Say What!

Hmmm, his opinion makes me wonder what bachelors are supposed to do with their dirty dishes. And the laundry – is that women's work, too?

My first husband wouldn't have been caught dead doing any kind of kitchen work. but he grew up in the Middle East, where gender roles are still more cut and dried. Happily, he's history. My newer, most excellent husband has always volunteered (cheerfully!) to wash dishes when I cook, and sometimes we switch those tasks.

My son-in-law pitches in on everything, dishes, laundry, and one-on-one time with his son. While polls show that women still do the vast majority of housework, I love it that not all men expect that to be the case anymore.

My ten year old son does the dishes every night we eat at home. I see no problem getting him prepared for the real world of responsiblities. The fact that he now knows how to operate and fill a dish washer and properly mop the floor will only help him as an adult.

I also just read an article about how children who are given chores are more responsible and wealthier as adults. All the more reason for these kids to have responsiblities around the house.

If dad does not want his son to do dishes, he can do them!

My husband does the dishes every night...he says if I cook, he should clean. I am a SAHM, and he still feels the need to help get the evening wrapped up so we can spend some time together.

Him doing the dishes allows me to bathe the kids and get them ready for bed. We finish up about the same time and have a nice evening together once the kids are in bed.

He does look forward to the kids being able to help with the dishes...

If he is unhappy with the assigning of that particular chore, then tell him you will gladly let him be the one to take care of either washing the dishes or making sure they are washed. If he passes that chore on to another one of the kids, then pass their chore on to the son.

I just have one question.
If there is a mans job and a womans job...And dishes is not a mans job....Then why are you working outside the home? Not an insult to you or any other woman that chooses to work outside the home, but traditionally speaking it is the mans job to be the bread winner and the womans job to take care of the home, not work full time too. I think that is old school thinking. I choose to live more traditionally but that just isn't common anymore. I say good for you for teaching responsibility! Besides, what is your son going to do when he moves out on his own but was taught dishes was a womans job. That would be one messy kitchen.

When my husband insinuates that something is "a women's job" I'll say "O.K. Ralph Cramden!!!" (Jackie Gleason) from the Honeymooners.

Tell him this next time he makes a comment about your son doing the dishes….

One of these days... One of these days... POW! Right in the kisser! LOL!

I'm with Kaye S. A man washing dishes is very sexy!

OK, so chores should be done by all in the house, especially the kids. My sister gives each kid one chore the LOVE and one chore they HATE each week. This way they can still develop that darn skill! Dishes and anything kitchen/bathroom related are the TOP priority in my book, the top places for un wanteds to breed, from bacteria to animals and inbetween that you do not want in your home. My policy ... if you can reach it you can clean it! Go mom!

Does he think your son needs a woman to take care of him, that he should not learn to be self sufficient in life? House hold chores are not a woman's job, they are a family job, plain and simple. In fact, since it is my least favorite job to do, my husband often does the dishes simply because it needs to be done, and he is a member of this family too, and he likes it when I cook, so he figures the least he can do is clean up. My grandparents were married for half a century. When they married she was 16, and he was 21. She did not know how to cook, but she did her best and they often ate burnt dinners, but he never complained. One thing I thought was different for a man of his generation was that he always did the dinner dishes. He would say, "she went to all that trouble to make me a wonderful meal, the least I can do is clean up". He would never even let us grand daughters do it, he said it was "his job". He would say "What, you think I am no good at my job?" Than he would smile and sometimes let us dry for him. This was a man born in the early 30s.

My hubby and his brother were completely spoiled by their mother and did no chores growing up...so needless to say we have had this discussion, seeing how we have 4 boys!

End result...my boys do dishes!

hahaha! I have my 10, 9 &6 yr old do dishes! Granted I wash when it's my 6 yr. old's turn. (the 10 & 6 yr.old are boys). They all have to help me with the laundry and clean up the rest of the house too! I had to do dishes growing up and when I asked my mom why she never did the dishes- she told me that was why she had kids! hehhe!
I think it is important for all kids to have chores and learn how to "keep house" including dishes, laundry, ironing, mowing the law, etc. Because mom is not going to go over to their house when they move out to do it for them(or she better not!) Kids need to learn responsibility and helping out with the chores- no matter what they are or if it is your son or daughter. Kids who grow up with mom doing everything for them are more unappreciative of things being done for them and have a harder time adjusting to life on their own because they never learned how to do this stuff.
So I say, if your husband doesn't want your son to do dishes- HE can step in and do them for him! :)
Good luck with this one!
~C.

Boys and girls should learn to do chores regardless gender, a chore is a chore and helping at home is for the good of everyone in the family not just for mom (who has the most beautiful but hard job in the universe). When you teach your kids (girls AND boys) the responsibility to help at home you are teaching them to survive and being independent as well. You never know what is going to happen in the future and besides academics, children have to learn to do different chores and home economics.
In every aspect of life this Chinese proverb is so wise! :"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."Apply this to everything with the kids...you will have wonderful kids and then resourceful adults!

