Report Card Blues

I will take my son out for a special treat... or take him out somewhere fun that he especially enjoys. I will make a big deal about it....
My parents would try to pay me for grades, but I think that was out of desperation...

My son didn't do too well in school last year. So this year, when the progress report (prior to the report card) came out, and he had 5 A's 1B and 1C....we got all excited...we offered a little incentive...and so did the whole rest of the family!
My best friends told him that if his report card was just as good, they come over and cook him a crab leg dinner! (his favorite) My brother told him that they'd have an uncle/nephew outing to the local laser tag facility! We also let him play video games. He was happy with things like that!

WOW, a Grandma raising her g-kids!!!! Good for you! Well, I understand your dilema. We are facing the same issue. We have always paid our kids for their excellent grades, but unfortunately we had to sit them down and tell them that we can no longer do this because we are hurting financially:( They were really great about it. I think your kids are old enough to understand if for some reason at a latter date you are unable to do this.

Spening quality time with them doing something they love is also an option for their good grades.

GL:)

M.,
My heart and a sound pat on the back goes out to you for your undertaking such responsibility of the children. I too had a full plate when my children were young. I had a foster home and a daycare center. One of the best things ( this came directly from the kids) to reward the good grades/ stars on homework papers.... was the kiss and hug. I would sit down with each child when they brought home the graded papers from school and one by one go through the papers. For each Star/ good grade they received a kiss and a hug. If the star/good grade happened to be in a subject that they had particular difficulties with they would receive 2 kisses and 2 hugs! They loved the individual attention and recognition. They didn't have a regular allowance nor payment for helping with household chores, being that I was for the most part a single mother. But when I had extra money, we shared the wealth and a family special day. Wishing you GODS blessings dear.

My mom always refused to pay me money for my grades. She said my pride in my work and her pride in me were my compensation. She would take me to a special movie or out to a special dinner,etc. if I had worked really h*** o* a project that I was struggling with. It was more like rewarding me for my hard work along the way rather than rewarding me for the end result (which you can't always count on, sometimes a good grade depends upon the teacher!). Your granddaughter is old enough to understand that money can be tight. Use it as a teaching point about finances. Let her see the bills that have to be paid every month. She'll know why you have to work so hard too! Good luck!

God bless you for jumping in to raise these children! My dear friend's adopted granddaughter is the most wonderful adult. She's just taken her parents ( who are her biological grandparents) into her home since Daddy has alzheimers. They're doing great. She's just had her 4th baby and it's so good for her to have her mom (bio grandma) there to help.

I had my grandson with me throughout high school and we're still quite close. He lives with my daughter now - is 24 and working. I wouldn't trade those years for anything tho they were sometimes stressful.

I'd just communicate all of this to the kids and do what you can. Maybe it will have to be another kind of reward in the future - special meal or outing, for instance.

As a teacher, I have to say that I agree with Sue. Rewarding kids with cash for getting good grades is not the greatest idea. The grade itself should be the reward. Talk to her about how wonderful you think it is that she worked hard and that her effort showed in her improved grades. You can, of course, have a celebratory dinner where she gets to choose the menu or somthing similar along those lines. If you have time, a great book to read as a parent, teacher, or coach is Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck. It's a short, easy read, that gives great pointers on how anyone can increase their own feelings of success and fulfillment (without needing things like cash rewards). Best of luck to you.

M.,

Unlike some of the other posters I am against giving rewards for good grades. Let your child know that the good grade will be its own reward when she moves from grade school, to high school and college and continues to succeed in life. That should be the motivator. This is not meant to be mean spirited but we usually "reward" our pets for doing things on our commmand, we need to teach our children that striving for the highest personal accomplishment is just what they should be doing like eating and sleeping and is expected. That is not to say we shouldn't praise and encourage our children and let them know we are proud of their accomplishments and hard work. You will better prepare her for life if she learns that the "reward" for her doing her best is the feeling of accomplishment she has within herself when she does her best. We have always told our sons that we didn't expect perfect grades, only that they did the very best they could. You are in the tough years, I wish you the best.

S.

I usually make special plans for a great day with my daughter. When she gets good grades, we go to a movie of her choice and to a restaurant of her choice. She loves the alone time with Mom. :)

Incentive for good grades is important. Here are some other ideas for a 12-13 year old. How about a get together with friends, date with you or her friends to the movies. Sometimes time with you or a few friends is just as valuable as cash!

