SAHP Does NOT = Babysitter

Okay yah I can relate.
ARRRGGGHHHHH....

This does not happen only to you.
Me, a SAHP too.
I get this all the time.

I just say no and I am BUSY... and have a 'schedule' and that comes first.

Oh and I ALWAYS make it clear, that my home is NOT a "drop in" place... at all... that they HAVE TO, call me first. No matter what.
I don't say 'yes', notice or not. Head's up or not. Paid or not.
Only if I want to.
Then I tell them, they have to tell me in Advance.. like 1 week. But still, "I have to see...."
I have even told them "well you know me, real 'anal' about my schedule and my kids' schedule... "
Frankly, I do.not.care it they get offended.

Good luck,
Susan

I agree with Kristin. Practice saying "no" about 100 times. You do have this option. Although I wouldn't even say "I'm sorry". Just something like, "I can't watch little Timmy today. We have a very busy schedule and there's just no room in it for another child." If they get upset, so be it. They sound like a bunch of freeloaders anyway.

you know you do have the option to just say no. Don't get offended if they get mad at you. Just tell them "hey I have a life too and just because I do this, this and this doesn't mean I have all the time in the world. Now I'd appreciate if you back off and be a sensible adult." at least that's what id say.

Updated

you know you do have the option to just say no. Don't get offended if they get mad at you. Just tell them "hey I have a life too and just because I do this, this and this doesn't mean I have all the time in the world. Now I'd appreciate if you back off and be a sensible adult." at least that's what id say.

Walk over to the nearest mirror. Look into it and make a sincere face. Then say "I'm so sorry, I can't watch little Sally today/right now/tomorrow, I have other plans". Do this over and over until it feels natural and you can say it without feeling guilt. I can tell that you realize they're taking advantage of you. And they know it, too. They are making you feel guilty about "getting" to be a SAHM, so they can hoist their kids on you. How dare they! Stand strong and practice the little exercise above. If you're losing friends because of this, they weren't really your friends to begin with, just a handy babysitter. They show no respect for your time, and if my friends tried that ____@____.com with me, I'd be livid!

My favorite is when they call and say "little Johnny is sick today and his daycare won't take him - can I drop him off at your house?" Uhm.... NO!!

I'm back at work now, but oooh, that used to tick me off. I stayed home because I wanted to avoid all of the daycare sick stuff!

When my kids were babies, I once told my husband that I wanted to go back to work so that I could get some rest. Being a SAHP was the hardest thing I ever did, but I wouldn't change my decision for the world. It's too bad that this doesn't get more respect!

I'm biased I'm sure. But I get paid to do childcare. Period. If I were you I'd fix their little red wagons. Just tell them it's going to be X dollars, cash when they drop off, and that it's no pay, no stay. Let them know that you have chosen to stay out of the work world so that you can WORK at home and go to school. Tell them that while you know they can't understand what you do all day, studying and taking care of your own children really is a full-time job and that when you watch their kids you will have to stay up later at night to get your studying done or get up earlier in the day. If you are going to lose sleep for them, they can pay you.

Here's what you should do. Sit down and write out a formal looking announcement. Write it to all my dear friends and relatives.... Get some nice stationary to print it on and send it to each of them in the mail. From this day hence forth, no free play dates. No free babysitting. A playdate is when both parents are present PERIOD.

This is what's so sad about my job too. I have children 24/7, usually 6 at one time with my own and the daycare children. I keep a clean house, take them on field trips, and run after a family of my own. And yet people make comments to me when they are leaving that they wish they could stay home and play all day. Daycare parents resent paying daycare because they don't understand why it costs so much for no more than we actually do. And I can't STAND it when some parent tells me that their school age child shouldn't cost more than a few dollars for their meals because they can be my "helper". UGH...school age children are so much more work than the little ones! They get bored easy, want to eat all day long, mouth off too much, tell stories to the kids that I have to nip in the bud real fast. I can't leave them alone for a second and they constantly complain they don't like the meals or snacks we are having.

People really need to get a clue. I wonder though...when a person believes that stay at home moms and daycare providers don't really "work", does that mean that their children are raising themselves, watching tv all day, and are their houses messy all the time? Maybe they don't get it because they really don't "work" in their homes or "work" at raising their kids?