Please let us know what he says after he reads all responses... I can't wait!

Does your son eat food off of dishes? If he is man enough to eat off 'em he is man enough to wash them. So is your husband for that matter. I am pretty sure that dish soap is mild...So mild that there is not way it could chemically alter your son's XY chromosomes into XX. It will however make him QUITE A CATCH to his future spouse. A man who helps out at home -- Delicious!

I say anyone who EATS need to learn to wash dishes, period!

I have 2 girls. They help outside with gardening, shoveling snow, raking leaves, setting up the pool each summer, putting in and taking out the a/c units, you know "men's jobs".

Hello: I think girls and boys alike should help with all aspects of the house/yard, etc. after all it is our job as parents to groom our children into being strong, individual self capable adults. Besides, does your husband think that a magic dish washing elf will come do your son's dishes if he is ever living alone? LOL

My amazing husband help with the laundry, dishes, etc. and I help with the outside work as well. If it needs to get done, anyone of the household members should get it done! Good luck with that!

I vote if hubby doesn't like your son doing the dishes, then hubby can do the dishes :)

My hubby does the dishes when he is home. Also helps with laundry & takes out the trash, and cooking, etc.

OK, I admit I'm coming in late and didn't read the 48 responses, but my initial reaction was "OH, HELL NO!"
I thought we were way past that!
I adore my father in law! But even at 69 years old, the man can make microwave popcorn and sandwiches. It irritates the snot out of me when I go over there and he can't even rinse his coffee cup and put it in the dishwasher. I mean it takes 5 seconds and the effort of opening the door! When I called once to ask a lawnmower question, he laughed and said I needed to call back why my mother in law was home. He did/does NOTHING in or even around the house!
My husband is one of 3 boys and my mother in law taught all 3 how to cook, clean, and even sew!
Our 20 year old son was taught to clear the table, do dishes and started doing his own laundry when he was in high school.

I don't work full time outside the home, but our kids know I am not a doormat or their maid. How on earth will they learn otherwise?

Sorry Dear husband of A. C., you lose this one.

Its not about who does the dishes man or woman, its about why.
When you teach your son to wash the dishes, you teach him that regardless of the conditions he lives in, whether fortunate, or not so fortunate, single or married, he is learning to be capable of doing things himself. Washing dishes, doing laundry, cooking, sweeping, and dusting, are not only a woman's job, they are housekeeping chores, and whoever lives in a house is subject to them.
I don't understand why your hubby has a problem with this. But I encourage you continue with it. My mom taught us home chores, and our dad taught us a bit of financing, saving and budgeting, and a wee bit of car maintenance, and I at least am not useless when my car breaks down. Its the same thing for your son in reverse, at some point he will want to be on his own, and rather he has a clean house than a messy one.

So when your son lives by himself in his own apartment someday he's gonna have a maid come and do the dishes? Or his mom's gonna come over and do the dishes? Really? Does your husband think that all the dish washers in all the restaurants are all women? It's mostly GUYS back there doing the dishes. I would go so far as to say in the food industry, it's mostly MEN that do the dishes (and the cooking, for that matter), NOT the women. Ever been in an office after hours when the cleaning crew gets there? Yeah, just as many guys as gals vacuuming and dusting. If you've successfully gotten a 15yr old teenager (boy OR girl) to wash the dishes to the point where they're actually clean, that's awesome - do not change a thing (except maybe have him do his own laundry, too).

Hi A., I think first of all, this is between you and your husband, and showing him responses from other women (NO MEN) may cause a fight. I'm old school, I handled all of the house hold chores, my childrens job was to go to school and work as hard as they could to get an education, at home they were responsible for keeping their rooms clean, putting their laundry baskets in the laundry room on their laundry days, and to clean up after themselves in the bathroom. I took care of my own home, and yes I was a SAHM,but this was determind before we ever started trying to have kids. I doubt that your husband will be impressed by a bunch of women with the same opinion, I don't think expecting him to read responses from other women is respecting your husband, this issue is not about anyone but the two of you. J.

** I read your Edit: TELL your Husband, my 4 year old SON... washes the dishes.... I taught him already! And, my Husband does dishes too. Your Husband, if he does not want your son to do it... HE can do it
------------------------

OMG.
Maybe that was the way your Husband was raised... his Mom doing everything and him not having to do anything.
That is how my Husband's Mom is and was with her boys. They thus grew up with linear views of what a "Man" does and what a "woman" does. (Ahem).

