Sensitive Baby Question

You could find local photographers in her area and get her a gift certificate. Also, you could get their son something that says "big brother". She might just need a friend to talk to so you could send her a prepaid phone card so that she can call you when she needs to. Good luck, and I think she is lucky to have a friend like you that cares about her so much!

I would see if you can have a family bracelet made for her. You can look on Etsy.com - very talented ladies. Ask them to hang the birthstones for her, her husband and ALL THREE children. That way, it is a quiet but loving reminder that, at one time, she was a mom of 3.

My thoughts and prayers are with your friend.

I would plant a tree in their yard as a memorial for the one twin and a celebration of life for the surviving twin. The family can watch the tree grow as they watch their daughter grow. You can even order personalized plaques for the base of the tree, although I'd go with a gift certificate on that one and let the family decide the wording they want on it. My heart goes out to the family!
http://www.bighugllc.com/shop/garden-memorials-memorial-t...

Wow, I'm sorry for your friend. This will be such a happy and sad event, both. What if you sent, ahead of time, two special baby blankets? If the one twin may live for a few hours, they could hold her in hers for that time and then keep it for the memory. Even if the baby is stillborn, I believe the parents would have the option of holding her. This may be too personal...

I like the other suggestions you've gotten, too.

I know a mom that lost one baby and felt very hurt when she was given gifts for the one healthy baby and no one dared to mention the second baby. She wanted her lost baby to be acknowledged, and when people were too afraid to say anything about it she just felt worse. She said her aunt always made blankets for all the babies and had been working on two and at the baby shower she had two boxes. She thought that one would be a blanket for the deceased baby (that she could save and hold onto), but she was so sad when she opened them and one blanket and then an outfit appeared out of the second box. She said she wished that people wouldn't have been afraid to memorialize the other baby, so I think you are on the right track! You are a very thoughtful friend. Best wishes.

How about send mom a photo locket? She can choose to put whatever pictures she chooses in the locket, and will be something she can cherish for years to come.

I have no personal experience on this issue, I am so sad reading your post. But as I think about it, I would appreciate a homemade baby blanket for each baby. I would keep the blanket forever as a memory. But it is so hard to know how differently a person will react.
It is such a hard call, but if this is your best friend you will most likely choose the right gift.

This is really a tough one because not everyone thinks or feels the same about these situations. I carried a baby to term and lost her after a few hours and any of the suggestions so far would have been fine with me. I am an extremely open person and wanted everyone to know about my little girl, but not everyone handles it the same way. The baby blankets are a nice idea. The hospital will allow them to spend as much time as they like with the baby and I kept the blanket they provided, but actually having a special blanket for the baby would have been really appreciated. I think it will be really important for her later to have special items specific to this baby to discuss with her other children. A bunch of our friends bought us an apple tree to put in our backyard and that was also very special. We planted many of the flowers and plants that we got from the funeral with it and made a little garden. My 5 and 2 year old already know who their big sister was and these items are really important to make them understand that there is another member of the family. I hope your friend is open and can discuss this with her friends and family. It will be hard for her to really grieve when she has a baby to take care of. It may take several months for her to really comprehend what she just went through.

So sorry to hear that... Gift cards are always nice... maybe a spa? What a horrible thing to have to go through! You friend is in my prayers!

Rather than send something for the baby(babies), why don't you send Mom a gift? Something just for her, maybe something personal that encompasses her being a mother and a best friend. Another idea is to send a "family gift." Season family pass to a local museum or zoo or even to their local park. That way, you aren't hurting feelings and I think if it were me, my feelings would be hurt either way - if I got something just for baby #1 and not baby #2, I would be so hurt, yet if I got something for both babies and baby 2 had died, I would be equally hurt.

Good luck - this is a tough one.

How about just a care package with bath products, diapers, pacis, teething rings, rattles, towels, etc? That way, she can use those things for one or two babies! Make sure there are doubles of the towels, pacis, etc. All will get used either way. Maybe a photo album? She can put pics of one or two in that as well. That is hard. I'm sure your friend will be thankful just knowing she has such a wonderful friend that cares so much about her and it doesn't matter WHAT you send. Put a heartfelt card with the gift and you are golden...

wow . . this really hits home for me. I was pregnant with twins 3 years ago and my son, too, had anencephaly. It was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my LIFE! Unfortunately, my son died in the womb @ 4.5 months so it was a double edge sword. . . At any rate, my SIL got me a necklace with two baby rings on it (one for my son, one for my daughter) and I absolutely love it. I say a quilt with both babies names/birthdate, anything acknowledging both children or anything like that. The thing that hurts me most to this day is that HARDLY anyone talks about my son, it as if he didnt exist (and I know I didnt deliver him but I have tons of pics of him). She will be grateful for you to acknowledge him in any form. My heart goes out to you and your bestie . . .