If this were facebook, I would just 'like' it! A (former) good friend of mine said she HAD to go back to work, she didn't want to be sitting around watching Barney reruns all day, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Course my reaction to that being a SAHM was, if that's what you're doing all day than YES PLEASE go back to work and leave the rest of us to raise the children!

I am a part time working mother . . . so in someways I am on both sides of the fence. I make extreme efforts to have a childcare provider at all the times that I need one. With my husband's military career, some times my life gets flipped upsidedown last minute and I do ask friends to bail me out. I have no family in the area. However, If I am asking a friend, it is a last resort - meaning all my sitters are unavailable, I have attempted to trade shifts with coworkers etc. I also make no qualms about what I am asking for. This is not a play date - I need your help, and if you are unavailable, that is fine, just tell me what you can and can't do. I also volunteer to pay, and follow through at time of pick up.

On the other side of the fence, I take care of my friends kids (all of them are stay at home mothers) when they need a night out, or have an appointment or what ever.

I understand why you feel taken advantage of, and I would encourage you to be honest with your friends. If they want to drop their kid off all day for a "play date" then I would say, "I'm sorry, little timmy has activities today so he is unavailable to play. He will also be unavailable to play at 6 am as our household is still sleeping at that hour. If you want to come over for an hour at 2 pm while he is between activities, I;m sure he would love to play with little jimmy at that time." When they act like you are crazy because they will be at work all day and can't come at 2 pm, tell them that their child care provider is welcome to acompany their child to the play date. Basically, I would politely indicate that they are not asking for what they really want. If they really need childcare help, and ask straight forwardly, then be just as straight forward in telling them if you are available. If they as why when you say no, tell them you will be working and refuse to go further than that with details.

Taking care of children is hard work and not something to take for granted. If your friends are offended when you are honest with them, they are not very good friends. However, good friends do bail eachother out when the need and ability to meet the need are both there. If it is a rare thing, try to help your friends out and expect that they will do the same "Your sitter is ill?Sure I can watch little jimmy today! Can you take little timmy this friday? My hubby and I really need to get out of the house together!!"

And then just know that some people are users and don't have a reciprocal bone in their body. For those types, you just have to sever ties.

Good luck!!! Not all working mothers fail to acknowledge your amazing job as a stay at home mother!!!

~Lucy

Friends? I wish, my sister in law thinks that I should drive her mom everywhere, cook for her, do her shopping, make sure she goes to her doctor, etc.
Because I don't work.
Btw, she doesn't have kids she had a boyfriend and 2 dogs that she keep saying is the "almost" the same that having kids.
But I guess is all because she works and I don't.
Some how she has weekends off and weekends is when I work the most, but I guess she deserve her weekends off because she works and I don't.
I guess in that case she should pay MY mom's bills because she works and I don't, lol.
Perhaps you should drop your kids on weekends to them "without asking" that is what friends do, right?
And they are not working on weekends sooo.
Have a great weekend with hubby without kids.
Thanks for letting me vent, lol.

How rude! I would not answer my door or phone for a week until they get it.I get the neighbors and their kids coming over to play with mine and then " oh , I'll be right back , I have to go to Target" Very annoying. Most parents in our subdivison barely watch their kids. Unfortunately mine always ask if other kids can come over. Just because I'm out with mine doesn't mean I want to be responsible for theirs. Please try to tell these vultures to find someone else to take advantage of. Or , have your husband do it ! Good luck;)

I am a SAHM and it happend to me as well. It really got bad once my daughter went to school, cause then the teachers assumed I have all day to stick around and help, or just drop everything to help during recess. Well, laundry doesn't do itself, neither does dinner. For some odd reason my dust bunnies never learned to get themselvs into the vaccum cleaner. Now don't get me wrong, helping out once in a while is not a problem if I get some notice and then I am glad to do it. But on a Monday morning with no breakfast in me staying at school and helping is not in the cards. My advice to you is say no when you can do it or don't want to do it ( let's be honest...not all of us want to deal with someone elses kids all day) and if the "friends" get upset well that is their problem.