NOWADAYS.... in present day... men do ANYTHING in the home. It is NOT a "gender" issue.
Your Husband, should get up to speed... and be "proud" his Son... can KNOW how to do things in the home.... TOO. EVERYONE is a part of the family and household. NO person's chore... is exempt, due to "gender."
No way. EVERYONE helps. If you live in the home, if you are part of the family.... YOU help.

AND... tell your Husband, that the way your son grows up and his views of "chores", will affect his future relationships AND future Wife... and it will either be a pain in the rear (for his wife), or it will be a fair relationship in which BOTH partners, CARE about the upkeep, of THEIR home. And the daily chores. Together.

I know this, because, my own Husband... has views about these things... because of how his MOM raised him ... and what she did for him or what she 'required' of him per chores, or not. Which, she didn't 'require' him to do chores. (Ahem).
So.... "I" had to explain to my Husband... that EVERYONE in the home does chores... is it NOT a "gender" thing. HE can wash dishes too...
and he does... sometimes. And, because of how his MOM raised him, with such LINEAR views of what a women does and what a "Man" does not... it creates irritation... (for me, his WIFE). But.. my Husband has since, gotten with the times. NOT 'gender' based attitudes. Although he is still a bit.... sexist.

So YES... your son SHOULD do the dishes... he is a part of the family and everyone HELPS. Your Husband or boys... should ALSO learn how to vacuum, dust, clean and fold laundry.... ALL that a woman does. YES! Because one day, they will be on their own, single men... and then WHO will pick up after them? They can't call Mommy to do it... NOR expect their girlfriends to do it. What a cop out.

all the best,
Susan

I don't think there are any jobs meant for a man, woman, boy, or girl. Everyone lives in the same house and needs to do whatever to keep that house going. My son has been washing the dishes for several years and my daughter used to clean the gutters. I dig out trees. Everyone benefits from all contributions made to keep things moving smoothly. It will benefit everyone to learn anything they can!

You're raising a boy who will be self-sufficient. I think that's our duty as mothers of boys, don't you? Also teach him laundry and cooking!

Dude!! The son should totally do the dishes!!! In this world, women and men SHARE roles, so he needs to learn that kind of responsibility. I would hate to think if my hubby thought it was okay to teach our son that--- I want him to know it's okay to do dishes or wash laundry or anything considered a "woman's" work. I mean, I mow the lawn....but that's a man's work. Should I not? No...I like doing it lol. Anyhow-- you have alot on your plate...let the boy do some dishes :)

So when your daughter asks to learn how to mow the lawn will you point out to him that you don't think she should be doing that (insert eye roll here). Since Hubby will be reading this, I have this to say...

Suck it up buddy and encourage your son to be HELPFUL to his mother. He will thank you one day when he has a successful marriage because he learned as a child to help out around the house....more than the "manly" jobs.

My father won't let anyone else do the dishes. Says if he does them himself he knows they're clean. My brother is the same way. My daughter loves it when either of them come to visit because it is her chore and she hates it, and they won't let her do them when they're here. It's just the two of us so she has dishes, trash, her own laundry and her room as her chores. I do everything else. I told her when she starts to cook, I'll take over the dishes. So far I'm still cooking. If I had more kids, boys or girls, the chores would be on a rotating basis. The idea of "women's work" is chauvinistic and antiquated in the world today. As long as I have to work outside the home for a paycheck, I'm damn straight gonna get help wherever I need it around the house.

Im so sick of women who raise their sons to do NOTHING around the house. GOOD FOR YOU, you are teaching him responsibility, and he might make his wife very happy one day.

I think everyone should do the dishes. I know I was doing dishes at age 8 and when my sister got old enough she was at the sink with me, but Mom always helped in one way or another. And since you have 3 kids it should be a partnership gig each night. That would be way more fair. Nothing ruins dinner more than knowing you are the one stuck with the dishes at the end. I still hate doing dishes and thankful my husband hates dirty dishes in the sink so he is the one that usually does them. But when I hear him in the kitched I go in and help.... it's only fair. .

WOW! A family works best if everyone is working at it. You husband will need to come up with a better reasons other than it doesn't fit his idea of gender roles if he wants to get your son out of doing dishes. Does he thinks it damages your son in any way? Is there anything that he thinks his daughter can't go just b/c she's a girl? =) I think this is just one of the things once he get use to it, he'll think his initial feeling on the topic where silly.

Well ok maybe your son dosn't need to do the dishes maybe because he's a kid. That said there is another adult in the home right maybe the other adult should do the dishes when he dosn't think it's a kids job. If my husband ever would play the sex/card I'd go on strike.

Are you SURE that's what he's getting at? I know you know him, but maybe the dishes haven't been washed well or something. Just making sure before you tear him a new one!

IF that is what he's getting at, then maybe HE needs to do all the dishes! Everyone of both genders needs to learn how to do all household chores as well as a few other things. Does he expect his son to ever live on his own? He not only needs to know how to wash dishes, but how to dust, vacuum, sweep and mop, do laundry, iron, sew a button on, cook several meals, completely clean a kitchen and a bathroom, how often to change and wash his sheets, etc.

