Shop Assistant Refused to Help in Moment of Complete Panic. Should I Complain?

Yes, she was rude. BUT, when I worked in retail, I was told by my manager that I was NOT ALLOWED to watch children for customers.

I have many years of retail experience. The answer is no. My job is to help the customers in my department find what they are looking for, complete sales, and keep things neat. My job is not to watch a customer's children.

I don't think you should complain. It would have been nice if she helped, but I've heard that people in retail frequently get stuck with people's kids unattended. There are some deadbeats out there that will leave their kids unattended.
We were at the library once and this couple left their kid (4?) at the computer. The kid came over to us because I was reading to my dd and he wanted to listen. About 45 minutes went by and it was time for us to go. The parents still had not come back. I took the kid up to the librarian and she had to walk around this very large library to find the parents.
A few of those incidences and I can see why people don't jump in and help.

No I don't think that you should complain. I completely understand how panicked you were. However, it really is not the store's responsibility to watch little children. I think that she was probably rude in the way she responded to you, but it was really inappropriate for you to expect a store employee to watch your children. I would chalk it up to a bad experience.

So the bathroom was only only 8 meters away and you could see it? Then why were you panicked? The kid pees and then he comes back out, and you watch the door until he does, or you leave your kids and just crack the door open to holler in without taking your eyes off your girls. This really seems to be you overreacting and I don't think the young woman did anything wrong.

I think she was unnecessarily rude and I think you unnecessarily freaked out. If the bathroom was "8 meters away, if that," then there was no real emergency. In the 10 seconds it would have taken you to grab your girls' hands and go over to the bathroom, I'm sure he would have been safe from pedophiles. You probably wasted more time trying to get the employee to watch your kids, which I feel she was perfectly justified in refusing, but could have been a little more tactful. Who knows how many others have asked her the same thing or if they had recently been told by management not to do such a thing.

You weren't wrong, and this is why I shop at trader joes. Wanna know why? It is their job to help, and if that means watching a kid, then that's what they will do.

I love that the people that work there spend 5 minutes chatting with their customers. I love that they show me baby pictures and no one complains that they aren't working.

If I ever need a job, I'm working at TJs. Everyone is happy and friendly. Why? Because they care about other people. It's so refreshing.

Who cares if it's in your damn job description.

While the employee could have been more tactful with her response to you, I feel you were in the wrong for asking for help. Since your friend was not in sight, you should have taken your twins and ran after your friend's son. I assume you had your double stroller with you? You could have put your girls in their stroller and strolled after your friend's kid.

Also, your friend was wrong in leaving her other son with you. She should have taken him with her while she went to chase after her other one.

I realize it was stressful, and I'm sorry for that, but now you and your friend will know how to handle the situation better next time.

I don't understand the panic.....you could have simply taken your kids to the bathroom too. You were right there according to what you said. What if that employee had been a pedophile? What if they had a record of doing things to kids and are working in a grocery store so they aren't around kids very much, at least unsupervised kids.

So, if it had been me I'd have pushed the grocery cart to the bathroom door, opened it a bit if he went into the men's room and listened for him to make a peep that might indicate he was in distress.

For goodness sake! Calm down! There was no emergency and the employee did the right thing. What if your kid had fallen out of the cart or ran off while they were watching them. YOU are the only one that should be watching your kids.

While she probably was acting exactly as she was trained to do, to help the store avoid legal liability, she "went the extra mile" toward jerkiness by smirking and seeming to take pleasure in your panic.

I would not report her. Hindsight is always perfect, but in retrospect you could have said, "Please call store security immediately and tell them there is an unattended child of three heading for the bathroom alone and he is NOT my child." I would hope that the words "call security" would make any employee do exactly that, if only to get out of potential liability if they neglect a direct request for security.

Well she didn't handle it well, but even if she was sweet about it, I doubt she would have felt comfortable "watching" a stranger's children, you know? She could have gotten into serious trouble with her boss or something. Yes it's sad, but true. God knows if one of your girls was hurt or ran off or something in those few minutes you were gone she would have been screwed because she would be taking the blame.
I would have just scooped up my girls and went after the boy on my own, but that's me. I've left strollers, diaper bags and even purses behind sometimes in the sudden pursuit of wayward children and it's never been a problem.

