Should I Let Them Go

I would do what's right for the kids and go to court in order to enforce regular, frequent visitation AND child support. Those children are entitled to much more than an occasional $50. Just because you're not currently working, that doesn't mean he'll get custody of them. He's not a primary caregiver and doesn't see them frequently. He won't get primary custody. It doesn't even sound like he's interested in that. He seems comfortable with visitation, so get that solidly established.

And just remember no matter what anyone else says that child support and visitation/custody are two entirely separate issues. A father doesn't have to pay child support in order to have the right to visit with his children. He has the right to visit or have some custody simply by the virtue of being their dad.

Are they in danger? If not, I'm not sure why you wouldn't let them go. Regardless of how you feel about his girlfriend and their situation, you have to be the bigger person here and put your children's needs above your feelings about him. My dad was inconsistent with visitation, paid very little in child support, lived above a bar (he owned it) and most of my time on Sundays with him were spent cleaning the bar and counting the money. I loved every minute of it because I was with him. And my mother NEVER stood in the way of him seeing me.

If he is asking to see them, let him see them, unless you think you are sending them into harm's way you don't have any reason not to.

You will always be your children's mom. They love you they always will.

He is their father, he will always be their father. They will always love him as MUCH as they love you..

They are protecting you lots of times, when they say they do not want to see him.. They do not want to pick one over the other. They want to protect you and your feelings. Let them know you will be just fine while they are with their dad. Let them know you are just going to do some boring housework, so they are not missing out on anything at home.

You need to encourage them to see him when possible.. and of course their father needs to figure out how to be a father. This is not your job to teach him.. He has to do it his way.

You and I know he sounds like a real loser.. But your children will figure that out on their own when they are older.

Your children will thank you for encouraging them to see their father and spending time with him..

Fair? What is fair about adults that could not make a marriage work? About children who love both parents and just want a "normal life".

It is not fair, it is what it is.. This their life, so this is their normal.
And so the adults involved, need to just do their best.

I know all of this, because I am like your children.. My parents divorced. My dad was a jerk, my mother acted out.. I still shutter when I remember the awfulness.

As an adult, I blame both of them for not putting me and my sister first..

They did not need to be married, but the sniping at each other and the tension was not fair to me and my sister.. We just wanted to be able to love our dad as he was.. Not perfect..

And love our mother, also not perfect..

We did not care about the rest.
PLEASE, try to just let your children spend time with their dad. As long as they are not in danger, let him parent the way he is.. even though not great.

I know this is so difficult. I am sending you strength.

File with the court and get something official now. We just went through a three year battle over my step son because she filed first and had all the rights until the order awarded us some. We did not get to see him for two years and the court did nothing about enforcing our visitation because we had nothing in writing.

He should be paying child support on a regular basis and the court will enforce that. The biggest issue is that he can file at anytime and he will get custody during the court deliberations if he files first.

File File File. I will be so much easier if you have the court backing you and if he blows off the court date, you will get custody free and clear... At least that is the way it works in Colorado and Missouri.

I'm not trying to sound rude, but if you stepped back and read what you wrote, I think you know the answers to your questions. A dead beat dad doesn't deserve an ounce of light in my opinion. I think it is 100% inappropriate to move in with a girlfriend and her child when you barely see your own children. I absolutely WOULD NOT allow my own kids to go visit the girlfriends house where "dad" lives and I'd take the scum bag to court. Absolutely deny him visits, he's not a dad and it's clear if your young kids don't care about seeing him. GL!

Follow your visitation order if you have one. If you don't have one, get one. In my experience, the courts do not look at who he lives with as long as that person is not a danger to the child. If his girlfriend is a dangerous person, then you need to bring that to the Court's attention. Otherwise, the Court will always do what is in the best interest of the child which normally means he will get visitation; it doesn't matter what you want or what he wants--it's what's in the child's best interest. Just like a previous poster mentioned, the Court views child support and visitation as two separate issues.

From a different perspective, this girlfriend that he is moving in with may be a better babysitter than your ex. She's a mom too, so it's kind of a protocol for moms to care for other moms' kids. Most of the time, dad's will put the responsibilities of parenting upon their new girlfriends. It goes by that saying that it takes a village to raise a child. If you are worried about the safety of your sons, I wouldn't try to create any hard feelings toward this woman. She may turn out to be a good resource for you and for your boys.

It sounds like you guys need to get visitation set up through the courts. You want what is best for your kids, but I would never deny him visits with his kids. I was in a similar situation and I have never denied my daughter's bio father time with her. I never wanted my daughter to come back to me and say that I took something away from her. He made his own choices and does not see his daughter, but she can never come to me and ask why I did not let her see him!
I would let him have them for the weekend, but that is my opinion.
As far as is it right of him, no it is not, but you can't make him do what is right either!

As long as you don't have any reason to believe that he would endanger your children (and it seems like you have not had any reason to believe this in the past) it would be best for your children if you promoted a good relationship with their father. Unfortunately you cannot make him come and see them more often or be more involved, but if you can foster whatever limited involvement he wants to have it would certainly benefit your boys.

I grew up as a child of divorce and my mom kept my dad away because he did not want to pay child support. While I do understand that the money would have helped us quite a bit - it was not worth growing up without a dad. I had a large amount of resentment against my mom for a long time because of this, especially as a teenager, and even though my dad came back into my life when I was a teen, he died when I was 20... so I never REALLY got to know him. I missed out on a relationship with my dad because my mom was bitter over their divorce and his lack of financial support... both things that didn't really have anything to do with me. Don't punish your kids by punishing him.
Good luck.

If you have a custody agreement in place that says he gets them on weekends, you have to let your children go, regardless of your feelings about it. If not, I would suggest you file to get an order in place immediately. Without any set guidelines as to when he can and cannot see them, and for how long, he legally could take them one day, and not return them. You would be helpless to do anything about it. Not to mention, if he is not being as involved in his children's lives as he should, it is much easier for you to make a case in the future if you have something set in stone as to when he is supposed to be there.

Is it wrong for him to be that involved in another child's life? Maybe, but there is no saying that he actually does more for that child than he does for his own. There is also the chance that this new woman might have a positive effect on his relationship with his kids. To deny him visitation, unless he is being abusive in some way, yes, would be wrong. Regardless of how much he does or does not come around, until you have a good reason (and a bad girlfriend does not count) to deny him visits would be hurtful to both him and your children. Get a set custody order in place, and try to make the best of the situation for now. Soon enough your kids will make their wishes very clear to all who need to hear it.

If it's any comfort, that relationship doesn't seem like it will last. Take care of yourself and your kids and make sure legally he is paying his dues and child support for the two he owns. It is up to him if he visits and spends time with them regularly, just don't limit them doing so.

What goes around will come back around.

I don't think that you should deny visits with his children after he moves in with his new girlfriend. That isn't fair to him or to your kids. I realize he's not a great father to them now, but no good will come of keeping them apart. Your sons may resent you for it later, even if they don't seem to care now. They need the opportunity to get to know their father and have a relationship with him. If, God forbid, something should ever happen to you, he's the one they will go live with and you don't want him to be a stranger to them.

As for child support, he absolutely needs to be paying you a set amount every month. If he won't do it on his own, go to court. You're not going to lose custody of your children.

Sorry you are going through this.

If there is a court order you have no choice what so ever. He has rights to the child. It does not matter who he lives with. If you don't want him to see the kids in this situation then you will have to pay an attorney to file the papers and the court costs to go to court and ask for an alteration to the orders. If you don't have orders then you can do what you want.

I personally would not worry about this kind of situation.

Unless he is abusive, then yes, you should allow them to go.