Did your husband never live on his own without someone to do his dishes for him? He should be sharing in the housework now as well.

I'm 30 and I can't remember the last time my mom did the dishes--in our family if you cook you don't wash. My brother and I always washed the dishes. Also, my husband and his brother grew up doing the dishes in his family--which I SO appreciate because he can clean up a kitchen like no one's business (he even remembers to wash the little spoon holder thing on the stove!). Anyway, I think everyone in the house needs to pitch in (heck, I even have my 3 year old son take his dishes to the sink, rinse them, and put them in the dishwasher!) I guess if your husband doesn't want your son to do the dishes he could always do them himself...

Husband: so your son should be sitting around letting everyone wait on him? He should go sell Chiclets in Tijuana, or maybe beg all day -- now those are difficult jobs for a kid. The family dishes are nothing.

Why should old mom have to do everything while the youngster, who is supposed to have way more energy, does little or nothing? In other cultures, kids have a lot more chores. In America, they are lazy and spoiled. The other day I was in a shoe store run by Hispanics, and the kids were happily helping the customers. Same with the Asian donut shop. The last time I was there, a 4 year old was folding donut boxes.

It's good for your son to help out, and even better for mom to have help and get a break. Don't you like a happy wife, husband?

I usually do th edishes in my house, mainly because my kids do have other chores to get done. My son's main chore is to clean the bathroom, and he does a pretty good job. He also sweeps the stairs. All my children will know how to take care of EVERYTHING when they are out on their own. When I was in college, I lived at home but had friends that lived in the dorms. One of the girls had no clue how to do laundry, how to really sweep the floor beyond just pushing the broom around. I had to learn how to use a laundromat washing machine but I did know how to get my clothes washed and pressed when needed (and how to get them quick from the dryer so I don't have to iron).
BTW, my next door neighbor thinks girls should not be shoveling snow. It is a man's job. Last winter my son and one of my girls was sent out to shovel some snow and he told my daughter she should be in the house. They all take turns.

Oh, is your husband saying that since you cooked dinner, that HE should be doing the dishes and not your son? Or that you should also wash the dishes and wait on him and the kids. I have no problem with kids doing chores, dishes included. What does your husband do around the house? Maybe he should do the dishes with your son? Is it the amount of work that the dishes are, maybe he had enough chores without the dishes, or the fact that it is the dishes? How many boys grew up never touching a dish and now can't cook or clean?

Hmmm, interesting....
My guy seems to feel it's a MAN's job to wash dishes.

I disagree of course, I'm a professional housewife and don't want anyone touching my dishes!

I've actually chased him out of my kitchen threatening with a frying pan (jokingly of course).

I wonder what your husband will think of that!

Hi A.,

I hope you can stand one more! Every once in a while, we'd sit down as a family and chart out all of the things that needed to get down to keep the household running. We'd then take turns picking out what each person was going to be responsible for, taking age, skill level, and general liking into account, but making sure to shuffle chores enough so that at a bare minimum the kids learned all of the basic skills they'd need to survive on their own. The kids sometimes complained that it seemed like I had fewer chores, but then I pointed out that I was responsible for all of the grocery and general household shopping, and that shopping on a weekly basis usually took as much or more time as their set of chores. By the time the kids were in their early teens, though, I started taking them shopping with me and having them learn how to pick produce, price compare, etc. When they became drivers, shopping (on a small level) became another chore that entered the chore shuffle.

So, it was no shock to my son -- like it appeared to be for some of his roommates/housemates when he left for college -- that laundry did not miraculously wash and fold itself, that food did not suddenly appear on a plate (and taste good), and that dishes became too disgusting to eat on if you didn't wash them. In fact, he became frustrated on many occasions with certain of his housemates who refused to do their agreed chores, because mom always did everything for them! My DH and I had to laugh (but not in front of our son!) that in the first year he moved off campus, he would call home complaining about these young men and sounded so much like a parent complaining about an uncooperative child! (Plus he was always going around the house turning off lights and other electronics to save money and energy -- ya gotta love it!)

Perhaps you can find a middle ground. At 15, your son could perhaps learn a lot of different new chores. October you're washing dishes, November you will do your own laundry, December you will do trash and recycling.....

Tell your husband that you are giving your son's future wife a little "present" by teaching your son how to do dishes and laundry and taking care of himself.

In just 3 years your son will possibly be off to college. Who's going to wash his dishes THEN? He needs responsibilities and he needs to learn the right and wrong way to do dishes and laundry and what-not. Better to learn now with mom and dad's help than when he's in college and his roommates kick him out of their apartment.

