My son has been a sweet well behaved boy until about a week ago. He will be 2 1/2 in September. He has been very clingy and uncooperative during his early intervention speech therapy and developmental therapy, he gets frustrated and throws things, he cries and says "help me!" all the time and is just generally more difficult. He does not want to share as well as before, and is not as cooperative and obedient. He has had a cold that he is getting over and usually he is more difficult when sick but constantly he is saying "MOMMY" and wanting me. Also, he claps and looks at me to applaud him for any little thing he does successfully. I guess that is good though, right? Any advice or insight?
Ladies, thank you for the suggestions!! After speaking to my aunt as well (who does positive dicipline workshops and parenting classes) she suggested we do things "together". Notice the cues that he is getting frustrated and suggest we do thing together, even if I am really the one doing it sometimes. I think he needs more confidence and he was much less whiney yesterday.
Terrible twos are going to lead into terrible threes which IMO are FAR WORSE than the twos...just be patient, loving, understanding and teach him without doing it all for him - guide him where he needs it and when all else fails just love him - lots of hugs and kisses and positive attention.
HI BP
I've been working with toddlers for 16+ years, and today I help parents as a parent coach understand their toddlers.
Terrible Two's happen, because the child has developed intellectually enough to understand they need to communicate their needs, but has not developed enough language skills to effectively communicate. It’s like being a 2nd year Spanish student and then moving to Mexico.
It also sounds like your child is trying to learn a new skill, but is struggling and asking for help from you, and getting frustrated when he isn’t getting the help he feels like he needs.
The key to leave terrible two free is to anticipate your child’s needs, provide him with the words he is missing and the praise and support all the time.
While I’m not sure what happens in speech therapy, let’s use getting dressed as an example, which you can translate to your other activities. Say your son is trying to button his shirt, a big task for a little guy, but he wants to learn. You are watching him struggle with each button, and you can see he’s feeling frustrated. Instead of watching him get angry, walk over and talk to him. Tell him what he is feeling (give him words), “I see buttoning that shirt is hard for you and you’re looking frustrated.” Next help him succeed, “I’ll show you how to do it and we’ll practice together.” Kneel behind your child so he can watch from the right point of view. Then you encourage him to try and praise for a good try. “Look at you, you almost got it. You should be proud of yourself. Great job!”
When a child feels he cannot do what he needs to and he cannot communicate his needs, he reverts back to what he knows, which his infant communication, i.e. tantrums.
Good Luck-
R. Magby
Buy and read "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" It has been a lifesaver with my daughter. She is also developmentally delayed.
Your question cracked me up! I'd say the Terrible Twos last until the Terrible Threes, which go on for an entire year until the Terrible Fours! Right now, we're dealing with Too Cool for School Twelves, Nightmare Nines and Simply Shocking Sevens. It truly never ends!
Twos are tough for any child, but if your child is also dealing with speech therapy and developmental therapy, he's got extra hurdles to handle. My now 12 yr old also did speech and occupational therapy at a very young age (he is on the Autism Spectrum and has issues because of that) and it took extra patience on both his and my part to get through the days. Just keep doing what you're doing, support him and interact with him...you'll both get through it. At 2 1/2, your son is still very young so he's allowed to want his mommy and you're allowed to indulge him a bit, especially if he's getting over being sick. As he builds up his skills and successes, he'll realize how much he's capable of and will need you less and less to help him. For now, just give him the support he needs. Good luck!
In my experience the "terrible two's" were from about 18 months to about 2 1/2 years old. I think what you are dealing with is a 2 1/2 year old who is getting over being sick, which usually causes extra whining and clinging. Take hope in knowing that it shouldn't last too long. They usually just want a little extra attention when they are getting over an illness.
Indeed you should be grateful that he is making advances in his developement! At this age they want lots of praise and if he knows that he is doing something good, he wants you to acknowledge it! Continue to give him positive praise and don't let him know that his current state is bothering you.
About a life time...they lead to the terrible threes, fours and so on! Then they become teens and that is a whole other class of beasts!
Well...it doesn't end per say.... it just morphs into the "Terrible 3's."
Actually, the 2's are not bad.... but 3 & 4 years old... can be a real doozy.
