Seeking Honest Answers from Anyone

\Walk in with your head held high and if they say anything at all you tell them it's out there for everyone to see so you were not being noisy your concerned for HER and everyone around you.PERIOD!! If it's on her fb it's for everyone to see. I do not blame you at all for being concerned.

If you feel frightened then leave, I would!

My opinion...you are entitled to be concerned for your safety and the well being of the children at the school.

Two weeks ago, I pulled into the parking lot of my daughter's (Catholic) school and there was a man sleeping in the car. He had his seat all the way reclined and was asleep or didn't move. I just thought maybe he was resting before he went to pick up his child.

After I picked up my child, I noticed he was still in there sleeping and I thought he will be late for pick up. Then I looked at everything in the vehicle and he appeared to be living out of the car. His window was open so the kids noise woke him and he appeared startled and saw me looking in. He wiped his face and started his car and I pulled out right behind him. I wanted his plate number, in which there wasn't one.

I snapped a picture of his car and turned it in to the office. I hated doing so, but, there is too much going on these days. He didn't do a thing wrong, but he just wasn't one of the parents. It is entirely possible and likely, he needed to rest and pulled into a church parking lot. It just happened to be where the youngest kids were.

I suggest you go right back to work knowing you had every right to do what you did and don't give it second thought. People are blind to this stuff, until something tragic happens.

K.:

Welcome to mamapedia!!

You will get honest answers here!! Some sugar coated, some not! :) I'm in the "not" category!

I do NOT think what you did was wrong. You are looking out for the welfare of not only yourself but everyone in that center.

She put it on facebook - therefore - it's public. Whether or not she's friends with everyone in the world or not - it's out there. If she doesn't want people to know? DO NOT POST IT ON FACEBOOK!!!

What I find ironic is this girl can jump all over you and get in your face but sounds like she becomes this scant, scared child when he is around. In other words - classic abused W..

You CANNOT force her to change. You cannot force her to see what she is doing to herself. She will make excuses and defend him. The best thing that your step mother can do? Is let her go. As tough as it is to lose a (if she is) great employee - the safety of the center is more important than one employee. That decision is not yours, however, it is your step mother's.

How do you go back to work with her? You DO. Do NOT cow-tow to her. You hold your head high and look her straight in the eye. Don't look down. You did NOTHING wrong.

Good luck!!

I think I would have been very concerned, as well. I also think I would find a new job ASAP.

K.,

You are not being nosy. You are being smart and regardless of how you found this info, your step-mom should know that it is a possibly dangerous situation. If he has already rammed her car and come by with squealing wheels etc, he needs to be stopped. I would tell her and then leave it up to her to address it wth the girl. You could also mention to the girl in conversation and see if she is really with this guy or what the situation is. You have every right to tell the girl and your step-mom how you feel about it. But first, make sure it is true---she may be doing this as a front for her own protection (wierd way--but to calm the ex boyfriend.) Good luck!

What is wrong with your stepmother? She is an idiot.

What you need to do is go get a different job and not work with her. If she wants to put her head in the sand, that's one thing. But to throw YOU under the bus for alerting her is totally different. She has punished YOU instead of dealing with this gal's bad choice in a ballistic boyfriend. It CAN come back to bite her in the rear, along with putting the daycare at risk.

Go find another job.

Dawn

first and foremost your number one concern is for childrens saftey. not her and you being nosey. stop being polite and let your daycare owner know that the woman who is hired is still with a dangerous man. its up to the owner to deside if its safe or not for the children.

It was on FB, therefore it is public knowledge. Lets get one thing straight...which at times gets blurred when you work with family....although she is your step mom, she is, at the daycare, YOUR BOSS. So, at work, you addressed something that may impact your job and it's safety with YOUR BOSS. Now that it has been discussed, it is her job to address it as she sees fit. Yes, she could have kept you anonymous, but she was in her rights to tell all. Her choice. You, walk back in there, head held high and do your job. What you did, was business, not personal. You are not on a personal vendetta or out to get this girl somehow.So, going forward, apologize to YOUR BOSS, trust that she will handle things, and carry on with your job as you always have.If other girl approaches you, state it straight out and tell her she posted it on facebook, it was public knowledge and you were concerned. The End.