Good for you, mom, to give him chores. I think all kids need them. Even my 2.5 yr old helps me load the washing machine, load the dryer, and unpack the dishwasher.

My mom and dad had a system. Who ever cooked the other did the dishes. My husband and I did it that way until I started staying home. Part of my responsibilities of staying home was the housework, which I fully accepted. Plus with my husbands new job, he works 12-14 hours a day and I'd rather him spend the little time he has with our daughter, than doing dishes. My husband at 15 did the dishes, his own laundry, cleaned his room and made his bed, etc. I guess he did do woman's work, but oh how attractive it was to find a man that could clean up after himself and not need another "mommy".

Hold on let me get this right. Your 15 year old son is washing the dishes and hubby has problems with this? Here's a solution dear husband, you have a problem with sonny doing dishes, roll up your sleeves. I wouldn't wash another dish until he said he was sorry and admitted he was being an idiot. Just curious who cooks? In our house one cooks the other washes (my kids don't get the dishes clean enough for us). Your kids are old enough to pull their own weight and if he doesn't like it then he better be willing to do the jobs for them.

2 boys and 1 girl. They all have their turn at dishes. If I cook, you better believe they are cleaning up. Also, my dad is 75 and very old school...had his secretary bring him coffee, shop for my mom's gifts, etc. But he always helped with the dishes at night and still does even with Parkinson's. It's just what he does.

Ha! My boyfriend won't let me wash the dishes because I "wash them wrong". Lol.

If he can eat off 'em, he can wash 'em.

What's he gonna do when he moves out and is living on his own? Use only disposable dishes, or have you come over every other night to wash his dishes for him?

And I agree with Celena W... If your husband is still living in the early 1900s when the men brought home the money and the women kept the house clean... Why is he "letting" you work outside the home?

Men need to learn how to think things all the way through. Lol!

If you are working full time outside the home, the dishes are no more your responsibility than your husband's. If he does not like the idea of your son doing them, he can work out a schedule to trade off doing them with you.

I also don't think there is anything wrong with asking a 15 year old (of any gender!) to do the dishes. He is certainly old enough to take on this responsibility.

In our house, if I cook, my husband does the dishes. If he cooks, I do them. And I'm a stay at home mom!

K.
www.citymommy.com - are YOU a citymommy yet?

My hubby doesn't do dishes, either. I think it's normal for kids to have chores. Tell him that as long as you have to go out and bring home the bacon, which, according to his old-fashioned mindset, is "man's work", you will make your son do "women's work." The old double standard always upsets me. Why is it that women can do everything a man does, and are expected to do everything a man does, but men are generally not expected to do everything a woman does?

HI, I know I am like the 70th person to respond and you are over it by now. I agree there are NO gender-based chores!!! Not in this day and age. Especially with moms who work.

I will add my 2 cents that doing dishes night after night stinks! One person doing it all the time isn't fair (whether it's you or your son). Any able-bodied person in the household who can reach the sink should have a crack at it throughout the week.

My opinion. Good luck :)

I totally agree that chores should not be gender specific! If more boys learned to do household chores, we wouldn't have so many men who still depend on their wives to take care of all the work. My sisters and I had to do inside chores (dishes, laundry etc) and we were expected to do yard work (mow, weed eat etc).

A. - I think you should either let your husband read your added post, or write it to him in a card. Give him that extra moment of love. You are a good woman for seeing what a good man you have. Best to both of you!

Well let's put it this way, we are in the 21st century and if a man can't cook, clean, wash clothes and dishes, and pick up after himself and others in his family, then he is still living in the dark ages. Let me tell you I work part time outside of the house. I need the help of the children to get things done. When things don't get done and there is a gripe or complaint, I say you know where all the cleaning supplies are...have at it! When my daughter turned 12 she was expected to do her own laundry. I am not wasting my time trying to dig through all her clothes clean and unclean upon her floor to figure it all out. She is now 16 and is just fine for it! It hasn't hurt her any. My son mows the lawn, takes care of the dishes and takes out the trash. My daughter cleans and scrubs the bathroom (since as a teenager she practically lives in there). There are no gender based "chores" anymore. Get with the times!

OMG...I guess the 1950s are alive and well! ; )

I personally have 2 girls but I have friends that have boys and the boys do the dishes just like any other chore. Helping around the house with all chores is for both girls and boys. At my house the girls have to help with yard work, house work and any thing else that needs help. The boys use the dishes, don't they? They can clean the dishes too. When the boys go off on their own they will need to know how to clean a house (apartment, dorm room, etc) so they need to start now. I know several boys that even babysit to earn money. Boys and girls are equal in this world of chores.

