Hi
A little background - my parents divorced when I was 13, my mother at the time wanted custody of me and my sister, but didn't have a place to live, so my father had us - he got remarried within 6 months to a woman not much older than me, and they had 4 more kids in very quick succession.
my stepmother has always been cordial to me, but I always have had a suspicion that she wants me and my sister out of the way, so that we will be cut out of the will - don't ask me why I think that, call it women's intuition, and various things she has said and done over the years.
I live in the USA, they live in the UK, they always forget my kids birthdays - it hurts my feelings no end - I don't care if they miss mine so much - actually they (my father) called me on mine, a day late,, but at least he called. He is kind of absent minded, so I think relies on my stepmother to remind him of these things, but it's hard to forget mine, as it is the same day as his!
I really think he should take it upon himself to remember my kids birthdays, and at the extreme least call them, or send them a card - maybe, shock, horror, go to the post office and mail them a gift - he is a very rich man, so the money is not the issue here.
I have lived here for 4 years, and he has not once tried to visit - I have been back twice, and it is very hard for us to afford it.
I know he loves me - I just don't know how to handle him being so lazy about things like this - I know if it was "their" grandchildren, there would be gifts and parties and everything else, but because the grandchildren are not my stepmothers, she really doesn't give a poop.
Just get over it. Don't expect anything and if something comes, then good. My now ex-in laws were the same. And they lived 10 minutes away. AND I have their only grandkids!!! So some people are just......different. and we can leave it at that. Don't waste one second feeling bad, really its their loss. Good luck!!!
Your stepmom's issue with you may be jealousy because you are so close in age...that and knowing that he had children before they had theirs.
Why not make him a customized Grandpa calendar each year with all your birthdays on it (you should include your sisters and maybe even your half-siblings and their kids too)....maybe a note that says "something to help you remember all your important dates".
My Dad always forgets birthdays, his daughters, and all of his grandkids. Once my sister made him a calendar with everyone's birthdays on it and it helped him remember. My dad also lives out of state. Out of sight out of mind perhaps.
You can always call your dad on their birthday and say Hi Dad, its "your grandson's name" birthday today. Say happy birthday to him. '
You can choose to be angry and hurt about it, or have a heart to heart talk with your dad about how you feel.
D.
Honestly, I would feel sorry for HIM. HE forgot, HE should be embarrassed. There are times my dad would call me on my BROTHER'S birthday, or send money (which I thanked him for, laughed, and kept, because it was his mistake, LOL!) I wouldn't give it another thought, life's too short to get all worked up over other people's actions. You can get as mad or upset as you want, but that's not going to MAKE him remember or even if he does, do anything about it. I had to learn this the hard way, so I apologize for being so blunt, but sweetie, it's really REALLY not worth it. Your son never has to know about this, and if he ever asks, be honest. You've done nothing wrong, so you don't have to worry about him getting upset with you, you know? Let it slide, enjoy your kiddos birthday, and feel sorry for your father for missing out on the greatest joys in life... not only his own child (you!) but his grandbaby. He's the one left out of all the fun, and he can't blame anyone except himself. Sorry you're going through this, I truly hope you find peace with it :)
i think no
i forgot sometimes my mom birthday i remember like 7 days later
so we email everybody in the family when one birthday is coming like 1 week previous the birthday so we don't forgot the day!!
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No -I understand YOUR hurt, but as far as your dad remembering your kids' birthdays -my grandparents NEVER remembered or did anything for my birthday. My grandmother is still alive and still doesn't. My mother is dead now, and I make sure to remind my father about a month in advance to put my sons' birthdays on his calendar so he won't plan anything when it's time for their parties. He would remember the general time of year, but he would never remember the actual day unless it was a fluke! Give your dad a call in advance and remind him. My dad only lives an hour away and is very active in our lives, but the remembering of everything was my mom's "job," so he just doesn't. However, he's great as long as he's reminded! I would let any animosity toward the stepmother go -it's only going to wear you down. She's not going to change.