Someone else might have already suggested this, but what about a necklace with a charm for each of her children (including the child they will lose). If you know the names, this could be a really meaningful gift from you to her. Try www.thevintagepearl.com for ideas (no, I'm not affiliated - it's where I got the necklace for my daughter that I lost in 2007). That site is very afforable.
Most of all - be there for her when she needs to talk - that is the greatest gift anyone can give.

There is a organization called laymedowntosleep and they have volunteer photographers in many areas who go and take pictures of the babies that are not expected to make it. I believe everything is free. You might look up their website and search for a photographer in your friends area and send her the information and see if she is interested.

So sorry to hear about this and I know it's a very hard time for all involved. My niece just had a similar situation over a year ago and is still dealing with the loss. It's very painful to look at a little twin and know the one gone would look so much like him/her. To make it worse her cousin delivered healthy twins two weeks earlier. It is a very hard loss I'm sure. She did have a burial for the baby that died and so if allowed in the cemetery and if your friend does a burial, maybe a plant or tree for the cemetery would be nice. I do know that whatever you do be sure to mention the other baby as it's more painful to pretend he/she never existed. Another niece lost a baby at 8 days old and we paid for the hospital pictures and she treasures them and several in the family sent nice plants she could keep. You know things your friend likes so something she would like as a keepsake to remember, because she will remember.

A guy I went to high school with recently had a baby that they knew wouldn't live very long. They appeared to have hired a photographer to be there and get every picture possible of the baby's life with every family member they could (they were all at the hospital). They were beautiful and heart-wrenching but something that they will keep forever.

I don't know how much you want to spend, but hiring a photographer for her would give her a gift that she could keep forever. Having pictures of those few precious moments with both babies would be amazing. You might be able to find some of her other friends to share the cost with.

that is tough, You could buy 2 similar outfits or whatever gift you choose and just not get the same color, that way they aren't exact and the surviving baby can use them, or send money as they will probably have funeral expenses to deal with.

Maybe my comment can be a light of hope. I had a friend who had a little boy who was born with half of his brain. The doctors told her that he would never walk, talk, feed himself, learn to take care of himself--IF he even survived.

Well, doctors don't know everything. He survived. He walked (with a slight limp), he rode a bike, he went to school, he could take care of himself. He was a walking talking miracle. He was mainstreamed into regular school and everything. So tell your friend not to give up hope. Every baby is different, and every situation is different. And hopefully, her little one will be one that has a great life ahead of her.

If the baby doesn't survive, I definitely think she should be acknowledged. I like the idea of the jewelry or blanket and the stuffed animal---both are something she can treasure and have as a visual reminder of her little one.

Maybe you could also attach a card with a personal note, or maybe an original little poem, would also be a wonderful touch. Gifts from the heart are always appreciated and treasured.

UGH! Your bestie has my prayers! I agree with Starr, send mommie a gift. She will appreciate it greatly. I also think that if you send a gift for each baby, that hurts her feelings (unintentionally) and if you send only 1 gift for the surviving baby, that hurts too. Once they are home from the hospital, after about a month, send a family gift. They will appreciate the pick me up.

It is so sweet of you to want to comfort your friend and yet celebrate her new little one. Of course it's easy to send something for the surviving twin, but the one who doesn't make it shouldn't be forgotten. I have a little non-profit where I make pillows and send them as a gift along with a small book I wrote to comfort moms who have suffered the loss of a baby. I would be honored if you would choose this as your way of loving your friend.
Thank you,
M. Day
Heaven Born Founder
Comforting Moms, Honoring Babies
www.heavenborn.com

Instead of sending her something for the babies maybe you could make a donation to a charity in the names of both babies, perhaps something that deals with the issues the one twin is having. That way you're acknowledging both babies but not making any waves. I think it would be hurtful to just send one gift.