Kudos to you for someday your future daughter in-laws will thank you! My father in law jumps up regularly to clear the table, do the dishes and all the other "girlie" jobs that my own husband (his son) does not seem to think of as "his" jobs. We both work as well! I made the mistake when I first met my husband of telling him to "just sit!" And "I just want to take care of you." Well honey, he took that one and ran with it! 15 years later he will get up and clear the table and rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher but I must say my stupid attitude un-did what his parents had taught him and I have had to pay for my stupid comment... not that he didn't take the comment and ran with it! YOUR comment better him than me is understandable but not the right attitude... lol...
I remember when I first got married and and said I was going to have 4 girls like the family up the street that I grew up with because their mom would cook and the girls all had a job either clearing the table washing or drying the dishes and putting them away. She had it made in my eyes! My mother in law said don't limit those jobs to just girls!
Your husband needs to pitch in too... What is wrong with him? You are both working! EVERYONE needs to pitch in as well as BOTH parents ALL your children can help out with the dishes! EVERYONE should clear their own plates and that should be a standing rule starting now. And then you can give one person the job of clearing the rest of the table, one person rinsing and putting the dishes in the dishwasher, or washing the dishes, one to dry or unload the dishes and put them away and switch it up each week so it's not just your oldes son.
15, 11 & 9 can certainly do at least one of these jobs. I know at 9 I was washing dishes! It's not too late to re-train everyone! Even dear old hubby who thinks his sons shouldn't be do a girls job! Hand that sweet man an apron and tell him he is wrong!

Hi. I haven't read any responses, so forgive me if I repeat. :) First off, it's important for children to have responsibilities other than school and homework. Having chores helps them to feel that they have a place in the family/home that's not just being served and catered to. It teaches them that they have a role in how the house is run. Secondly, it's important for boys (and girls) to learn household chores like dishes so that when they move into their own home/apartment/dorm whatever, they know how to be self-sufficient and self-reliant. I'd also be sure they all know how to do the laundry and minor sewing and how to cook basics. Third, I hope that your husband understands that by suggesting that dishes are "woman's" work, he may be teaching your son(s) to belittle the work a woman does do. If he truly feels that way, perhaps you should suggest that you quit your outside full time job and commit to only working at home! ;-) (not really)

Best of luck to both of you! It sounds like you're doing a good job. I have a hard time getting my girls (11 and 7) to do much of anything! :)

Dear A., What on earth is wrong with your son doing dishes. He needs to know how to cook for himself too. What is he going to do when he is out on his own, and does not have any experience with keeping his own sapce clean? No washing dishes is not just womens work. When i need help my husband wshes the dishes and mops the kitchen floor. Thanksw J.

What you are teaching your son is "life skills". The day will come when he will have to do his own laundry, dishes, make meals, etc. Dishes are the first steps towards creating an independent young man.. unless your husband wants your son to live with you two indefinitely. :)

I cannot believe he said this. I have a 3 1/2 year old girl and she will with time have chores around the house, but if God ever (and I sure hope he does soon) gives me the opportunity to raise a son, he too will have chores in our house. In my house there is no I am a boy and I don't do those things. We are all a family and the house belongs to all of us, therefore the house work is something we shall all do. My hubby does a lot of chores in our house. He cooks, cleans and takes care of our baby girl. I think it makes man more valuable and respectful when they can take care of housework.

If I cook my husband always does the dishes after dinner. When I was growing up my brother and I had to take turns doing the dishes. It's just a chore and it should be done in turns by everyone in the household. What era is your husband living in?

Chances are your son won't be married off at 18 so if he's going to go to college or live as a bachelor he's got to do ALL of the chores himself. My family had a routine. I cleared the table, Daddy would rinse plates, and my Mother would put away left overs and load the dishwasher. We'd get it done each night in about 5 minutes. Expecting kids to take some responsibility for the household they live in is a basic parent job. I've employed a lot of young people and one thing I see a lot of is a whole generation of kids who don't take responsibility for themselves. I'm not talking about responsibilities like bill paying and not partying too much. I'm talking about 20 year old men who show up to work with wrinkled clothes because they won't iron. I do think you should hear your husband out so you understand what his true dissatisfaction is. I do believe all kids need to assist in family life. Families who work together have a greater respect and pride for their family and home.

My job was the dishes - my mother Never made my brother do them! Used to Bother me soooo much! same factor - it wasnt a 'boys' job. Growing up her and my aunt did them and my uncle - Never once ! Thats not fair ! I fully intend on having my son help do them !! a chores a chore !!! if I had a daughter she'd be taking out the trash!

Hi A.,

I have 4 older brothers (8 kids total in my family) that not only did dishes, but laundry and cooking! I come from a big family and both my parents worked full time, plus carted us all around to our extra activities. We had a chore chart on the wall with different duties assigned based on ability and age. More often than not my brothers cooked and baked lunches and dinners.

Fast forward to the present. All of my brothers are married and have families. Every one of my sisters in law LOVE the fact that their husbands are full partners in the marriages! All of my nephews are raised with the attitude that it's not "girls work" or "manly jobs", it's all work for the family to share.