M., first of all its ok to reward your child, and not reward them later, to have money at one time and not a nother is a big fact in life, just cause you gave money once does not mean you have to keep giving them money for doing what they should of done in the first place, do you feel you have to give the same present to someone just cause you gave it to them last year, not at all, be realistic, and to think you can just give money and give money and think they should expect it , you are teaching them to just receive money and that money does grow on trees, its ok to not give them anything at all, too, sometimes a hug and smile and an ilove you is all they need, so money or no money , just love them at every good thing they do, your love is greater than any kind of money , its ok to reward them for good grades, its also ok to not reward them for good grades, the reward to a child is not just about money so dont make it that, the reward is also the satisfaction and gives her self esteem to know that she can do it, just be sure to tell her how proud of her you are, D. s

I've wondered about that, too with my kids. I think money is fine, if its a motivator. Some kids it isn't. I don't think paying for grades is so good, but if it was a gesture of reward and not a carrot, I think its fine. A hug and a word of praise may be enough. Just don't gush. That can make kids feel like they can't maintain that level, or that you're faking it. I try to let them know I'm proud, and that they've done something good for themselves, too.

Hi M.,

My parents paid us for our report cards as kids, but it didn't really change our grades. The A kids still got As and the B-C kids still got B-Cs. If if works for your 12-year old then go for it! If you're worried about finances, try putting a little away now (if you can) to save for those times when money may be tight. I also agree with your previous commenter that teenagers understand finances, but that doesn't make it any easier for them, especially if the only spending money they get is the money for grades.

Good luck with your grandkids!

Good Morning M.,
Your grandchildren are blessed to have you in their lives. What a wonderful thing for you to adopt them!!

My 11 year old son has had nothing but an uphill battle in school since he stepped through the doorway in Pre-school. He has several special needs which make academic achievements more challenging than for my daughter who doesn't have those needs. Although, on Friday he brought home his report card and for the very first time, he received all A's in his classes for the academics and all top scores for behavior/comments. My brand new (married two weeks ago) husband gave me an excellent suggestion for acknowledging it by having fresh baked cinnamon rolls ready with a nice cold glass of milk, when I woke him up for school this morning. Kyle was very surprised and seemed to genuinely feel how proud we are of him. Our money is tight...so giving cash wouldn't be a good option. Not to mention, my daughter is a straight A student always so we have to choose things that aren't costly but serve the purpose....which is to let them feel we are proud and encourage them to keep up the good work. So maybe you can think of a special meal she'd like that she doesn't necessarily get very often and surprise her with it.

I wouldn't feel guilty about putting money into a savings account though. It can be put to many good uses down the road.

Keep up the good parenting!
M. M.

My parants always did a little somthing (a new spring jacket, a small star wars figure) just as a general "we are proud that you wroked so hard.

I think that the money thing can go both ways. I don't like the $10 for an A, $5 for a B, 0 for a C, you owe me $5 for a D, etc. or anything like that. I wouldn't want a kid to avaid a difficult class beacuse they want money OR not get rewarded for working hard in a class that is difficult for them.

At 12 I think that most kids will understand if you are not able to do the same thing every reportcard. Maybe a special celbratino lunch or smoething may be an option if you need to do that next time. OR just going out for dessert. In my house that was always a treat, since we didn't usually get dessert at a restaurant.

Your grandchildren are lucky to have such a great person raising them!

I give 'Mama time' - this is time with me and her only! All A's usually means several hours. She can pick a fun activity or even just doing a make-over or foot soak.
I think I got money when we were in junior high...but I got the worst grades and got the least and hated it. :)
Well, my kids all love special time so that is what means the most to them!

Grades are something that theywork hard for a long time to achieve. Having a reward is fine, it doesn't ,,atter what it is, it is just the recognition from you. I agree with the others that they are old enough to understand about finances, and also old enough to understand that everytime they get a good grade they will not be rewarded. Kudos for you for adopting your grandchildren!

It's great that you're rewarding her.My 12yr old struggles every year and this year in 7th grade she really started improving.Today we had a good day at the mall and she asked for a shirt which I agreed to buy because I think she's doing better in school.I can't afford to give her cash for every grade so I try each month to let her pick something out as long as she improves her grades.

Money is fine... it depends on the child's reaction to it. Another option would be to have a special day for the two of you. Lunch and a movie or something else the child would enjoy. So often we don't get the chance to spend one on one time doing something the child enjoys.

My parents always took us out for a special one-on-one dinner to celebrate academic achievements. The restaurant doesn't have to be fancy, it's really the one-on-one time and pat on the back that made it special.

Hi M.,
My mom and dad paid us for grades starting in Middle School and now I am paying our children. It is after all there "work'. We pay the grade level for a B and twice the grade level per A, only core classes count. Assuming your 12year is a 7th Grader that would be...$7 for a B and $14 per A. My parents made us put 75% of our earnings into savings for big ticket items (such as a car or trip). I added a bonus to my kids. They get $100 if they get all A's.
I have found that that the $100 incentive for all A's is a real motivator! My daughter, a 10th Grader, went from mostly A's to and a few B's to all A's.
Good luck!

D.