I would be going crazy too! We had a friend who asked for awhile, but when we finally started asking her and her hubby to watch our son a few times while we had things to do (to reciprocate), she stopped asking me to watch her boys so often (even though they are good buddies to my son). This is kind of similar, but I found this link on facebook the other day and just have to share it with you. It's more about people without children, but I do believe that some working moms feel like us SAHMs don't do anything...here is the link!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?pid=5660475&id=7...

YES! I understand. I have one friend that hints here and there so she can have a date with her husband or go out. I get so agravated. I have 2 od my own and I homeschool them, so this means that unlike other moms that get a "break" from their kids when theres go to school I dont. I am in the position for someone to stay with mine... I dont want to babysit someone elses. You know what gets to me, the moms that come over and let there kids go wild in your house and when they leave they dont bother telling there children to cleanup after themselves nor do they offer to help. Everyone leaves and my house looks like a pack of wild animals came through my house. I like to keep things tidy and when I have some of my friends come over, I regret the playdate or visit once they leave. I hate the comments when I say TGIF, its always weekend for you what are you talking about....uuuuuh NO! I am cleaning, cooking, doing errands, getting groceries, tending to my kids, etc.etc...etc... I had a job as a paralegal before and being at home is sooo much more work! I am with you girl!

I've alsways been a working parent and never assumed a SAHP was a babysitter for me. Who are your friends?? Now I am at home because the company I worked for went belly up. No one asks me or assumes I'd take on their kids. Tell your friends if they want to keep the economy going they should invest in a day care, camp or nanny, none of which you are!!!

Give them a dose of their own medicine...send your kid(s?) to their house when they come to pick up theirs. (or on the weekend) lol. "oh, would you mind taking ______ with you? you are off work, so Im sure you don't have anything better to do... I have to catch up on housework... Thanks SOOO much, It's nice that we are able to watch each each others kid's like this!" eventually they will realize how much it sucks being taken advantage of. ;)

It sounds like they are using you for free daycare. I think you need to start with a clean slate and let them all know that you are no longer watching their kids, even if they offer you $. I know you are calling these people your friends, but I have a feeling some of them will no longer be your friend when they can not get free services from you anymore (I personally think that would be a good thing). When you tell them no, you should not have to give them an explanation. It is your life and if tell them no, then the answer is no.

no, this does not happen to me, though i could see where it could be VERY annoying. boundaries are your friend :)

Wow. Maybe I am in the minority, but both my husband and I work (more than) full time and we have NEVER, EVER asked friends to watch our kids. We pay a king's ransom in childcare costs. I even hesitate to have them go on playdates because I worry that the other mom will think we are taking advantage somehow. We don't even have family locally to watch our kids. We pay a babysitter every time.

I don't really understand why people would expect you to watch their kids unless you run a daycare. And if that's the case, they should pay the going rate! I don't think these people are really your friends.

no, i don't have this happen to me mainly because people know i am not a fan of other kids. i can do playdates at my house, their house, neutral zone but i will not babysit anyone's kid. p.e.r.i.o.d
:)

My friend already know better. and i would let your "friends" know too! hey I'm opening a daycare i charge X amount of dollars and unless i say that it is a visit you must pay. And if they don't like it Hey i bet they find somebody else to burden with their children. If I want my friends kids to come over I call them! or every once in awhile they call me and ask if their child can over and if I feel like being bothered i tell them well if you need to run some errands or just go and have some me time you don't have to stay. and I do the same with them. If your friends respect you and your friend ship they would not do this to you.Especially if they know that you are in school and have a life outside of the home. and even if you did nothing all day it's none of their business what you do. if you don't feel like watching their children let them know and like i said if they are your friends they will understand that. good luck

got a similar petty gripe.

i will agree with a previous poster's statement that as a dual working household, we have been paying a "king's ransom" in child care for several years now (the end is in sight - yay!). but here's what gets me...those that do not/have not had to pay for child care think it is no big deal to ask us to cover regular hours for them at no cost. we struggle to create good and economical care coverage during the summer. one of those "creative solutions" is that I take every Friday off and am home a smidgen early on Tuesday. never fails...sahms, those with granparent care givers, ...in other words, those that pay $0...think nothing of making regular "playdates" for me on Tuesdays & Fridays. Uummm? No thanks!!