You shouldn't complain, she should have worded it differently but it is probably her companies policy. I am a executive for a retailer and we tell our associates that they are not allowed to watch people's children. It is because we are not licensed or insured to watch children and if she had yes then she would be excepting responsibility for your children on behalf of the company. If something had happened to one of your children and you decided sue they could be held liable. Trust me it has happened before, so if you want to complain about someone it should be to all the lawsuit happy lawyers who make it hard to just be nice someone.

To whom would you complain, and what would be your complaint?

Her supervisor at the café? That she refused to watch your children for you while you took another child to the restroom? Complaints to her place of work should be about the way in which she did her job... which this was clearly not.

She's right (no matter how harsh her words felt). That is not her job. If she HAD stopped what she was doing to look after your children, THEN she would not have been doing her job and someone might have a legitimate complaint... you however do not. And what if she HAD agreed to watch your children? What level of responsibility were you expecting her to take on? If one your YOUR children had gone running off into the store, should she then leave the café to track her down? If a stranger walks over, picks the girls up and tries to walk off, should she fight him off? If your daughter comes behind the counter and burns her hand, is that this woman's fault? If you didn't need her to be responsible for them, why did you need her to watch them at all?

If you want to complain that she wasn't kind to you in your time of need, then shout it to the heavens, but leave her professional life out of it.

T.

I would complain only if she said it with attitude (which is what it sounds like). But honestly, we live in a very litigious society, and I would not want to be put in the position of watching a stranger's kids - sounds like a perfect scenario for putting yourself at risk of being blamed for something. Let's say the customer goes home and discovers a bruise on the daughter's arm that wasn't there before. Next thing you know, the associate's finding herself being blamed for grabbing her arm. I know you wouldn't do that, but still, I wouldn't want to be the associate who doesn't know you from Adam and is being asked to watch your child. She didn't have to be snotty, but you don't know what kind of day she was having, and personally, I'd let it go.

I wouldn't be angry.
I wouldn't have asked her to watch my kids in the first place.
You might know her face but she's a stranger and you really don't know anything about her.
For all you know she's a sex offender and she's prohibited by law to have anything to do with anyone's kids.
On the job she has responsibilities and her duties do not include child care.
Watching your kids could have gotten her fired.

Perhaps a more child oriented atmosphere for your outings would be more appropriate for the next few years- like Chuck E Cheese or a Mommies Day Out or hire a sitter for all 4 kids so you and your friend can have coffee and chitchat in relative calm and peace without being double-timed by the kids - they've got the adults outnumbered.

The employee, while not being very tactful, was right to NOT watch your kids...

What if something had happened to one of your girls while you were chasing your friend's son? Theoretically, the store could have been liable for any injury or harm that befell your child if the employee was watching your kids.

Wow-I'm surprised that all your responses said no. I also worked in retail for many years. If a person approached me and said their kid took off-or was ,issuing we called a code ADAM. Every employee was supposed to drop what they were doing and loom for the child.
Yes, I would complain. Perhaps not about that particular employee-but the fact that the employees are not concerned about children in danger.
Who knows how it would have played out if your friend wasn't already there? The employee should have at least offered to check on the well being of the child.

I wouldn't. Honestly, I'd count my blessings, because it doesn't sound like the young lady was qualified to deal with a pair of 2 year old twins. Especially not on split second notice, with no idea about how long it would be, and what about liability issues? What if your kids started screaming b/c you ran off to the restroom and left them alone/with a stranger?

It was an awkward situation, that ended up turning out ok. Learn from it and move on. Call to complain that a store employee (who has other responsibilities as well, which you likely don't know the extent of, maybe she was under a deadline for something else and needed to get to it), didn't babysit for an undisclosed amount of time just seems... well... I'm not sure what word to put on it. Wrong.

Sure, she could have fumbled around and tried to find more flattering words to say "no", but she didn't. She tried to give you a professional sounding answer, when really she was probably taken aback by the request.

Honestly, you panicked and now blame her for it. You said yourself the restroom was "about 8 meters away, if that!"... so was it really an emergency that you are making it out to be? Turned out that it wasn't.
And if this young supervisor is young enough and childless, she has NO idea what was going through your mind, so don't expect that she had a clue that you were thinking the worst of the worst (Pedophile!)... She probably wouldn't even think the 3 yr old might need help in the bathroom.

Don't keep reliving it... just plan in advance for these things next time, and move on.

Yes, you should go talk to the manager of the store.

