Silly Question? - Kansas City,MO

The best thing to do is do what makes you comfortable and dont worry about what anyone else thinks. Trying to impress others will always wear you out and stress you out. NO ONE is perfect :)

Yes, I do feel that way. Especially in May, the Month of Mary, those are some mighty big shoes to fill.

However my kids are much older now (18, 16, 14) and I've relaxed somewhat, since I can see that despite my own incompetentcies, they're going to be all right anyway!

:)

Oh Lord - I feel the same way! God forbid someone should see our t.v. turned on. It's almost like I pretend we don't watch t.v. yet we have 5 of them and my husband works for the cable company - Ha!! I have to laugh at myself because if someones comes to the door I scramble to turn my t.v. off. So your not alone :-)

I guess I'm in the minority, but I feel absolutely no pressure to be perfect because I know it's an impossiblity. I am the very best Melissa I can be almost all the time. Sometimes I'm downright lazy, but I set a few days a year aside for that behavior. I do my very best at my job every day. I love my kids & my husband my very, very best every minute of every day.

I do not ensure my house is spotless every day. Hell, I do not clean my house top to bottom every week even (aside from the kitchen & bathroom of course)! I also do not give a flying fig what anyone cares about how I run things in my home, because, well, why the hell should I? It's MY home after all! I certainly don't care how anyone else runs their home for crying out loud!

This is not a competition, THIS IS LIFE and I do not have time to be bothered for one single nano-second about how other people perceive me measuring up.

I am raising my kids to be smart, funny, respectful, centered, productive human beings, and really, what more can anyone ask of you?

I also had a rough childhood and struggle with self acceptance. At one point in my adult life, after many rounds of therapy, I met a therapist who accepted every single thing about me. The value of the weekly talk sessions was increased a hundred fold by her demeanor about the littlest things. For example, I'd run in embarassed to be late and she'd say relax you're fine, I was catching up my notes anyway. I'd explain what was "wrong" with me and she'd put it into the perspective of why do you think that's "wrong" as opposed to just part of who you are? I still have some trouble, guess I always will, but she brought a lot of peace to my life in understanding that there is no "model" of what we should be that I'm falling short of - I just am who I am.

As far as the in home day care, I'm not sure what you think the expectations of the parents are. If they have chosen in home care, then they want a smaller, more home like setting for their child. While most in home care providers usually have some activities for the kids and some sort of schedule for playtimes, naptimes, snacks, etc., I think parents understand that you are alone with the kids, you don't have other day care staff there to back you up when you have to tend to the needs of one child (or even if you have to go to the bathroom, LOL) so you do what a mom would do with her own brood and if that means you pop in a movie for a sick child or to divert one child's attention while you care for another, you do. Just as an aside, I did in home day care more than 30 years ago when my daughter was a baby. There wasn't a huge sensitivity to TV then and the kids had an hour of TV in the morning and an hour of TV in the afternoon. And that hour was intentionally during drop off and pick up because it freed me up to talk to the parents about how their kids were doing and how the day went as they were all coming and going. So try to relax or if you are really worried about their expectations, write up your schedule and the things you do with the kids so they can see it and a little blurb about in home care vs. institutional care means sometimes you just have to wing it like a mom but it also means you love 'em like a mom!

Pressure, no. Need, Yes.

Matthew 5:48 "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (I didn't look it up, so I may be off by a word or two.) BUT that having been said, it is my goal. However, I know of only one man that never made a mistake and I celebrate his birthday around Christmas every year.

I know I can never be perfect, but I can try. And try is what I do.

All anyone can do is try. Good luck to you and yours.

I use to feel that way but after making myself sick from trying to be superMom and wife I found out the hard way that NO ONE is perfect. Also some therapy will help you too, it is always good to talk about this type of issue saying the words out loud just seem to make them easier to deal with and also having someone tell you that you are doing a great job which I am sure you are. Give yourself credit for the things you do and not for the things you think someone else thinks you should do or say. Hang in there.

Not really, but I used to. When my son was first born I felt like I had to do it all and do it all correctly or I was going to fail as a mother, wife and career woman.

It was actually my husband who sat me down and literally said "Stop. You don't have to do everything for everyone. You can ask for help and make mistakes without looking incompetent." He's a man of few words, so when he does say something I actually listen. We talked a lot in those next few weeks about sharing responsibilities, letting things "go" and finding time for ourselves which resulted in a housekeeper, regular date nights and saying "no" to things that we really didn't have time to do... which also resulted in a much happier mama!

