Staying with My In-laws

My husband,children and I lived with my in-laws for a year. And at times my patience were tested(my mother-in-law put cofee in my 3 month old's bottle even after we told her not to(my daughter had severe acid reflux and was on a formula called Alimentum)The few weeks you are there with a new baby will fly by.This time with her may bring the 2 of you closer.If she already adores you then she probably genuinely wants to care for you while you recover and help with the baby. Go in with an open and grateful heart and I bet it will all work out!!

As a mother-in-law myself, I know that if my daughter-in-law had to move in with us temporiarly I would like for her to sit down and talk with us before hand. Working out any issues.

Just keep in your mind at all times that words spoken can never be taken back, don't take things she does or says personally, because it sounds like she is that way with everyone, and it is only temporary, so you can make it. Also, God puts difficult people in our lives for a reason, which we may never know, but you are going to grow through this experience.

I'm glad to hear you say you are in church because that means you already have the answer to your problems....God! All you need to do is ask Him for the words to speak to your mil and He will guide you. Ask Him for strength and wisdom throughout the situation. Trust me, I have definitely been there! My MIL isn't exactly a peach and we were with her for the holidays. Without daily prayer I wouldn't have made it through. Maybe since you will be there for a few weeks you could find a hobby the two of you mutually like. That way you could spend time doing that and use it to start conversations. Invite her to make a scrapbook for the upcoming baby. You can always go ahead and decorate pages and then add pictures. My kids were c-sections and I did a pic of us in the room before baby, then had the anesthesiologist take a pic of us in the surgery room with baby, then the nurse took pics of my hubby walking to the nursery and getting the baby weighed etc. Its a good way to document the birth for baby and fun to remember for yourself! Pray and be as kind as you can. Don't forget that you can give your worries to the Lord and draw the strength you can't find from Him. Good luck and God bless!

Congratulations for your family on the husband's new job and the new baby. It seems at this time the in-laws will be helpful and you will be needing it. Just focus on moving asap and know that it is temporary. Tell your husband that you just want to have your family (you, him and the kids) back together in your own home but appreciate that his family have invited you to stay. It will be stressful to them also but in the best interest for all.

It is so hard for 2 women to share the same housebut, I learned that because it is her house, if you ask to help with something it is better than just jumping in to help cook or clean esp. If you keep your space & the childrens picked up that is about all you will be able to do.
When you ask and she says no, remind her that if she needs help you are blessed to do it.
I had my daughter in law for a while and in that case, I preferred doing everything myself. I was a bit more particular than she and was used to my way of doing things. But I told her she could just worry about her space. We did well.

Hi J.....girl, you do have some changes coming up....seem like things all hit at once...but we tend to get thru them just the same....remember to take each day, or maybe each hour, as it comes and know that that's all you can do...remember that the Lord takes care of today and says not to worry about tomorrow....stand firm in prayer and He will get your family thru it all.

as far as your mother-in-law is concerned...you are way ahead of the game based on what a lot of women deal with concerning their mother-in-laws..so many don't get along well and have constant problems with mother-in-law interfearance....my suggestion to you would be...since she thinks your great...to just do your best...she is who she is and at this point probably isn't going to change. it's only for a few weeks, you and your husband just be sure it doesn't become a lot more. Let her help the best she knows how for that short time period and be thankful that she is there for you even tho it's difficult. find a place at her house where you can get away if you need a breather from her...a new baby is a great excuse to disappear. maybe she will be so busy helping with your 19 month old and the new baby that she won't be difficult....sounds like her intentions are really great, she's just hard to deal with....hang in there, pray and love her anyway.....good luck....R.

Honestly, just be grateful and respectful, pull your weight, and remember, its a change for her as well. An adujustment if you will. Remember it is only short term.

I stayed with my ex's aunt who was more of a mother to him than his real mother. She and I got along very well, until she found out my ex actually intended to leave me for someone else. Then it became a living nightmare. (I was the last to know of course.)

My point is, be curtious and appriciate what they are giving up to offer you staying with them. It isn't going to be easy all the time.

I wish you luck.

Hi J.!

First off, congrats on baby girl number 2. I know you guys must be super excited but a little overwhelmed with everything at the sametime.

I know what you mean about a lot of changes. Two days before my wedding I found out I was prego, and 4 days after my wedding, we were moving across the country because the hubby is in the Army and we were being stationed somewhere else. My mom wasn't happy about it and the stress ultimately led to me losing our little one.

So where's the advice, right? Sorry, getting there. You can handle the situation a number of ways. You can either have a sit down (face to face) with your Mother-in-law and just tell her how you feel. I would recommend doing this as early as possible. She'll respect you for handling things this way and it'll probably make you and her feel a lot more comfortable about the stay.

Or, you can talk to your father-in-law. Not necessarily complaining about anything but just letting him know how you feel and asking him for any advice he may have. You know, without a doubt, he will go back and talk to your mother-in-law so be careful with your words here.

And lastly, you can just deal with it.

I would recommend talking to her though. From what you've said about her, she doesn't seem terrible. It just seems like your relationship is on the fence. Bottom line, you will have just given birth, you are the mother and the wife to her son. You are in charge of what happens and you shouldn't make yourself miserable to make someone else happy.

I wish you the best of luck with the c-section and if you ever want to talk or vent :-) feel free to email me. ____@____.com

S.