The reason you should is that the manager needs to have a sit-down with his staff about customer service. Saying to a customer "This isn't in my job description" is a big no-no. Treating customers badly is a big no-no. You would be doing this young woman a big favor by helping her understand what her job REALLY is (customer SERVICE) so that she doesn't get fired later for attitude that is inappropriate.

I talked to the manager of the pharmacy I used a couple of years ago. I was waiting for my medicine when I watched a scene between a woman and the gal behind the counter regarding medication. The woman was extremely professional with the gal, giving her all the information she needed in discussing the problem with the insurance company. The gal was just awful to her. I couldn't believe my ears, honestly. At one point, I told her very quietly how sorry I was that she was being talked to that way, and she said to me "You know, this is really expensive monthly medicine for diabetes. After this is resolved, I will go to a different drug store. I don't have to give this drugstore chain my business." I don't blame her. After she left, THAT's when I talked to the manager. I liked him a lot because he was always wonderful to me. I told him the same thing I told you about helping this gal learn how to treat customers so that she wouldn't one day lose her job. AND it affected the manager because he loses business to another company. He really thanked me A LOT.

And to answer your question about if you shouldn't have asked the question... it is just FINE that you asked the question. If that manager treats you poorly for this, then you should write the district manager a letter. Grocery stores have SO LITTLE MARGIN for profit that they cannot afford to have employees, including managers, treat customers poorly.

It is not her job and I wouldn't do it either. No one wants the responsibility of someone's kids and that was what you were asking her.

Complain all you want but you will be told the same thing, employees cannot be responsible for your kids, legally, that would be a nightmare.

It isn't an issue of going the extra mile, it is an issue of law and liability.

I mean think about it from her point of view, your friend's boys were being brats, there is a chance your girls are brats as well. One ran one way, the other ran the other way and you want her to watch two kids that could also run in two different directions! I wouldn't have touched that with a ten foot pole either and I don't think she was rude at all. I get you were panicked but you asked way too much. Pretty sure she was panicking as well not wanting to be responsible for out of control children.

If they had ran off on her and one of those pedophiles you imagined were around grabbed one of them do you really think you wouldn't have held her responsible?

Did you personally know this young supervisor? If not, then why would you trust her with your kid versus any other stranger in the store? Just because she works there?
I would have grabbed my own kids and followed the errant child to the restroom, where I would have also let his mom know that he needed to be reminded of the dangers of running off in public.

Not the e,ploy eyes responsibility to watch your kids. She has a job to do of her own. Do not complain.

You should not complain.
You asked and you got your answer.
The answer was no.

She could have said it better, but probably was not appreciative of being asked and putting her in a bad spot.

I worked retail for over 30 years and if any way possible I know I would have helped, but it is difficult sometimes to be helpful to customers when we are doing a specific job and there are rules we are t follow. Some of them safety rules.

So I am sorry this was such a stressful situation. Being a parent is full of unexpected moments. Some we are easily able to handle and others just out of our hands. We problem solve the best we can.

That's a tough one, it shouldn't be but it is, by agreeing she would have been responsible for your kids kwim, and possibly the supermarket would have had some liability because she was the employee.

An I'm sorry ma'am, I'm not allowed or I really shouldn't, I'm so sorry, would have been a more appropriate answer for her to give you.

It almost sounds like people let their kids run amuck expecting the staff to put up with it and this worker had been conditioned to think you were taking advantage not really in dire emergency mode, ( been there though and I would have panicked too!)

in this situation I think I would have looked for another mom to help.

personally I would just let this go, not a biggie.

I really liked Doris Day's response. I think the distinction needs to be drawn that the person you asked to help you was a supervisor, right? She should know how to answer pretty much any and all questions in a professional and courteous manner.

Even if what you were asking for was unreasonable (and most moms on here believe that is was), she didn't have to give you attitude about it. Not only did it serve to alienate you and your friend, but any customers who saw the way you were treated may have been put off too.

I don't think you would be totally out of line to complain to the store manager. Moms with young children are a large part a grocery stores customer base. People who hate babies should not work at Babies R Us. People who have disdain for moms and their children probably don't need to work in grocery stores. I am partial to stores that have employees who are friendly to my children.

Great advice already....

