Seeking Advise for Becoming a Joyful Person.

We are only put on this earth once, lets do it right the first time. I wake up each day with that motto. Joy will just come from that point on.

Just that you admire joy in other people tells me you GIVE joy as well. I'll bet you're jollier then you think!

(certainly cheered me up with this question)

:)

For me, when I want to find more joy, I commit myself to doing three things. First, I sincerely thank someone for something they've done. Second, I offer someone a sincere compliment. Third, I do something nice for someone. It doesn't have to be big or expensive, just nice. Who doesn't love a thank you a compliment or someone doing something nice?

I'm a happy person by nature, and I rarely get the blues, but when I do, these things are certain to help me. Maybe they'll work for you.

But, in a larger, "big picture" sense, I think the key to a joyful life is to live according to your principles, whatever they may be. Stephen Covey's book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" explains how to do this very well. I find that when my life and my principles are not in sync, I feel out of sorts and disjointed.

Last, eat healthy and get plenty of sleep. It's amazing how these two things can turn around your attitude.

Good luck!

Start with gratitude. Every day, when you wake up, name 20 things you are grateful for. It's very easy to come up with 20 things! And as you say them, really THINK about them and realize how truly grateful you are for them. Such as, be grateful for your eyesight. You don't really think about it much - kind of take it for granted, as most of us do. But if you stop and think what it would be like to live in a world of darkness, and you look around you and see all the beauty in this world, and realize how lucky you are that your eyes are able to see it, then you will be overcome with gratitude.

Here's an example of one of my mornings (you don't have to thank God, if you're not a believer - you can just start out with "What a beautiful morning! I am thankful for.....)

"Thank you, Lord, for this beautiful day. I'm so grateful that I am here to live this day. Thank you for my wonderful life. I'm so blessed to be able to see, to hear, and to speak and sing. Thank you for giving me a healthy body that gets me around. Thank you for my beautiful children. Thank you for making them healthy. I am grateful that they do not have any mental or physical issues, that would make my life more challenging. I am so grateful for my mom's long life, and that she is still here to know my children. I have a beautiful house that keeps my family protected from the elements, when so many are homeless. I am so grateful that my husband has a job, and that we can pay the bills. Thank you for giving us all enough food to eat, so that we never go hungry. I'm so grateful to have a car to drive, and can take my children to school. Thank you for helping us to find our school when we were making the decision on how to educate our children. Thank you for my friends, who are always there for me. I'm grateful that I will be getting new tires on the van today so that we will be safer. And, last but not least, thank you for frozen mochas! I'm so grateful that I can enjoy those each morning."

Once you practice gratitude, your life will be more joyful. I promise!

Blessings!

I agree with what a lot of other posters. Happiness can be a choice. Living with joy can be learned.

Here's what has worked for me:
-Deal with the real pain in your life. Let it in, and pass through it. Much pain and suffering is actually due to people being afraid to experience pain and suffering and "coping" mechanisms used to avoid it. Accept that things have hurt you so you can move on.
-Move on. I have a friend who dwells on things from her distant past that she cannot change. She has decided that these things mean that she should be unhappy, and that they've shaped her life. She's right. I've also had bad things happen to me, but while I acknowledge them, I live in the present. That allows me to focus on and appreciate how good my life is now.
-Realize that bad circumstances do not have to mean being unhappy. Try to see the humor in minor bad situations. For example, I'm on vacation this week, and let's just say that with the hurricane and a few other things, it did not go as planned. BUT everybody is safe and healthy and we didn't sustain damage. I could be focusing on how I'm NOT getting to rest, NOT getting to go to the pool, NOT getting to do anything I planned. Or enjoy what I can, and laugh about how this always seems to happen, and how not rested I will be after my "vacation."
-take time to play. Stop worrying about what has to happen next and make time for fun.
-Take time to focus on what is important. Step back and say "if my kids don't eat a nutritious dinner tonight, but we get to do this fun thing and then have pizza, will that be so bad?"
-realize that you don't have to do ANYTHING. It is all a choice. Don't be afraid to explore the alternatives, at least mentally. What happens if you don't go to work today? Don't pick up the house?
-Get out and be social. People who have friends and do activities are more joyful.
-Do stuff for other people. It really makes you feel good.