I never stayed WITH my in-laws after our children were born but DMIL did stay with US. She and I are from very different worlds (she grew up Mennonite, made the home her only job and is a good 40 years older than me) but when it came down to her being a helper, she was invaluble. We did not always see eye to eye on how the running of the house should go but since she is the elder, and I knew she was leaving in two weeks, I usually let her win. Since you're only going to be at their house two weeks I dare say there won't be too much that goes on. At the end of two weeks you will be recovered enough that you'll be anxious I dare say to wing it at home. DMIL is not a communicator plus, at nearly 80 y.o. she's deaf as a doornail, so we did a lot of passing and nodding at each other in the hall.

Good luck!

Well I have to say that I was in your shoes a year ago!! I was the same age, and my oldest son was just over 2. We moved in with the in-laws when I was 33 weeks pregnant. I thought it would be good since I would have help with the kids etc. but they didn't help out much and we didn't agree on parenting. We stayed with them for 6 months. They are great people but it definitely changed my relationship with them.
My advice is to let them know how you like to do things with your daughter, if there is any questions as far as parenting. My MIL was also very moody and it made things hard on me. I never knew what to expect from day to day. I also would recommend (if possible) to plan to do things out of the house. This way you have your space and they have theirs from time to time.
I wish you luck! My experience wasn't ALL bad but I would just recommend being upfront about what you want for your kids and what you don't and make sure you have your own space.

Is there anyway they can come and stay with you?. Exactly how soon after the baby is born will your husband be leaving? If you are a few weeks postpartum, stay at home alone and have them help by visiting you to help with meals and a break from the toddler

Maybe if you can get her to talk about herself and things she is interested in that might help. Look for opportunities to do nice things for her. Maybe make her and her husband a favorite meal or get her a manicure or pedicure. Something to show appreciation for her. Maybe you guys can make a scrapbook with some of her family pictures. Maybe when your husband is visiting, plant tree or something in her yard that will grow and bloom. IF you really make the effort to find out what is important to her, that could be very helpful. Also, make it a point to ask for her advice on something. She will feel valued and important to your family. Good luck.

Hi J.,
Some good advice has been given from all, so I cannot add much more, just to say make sure, and I mean very sure, you do not over stay that welcome. The two of you concentrate on getting your own place. Meantime, make the most of it. Be nice, considerate and enjoy all the help and attention you will get upon the birth of your child. My very best to you all and God bless.

J., I would suggest having a talk with Mother-in Law before you move in. Tell her that you feel disconnected from her sometimes and ask her if there's something you both could do to make things go more smoothly. If you can't have this conversation with her, moving in to her home with a new baby and a 2 year old will be a monumental task that could fracture your relationship permanently.

You will need major support with your husband out of town and the roller coaster a new mother must go through. Any outside distractions could be quite difficult. I think you must discuss this with both of your in-laws. (He may be a big help as he knows her better that anyone.)

Also, please remember that you will be a guest in their home, and you should try as best you can not to disturb their routine. Give them some space and carry your weight as far as chores go as soon as you are physically able to do so. If you would like to discuss this more, my email address is ____@____.com.

I am the mother of 6 (all married) and grandmother of 16 and great grandmother of 1 as of 5:15 last night.

well it is best to stick to your beliefs don't let her wear you down on something you truely believe in b/c these are your children and i am sure that's where the problems will come in but at the same time you may find that there will be no problems.. you are full term and there is no need in stressing yourself out at this point in time... i would wait and see what happens first you have enough going on without worrying about what if's

I just had a baby a week ago. How soon we forget how much help we need after the trauma our body goes through. This was my second child and the greatest challenge this time is dealing with my 12 month old...remember this...you will not be able to pick up your other child for quite a few weeks. You will be exhausted and unable to care for yourself, a newborn and a 19 month old without some help. Someone...ANYONE is better than no one. People have a tendency to be very nice to you after you have a baby especially if that baby is their grandchild! Do not worry about conversation because you will not want to talk much anyway...you will want to sleep.

J., you sound like you are writing about my in-laws. I worked hard to get my husband to communicate with his folks and spend more time with them. But, after 15 years, I finally understand why he had just given up. Sometimes these mothers just wear out their sons with the overbearing behaviors. Just take it one day at a time and ride it out. You may never become 'friends' with this woman. Does she have other friends? If not then that is a clue. She is hungry for companionship but has probably driven all others away. If she does have friends then look at those relationships while you are there and see what makes them tick. I hope you are not going to be living near them. I was lucky, mine are 50 miles away. Good luck.

Hi J.,
Congratulations on child #2, your husband's new job and the fact that you DO have inlaws that are welcoming you into their home. Lots of people don't even have that option and it can lead to further frustations. Just try to put in your two weeks, be kind to your MIL and show her how thankful you are. You'll both be happier and perhaps even become closer in the long run. My daughter and family are presently staying with me (but I'll ask for advice for my problems seperately).
In the meantime, enjoy your stay and remember, darlin'...it's 'only' two weeks!!

L. (Mom of 3/Grandma of 5)

I completely understand! My husband is in the military and we had to wait around to have my second child before they moved us. I had the baby and my in-laws were of NO help, but I did learn a few things. I would just ask them to do exactly what you need. It was a big adjustment for me going from 1 to 2 kids. I had so much to do and going on that I didn't have to make conversation with my in-laws, which worked out just fine. I would try to take some time for yourself too. Sounds odd for just having a baby but when the baby is sleeping, sleep or read a book or magazine. Definitely let them do the housework and cooking. I hope that helps. Hopefully you don't have to stay too long! Good luck with everything.

I loved melissa and pam's advice...i think both of them are exactly right....good luck...i hope you have a very enjoyable stay...