But I want to relay an incident on the flip side....I was at a movie theatre one night in SoCalif with my kids, walking from the bathroom back to our seats, when this lady, whom I had seen one time before at our kid's PreK, recognized me, came up to me, and said she needed to find her husband real quick in the theatre and could I please hold her daughter (1 yo) for just a few moments as there was a family emergency....blah, blah, blah....
So naturally, I obliged, and I stood there for 20 minutes....yes 20 minutes, before she came back out of the stupid theatre. I asked her what happened, and she said, it's all ok now, took her baby and went back inside. I felt so used.

So, there are some odd parents out there....and I ditto the common sense here about the store employee doesn't know you, you don't know her, she could have reasons that she's not supposed to watch your kids, she could even be contagious, etc.

Get this, the following week the same mom approached me at PreK and asked if I had an extra car seat she could borrow for out of town guests. Given my prior experience with her and her middle eastern culture, I asked exactly how long she was expecting to borrow the car seat? One weekend? One week? No.....2 years. I could barely contain my laughter.

I would not be complaining about her to management. True, it sucks that she couldn't help you but she was doing her job and what if management saw her watching your kiddos instead of doing the job she is paid to do? She could have lost her job. Maybe the so called smirk was out of shock that a stranger would ask her to watch her children.

It is a big deal to watch someone else's children because that makes HER responsible for your kids. The tables would be turned if something happened to your children while in her care for that short amount of time.... then the store, her and all the pedophiles in the store would be sued.

Your friend is the one in the wrong by not saying where she was taking the tantrum kiddo.

You do know that it is unlikely that the store was full of pedophiles? Maybe you need to frequent a place where you feel safer with your children.

She was working. You were asking her to leave her job to assist you. No she was not wrong. I am sympathetic to your situation; however, it is not her job to take a kid to the bathroom because someone else was having a tantrum. Next time, you will need to grab your two and go after the third kid. Kiddos are quick!!

I think it was more the way she said it then anything else. I totally understand why she said she couldn't help. Her attitude may has been frustrating.
it seems much safer to take the time to gather your kids up and follow the boy, especially if you knew he was heading to the bathroom.

I figure it is company policy, but even if it it isn't, maybe you are a more trusting person than this employee? Personally, I wouldn't have left my 2 year old with a stranger. And I wouldn't have watched a stranger's 2 year old while they ran out out of a store after another child. It is unfortunate that we don't all live in a community where we can help each other out that way. Still, I'd rather be safe than sorry when it comes to young kids. I have picked up and carried two kids (mine and a friend's) to run after another (my neighbor's) before. Adrenaline gave me the strength to do it.

I wouldn't have watched your kids either. You're a grown woman who knew that there might be a time when you had to watch all four. It's nobodies fault, other than yours, that you are unprepared to watch that many kids at once and still decided to take them out.

I know you have already received many answers on this.I do agree the lady could have been nicer. I would imagine though that just as you were caught off guard by your friends child running off- and not to be mean, but I do think that your reaction may have been a little over the top, he ran into a restroom, not the road- the cafe worker was also caught off guard by your request and responded hastily and in a less than desirable manner. I know it is hard with multiple kids, but I do think you could gather up your purse and kiddos and tell her quickly- "hey, we are running to the restroom, please do not clear our table!" and then head over to the restroom- you could knock if it was the men's room. If the restroom was only 8 meters away and was within your line of sight, I think that would be a reasonable thing to do as you could be over there, with your stuff and your kids, within 60 seconds, and how much trouble can happen in a restroom in that amount of time? Anyway, hindsight is always 20/20 but I also think about how many misbehaved kids I see in stores and have heard so many stories from my friends that work retail, where customers expect that the workers should be entertaining and disciplining and watching their children and I can totally understand how this worker could snap at that request because it just is not feasible and it is not her responsibility.

Complain to management? Nah.
While I understand your frustration, panic and disappointment, you asked, she declined and it's not her job, really.
That said, AS A MOM I couldn't imagine NOT helping you out, but my guess is that this is a young single with no perspective to relate to your situation.

So...she was rude, but she didn't do anything wrong. *I* would always help people when asked if I was able to, but maybe she wasn't anymore comfortable watching your kids than you were leaving them unattended.

I think you and your friend should communicate better. I would never leave any of my kids with someone else unless we had discussed it, including my family and friends. If I have all 3 of my kids with me and 1 needs to use the restroom, I'll say "Hey, is it cool if I run her to the bathroom? Can you keep an eye on the boys?" If the answer is no, then cool...all 3 come.