This is a really awful situation for everyone and I think that the best "gift" you can give is simply your friendship and support!! You have plenty of time to sort of feel her out and see how she wants you to handle things. Does she want you to talk to her about the twin who probably won't survive, or is it too painful for her....I know that when my parents passed away I LOVED talking about them, reminiscing about the good times we had together, of course there will not be "good times" to remember with this baby, but she still might need to have a close friend to be able to share her thoughts and feelings with.
I love the idea of matching blankets, and if you could get them to her before the babies are born, then she could use that blanket to wrap the baby in,since the hospital will allow her and her husband all the time they want or need with that precious little one. I also love the idea of the fruit tree to be planted as a memorial for the one twin and a celebration of the surviving twin!!
I think it is going to be even more important that you maintain contact with your friend, after the birth of her babies, and after she has had time to accept the reality of what has happened with her babies. She is going to need someone who she can vent to, someone that she knows and trusts and can just be herself with. It sounds to me like you are that sort of person.

I just want to say my heart breaks for your friend but she is lucky to be blessed with a wonderful friend like you. I wish all the best to her and the sweet babies.

What about matching baby bibles? They make very nice once, white, covered in lace, etc... you could put each of the girls names in them (if you know them), and even though one of their daughters won't be with them in life (probably), they would have her bible close to them for always. I'm not very religious, but that might help ease their pain if THEY'RE religious. Also, and I'm hoping this is the case, I hope this child surprises everyone and survives... stranger things have happened :) Best wishes to you and your friend :)

My friend just lost her 2 day old twin boy last week. The little girl is still in critical care. I have 5 month old twins and a 2 year old so my heart aches hearing stories like this. I just got goose bumps after reading this. I felt the same way you are, I didn't want to do anything that crossed the line but I also didn't want to bother them during their mourning and stress with the other baby. I love the idea the lady posted about the pillow.

You have so many great suggestions! I have not had twins but we found out at 28 weeks that our only baby girl would not live. She was born at 36 weeks & lived for 1 hr. & 16 min without breathing. She had amniotic band syndrome. I also had a little boy who was 2 1/2 y/o when she was born. That was 6 years ago.
I like the thought of a family gift, the blankets & the photographer (so many great ideas)! I would have loved to have had a photographer take extra special photos of my daughter & our family! Check online for infant loss photographers in her area. There are people who do loss photos in the hospital for free. You can also call the hospital they plan on using to find out what momentos they get for parents (hair clippings, hand & feet castings, ect) & ask if they have a photographer who comes to do photos of babies that don't survive.
Gift cards to their favorite resteraunts would be nice too!
Some of the things that I cherish are: a hat, outfit & blanket that my daughter wore; all the photos; her hand & feet castings, impressions & prints; a Precious Moments figurine called 'Our loss is Heavens gain' (timmy the angel holding a baby); my daughter's birth size doll (I make them(remembermepreemie.com); & my favorite necklaces are: one is a cross made for creamated remains that holds my daughter's hair clippings & the other is a large oval with a photo on each side (one is when my daughter was alive & the other is after she died). I love wearing my daughter's photo.
Sorry that this is so long. I just wanted to let you know what has been special to me as a mother who has lost a baby girl.

God bless!

Maybe you should find a local resturant or a spa and get a gift card for them. It sounds like they will need it later.

Your friends will need support for many months to come. There are various resources out there, and perhaps the best thing you can do to help in offering support is providing a list of contact information for such resources, so she and her husband do not have to do the research on their own. I highly recommend the M.I.S.S. Foundation as it offers support not just to moms, but also to dads and siblings, and grandparents, too! Their website is www.missfoundation.org. They are an international organization and chances are their is a local group in your friend's area. I love the idea that another person posted about providing a necklace with a charm/birthstone for each child and maybe something engraved with each child's name on it, so all children are part of the loving gift. That along with support resources will be such a kind gesture and show of support to your friend's family. Do a google search online for other support organizations in your friend's area and type up a list to print out for them.

Oh wow. That is so very, very sad. Yet happy at the same time.
What about sending an over-the-top fruit basket with fruit, candy, cookies, other goodies etc. to the whole family? You could always also send two cute stuffed animals as well. Sorry you guys are going through this with your friend. You're sweet for being so sensitive and supportive.