Your son, in conjunction with being sick... is just feeling insecure and clingy. Kids get clingy anytime... and at the cusp of other age changes and even older kids can be clingy in certain ways.
But your son is 2.5 yrs. old. Its a hard age. "Emotions" are NOT even fully-developed yet, in a child that age.
So no wonder they don't automatically 'know' how to feel... about things. Put yourself in his shoes...
Kids this age... it is a crucial time... in which to begin 'teaching' them about their emotions, the names for feelings, and HOW to 'cope' with any frustrations or bad grumpy moods. AND THAT they 'can' tell you how they feel without getting scolded for it. Boys... need to learn how to express themselves and that they can, AND that nothing is wrong with that.
If you start now... they will gradually learn how to be articulate... with their emotions and be a self-assured self-navigating child... as they get older.
These things are 'taught' and learned... a child does NOT have those abilities instinctually and it is not automatic.
Also at this age, their Cognition is changing and developing... THUS they now have certain feelings/reactions they didn't have before. Their awareness is also more aware... thus, they act like that.
Everything, is age-related... and developmental based. Not "him" per say being difficult. It is all about their cognition/emotions/motor skills changing and developing... but they can't always 'do' what they want in their heads.
Thus... when analyzing your kid... see it as a reflection of his age-development... and then yes, be glad he is changing... BUT along with that... 'teach' him/coach him on his emotions/handling of it... because, emotional IQ is what makes for a frustrated child or not.
I taught my kids from when they were very young.. .and now at their ages they really know themselves and can articulate it... and they are self-assured. So for me, even if this is a difficult age.... you need to teach your child 'skills' on how to handle their spurting emotions as it develops. Less trouble that way, down the road.
Versus, if a kid is just punished/scolded for any little difficulty... it is not teaching them anything... about themselves.
all the best,
Susan
Dear B.P., The Terrible two's can last from 1 to 2 years, Has anything changed in your home? What you describe sounds also like separation anxiety and the fears that most almost 3 year olds go through. All of this will pass. Don't give in to tantrums and it is very notmal for a child to want mommy's attention and approval. Some is just "his" personality. We are all cranky when we have a cold. Remember that children are just little people. my best, Grandma Mary (mom of 5)
i'm wondering the same myself. i just try to be patient and as my husband pointed out last night...always talk in the positive.
for example- my 2 yr. old was pushing on his chair. i said, "don't push on your chair". He heard"...push chair" and the next thing i know the chair and 2 yr old fall on the floor. After I was much more conscious of the way that i talked to him. He was playing with soda bottles. I said " the soda bottles go here" and pointed to the place where we keep them rather than saying "don't play with the soda bottles" and he put them away and didn't play with them. He was much more pleasant the rest of the evening when i made a conscious effort to tell him what i want him to do, rather then tell him what i don't want him to do. It is frustrating, but just remember...he will get over this "stage" and enter another "stage". :)
Terrible twos last until the horrible 3s kick in.
One thing I suggest is praise him for every little good thing he does.
like, " I see you are playing so nicely , good job" or " Awesome , thanks for putting your clothes in the hamper that's being mommys big boy helper! " It totally feels weird to point out every little thing he does but it will get more natural as you go.
But put more emphasis on the good things he does, go OVERBOARD.
Hmmm, how long do the terrible twos last -
My son is 14 so I say, currently, about 12 years. Just kidding.
They last until verbal skills catch up to emotions. It is tough being a little one with thought and feelings running amok but not having the words to explain it all. The result is melt downs and temper tantrums.
Just be patient and explain to your little one that acting out in that way doesn't make things better. He will catch up and later you will have stories to tell that will be funny in a few years.
Mine are 13 and 15 and I am still waiting for them to end. LOL
Just Kidding. They will grow out of it, believe it or not.
Enjoy every moment of it I miss my kids as babies and feel like their lives have just flown by.
J.
To add to Beth's post, after the horrible 3s there are the mouthy 4s. Then they to go school and learn from other kids how to get under your skin. And then they eventually turn into teenagers!
Be firm and consistent and don't let him "win" in situations with you. Be the parent. It won't always work, but at least he'll know you're the boss.
Does it end???? My 4 year old is still going through the terrible twos :-)