After he said your son should not be doing the dishes, I would have asked why? (Maybe you did but I don't know that or his response). Is he saying that because he is a boy? If so, I would tell him that one day your boys could be a bachelor and will need to know how to clean up the dishes that they dirty. If he is saying it because he doesn't thing that the 15 yr old should have to wash them all the time, why not rotate the chores. If your hubby is willing to do the dishes some, maybe the two of you could rotate in on that chore too (and let the kids take one of your chores on that night).

That bothers me, my X use to say that boys do not do womens household chores..BULL!! When was the last time your husband did the dishes? I really do believe that you are doing a great thing. Not only giving him some responsibility, but teaching him how to be a man. How many guys have you meant that couldnt do dishes? Or Cook, or do their own laundry.. or even keep a house clean...or mow the grass. They complain about women but we do it all and have the babies. That boy will grow up and be able to take care of himself and when he finds a wife he will participate in everything with her. Thank God there will be at least one real man coming into the world. You go girl......and tell your husband its his turn to do the dishes....ha

Good for you, A.!! Sure wish my husband's momma had taken the same initiative ;) I think that it's more than a sexist issue: because of these lessons, I think your son will have a greater appreciation for life and a stronger sense of what it takes to live life to the fullest. My paternal grandma painstakingly taught my dad to cook. He lives a very happy life, complete with work that sustains independence and fulfilling social interaction; he sees doing work around the house less as a chore and more of a means to a happy life. He understands that without domestic duties the get-togethers that he and my mom host wouldn't be as fun! Your son is lucky to have you as a mom!! Take good care!

#74 here!

Yes, ALL children should have knowledge of how to properly keep a house in order - ALL aspects .. laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, vaccuuming, scrubbing the commodes .. ALL OF IT!

What happens when Son moves out for college? He needs to kow how to do all these things so he can lead a healthy and productive life!

At our house, whoever didnt cook does the dishes, and that's usually my husband. The only time he gets out of it is if he has to mow after we eat.

When I was a kid, we had rotating chores. One of us would do laundry for a week, then switch and clean the bathrooms for a week, then dishes for a week, then clean the living room for a week. (I had 2 brothers and a sister). It was good for us, as it taught us how to keep a house and the rotating system was good because if you hated your chore (like I hate cleaning bathrooms!) you had 3 weeks off. :-)

My mom got off easy. My sister and I did ALL of the chores in the house, every day and even all day Saturdays, including making most dinners... yes she worked out side of the home, and took care of my father with cancer, but it was ridiculous (we had jobs and sports after school too) and I vowed I would never do that to my kids.

Dishes and chores should be rotated evenly between all 3 children and both parents... one child should not be doing dishes on his own, unless it is rotated by week!!!!

In our house, whoever does the cooking gets off on dish duty for that day, (unless the other person is sick or busy doing other chores). So, when my husband cooks, I do dishes, when I cook, he does dishes. When my kids are old enough, they will do them probably twice a week as we rotate.

If my husband said something like that, he would never see me wash another dish a day in our life together---from that day forward it would be "man's" work! OMG---I think steam would be coming out of my ears after a comment like that, lol . . . glad your hubby has wisened up! And they say kids say the darndest things!

Hello, Well, then maybe your husband would like to do the dishes since you work full time and obviously need some help around the house. That way he could raise his son to think that he has no responsibilities around the house. My husband washed dishes, did laundry, and vacuumed when he felt he wanted to. I didn't make him do it. Our children all learned how to do these things as well. They also learned how to cook at least the basic things. My idea was that when they moved out on their own they might not have someone who could do these things for them. We had two boys and two girls.
We need to allow our children to be children. However, we also need to raise them to be responsible adults. I have a sister who has four kids who have all grown up to feel intitled. They believe everyone owes them. One recently chastised me for not coming over to them at a family reunion and meeting her husband. This after I had (as well as other family members) walked in with my hands full of food and went right to helping to set up. None of this sister's kids helped, nor did they bring anything. One came in and gave me a dirty look. They didn't clean up or say thank-you either. No surprise since their mom went on a motorcycle run with a new boyfriend. Tell him that he can either have a responsible child or one like I have just described who feels we all owe him.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

my husband and I trade chours. He does dishes and garbage for a month and I do laundry and then we switch. The kids do their rooms, vaccum and help in the yard. I have not started on dishes yet......have no idea why. She is 10. probably ready.

I'm a bit late answering but I feel identified with your post! I do not have a son but it amazes me to realize how much work we as women have at home. My husband is wonderful as well but sometimes I feel as if he expects much more of me. Men jobs, women jobs...very unclear! I recently fixed the garage door (that I busted myself) because he did not finish "the man job." I ended up with cuts all over my hands but I felt proud about achieving "a man's job." LOL Good for you and your wonderful husband!