LOL I totally agree w/ you. I know I sit around and do nothing all day, just watch my DD play and can totally just sit around doing nothing w/ everyone elses kids too. LOL. my sis works and was not happy that i would not take on the resp. of watchign her son while she worked (she did offer to pay me a bit ) but.... there are a lot of reasons why I did not wnat to do it I love what I have going on, some days I do have a blast and play all day (but that is still work just diff work) is it really so awful that I am tired from chasing her at the park all day and someone else is tired from desk work? it is still a job, not my fault that I happen to enjoy mine. I really would not do it, just say sorry I am busy if they dont understand that is their prob. I dont let it bother me at all. i love what i have going on and I dont care if no one else understand bc I am happy and that is that. no one does drop by though to ask me to sit, they never would...bc I would just die...wait they would...they know me better than that. I just suggest being firm bc you are home and people can walk all over you if they so choose to do so! try not to let it get to you bc you know what you do and that is all that matters xo xo xo

I have in the past asked SAH friends to watch my girl in emergencies (like the daycare lady's kid is sick and I dont want to expose her, etc) but only when they've told me in advance they're ok with that. I cant imagine just assuming they have nothing to do and want more kids to watch! And I always pay, whether they ask me to or not. But then, I've only done it a couple of times, so maybe they know I'm not trying to take advantage.

Unless you are advertising that you provide childcare, I think your "friends" are way out of line. We are a household with 2 working parents and I make it my priority to make sure that my kids are arranged for and taken care of every day so that I can be at work. If I don't have childcare for some reason (no school day, childcare provider sick, etc.) I stay home. I would never impose on any of my friends or neighbors unless they had very specifically offered or I had some kind of real emergency.

I think you need to stand up for yourself and tell them that you are not willing/able to watch their kids because you have other things planned for your days. You don't have to make any excuses. If they can't handle it, they're not your friends anyway.

When I didn't work for a little while after my son was born, people assumed I did nothing all day too. Hey, taking care of your own kids is enough. I didn't like when people assumed I could watch their children, even now when I do work, I can do playdates outside of the home where the parent is there to watch their kids. I personally have a hard time watching other people's kids...I feel overwhelmed...it's weird.

I've always assumed the attitude that if a person does something as a career, you need to treat them as a professional, in that career, regardless of what that career is. For example, if you have a friend who has a career as a mechanic, it's not fair to ask them to fix your car for free, because that's his bread and butter.

The same thing for asking a homemaker to watch your kids. Homemaking, though not officially paid is still a career, and is that family's bread and butter (so to speak) and should be treated the same way - payment or trade for babysitting.

I love our neighborhood because we have some SAHM and some moms like me who have careers outside the home, but our kids all spend about the same number of hours at each others houses, so watching each others kids for a couple of hours is never a big deal. However, if it started to be taken advantage of, I think that would be a problem.

Maybe if you watch someone else's they can reciprocate at a later date, - I've traded babysitting with career moms and moms with careers outside the homes. Ask to trade, if people need you to watch the kids. Of course, if they don't get along with your children, they should look somewhere else to put their kids, in my opinion.

Tell them that you have a job. That you are an early childhood development teacher and you have your hands full with how many ever kids you have and that you are a chauffer, appointment planner, etc, etc. Put in terms what you do so people can understand you in their world.

N.

These are not friends that you want if they are continually trying to take advantage of you. I run my own preschool and childcare out of my home and because it is in my home there are those who consider me a babysitter and not a preschool teacher or childcare provider. In my mind a babysitter is that teenage girl who comes over to your house, eats all your food and talks on the phone while your kids are infront of the t.v. I am a business owner and self employed and I work for myself. If considered myself a sitter I would charge by hour and if I charged 10 dollars and hour per child and they were at my school for the 10 hours I was open that would be 100.00 dollars then times that by between 4 to six kids a day, you do the math. As it is like most big child care centers I charge a flat daily rate of 30.00 a day, so just remember that yes childcare is expenive, no one would be able to pay a capable adult by the hour at a decent wage as a babysitter for all that time. So please call your preschool teacher or childcare provider, just that. I have now and in the past had many wonderful families and parents whose children have attended my preschool and most have referred to me as their childs preschool teacher, on occasion I have heard some refer to me as their sitter and it upset me. People do not look at people who are called sitters as professional and sometimes do not respect them for what they do either, just because they are not in a big fancy building and that's not right, so please think before you speak.