I've read some good books on this topic. There was one recently called "Raising Joy" that was based on a bunch of studies on what makes people happy.

Good luck. Let us all know how you do.

I find it somewhat difficult to answer this because I don't know anything about you or your friends. But, I can tell you the source of my joy. The Bible says that joy is one of the fruit of the Spirit. It isn't something a person can muster up within themselves. It is supernatural. Yes, you can be happy for a time. Of course. But, that abiding joy that always seems to be there in some people. The unexplainable joy and contentment, even in the midst of heartache and trials. That's God. The spark in the eye that is always shining. It's life. Only from the Lifegiver.
Also, I think thankfulness is an important ingredient. When we are truly thankful for our circumstances, our blessings, our very life, it is reflected in our countenance.
I wanted to add a comment. Many people are confusing happiness with joy. I believe there is a difference. Happiness is an emotion. Everyone has moments of happiness. Joy is different. It comes from within, not based on outside influences, like getting a gift, or a sweet baby kiss. It wells up from within your heart. And just is.
Admittedly, they are close cousins. :)

I echo what A B. said, and would only add, if you need more specific advice or tips, check out the blog "What Women Never Hear" [http://wwnh.wordpress.com].

Fake it til you make it baby!! lol Sometimes we just have to prentend we are happy until we really are. There is so much good advice here- service, gratitude journals, looking for the positive, etc. Certain foods also are "happy foods"- mangos, bananas, oranges oh, and jello- ok, ao Jello doesn't have any actuall chemical mood enhancers, but have you ever tried to be sad eating Jello? It so totally doesn't work. :-) You can also look for inspirational blogs or websites. brightnewmorn.wordpress.com has some other ideas. I always feel better when I regularly read inspirational things- religious or not. I think this is an ongoing struggle for a lot of moms, we just get caught up in the everyday stresses. Good luck!

I've heard the key is gratutidue. And focusing on the positive.
Make a list of all the things you're grateful for. Family....a job....etc. Post it on your mirror and begin each day looking at it.
This is something I'm trying to work on too so I commend you for it!
Best wishes!!!
UPDATE - give up the news - online, in print, on TV and radio - seriously, it helps.

Go play!
Go to a water park, arcade etc and go have some fun!!!!!

Start a happiness journal. Right before you go to bed write down the things that made you happy that day. The weather was beautiful, or you got much needed rain. You heard from a friend. The dog was happy to see you. The neighbors garden or yours looks so beautiful. Your kids are happy and healthy. Your parents are well and living a full life. The more you do it the more you start to see.
Happiness is a decision you make every day. Wake up every day and be happy that you are here to hug your kids and hubby, to call your Mom or best friend, have lunch or coffee with them. Though I admit I usually need a cup of coffe before the real joy finds it way through the fog in brain, but hey a cup of really good coffee is a source of joy for me.

I feel that way some days!! I would believe, that becoming a joyful person would have to be an understanding that you are happy with what life has handed you, and you are OK with it. Well, more than OK, but you know what I mean. I think you are right, about a lot of it being your personality. And with how you were raised. I see a lot of families, where everyone is joyful, and everyone gets along, etc. I think, wow, I'd love to have a family like that. I think you DO have it in you, you just have to uncover it. Good luck to you.

Hang out with those joyful people! I am with you...I want a bit more joy and I find I have more, when I am intentional about surrounding myself with people who are joyful. I think its a bit contagious...

All of what I am about to write is pretty cheesy, but is what I really do.

I try to be positive. When others are negative about something or something bad happens, I try to put a positive swing on it. Like, I am very sick with nausea from pregnancy, but I try to envision the baby growing.

I try to see things from another's perspective. Like when someone says or does something I can't understand or is annoying, I try to see it from their point of view. Like when my 15 month old is crying and climbing all day. I'm exhausted and tired of peeling him from high dangerous furniture, but I think about how it is for him and I feel happy about it cause I see his growth and striving to do new things.

I try to let "bad" things fade and re-live "good" memories. Like I don't really remember the pain endured from the C-section or the endless sleepness nights, but I still remember his first sounds and how he looked as I rocked him to sleep. :) I try to focus on the good memories and forget the rest.

At the end of each day, I try to think about things I am thankful for. Sometimes it's just my family, other times it is a huge list of specific things-like that I was able to help someone achieve something or that I finished a certain project.

