My x and I have one thing in common, our 17 year old son. I just learned that he recently go divorced for the 3rd time. I was his first wife of 7 years of marriage. His second marriage only lasted 3 weeks. His last marriage made it almost 11 years. I feel bad for him. I never see or talk him anymore, we have had absolutely no contact in the last 11 1/2 years. Being the kind of person I am, I feel like sending him a card of some sort. What would you do? I don't think it would be emotionally cheating on my now husband, it's just a card after all and I have absolutely no feelings for my x and never will again. Just feeling bad for him.
Edit: forgot to mention, the reason for no contact in 11. 1/2 yrs is cuz we would meet at a half way point (65 miles apart), our son would het out of one car and directly into the other.
Ok thanks for all your replies. I hadn't thought of the possibility that he may interpret it the wrong way. That would be the furthest thing from my mind.
Why? What's to gain? Maybe if you were still in touch you could mention something. I'm wondering how you managed to parent a child together with zero contact. Must have been tough.
if you do, dont hide it from your husband, otherwise it could seem like you're hiding something.
Also, buy Hallmark, it keeps my husband in business. :-)
I would forget it...why stir up the dust of the past? If you have not been in touch with him since your son was 6 years old, he must not be much of a Dad....so why would you want to send him a card? I have no idea of an "I'm sorry that you are divorced" card so I would think you would end up having to write something in the card...which he could either interpret as sarcasm on your part of a desire to pick up where things left off all those years ago.
I would also think that your present husband would not be in favor of the idea. If you do send him a card or a note be sure you run it by your husband first...don't do anything behind his back!!
I would "let sleeping dogs lie" You've had no contact for almost 12 years, and it seems like it's went fine that way. What if he misinterperets it as an attempt to reconnect? Why invite drama into your life?
I say let it go, you've had no contact, let it stay at that. best of luck!
Will you tell your husband that you're doing it or is he going to be upset by it? If he would be, I wouldn't do it. Regardless of what your feelings are or aren't toward your ex, you owe it to your current husband to respect his wishes.
I get it, no matter how many years that go by, I still have "something" in my heart for my ex-husband. Maybe it is because our ending was mutual and amicable...maybe because he was my "first"...who knows.
Wondering how you've had no contact since you have a child together...but 11 years is a long time and there is no reason to travel to the past. Don't open a can that you know has worms inside.
Hi C1,
My answer doesn't change with your edit:
You said it: you've had no contact in 11 1/2 years.
What's the point?
t
I have to say no card. Even though the sentiment is really nice, it would probably be a bit awkward to get a card out of the blue, especially since you haven't spoken in over 11 years. You may feel bad for him, but obviously he's doing something wrong if he hasn't been able to make 3 marriages work (I know it takes 2).
If you have not had contact in 11 1/2 years, does that mean he has not had a relationship with your son also? Not sure why you feel the need to send a card when you do not have a close relationship to begin with..maybe there is more to the story, but if your ex has not been involved in your son's life.....the last thing on my mind would to send him a card because is going through another divorce.... Even if you did have a close relationship.........still wouldnt send a card
I wouldn't. It's nice that you feel bad, but since you don't even speak........Maybe let your son know that you feel bad, and hope his father is doing well. He can relay the "message" Otherwise, I'd leave it alone :)
Why? What are you searching for, what are you lacking?
"I don't think it would be emotionally cheating on my now husband, it's just a card after all and I have absolutely no feelings for my x and never will again."
Since there really is no good reason to send a card, I think this is an excuse for your real motive.
I hope you understand my thought process and don't take offense, but to me, you must be looking to get something out of "just sending a card". Otherwise, you would just feel bad for him and move on.
I wanted to add: Even if you are just thinking that it would be a nice gesture to extend your sympathy, I think both your ex and your current husband would wonder what is behind it also.
No. There is no real point. And if he has just been rejected for the 3rd time he could look at your thoughtful card and think maybe you are sending signals like you could meet up, or whatever. Keep the track record going of no contact.