Even as an often working from home mother I often have other people's kids here. I have made arrangements for certain ones my kids really like to be here and we nanny share when I have a nanny. However, this is a reciprical arrangement where I also get help with things like driving my children to lessons and also them caring for my kids on weekends so my husband and I can go on dates and so on. They also help pay for groceries.

No one feels they can just "pop" in on me, I am gone too much. I also never have an issue saying no. I don't feel badly about it....perhaps you should post your schedule or choose a day of the week when you would be available or a day and a half.....then those who avail themselves of your help, when they do, ask for help back take advantage of it to shop alone or to have time alone with your husband or something else you want to do. If you expect something back ( which you should) then you will find that likely you will not have this willingness to help abused and you will not feel taken advantage of.

Updated

Even as an often working from home mother I often have other people's kids here. I have made arrangements for certain ones my kids really like to be here and we nanny share when I have a nanny. However, this is a reciprical arrangement where I also get help with things like driving my children to lessons and also them caring for my kids on weekends so my husband and I can go on dates and so on. They also help pay for groceries.

No one feels they can just "pop" in on me, I am gone too much. I also never have an issue saying no. I don't feel badly about it....perhaps you should post your schedule or choose a day of the week when you would be available or a day and a half.....then those who avail themselves of your help, when they do, ask for help back take advantage of it to shop alone or to have time alone with your husband or something else you want to do. If you expect something back ( which you should) then you will find that likely you will not have this willingness to help abused and you will not feel taken advantage of.

I find this other person ridiculous! My hubby and I own our own business and so I am able to work from home (most days!) while my daughter naps. We still are able to do playdates in the mornings as well as music classes, etc. You need to remind that woman that even though you're a SAHM- you have a SCHEDULE- that does not include getting up three hours early to spend all your time with HER kid!
DH and I also just bought a "flipper" house (we've done a few of them now) and I manage the entire thing- contractors, subcontractors, scheduling, order of supplies, designing, labor, etc, etc, etc. My daughter has spent a few days with fellow SAHM friends of mine this week while I was overseeing renovations. I always send out a "general" email to girlfriends to see if anyone wants to swap "mommy days" so I take their child for a day, and they'll take mine. Some of my girlfriends would rather have the extra $ instead- so I arrange to pay them instead (always cash when I pick her up.....never a promise of it later on).
I think this person in nuts and should be put in her place. Perhaps she could take your child until 3 hours past the time she normally goes to bed for 2 weeks in a row? Maybe you should ask her if that's a fair trade? Lol!

R., I'm so sorry you're dealing with this very frustrating situation. Your friends don't seem to respect/understand all of the work that goes in to running a home, raising children and going to school. It sounds as if you tried being diplomatic and saying no when necessary, but their refusal to respect your time may demand a different approach. No, I'm not suggesting an all out confrontation - as cathartic as that may sound at the moment!! Have you tried offering to trade sitting / "playdates"? Maybe instead of cash, the prospect of handing over their time in exchange for yours will make them realize what they are asking of you. I hope you are able to work this out with them. In the end though, be true to yourself and your family, true friends will understand.

I have people I don't really know call me. That is my current question. I would NEVER leave my child with an aquaintance.

yes.....people assume im all about watching kids because i am always home or doing kid like activities......mommy likes her peace and quiet too

Sounds like you need some new friends? I'm not a SAHP, but would NEVER assume that my SAHP mama/papa friends are babysitters or that I can just drop off my kid for them to watch, whether paying or not. Sounds like you need to vent, though. I hope you get some good ideas about how to deflect what sound like negative intentions from your "friends." Sorry I don't have any really great advice, it just sounds like you need more considerate people in your life, SAHP's or not.