Joke about any terrible stuff you're dealing with. And when you are between calamities, REALLY savor it. Our family has been in such a sh_tstorm for the past 5 years regarding an IRS debt resulting in corrupt accountants who handled my husband's band in 2005 and 2006. He was calculated to owe an ungoldy total and all fighting and OICs have been futile ever since. The strain has been unbearable, especially on ME who has to deal with all the paperwork, lawyers, payments, accountants and scary notices while he travels constantly. All this while having three kids and no medical insurance, and a few other law suits regarding his band who split over the accounting debacle...BLAH!

STILL! I refuse to let such things ruin MY LIFE or my kids toddler years. We wake up every day and MAKE a good day despite finances or whatever other annoying things are sucking up precious spare time, money and head space. We enjoy each other and we know life is fleeting (well I do, the kids might not :).

While you have your kids and your health, you LITERALLY have nothing to complain about, so I hardly ever do. And on days where I don't have the usual hideous damage control to deal with, maybe I just sent out a huge packet and have a break before the next nightmare task... it's like a huge special holiday to me and we CELEBRATE the extra time to be happy-even if it's just to play a game with a special snack or make an extra trip to the park.

Even though it's me here alone all the time with three, I'm exhausted, I never get pretty new things or time to myself, and the dishes may be stacked to the ceiling, I'm still EXTREMELY happy and thankful. I'm always cracking up and joking around. My kids think I'm the weirdest mom ever. They have no idea about the mundane stresses I'm dismissing. Only a couple of very close friends have any idea what we're handling. The rest think I'm just a happy care free mom.

Sometimes your negative thoughts will get the best of you, and you'll cry and pull a pity party. That's OK. But you need to learn to halt the negative thoughts, acknowledge them, get yourself back in the moment, breath, and enjoy your blessings. And make fun of yourself for the bonehead choices you made that got you into those messes. "Never date a musician" is my motto to my 5 yo daughter who thinks it hilarious since I married one and she's "never going to date". I always set a joyful example to my kids. I always smile at people and ask how they are doing and take the focus off of myself. We make time to do good deeds for our elderly neighbor etc. Making other people feel good makes you feel good. You gotta fake it to make it. Act happy all the time, and you will become that way. And try not to complain in your brain. Find positive things to focus on-the gorgeous bushes at the corner, rather than the nitwit you're behind who didn't go right away when the light turned green.

Most of the people I know who are depressed are ignoring their blessings and dwelling on being bored or slighted in some way. Even if they're right, and terrible things have happened to them, they're only hurting themselves by not savoring life. I used to be the same way. You can turn it around, you're already taking steps by realizing joyful people have it better! :)

I really recommend reading the book "Today We Are Rich." I have it on my ipad. I heard the author get interviewed on Dave Ramsey's show but the book is not about money, but about a positive, abundant approach to life. I have noticed a difference when I do the things the author suggests, like every night as I go to bed review the day and think of two people who helped me. And then he suggests taking it to the next level and sending a thank you if you want. Just little things like that really help fill your heart with gratitude and makes me feel like I'm living a beautiful and joyful life. Another little suggestion is to avoid the news all day, and to not check your email right when you wake up but to start your day by reading something uplifting for a bit. Being joyful does come more naturally to some people, but it can also come as the result of a very conscientious life for those of us who have to work harder to be positive. Just the fact that you desire to be joyful is a start in the right direction. The author recommends being extremely selective about the media you expose yourself to. He says if mental health is what you're after, then you need to be as vigilant about what let into your mind as a healthnut would be about what they let into their body. And of course, a physically healthy lifestyle is going to positively affect your mental state.

None of us are JOY-FULL all the time, but when we are we spread it. I'm sure you have your moments. If you were happy continually people would probably think you were on drugs, seriously. We envy happiness...

I struggle with this one sometimes, too. What has really helped me is to realize that happiness isn't something that's going to wash over me, it's a decision I make for myself every day. Look around. Count your blessings. Embrace the madness. Give yourself the gift of happiness.
Good luck.

Take a look at a book called The Happiness Project. She spends a year working on becoming happier. I haven't tried her techniques, but they sounded good and I hope to try them some day. Good luck!

Some people's brains are more wired for happiness. But I think Stephanie's advice is very useful. It's been proven that helping others creates happiness.