Spending Time with Dad!

I whole-heartedly agree with what Kathi H said in her response. Although, like the other moms said, you also really need to make sure there isn't more cause for concern by looking into it.
When my husband had to take his ex to court because he wasn't getting visitation he deserved and she was constantly playing games, we had a lot of great conversations with the law guardian we all had to meet with. In our case this hasn't really happened, but one point he made was that he sees many children act up because that's what they think the parent wants to hear. If she said she doesn't want to go, maybe you're showing signs (that you might not even realize you're doing/saying) showing her you'd rather her not go. Children just want to make their parents happy.
I'd also suggest talking to her (she should definitely be old enough at this point) and look into the situation more yourself if possible. Talk to her father (if you're on even semi-good terms) and explain your concerns in a calm, unaccusing way. Maybe he has an idea of why this is happening.
It also sounds like he's not been around much, so obviously she's much more comfortable with you than him. She may just not be used to him and the way that his home runs compared you yours. Maybe she just needs some help in the adjustment between lifestyles.
Hope that helps a bit. Good luck!!

I wanted to write something but all has been written already. I agree wholeheartedly with what other mothers have written below.
Talk to your daughter over and over again.
Good luck!

Hello C., I believe and agree with the responses. The main key is communication. Your daughter is old enough to express herself and she may be able to tell you what it is that makes not want to go with Dad. Do it on bed time, kids tend to want to talk when is time to go to sleep. If you can't get an answer you may need outside help to get to the bottom and find out what's best for your girl and how should you go about it. Good luck to you and your daughter.

I have had the same problems with my 5 yr old son. He cries when he knows he is going to stay with his dad. I have found that they are little people with feelings and really need to be heard. Try to find out the reasons why she doesn't want to go. Maybe there is something going on that is making her uncomfortable. You can also try having her spend the day with her dad and work your way up to do the whole weekend but he also has to play a big role in catering to whatever her needs may be and men usually don't understand that. If my son doesn't want to go I don't force him and always reassure him that I will not make him do something he does not want to do. Not sure if this advice would help. Good luck & God bless. M.

I would definitely find out why she is so upset about seeing him. My daughter used to do the same thing when we dropped her off at my mother-in-law's house (and only her house, she loved my mothers) But she was only 2 at the time. If she did that now (she is 6) I would sit her down and talk about it until whatever is making her upset came to the surface. I know the reason my daughter didn't want to go to my m-i-l's is because she has a temper and yells a lot. Does your ex do that? Or maybe worse? I don't mean to scare you or anything but I would certainly be worried about it.

Most of the time...it is simply because he is not mom.
Unless there is a safety or potentially mentally / emotionally damaging issue with Dad...

YES MAKE HER GO!!!

You are right, she needs to know who he is.
Maybe visitation is not as comfortable as being with you.
Maybe he is not as lovable one on one as mommy.
But he is her father....not her mother. It is perfectly ok to have a very different relationship with each parent.

I had this same issue. I told my daughter she had to go...period.

I would prefer she dislike visitation, rather than hate me later in life because I caved in to her childhood tantrum and denied her a relationship with the only father she will ever have.

She may find comfort in a step daddy....but there will always be only one 'father'. Step daddy won't give his kidney to save her life....Biological father who has had a relaionship with her will...not just because it's a match. But, she is his flesh and blood.

My father was not the best Daddy to his children. Visitation was boring. My mother never gave him the visitation he should've had and nobody missed it back then.

But now? He is an amazing Daddy to 'adult' children. Now that we are grown up, it hurts us to know he did his best but was denied seeing us and missed so much. Not because he was a bad father; but, because he just didn't know how to relate to young children to compete with the full time mommy.

I explained all this to my daughter when she became a teenager. He may not know how to relate to a teenage girl....maybe he had the same problem as a teenager himself....lol...nervous with pretty delicate girls. But he's not a bad man and you may be his best friend someday when you're an adult.

Hi C.,

I would sit down with your daughter and talk to her. Try to find out WHY she doesn't want to go with dad. Something may be going on at dad's house that makes her uncomfortable. It could be something simple, like he has more rules than at your house or something more serious. My son who just turned nine in Aug. was going to his father's house every other weekend. Then in Jan. he called home crying and begging for me to go and get him. He refused to return to his father's house. After talking to him, it came out that his father and the girlfriend were drinking a lot and yelling at him all the time. He wouldn't even talk to his father for 2 months. Now he sees his father every now and then, but still doesn't go to his house. I am the one that will not let him go now because of the circumstances. for your daughter to be carrying on the way she is, there is something that is upsetting her and you need to find out what it is. Hope this helps, and if you would like to talk more please feel free to email me at ____@____.com

M.

Here is my thought.... I know my son is only 4... his dad and I were married for 5 years.. in the 7 months now following our divorce (formally) .. he doesn't call his son when the courts say he can... he doesnt' send him birthday gifts.. he doesnt' even pay CS (but the state is going after him).. and I warned him fromt he beginning I will not force our son.. either he stays in his son's life or that is it. his mom and I are about to have the same conversation.

In more relation to yours.. he never was and now he's trying which is good, but he has ground ot make up. Talk to your daughter and find out why she doesn't like to go. it might be a simple fix.. I wouldn't force her though. You are telling her you realize it's emotionally upsetting to her.. and yet you feel she has to. You enforce the idea that daddy time is bad.. negative. I think maybe you guys need to step back and build up to weekends.. now her dad may not care... but it might help.

find out why she is upset.. try to work on that.. talk it over.. then go a few hours... then half a day.. then most fo a day.. then a day inot the night.. sleepover... a day and half... full weekend.. etc. It might be something simple..

I equate it to learning to sink-or-swim in a cold pool.. you can throw them kicking and screaming,b ut they may learnt o equate the water with bad things and not want to swim... or you can let them put a toe in.. laugh a bit.. and encouage them to take the plunge in their manner and time..

IF she is that upset, though.. to her there is something majorly wrong.. you might be surprised by the answer too. Some kids dont' like these situations because they worry about thier moms being alone or something. Make her p[art of the decision to go.. tell her she has to call her father herself and talk to him calmly and as rationally as possible and make her own appoligies for not coming.. and of course her dad has to agree to be a part of the oslution.. and understand that she sees his hand out finally.. but no one can make her take it.

Good Luck

ps- Please know.. letting her decide how much visitaion she can take and being denied the right ot see her father are two seperate issues and not the same thing at all. Bullying her to see him will make her resent everyone involved. THat is just my 2 cents though

the first thing i would do is sit her down and talk to her. ask her why she doesnt want to go to her dads. if there is no underlining issue, then mabe she just needs a break from him.