I feel your pain, It's so frustrating. But it's my family that does it to me. I have someone else's kid(s) at my house almost every single day of the week. I became a stay at home mom this year and I was so excited to be able to do things with my kids throughout the summer and we have not been able to do much at all b/c I always have a ton of kids at my house. Stay at home parents are so unappreciated. No one really knows how hard it is until they do it. I was a working mother for 6 years so I have done both and staying at home is much harder than working outside the home.
I think if you are losing friends over them assuming they can take advantage of you, they aren't true friends. Stick up for yourself, I need to do the same. My husband tells me this almost everyday. Good luck :)

My husband is a SAHD. No one ever does this to him. Maybe it's different for Dads. Or maybe he's just grumpy enough to keep anyone from doing this.

Anyone doing this either KNOWS that they are free/cheap getting day-care from you and are playing you OR they are horribly disconnected from the reality of child rearing. I am betting on option #1, because I don't see how anyone without a live in nanny could be that clueless.

You have every right to be angry.

Sounds like you need some SAHP friends who can understand you..
I work at home, (I run a home daycare) 3/4 of my friends are sahps or wahp's but I honestly think they think that since I'm just watching a bunch of kids all day they it's just one big play date & they all take care of eachother while I'm watching soap operas eating bon bons on the couch with my feet up. I think i'd be different if I were just a SAHM.. Oh & since it's summer break we're always going & doing something fun for the kids... So they think 1 or both of 2 things, that A, I don't mind having one more, (or 3) more kids to tag along because after all were just going to the beach or the library & having fun, not really doing anything, so it won't matter if I just call last Min & ask if she minds watching them (for free) even tho I charge 2c as much for dop in's or B, that she gets paid to take the kids swimming while she gets to lay out getting her tan on drinking a cold one while watching the kids splash around in the pool while were stuck at home in the office faxing papers or spraying stains on a pile of laundry.. LoL.
But I really don't care what they say, I have my bff who understands me & has my back & I know what I do is every bit as important & productive as them on a daily basis, so I laugh then shrug it off my shoulder... You can't let stupid people get to you, just feel sorry for them & pitty them, it usually helps me. ;) Oh & I just say No sorry I can't babysit today & make up an excuse so I don't sound rude, but I know what they think but I stick to my guns & dont' care if that upsets them or not.. If you keep saying no, they'll get the point & eventually stop asking... ;)

Ha! It happens to me as well. I do try to help when I can because there may be a time that I need help at the last minute. With that said, If I have plans or it is truly an inconvenience than I say no. It doesn't seem to happen here as often as it has in your life and hopefully it will remain that way ;) Good luck! It isn't fair for these 'friends' to take try advantage of you or you're time. We are all busy and it isn't right.

I totally understand how you feel I am also a SAHM. I have in fact lost friends because they think I'm lazy and just don't want to work. (in fact I gave up a successful business to be home with my kiddo)....the thing that working parents do not understand is that we don't get a mandatory break or for that matter, depending on how old your child is you don't get a lunch break. Plus there is never an off day, if it is it definitely isn't every week. Wish I had a magic solution for ya, but I can definitely say there are SAHM out that totally understand and are in the same boat. I say find new friends. LOL jk maybe if you tell them exactly what you go through in a day they may understand. Some will and some won't.

I have SO been there!! I don't know why other parents assume that a SAHM has plenty of time to babysit. I also stay at home with my 2 kids and have this same problem. To all parents who work, believe me when I say Im just as busy as you only difference is I dont get my two 15 min breaks and a lunch break and at 5:00 I dont get to leave!! lol I love staying at home with my kids and teaching them all kinds of new things but it is def. a challenge! I have to learned to not answer the phone or door all day unless its my hubby callin!! I really do this! My sil lives very close by and has always enjoyed dropping her kids off or coming over to "visit" and ends up laying on the couch while her kids destroy my house. I have learned to completely ignore my phone, if it's an emergancy they will leave a message! Its very hard to set up boundaries without hurting feelings but to have good relationships with these people sometimes you just have too!! Good luck!!