Step mama should have not revealed her source. She was dead wrong.

on the one hand, facebook as a source for good information is pretty iffy. on the other, in your shoes i'd be concerned too. i can understand your stepmother's position to some degree, but it sounds as if she over-reacted (unless you have a history of drama with this girl that we don't know about.)
as for your co-worker, i'd just go in to work and do your job. if she says anything, tell her you feel you have a right to be concerned and don't be drawn into an argument.
if your boss/stepmother is really not speaking to you over this, it's probably time to find a new job.
khairete
S.

not sure i'd want to work with FAMILY that would throw me under the bus like that??

bottom line, sounds like a crappy work environment.

stepmom should be considering getting a restraining order herself to keep him away from the KIDS at the daycare.

the girl should be dealing with him (she's not), stepmom should be dealing with him (she's not), and there's not much YOU can really do, and it kinda is none of your business on top of it...so...i'd find another job.

I agree with 'Wild One'. You're in the right here.

Don't believe everything you read on FB because it is not always true. Your co-worker, if she is still seeing this guy is just down right asking for trouble and if trouble makes it way to the daycare then that is something to be concerned about. This guy has demonstrated that he is a nut and when people show you who they are....BELIEVE them. Your stepmom should be concerned and cautious. When and if you go back to work, just explain to the stupid girl that while it is indeed her business, if that guy comes around the daycare making trouble then it puts the kids at risk and that is your only concern. I am certain the parents of the kids entrusted to your stepmom's care would feel the same. Neither the stepmom or your co-worker appear to be very bright.

In my opinion you really didn't do anything wrong. The other girl posted her status with the man on facebook for everyone to see. It's not like you were following her and stalking her. Honestly I believe that you have a right to worry about your safety if she hooses to be with soeone who is a danger to her and everyone else she works with. That is, providing that the protection order was really needed, and she isn't one of those women who go o court to get one of these just to "get back" at a boyfriend when they make her mad. If he in fact did do something and was deserving of the order, then I would be looking for a new job at this point. It isn't worth my safety to keep working just a couple days a week somewhere to risk it all. You may try to talk to your step MOm again, and just explain to her that you only wanted to give her a heads up as to the situation, so she would be able to protect the kids if it came down to that. As the provider it is really her job to know how to keep all of the kids in her care as safe as she can, and that includes knowing the personal goings on of her employees. (sadly) If she still isn't willing to at least listen to your point of view and to understand where you are coming from, well, get a new job.
On a side note, even if she didn't agree with your checking and telling her about the other employee, she really had no business teling her wher he info came from. Especially if this info was on facebook. It's not ike the other person would have really had no way to figure it out. If she did it o her own that is one thing, but to tell her, well, that's just crappy. Sorry that you had to go through this. It sounds like you would be better off working somewhere else anyway. For the sake of your relationship with your step mother. :)

If I were you I'd find another job. There are plenty of folks needing child care and plenty of child care centers needing experienced employees.

Your stepmom is being blind and, frankly, stupid. She has an employee who is violating the very court order the employee asked a court to grant. Your stepmom should know that this boyfriend is potentially violent -- after all, the girl does have a protection order. If the girl is back with this guy, your mom should have told her that if she is violating court order she can't be employed there. This girl sounds sadly messed up (probably the "He's a pain but I just looooove him so much" blindness) but the safety of children is potentially at stake here.

If I were a parent with a child at this day care and I found out about this I probably would pull my child out if this center.

Don't even try to address this with your stepmom -- who is siding with an employee over the word of her own stepdaughter. Just quietly look for a new job and when you get one, give her notice and leave for that job (or tell her you need a job with more hours than two days a week, or whatever). I sure hope you don't still live with stepmom too. Break away and get out of her business and if necessary her home. I'm not saying never see her again -- just tell her you want to move on professionally. Don't mention the reaming she gave you over this incident unless you want her never to talk to you again. I'd keep the relationship but get out of what sounds like a badly run business situation.

Thanks for all the opinions so far! For some with questions i will try to answer. Yes the ramming of the car, squeling of wheels, and no shows of work all came before the protection order. As a matter of fact when he rammed her car my stepmom is the one who took her to get the protection orderorder. Mind you this court date was only about a month ago. I could careless of who she chooses to be with, i could careless that she wants to go back to an abusive relationship. My concerns were, what if something happens again between them and he starts to cause things like he has in the past or worse. Yes i did get my info from fb and i know you cant believe everything off of thay,however when ilogged on that was in my newsfeed, i wasnt nosing around on her page. I went to my stepmom in fear something could happen again to maube prepare her just in case. I wasnt looking to have the girl fired or get in trouble, she's a grown woman. I was thinking I would tell my stepmom if nothing ever happened then great, but if it did then she could cover her butt. I dont think she really even needed to say anything unless something happened. Please keep the comments coming and i see points from everyone, thanks again!