So you can complain if it will make you feel better, but while she was rude, she didn't do anything wrong in terms of her JOB.

She wasn't in the wrong, granted it would have been nice if she helped.. but too, IF something had happened while she was over-seeing the kids, she too could have gotten into trouble.. the shop assistant was definitely in a bind.. again, that isn't to say help from her wouldn't have been nice,it would have been for sure..

Don't complain. I would not be angry in the slightest because I would never have made that sort of request in the first place. Panic, sure, in situations like that but thinking on my feet is something I do a lot of. :-)

The store associate was correct in her response. When I was a store associate and a store manager, I had requests like that often (please watch my child for a minute while I handle _____) that I had to refuse. There are a lot of liability issues. The store can't predict if/when the parents would be back and some associates are required to call security when things like that happen. I had to a couple times. It also keeps the store associates ability to do her job whether it's setting up displays, folding clothes, cleaning tables, ringing a register, helping other customers one on one and making sales.

A request like that one is just a time bomb. It goes beyond "going the extra mile" for a customer.

EDIT: You say she "smirked" but honestly, facial expressions are subjective.

What happened to "serving the customer"? She is working in a customer based atmosphere. So let's say if an elderly person was there eating alone and they began to choke, do you think the assistant would say "it is not my job to perform CPR on that man, so therefore, he may die". I mean, come on. You weren't asking her to change your kids diapers or to feed them, you were simply asking her to stand there for probably about 30 seconds or less while you retrieved the other child. I think this was rude on her part and not handled very well. JMO

I think sadly, lesson learned and yes, your friend should have told you. Had something happened to your children while the person 'looked after them' there could have been worse problems, your ability to file a lawsuit against her and the company.As a human, a kind one at that would have helped but nowdays that is often frought with backlash. Now you know.

It would have been helpful had she been willing, but I don't think she should have felt obligated to do so. You never know what is going on with other people. Not everybody has the make-up to tend to young children in the heat of the moment; she might have even had some internal panic when you asked. There might have been on her mind a recent similar situation that didn't end well. You just never know, so don't hold it against her that her "extra mile" for a customer did not include tending to your YOUNG children. Maybe her "not my job" response was a little harsh, but she's correct. Would you have felt better if she'd cited a liability issue?

Oh, to answer your question: I don't think that there's any room for you to complain about this.

Yes you should complain. Some people do not belong working with other people (service/retail) because they can't be counted on to be helpful or kind. What a shame.

Ultimately, this is a reflection on that employee.
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If I was the business owner, I'd find another supervisor to train. And I'd want to know how my customers were treated.

This is a tough one, I can definitely see why you'd be upset, I would have been too. She may have been technically correct in saying no, but could have handled it SO much better in terms of customer service and simply human kindness. She should have asked a question or two to further assess the situation. Or maybe said she would peek toward the bathroom to verify that no one else was around, etc. Basically, she could have at least been polite and sympathetic.

If it were me, I probably would not complain, but I would certainly give her the stink eye on future visits! :-)

I think the body language of the worker is the main issue. If she would have looked scared or nervous you may have felt different.

Also, your friend feeling bad was an important part of this story. I have a friend who always seems to leave her crazy kids with me and runs off, so I am stuck with 4 kids and she is MIA. I do not trust this friend any longer and pre-plan a before I meet up with her.

I wholeheartedly agree with Julie G!!! It is so sad, that I guess this is the world we live in now that we can't ask people to help us when we need it. Awful. I'd be upset too. I don't know if complaining would do any good, but it would make me feel better talking to a manager about what happened (not really complaining, just saying "this is what happened") I might even ask management what I should do in that situation, since staff members are not supposed to help.

I would just like to point out that women can be pedophiles too.

complain to the shop assistants manager and complain about the persons complete lack of social skills and refusal to help. then talk to the stores owner and complain about the shop assistant to them as well..little tots pick the most stressful or stress inducing times to sprint off..been there, done that..but the shop assistant should have at the very least offered to help, not given you a snotty, "its not my problem" comment. K. h.
when you talk to the to both the assistants boss and the shop owner, be certain to mention the assistants snotty attitude and her parting smirk,and let them know, that thanks to the internet, alot of people are going to be hearing about how they handle the problem of the shop assistants refusal to help..this should be all the "encouragement" management needs to fire the not so helpful assistant and her snotty attitude.