Seeking Other Moms Advice

How old is your daughter? If she's still a child, she really doesn't need to deal with the issue of a sibling who died in utero. Just tell her that Mommy can't have any more babies. If she asks why, then give her an age-appropriate response as to the tubal ligation. "The part of Mommy's body where a baby would grow doesn't work anymore." will suffice if she's very young. Kids should ALWAYS get answers to their questions, but never more information than they're capable of dealing with.

My two kids were five and four when I miscarried. They already knew I was pregnant, so they were told right away what had happened. They took the news very well. I had another child afterward. Recently my husband had a vastectomy. Just before, by coincidence, my two older kids were questioning me as to the possibility of another baby, so it was a natural time to talk about the issue. The handled the information very well. I have found that they do much better with sensitive subjects than I would have expected.

I lost a baby before I had any children. I have a ribbon with the miscarriage date on it in memory of the baby. My children have seen it and I just let them know that they have a brother or sister in heaven waiting to meet them when they get there. They are 8,6 & 4,now, but were a little younger when we first talked about it. I just like to be honest with them and explain things in a way that they are capable of understanding. Being that there was no attachment issue, because they didn't actually know the baby...it might be easier for them than you know. As far as your tubes being tied, you can just tell your daughter if God wants to give us another baby we will graciously accept it. It is not 100% you know, my cousin is pregnant with her 4th child after her tubes were tied 3-4 years ago.
You know your kids better than us, just tell them what you feel is right for your family!

Best wishes,
C.

Why would you need to tell them? If you have three wonderful kids and a loving husband, is it really important? I grew up an only child and I asked for a sibling almost weekly but I feel that was normal. I am a grandmother now and I did not suffer by the question or being the only child. Don't feel guilty because of the question. She has siblings and even if you had another child it might not be a girl. Live life and be happy and don't put too much emphasis on what might have been.

Answere chidlrens questions honestly and in terms they can understand. The very next time your daughter mentions this, take the time to talk to her privately. Share with her your feelings and tell her the story of how you came to choose not to have anymore children. This will be a profound expereience for you and your daughter. Don't be affaired to share your emotions with her. It will be okay. It will be better then okay, it will be a great lesson for your daughter. With love and respect from one mom to another.

The way you feel about this issue will affect the way you tell your child, and the way she will feel about it too. If you feel guilty about getting your tubes tied, or regret your decision, she'll pick up on that. Let me give you a boost here--you made the decision you thought was right at the time, so it does little or no good to second-guess yourself now. You don't say how old your daughter is, but you can give an age-appropriate answer, even if it's just saying (in a positive tone!--don't act guiltily), "Mommy and Daddy aren't going to have any more children"; or as someone else already said, "If God gives us another child..." If you regret your decision, you can look into a reversal or adoption.

I think it's fairly normal for a child to want a sibling. I'm the youngest of 4, and I sometimes wondered if my mom would have more children. Sometimes I wanted a little brother or sister, but most of the time I was happy to be the baby of the family. I learned much later that my mom had had her tubes tied right after I was born, and that made me a little sad (but a little glad) that I wasn't going to have a little brother or sister.

Your daughter may not need to know now that you had a miscarriage 3 years ago. When she gets older, she might be able to understand better. In a way, it doesn't change her world right now that you had a miscarriage back then. I'd just suggest you ask yourself why you want to tell her. If it will help her with something, or if you feel like you're hiding something from her and it's affecting your relationship, then you may need to tell her. If you just feel guilty about not being able to give her a little sister, then it may relieve your feelings, but not help her at all.