Updated

More great opjnions, i again thank you all! I did nenevered to mention, this girl and I have never had any issues, we worked well together. Other thing is I only work the 2 dausShe a week so my stepmom/boss can have off. She has been my stepmom for 23 years, so this has been extremeley difficult for me, maybe in a sense I feel betrayed by :) er. But I will be ok with that, my main concern is the safety of the kids and myself.

Updated

Okay so today was my day I should have worked at the daycare, Every Tuesday and Thursday but I always call or my stepmom cals me to make sure I need to come in because if there isnt more than 6 kids Im not needed. Again I really only work there to help out my atepmom so ahecan have aa couple of days off. I called 3 times with no answer and texted her also with no reply. So I did not go in. As far asthe questions about who was upset first, well when I had heard that my atepmom told her, I just called and calmly asked if she told her and if she did why? Then she responded by jumping all over me telling me I needed to keep my nose out of everyones business etc. So, i hope that helps answer your question.

Sounds like the girl lied to your Step Mom. And it was very unprofessional of your Step mom to tell the girl her source. She could have asked in a nonchalant way to leave you out of it.

Another scenario is that you asked your Step mom for the gossip about what happened after she talked to this woman and she got upset with you for being nosy, and not upset with you for telling her what you found on FB; is that a possibility?

I would be freaked out to and would even tell my Step mom she needs to consider the possibility of this guy getting violent with the daycare and she needs to put the safety of the children and staff first. If I were a parent and found out that a caretaker of my child, had a restraining order on her boyfriend but was still seeing him, I would pull my child out instantly.

One has to show danger from the other person in order to get a protection order. The incident with ramming the car and squealing his tires in the day care's parking lot shows danger to the rest of you. I think you were right to tell your mother. I also think your mother was right to talk with the girl. How else is your mother going to know how to handle this?

I suggest that you apologize to your mother for being upset with her for talking with the girl. Was your mother upset first or were you because she told the girl you're the one who told her?

You have nothing to apologize for with the other girl. If it had been me I would've talked with her first before going to my mother but then I've had more experience than you. If the girl is upset with you just calmly tell her that you saw that info on Facebook and you were scared. Say, maybe I should've come to you first but I didn't know what to do. And then let the matter drop.

Yes, there will be some tension between the two of you for a bit and if you can remain calm, non-accusatory and matter of fact in expressing your concern for everyone involved this will pass.

Later: What was the actual reason for the fight with your step-mom? I read it to be over you being upset that your step-mom told her you're the one who told her. Your step mom talked with the girl and told her you told. Then you were upset with your step mom because she talked with the girl and told her you'd told. And you were concerned that the girl would be mad at you and expressed anger with your step-mom for telling her. Then your step mom was upset with you for being upset with her. Is that anywhere close to what happened?

What the fight with your step mom is about very much influences the advice you'll get.

If you're friendly enough to be connected on FB and for her to share her personal business with you and you've already witnessed/experienced this guy acting out, then I don't see how responding to it is being nosy at all. You didn't eavesdrop or steal a password to gain access to this information.

Just come out and express the concern to her. She's likely not even thinking in those terms beacuse she's actually in the situation. Your stepmother should be concerned and speak with her, as well, but you can't control other people. Make sure that you take precautions to protect yourself and the children, and hope that they keep their foolishness away from work. The very first time he comes around and makes you feel unsafe, call the police and let them show up to deal with whatever is going on. At the least, he is disturbing the peace, and you can easily explain to them that you just want to take every precaution to keep the children safe. They'll understand that. Don't discuss this any further with your stepmother.

Hi, K.:

You needed to tell the girl how you felt instead of your mom.
Tell the girl how you feel.
Tell your mom that you needed to tell the girl and not her and you
apologize for the mix up.
D.

Sit your stepmother and this girl down and tell them both that you are not trying to be nosey but rather have a legitimate concern for their safety, the safety of the children and your own safety. Be prepared, they may not listen. How often have we heard, "We never thought he would go this far" after an awful tragedy. Try to convince them for the children's sake. I would also find a new job if I were you.