Coming from a married, full-time working mom with a 3 year-old and 9 month old , you are doing your son a huge favor by teaching him shared responsibility. I am married to a man who was never "expected" to do "womens" work and it is a daily struggle for me. It's like I have 3 children. Your son may gripe and complain now (we all complain about dishes, even adults) but when he gets older he will be much happier knowing he is capable of taking care of himself and his home.

This question reminds me of me an my kids 17g, 13g, and 11b. And how they perceive their world and how I perceive mine, at least in relation to gender and chores. I want my boy to learn "boy" behavior such as opening doors for his sisters and mom, carrying heavy objects when they go shopping, taking the trash out; being more of a protector and feeling special as a male. The girls do dishes and clean up after we eat (they feel they shouldn't do it!!) most of the time (in some cases I assist them.) I want my girls to be outspoken and independent but still retain a bit of what was known as feminine. I want my boy to know and act as a boy and that means he'll do hard, heavy chores and leave the dishes for the girls. In today's world we want girls and boys to do the same things/activities and it just does not work. The average male is better suited for certain activities and so is the average female. The job of a father is to raise his children in the best way possible according to his true convictions. When it comes to raising boys, I truly believe that the average good male can do a better job than the average good female. It's our job as fathers to see that our boys are raised as boys unless we want to take a chance of ending up with a grown man without character, as we see so many now days. Raising a boy more in line with his true nature will bring out a more balanced human being.
Obviously, by the nature of the responses to your concern, the world is seen completely different by women and men (but men seldom speak their true feelings anymore!!). Mostly women are in charge of raising boys now days. They obviously feel boys should be raised very much like girls; and so they do!!
Best of luck to you and your family!!

You're right, he's wrong. If he doesn't want his son to do the dishes, then he can do them. Your son's future wife won't thank you for letting him out of chores because he's male...

When my children was growing up and doing chores i rotated the chores with 3 sons and a daughter. They learned everything that it takes to run a household and 40 years later they are all greatful for the education. They said the responsibility made them better spouses and parents.

I agree that older kids and teens need to have household responsibilities (especially when mom has a job outside the house). rotating chores so each kid got to learn each chore makes sense. I would expect this kind of gender division of chores from the older generation like my parents but no way would I put up with it from my husband or son.

A.:

I realize you have already got a lot of responses and I haven't read them. I did read your "what happened" however, here's my take.

My husband (who drives me utterly insane but loves me to death and I him) can cook, clean, iron, sew, etc. it doesn't make him ANY less a man.

My boys ages 8 and 10 - are learning cooking, cleaning and sewing - as well as many other things - they are LIFE SKILLS!! I will not be around forever to wipe their bums or their noses - they have to learn how to do things on their own as well. It's NEVER too early to learn life skills - NEVER.

My kids know how to separate laundry, put it in the washer, start the washer, take clothes out of the dryer, fold and put away their clothes. They know how to make their beds and strip them too.

Like reading and writing - these are life skills. Man or W. - they MUST learn how to do them.

Updated

A.:

I realize you have already got a lot of responses and I haven't read them. I did read your "what happened" however, here's my take.

My husband (who drives me utterly insane but loves me to death and I him) can cook, clean, iron, sew, etc. it doesn't make him ANY less a man.

My boys ages 8 and 10 - are learning cooking, cleaning and sewing - as well as many other things - they are LIFE SKILLS!! I will not be around forever to wipe their bums or their noses - they have to learn how to do things on their own as well. It's NEVER too early to learn life skills - NEVER.

My kids know how to separate laundry, put it in the washer, start the washer, take clothes out of the dryer, fold and put away their clothes. They know how to make their beds and strip them too.

Like reading and writing - these are life skills. Man or W. - they MUST learn how to do them.

You've gotten a ton of responses but wanted to put my 2 cents in here. Everyone in a family does stuff during the day (work, school, take care of kids, etc). So when at home in the evenings I think everyone should pitch in and do their share. That does not mean everyone cooks, cleans, etc. Maybe Dad cooks, one kid cleans the table and puts the food away, another fills the dishwasher (or empties it) and mom changes out the laundry or puts a load away, etc. Bottom line: everyone is a part of the family so everyone pitches in. My daughter (3) takes her plate over to the sink each night. We don't ask her to do more than that (dinner wise) because my husband usually has it ready when we get home. However, I offer to clean up while he plays with the kids. So it all works out!

his dad is teaching him to get divorced already. :) who is going to do his dishes when he moves out and is not married????? oh that is right he can call mom and stay irresponsible his whole life. good job dad. so if dishes isnt your sons job what is? my response to that would be very offending to alot of people so I will be nice for the womens sake not his. if your son doesnt have to do dishes you dont have to cook for the men see how that flies over. :)