Doctors have their place. They are there to figure out the hard stuff, draw blood (which they don't do by the way), give shots... (oh yeah, they don't do that either), diagnose...oh yeah, they get that wrong about 1/2 the time too! Okay, they are to set bones and stitch up kids. We don't need them to tell us how to raise our children.

I love television and so do kids and NO they should not watch it all day long. I've taught many of my daycare children through the years to read. I've homeschooled 4 children. 2 of my children are in college getting AWESOME grades. 3 of my children are in or have been in management positions YOUNG on the jobs they've had. My 4th is still homeschooling.

I've loved countless scores of kids and watched them grow and been working in the trenches 25 years, 7 days per week, 24 hours per day. Television keeps children safe when mothers and providers are tending to meals, dirty diapers etc. There are days when they aren't getting a long and it's needed to calm them down. They learn from public television and laugh and cry with Disney.

I have many days that we don't turn it on once. But we have other days where it's on several times.

The attitude against television is rude and prudish.

I used to, then I got high blood pressure and developed nervous tics. Over the years I've learned to accept myself for who I am and understand that many people will dislike me, many people will like me and still more will be completely indifferent to my very existence. And that's perfectly ok. I've learned to tell people no, and mean it. My blood pressure is down. Still have some of the tics but they don't spring up often anymore.

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I do and it sucks. I wish a could relax before life passes me by and all I did was worry. :(

Yes! It's overwhelming at times. I was JUST talking to my Pastor about this last night. I feel like I have to basically be a stepford wife. When I drop the ball (which is daily) I feel like I'm a terrible person. I had a pretty rough upbringing too, so the need to make my kids childhood idealic and very very strong.

When I start feeling like that, I get really overwhelmed. Then I feel like I'm horrible at being a mother and a wife, then I start to spiral into a depression. Then I don't feel like doing a single solitary thing. Then I feel bad, then I spiral downward even more. It's a viscous cycle. When I start feeling like that I try to focus on the good things I do for my husband and children. I try to remember that I'm doing the best I can to provide a happy and loving home for my children and my husband. If I start to feel the slide coming, I clean. That usually helps because I can look at the freshly vacuumed carpet and say "Well, at least I did that today!" If that doesn't do it, we dance. It sounds so silly! I actually got the idea from Grey's Anatomy. I crank the music and we dance it out. My kids think it's HILARIOUS! Seeing them laughing and having fun makes me instantly feel better. Plus, it's fun to throw yourself around like a little kid. :D

It also helps to redefine "perfect." For me, it's letting them know that I love them, no matter what. And lots of hugs and kisses :D

I am a perfectionist and I don't take criticism well. I know I cannot be perfect, but it just breaks my heart when I know I have failed somthing or let someone down. When my husband complains about something, I get super defensive and have to give the whole story of my intentions and why I didn't meet his expectations, etc.

I have learned to set manageable goals for myself: the only rooms that HAVE to be clean everyday are the playroom, kitchen,and bathroom. The other rooms can wait until I have time. All the laundry does not need to be clean - just enough for everyone to have what they need. Our pantry does not need to be stocked with everything - just enough for the meals until the next grocery trip.

I've had to let a few things go - like the desire to have activities and lessons and crafts for my girls every day. It's ok to just let them play on their own or watch TV for an hour. It's ok to stay in our pajamas until noon or eat the same thing for lunch two days in a row. We're happy, healthy, clean, and well-fed. Those are the most important things. :) I have to let go of the rest of my insecurities.

Hi, I don't at all. Used to. My mom was a perfectionist, everything had to be in it's place, cleaned and perfect. I didn't grow up with happy memories of my mom and I. I finally decided that my kids are more important than a clean house. My kids are more important than making sure everything is done, put in its place. You can never get back lost time with your family.

As for your daycare, I too have my own inhome childcare business. We occasionally have tv on. Not our priority but I don't ban it either.
I think, assuming that your dad of the 8 month old is a first time dad? I am pretty sure since he's a first time dad he doesn't realize that tv can be used in certain circumstances. And as you explained his child wasn't watching it so I wouldn't think it would be that big of a deal.
Your child, your home, your rules. I wouldn't stress about it. if the dad has a problem with it he will address it more with you but I would relax...

we can't always be perfect. I try to be, but I'm not. My house is not always clean. But, if anyone is coming over, you bet there is no way I will let them see my house a mess. I'm just weird about it I guess.

OH YEAH!,Not only do i try to strive for this i also am nit picky on myself. I have learned to pick a few battles though. I make sure my daughter keeps good grades, eats well and has plenty of outdoor activities to keep her moving. I let other little things go. I also do this with myself, i clean less now, and take that extra time to work out.