YES!!! firm boundaries give people little reason to complain - what does ruin friendships (and from my experiences) is trying to be the nice guy and putting up with it until you blow up. Sorry, I have my hands full is a great reason not to do these things for others and most effective if you remember that you DO NOT have to explain yourself. It is YOUR life and YOUR time. I did it for years and then resented that I wasn't living my life the way I chose. It can be hard on you, your kids, your marriage. Be firm and give yourself and your family the courtesy of being your number one priority. In the end people will respect you for it but you have to respect yourself for it first and enjoy the choices you make to live a peaceful life raising your kids your way. It feels impossible and you will feel guilty for awhile at first thinking you 'should' but you have every right to not want to live in stress and frustration trying to please everyone else and you really shouldn't! Your kids will see that they come first and that will be a blessing. Your true friends will respect you for it. God doesn't want us to live in chaos but to be at peace so we can raise our kids in the same loving way and help others in a way that energizes us. Bless you for doing that!! If you do feel driven to help others the opportunity will come when its right for your family but not likely when you are raising small children. It is liberating to know that others can say and do what they want but it doesn't have to control us!!!!

Being a Stay at Home momma is the HARDEST job in the world!!!! I actually miss working. When you work, you have things you get done and then feel accomplished. When you sah, you are NEVER done with any one task because they get undone constantly. Most of the women I know sah and we are all busy. I only wish all mom's could stay home because the most important work anyone will ever do is within the walls of your home. I am sorry that your friends think this of you. They really have NO clue how hard it is to be at home. You give up your life completely and raise your children. I am not sure how mom's work and be mom's too. That must be very tough as well. I am sure you have a lot of support from the other mommas... I think all moms are so great..

This not only comes from working parents but also stay-at-home. I had a neighbor ask me to watch her child while the rest of her family went skiing. I have three kids so it does take more to add in another child. An hour after they were suppose to be home I finally walked down to see if they were finally home and why they had not come to pick her up. They were all sitting down having pizza. After more than 8 hours of watching their child you would think they would pick her up the minute they got home. I have also had playdates and then have the parents call and TELL me they are going to do something and they will be back in a few hours. No asking about my plans and if that is ok. I think people just think everyone enjoys their kids and they are not problem at all. Don't they realize their kids drive up my grocery bill and I spend more time cleaning up after others kids who don't know my rules. It is just plain rude and I am sick of it too and have lost many "friends" over this because I won't stand for it any longer.

Use to happen to me so I started watching kids in my home." Hey if your going to take advantage of me I'm going to be compensated." Just hand them a bill at the end of each day. (Break it down, your time, food, toiletriess) Yes you may be home but all your points are valid and it cost to run the AC, TV, ect. while there so you should be payed. After a while they'll either go somewhere else OR you may end up with sonme extra cash.
Just remind them with a smile "TIME IS MONEY"

These people actually asked you to babysit from early morning until dinnertime for 2 weeks? Ouch! I remember staying with friends for a weekend here and there when I was growing up, but only if they were good friends of mine, only when I was older, and I'm pretty sure we reciprocated since my mom was a SAHM too. And after the age of 5 or 6 I was the kind of kid who would help out with younger kids or else just burrow into a book in the corner most of the time if I didn't have a friend my age to play with.

I'm a working-for-pay mom and have never asked anyone to watch my kids for free. At this point, though, my older girl is only 3 1/2, so I can count on one hand the number of times she's gone to someone else's house to play without me along. (Always at the other parent's invitation.) I pay a LOT to our nanny, preschool and other sitters.

I actually would LOVE to have a reciprocal sitting arrangement with some other moms, stay-at-home or otherwise, especially if our kids get along. I think that might work better as our kids get older, though. Maybe if you offer that to some of your working friends they'll actually take you up on it.

I was amazed when I was not working (4 months after each kid) at how little time one has between caring for the kids, trying to keep the house picked up and taking care of all the errands & things that the working spouse dumps on you, getting dinner ready, and maybe if you're lucky keeping oneself sane through some connections to other adults. I will never accuse a SAHM of being lazy or having a lot of free time.

Yes, I get very tired of getting walked on. Now my daughter doesn't play with their kids. She play with kids that have well mannered parents & their children are well mannered. I just said "sorry, she can't play now." to the kids & parents who I didn't want her to play with & slowly they stopped calling or coming over, even neighbors. Less is more when saying no.