Screaming - Lake Orion, MI

Updated on September 28, 2007
M.K. asks from Lake Orion, MI
6 answers

Hi Everyone!

I have a ques. about my soon-to-be 9-month old. He is a little bit of a high maintenance child who gets easily frustrated. Lately, when he can't reach an object (no he isn't crawling yet!), or when he is in his high chair and wants out (or wants more food in his little mesh net), he will scream almost like he is yelling at me! I know he is too young to discipline b/c he simply just doesn't understand yet. But, I have been trying not to respond to him when he is screaming b/c I don't want it to become a learned behavior...he screams, Mommy delivers what he wants. I try to wait until he is calm or a least more calm to respond (I will stand there so he can see me so he doesn't think I am ignoring him altogether). The tough part is, I know that right now screaming and/or crying are the only ways he can communiate his needs. Am I expecting too much from such a little guy? I want to be a responsive, compassionate mother, but I also don't want to create a monster!

Thoughts?? Thanks!

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E.W.

answers from Detroit on

M.
Right now and perhaps even for a few more months or more, screaming is his only means of communicating...therefore give him other tools, he is at the perfect age for learning sign language....you can find easy to follow ASL for baby books at your local library or get a dvd too....or make up your own signs for words like "more" "down" "up" "again" and then YOU use these signs everytime you say the word out loud. He will catch on and with your excited response to his trying to sign he will be even more motivated to try and do them, hopefully with this it will decrease his frustration of not being aboe to communicate. The goal here is a happy baby and a happy momma so don't ignore his requests right now instead replace the negative behavior with a positive one that causes you to show him of happy this makes you....once he catches on you can then totally ignore the screams and this too shall pass.
good luck
E.

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D.T.

answers from Detroit on

hi M.!
Of my four children, two were "high maintenance." My daughter Lily, now nearly three, has always been quite passionate about her wants and needs. Even when she was very tiny she would express frustration when she couldn't get her little body to do what she wanted. We always responded with compassion to her cries (certainly never let her "cry it out"), and now and i'm happy to tell you that she has a mastery of healthy communication that's hard to come by in grown-ups! She's also incredibly compassionate, aware, and sensitive with her little sister (8 months), so I think by respecting and responding to her needs (and i truly believe all babies have are needs--they're not out to manipulate or control you) we've given her a great foundation for building healthy relationships.
hope this helps:)
D.
p.s. turns out we didn't "spoil" her, either--she has a wonderful sense of gratitude and appreciation and expresses it freely:)

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R.L.

answers from Detroit on

My son did the same thing. We taught him a couple of signlanguage commands. Then we could understand his needs (wants),he knew we were talking to him and not ignoring him, and he was not frustrated anymore.
There are many simple signs to teach him. start with "more bite"
good luck!!!

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L.M.

answers from Detroit on

M. - one of the things that has helped with my son (now 13 months old) is using sign language. There are some good websites, just Google 'baby sign language.' Also, there is a pretty good Baby Einstein DVD. After using this, when my son wants more to eat, milk, etc. he asks for it with sign.
As for his being frustrated when he can't reach something. I think you're doing the right thing, by not jumping to get it for him. Frustration is good motivation for him to get moving on his own. My son started crawling because my husband left his cell phone on the floor. He wanted it bad enough that he decided to get there on his own, before we noticed it was within his reach.
Of course, you're going to have days where you just can't take the screaming and give in. But hang in there. I really think you're on the right track.

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L.J.

answers from Detroit on

I found at that age sign language was helpful because my son could begin to communicate his needs before he could speak them. Plus, we they scream give them a voice and don't respond in kind. Ask gentle "Are you all done?" and show the sign for all done. "Do you want more?" and sign more. My son is now 13 months and knows quite a few signs although if he can say the word he prefers to, adn sometimes he will say it and I won't understand it and so he will sign it. He still screams no and then but it is definitely better.

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R.S.

answers from Detroit on

Hi! Even at the tender age of 9 months baby can understand language. So, if he is screaming because he wants an object, he is probably frustrated because he doesn't know how to communicate to you what it is he wants. So, talk to him like he is old enough to "understand" the way an older child would. Try saying things like "if you scream like that mommy doesn't know what you want. Do you want the apple?" And when you do figure out what it is, put a name to it. "Apple, drink, up, more". Also, I have heard and have personally experienced that "baby sign language" is a huge communication helper. Go to the book store or library and get a book on it. Just a few simple signs like "milk, more, up, drink and eat" are really easy for babies of most any age to learn. Just think, pretty soon he will be talking up a storm and you might be wishing he would just be quiet! Good luck!

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