story when you feed her. Make him feel that she's his baby too. Tell him how much she'll miss him while he's at school. Try to set aside a little time each day just for him, maybe while baby is napping. Good luck!

im so glad their is someone else that feels this way. i feel like a horrible mother for saying that but my daughter just makes me nuts. she never wants to be cuddled or when she does im hurting and cant and get mad. shes not as sweet as my second and i have a hard time bonding with her i will be interested to see what others said

Hmm...don't blame yourself completely. My daughter is also in Kindergarten and she is growing and changing daily.

My advice, is to spend some alone time with your son. Make it fun for both of you. Leave your daughter with your husband or someone else.

Definitely some one-on-one time. Go to the park, zoo, museum just the two of you. You'll get the "loving feeling" back in no time. You are just a stressed out mother of a newborn. Good luck!

I think it's important that you and your husband have some sepcial alone time with each child. Mondays are for the newborn and Daddy while you and your son go and do something special just the two of you. Daddy gets his turn with special alone time. That way there is a great bond between all of you. Have him pick a special day that will always be for him and mommy and go from there.

I have not read your responses, but what I would do is have your hubby or a grandparent etc watch the baby for a few hrs and take your son to like McDonald's and to a movie of his choice and that will start the bonding process! You need to start saving just alittle bit of time for him, even if it is on the weekend! You didn't lose your love for your son, its just hiding because you are dealing with the baby and are stressed out and another thing is you need to stop yelling at your son before he starts resenting you and stays in his room all the time. Good Luck and make sure you spend time with him.

i remember feeling the same way when my son was born. the love for a newborn is just so overwhelming. but it is important to continue to bond with your older child. I agree with the other moms, have a special day out. My kids are 5 and 2 now and my 2 year still hogs up a good deal of my time, but i try to make it a point to spend more time with my 5 year old girl. I take her to do things that we could not do with my son. we go shopping at the mall for girlie clothes, go see the a movie, and sometimes i just take her to walmart alone with me. She always really enjoys it and seeing her bright little face and how excited she is to get special time with me makes me fall in love with her all over again. It is awesome. She is awesome. dont worry, what are you feeling will pass, but make sure you are making the effort for your son! it will make him feel special!

Wow, have you thought about maybe having postpardom depression? They say it is chemical and sometimes you don't even know you have it. I would surely talk to your OB about this. I have a first born son and I loved him even more. I actually felt so sad b/c I had taken away 100% of his time to be split with his little sister. I had to convince myself that I had 'given' him a lifelong friend and playmate b/c I felt so guilty about taking away his time. He never felt slighted or jealous and loved his sister very much. When his sister was about a year old I took him on a 'mommy and son date' b/c I missed our alone time so much. We went to lunch and a movie of his choice. I snuggled with him more, I would just sit and stare at him and sometimes cry b/c I just loved him so much. I suggest you first calling your OB and describing your feelings, maybe a temporary med would help. Otherwise I would spend more time with him. Any time you can, while baby is sleeping, while daddy is home, get a sitter if you can, go spend alone time with that little boy. Kindergarten is the beginning to him growing up. My son is now in 1st grade and I am so sad, he is no longer a 'little boy and my baby', he is very grown up and even changed his looks to a little boy, no more baby face. Grab hold of that little guy and just love on him. If you can't control your feelings, please get help. it is not a bad thing, it is natural to get help if you need it. Good luck

Lots of good advice below about making time just for him. Make sure you praise him when he helps you, or is being good. This is just a really demanding time. Life gets easier, hang in there.

You just have to make time and consciously.... tweak your 'feelings' about it... toward your son.
A child... can feel the vibes ya know.
They do get affected by it.
Luckily, it is not causing him to act out or mis-behave???? Or create jealousy in him? Look out for that....

You need to have a rapport with him... not just doing 'things' with him, but also talking with him. Boys... NEED to learn how to communicate their feelings too... openly. Good or bad or frustrating feelings. So that they feel "bonded" and secure... with you... and trusting.
Pent up kids... act out.
Look out for that....
Your son is very young... at even at this age, they need help... emotionally and physically. Bonding. Rapport. Affection.

all the best,
Susan

mom and son days, my first born was 7 when my second son was born it was pretty hard on him because babies are demanding he was a big kid so I naturally expected him to help, I had the same issue did. So I started taking him to lunch just the two of us order two happy meals give him both toys. When you are going to the store, ask him if he wants to go with without the baby a ten minute drive to the grocery store and back can really make a huge difference get him little treats for helping you shop or carry in some bags. Watch a movie or a tv show just for him once in a while let him choose what to have for dinner or breakfast once in a while. My boys are now 14 and 8 they get along well and I have a great relationship with both. Just dont over expect from them they are just kids

We rearranged bedtime recently so that we could spend alone time each day with our son. We put the baby to bed by 6:30, and then we put DS in the bath right away. After he's in his jammies, he comes downstairs and plays or cuddles with us for 30 min or so. Just interrupted time focusing on him.
It seems to have helped quite a bit.