Seeking Advice About Baby

Stand up for your baby and yourself. Sounds like your boyfriend is being manipulative in saying you're being "mean", and if he pushes it farther, to the point that you feel the relationship is in jeapordy, you should stand by your conviction about what's best for your baby. That's what your boyfriend should be thinking about as well. Of course you know that 3 months old is too young for such an extended separation. If you've explained why and he still won't listen, just be firm in the decision so that you don't have serious regrets later. That's my opinion and it looks like every other mom who has responed to your post. I feel most fathers using reason and considering the baby's needs at that age could come to that conclusion as well.

M.,
There is clinical research that shows when a baby the age of yours is away from its mom more than 48 hours the baby mourns for it's mom and believes its mom to be dead. I do not think you are being selfish. Babies need their moms! The first 12 months of life is such an important bonding time for you, the baby and its entire family. If your boyfriend wants to be more involved a 2 hour drive to come visit at least weekly if not more often would be the solution.

You are making the right decision. One so young should not be separated from his mother for so long. If your boyfriend wants to get to know the baby and help out, then he will have to move closer!

If you are having a problem explaining this to your boyfriend then you can always go to your pediatrician & explain the situation & ask him to document any information that would be helpful in explaining this to the boyfriend. At such a young age the infant needs to be with the mother because of the bonding. I know that it is important to bond with the father but the infant knows the mothers heartbeat & smell & is used to that & taking him away from that cold turkey could really upset the infant. I think you are doing the right thing by not letting him go. Besides the harm it could do to the baby think about the emotional & physical turmoil it could do to you. Good luck on your decision.

M. K
Creative Memories
Independent Consultant
www.mycmsite.com/sites/mistikidwell

If you do not have a court order for custody, such as a child support order, then once you give your baby to your boyfriend he is as EQUALLY entitled to your baby as you are. Even if your boyfriend's name is not on the birth certificate. It would be extremely difficult to get your baby back if your boyfriend and you broke up. You would have to hire an attorney and your attorney would have to prove your boyfriend is a danger to your baby. I would suggest you contact an attorney (free consultation) for advice.

NO, you are making the right decision, it is your baby and he needs you so much right now. I could never be away from my baby for that long, I can't even imagine him living with his dad and not his mother. The dad should understand that.

I think that's great that your boyfriend wants to bond with your baby; that said and done, I believe your baby is still to young for that long a separation from his mother. Maybe when your son is little older he can spend more time with his father. You should communicate that with your boyfriend but he should be able to visit his child where he currently is anytime that is of course convenient to all.
That is just my opinion, good luck!

M.,

Listen to your gut. If you are not comfortable letting your 3 mo go w/his father for 3 months then don't let him go. You are not being mean you are being a good mom. Who will watch your son while DH works? You will not be able to focus on shcool if you are distracted by what is going on 2 hours away. I say keep him here in his current arrangement if you feel that is best. Don't let anyone bully you into doing something that you don't want to do.

Good luck.

Follow your heart and your *gut* instinct, Mom. Don't doubt yourself. You know what is best for your child.

http://www.missbrenda.com

As a stepmom to a 10 year old (which lives with me)and soon to be a new mother to a newborn there is absolutely no way I would ever even consider letting either one of them go for that long. I hate when my stepson leaves to go stay with his biological mother for a week at a time during the summer. There is to great of a chance that you will have to fight to get your baby back in December when you graduate. He has his rights which is usually every other weekend and from 6-8 on Wednesdays. You are not being mean not wanting to give up your baby. My stepson's biological mother drives 3 hours every other weekend to pick him up and drives another 3 hours on Sunday to bring him back. There is no reason why he cannot do the same thing. J.

How good is your relationship with your boyfriend? I assume he is the father of your baby?

Just FYI... if you are at all in any doubt of your relationship with him, and if he takes the baby for a semester to "help you out" and if he chose to seek custody of the baby, he will ultimately get it because you voluntarily "abandoned" the baby... be very cautious of what you do...

Good luck...

Yes honey, you are making the right decision. You are a mother first and then the rest. I can't imagine how is to live a semester without my kids. Don't let him convince you ta be far from your kid. You'll regret if you do it. Good luck!

M., I am assuming your boyfriend is also the father of your baby. If your boyfriend wants to spend more time with his baby then he should WANT to move closer to be with him. You should not be away from your baby for a semester by any means. It is not fair to your baby or to you. I think it's time you and your boyfriend determine what kind of future the two of you are planning to have together. Are you planning to get married? Are you planning on living together? Maybe these are the types of questions you both should be discussing. In the meantime your boyfriend can continue to visit and you and your son can visit him as well. If you decide not let your boyfriend have him for a semester and he threatens you or your baby in any way I would contact the proper authorities and look in to getting a restraining order on him. I certainly hope this is not the case but it was the first thing I thought of when you mentioned that he is angry with you. Remember that the safety and well being of your baby should be your number one concern. Good luck with your decision.

Dear M.,

First, you are absolutely right! It is NOT in the baby's best interest for him to be without his mother for ANY LENGTH OF TIME at this age. I know occasional "breaks" are acceptable. Parents all need a break every once in a while, but I have never been away from my child for more than a day within the first year and not more than 2 days within the first 3 years. The mother-child bond is so important. Father-child bonding is important too, but I think you would be doing far more harm than good by letting your baby go.

Second, Your boyfriend has no right to say you're being "mean". How childish is that?!?!? The baby is not a "thing" that he gets to play with while you're finishing college. Everything this baby sees, hears, and is exposed to, is making up his personality. He needs to be with you, as much as possible. If your boyfriend wants to spend more time with the baby, he can move closer to you or make the 2 hour trip for visits.

Third, you are absolutely making the right decision by not letting your baby go. I've read in some of the responses to your post that there could be legal consequences to letting the baby go. Please DO NOT LET YOUR BOYFRIEND MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY OR INTIMIDATE YOU into doing something that just isn't right. Like another mom said, trust your instincts! You KNOW it's not right. No matter what your boyfriend says or does, if it doesn't feel right to you, you should hold onto that baby and don't let him go! You're boyfriend will just have to understand that you need to be with your baby, especially at this young age. And that doesn't make you "mean"...that makes you a good mother!

M.,

You are NOT being "mean". That is ridiculous of him to say. It is so important for a mother to be with her baby at this stage. You and your baby share a special bong and should NOT be seperated. I would agree with you and say you are doing the right thing by not sending your baby 2 hours away. There is no way I would let my baby be away from me for that long and she is already 13 months.
Stay Strong Sister!!