Hi, My dad never remember my kids birthdays , so what I would do because I loved my dad is call him the day of. Ask him to call and say happy birthday to whom ever birthday it was. He did and the kids loved when he did that. I know he would not remember on his own. If you know he is absent minded why are you mad. You can also send him a desk calender with the birthdays marked on it for him. Ask him to come to visit you and your family. Or ask him for plane tickets so you can come and visit him. Never mind getting into if were her grandchildren bla bla bla....that will get you no where quick! they are not her grandchildren. So help your dad out , dont rely on step mother to tell him. Do it yourself! Good luck with this!
yeah, i have the same problem, no great solution
So you are blaming your stepmother for your father being forgetful? That's not really fair to her since your father is an adult who should remember important dates on his own. If it's important to you then call or email him to let him know that you are hurt that he doesn't think of your children on their special days.
How about giving him a customized calendar for Christmas with monthly pictures of your family, and everyone's birthday noted on the appropriate date? My sister in law gave these out for Christmas for about 5 years in a row, and they were always my favorite present to receive. I loved seeing the pictures of my nieces and nephew.
If he still doesn't remember or call after that, then remembering those dates is just not a priority for him.
I do not think you have to ask - if you are angry/mad, then you are. I know this would hurt my feelings and make me sad more than mad. And I would pick up the phone and remind him that his grandson's birthday has passed in case he forgot. I would be open and honest. It may be as simple as the wife offered to do birthday gifts and things and she either forgot or she doesn't think it's as important as 'their kids'. I would also explain to him (either on the phone, in an email or letter) that it has hurt your feelings that he has not come to visit you once in four years. That is a long time!
My dad forgot my daughters birthdays. It was their first ones and the only twins in the family. I even made sure they got a party invite even though they live 9 hours away.
I also suspect my SM of underhandedness. I think she got the invite and didn't tell Dad. This year I emailed that I was sending an invite and gave all the info just 'in case' he missed it 'somehow'. They drove the 9 hours to the party, took us ALL out to eat that night including my Mom (dads ex!) and just me DH for dinner the next night. (mom watched the girls as she lives 4 hours away and wanted to spend time with them)
Anyway, maybe you can send an invitation. Even though you know he probably wont be able to make it, it would serve as a reminder without being 'snippy'. He could surprise you and show up too!
Oh, mine didn't just show up and take us to dinner twice. He brought 40 pieces of fried chicken to the party and the SM brought two sundresses, two forth of July outfits and two 'high end' dresses from some boutique near their house!
Just a thought... have a real conversation with him. Tell him how much it hurts you and then ask him how you can help him remember. Seriously, you could agree to an email reminder to call the next day?
My parents live across the country and they send us $$$ to buy gifts because of the cost of shipping. They send small things all the time, but leave the "big stuff" to us. I would make that suggestion to your father.
Yes, it makes it a little less personal to you, but not to your kids. Find a way of reminding him to call and communicate with your children. This is a long-engrained behavior and isn't going to chance quickly.
You could also suggest that in lieu of "little gifts" throughout the year, they schedule an annual visit and just call it "even".
If my husbnad had to rely on his own memory to remember his own children's birthdays he's be in the dog house forever.
So we tell him alot. My daughter has announced everyday this month that it is Jessica month. And she reminds him every day that THURSDAY is the day. He actually called last week and said it's Thursday, I laughed so hard and said it's next Thursday. He is that out of it at times.
Tell him on the day before and then call him and say Dad it's Jenny's birthday would you like to say Happy Birthday? Then go get Jenny and say Grandpa called from England.
And my dad can't remember whose birthday is when at all.
Cut him some slack and be the woman we all have to be, manipulative, cunning and smart!
Are birthdays important in your family? To some people, like myself, it's no big deal. To others, it's a big deal, and they wish to celebrate.
My point is, it may just not be important to your father. In addition, although he loves and cares about you, it doesn't sound like you have a close relationship. Don't let it bother you.
