My son is 2 1/2 and for teh most part a very happy, creative, BUSY little man! lately, whenever I try to do anything when I get home that involves me talking to or visiting with someone that is not him, he lets all that terrible 2 energy emerge! He yells, throws things, and deliberatly does things that he knows he should not. Even when I am not visiting wiht other people, he tries to get attention by doing things that are "naughty." I try to be consistant, telling him that he will not get what he wants if he is rude (and he doesn't). If he continues to act up, I separate him from myself (or whatever the object is that he is misusing) or put him somewhere where he can have a moment to calm down.
Is this just what to expect from a toddler? Are there other techniques people find effective for curbing negative behavior?
Thank you to everyone that has responded in a positive manner. I am slightly insulted that many people read my questioned and assumed that I came home with a phone in my hand ignoring my son. I actually DO spend 1/2 and hour or more with him completely one on one before I beign anything else. He is my son! I've missed him all day! His hugs and kisses are the highlight of my afternoon. So, hearing from others that the testing phase he is going through is normal and in fact just a phase was very VERY comforting--thank you!
for those who decided to scold me---I guess I will have to be more specific next time I ask a question.
I think that is pretty normal behavior. He may also be needing a little more time with you. I know kids that age are very time intensive. I find I get nothing done except playing with my little one but the time will be over so soon. Developmentally, he doesn't understand time so "wait a minute honey" is meaningless. I would try to remove all the distractions ie visiting with others until after he has gone to bed.
My son does this with my husband. He's showing you he misses you, and is desperate for time with you, with your undivided attention.
In my house, when my hubby gets home from work, he changes clothes and then immediately has to give at least one hour of undivided attention with no distractions to our son. NOthing else is as important during that time so phones go off, because there is nothing that can't wait an hour. After that he can do as he pleases until bed time, because he's the only one my son wants at night.
This helps curb the "look at me" behavior so energetically displayed in 2yr olds. Some of it will not go away, but it can help to avoid the full melt downs.
Also, toddlers don't understand not to interrupt. You can tell them to hold on, but at this age they are VERY self absorbed, and ALL needs are immediate. This is normal. We try not to ignore our son if he asks us a question and trys to get our attention because doing so or making him wait more than 3 minutes for an action(more than 1.5 minutes for a response), can only aggrivate the situation. He cant help it, this is neurological. I'll usually tell whomever im talking with to hold on, answer the boy and then go back to what I was doing. It makes life a lot easier, as there's time later to explain not to interrupt or to explain and teach the difference between polite and rude, until perhaps they have the emotional/social maturity to understand the nuances. Right now, it's not in his vocabulary. Doing so now is only going to make having a conversation with another adult harder.
If he's really acting out, and going from 0-60 there's something up, and you should probably stop what you're doing and remember that nothing's more important than time with your son. You'll be glad that you spent the extra time focused on him rather than visiting later in life, because in a few years he's not going to be so interested in spending time with you.
If he continues the behavior after getting your attention, then you can discipline the tantrum. But if he's just letting you know he want's you than what's so wrong about giving in? What's more important?
I want to second Courtny K here. She said it soooo well.
At 2 1/2-- this is extemely age-appropriate behavior. He is desperately trying to communicate with you in the only way he knows how.
I have to say I really hate the term "terrible 2s". I think that sets up an expectation from parents that is totally inappropriate.
Enjoy your baby. He sounds like he's trying to tell you that
Yes to the other responses: your son is trying to tell you that he needs more from you. I agree that you need to give him your undivided attention for a dependable period of time when you get home from work. I don't know how long that time period should be but he will be able to tell whether you are really with him or not. I bet after a couple weeks of spending more time with him you will see an improvement.
You said he does this when you come home from work. He probably has been waiting all day for you to come home and wants all of your attention. I suggest that when you come home, make him your first priority. Give him the attention he has been waiting for all day. He loves and misses his mom. Ask him how his day was, play with him, etc. If you are hungry as soon as you get home, let him help you make a snack and sit and eat and talk together. He will love it.
As far as him misbehaving, catch him at being good. Praise him more than correct him. It works. When my my son and daughter were younger, they used to fight together. I tried everything to stop them, but nothing worked. Then I went to a parenting class at their school. The speaker said that I should catch them at being good.All they want is attention, good or bad. So I tried it, and it worked from the very first time! They were in the middle of arguing and I stopped them by talking in a calm voice, and just saying that I liked it so much better when they got along. And just kept on saying positive things to them. I was shocked on how well it worked. And how fast! My daughter is now 23 and has a major in Psychology. She said that punishing kids is worthless cause all they want is attention. If they get positive attention, they won't do bad things to get negative attention. My son just turned 16 and he is constantly praising me and telling me how much he appreciates me. So, giving thempositive attention lasts a long time and grows on them.
Tell me how it goes.
C.,
Even though your son is at home with his Dad all day it is sounding like he really wants your attention when he has not seen you all day. You and your husband are not interchangeable. You both bring a special love to this child so he needs your attention when you get home. Can you have your husband cook dinner so you can give your undivided attention to your son? Usually children are happy with a 1/2 hour of your undivided attention (Blackberry off, computer off, TV off). Cuddle with him and read a book or get on the floor and play. Ask him what he wants to do with you. Children are very smart. If they don't get positive attention when they need it they will revert to negative behavior which gets attention. If you walk in and say to him, "Would you play with me?" I bet things will turn around. Good luck. They only want to play with you for a limited number of years so enjoy it. Mine are grown now. A.
Sorry to say but I gave up calling it terrible twos. It is more terrible toddlers. He is at the age he will test how far he can go. One question though, does he do this with you rhusband as well or just with you. He may be trying to reconnect with you after you have been gone all day. Does he do it on the weekend or days off as well? If so, maybe you could take the first half hour when you get home to sit with him and talk about what he has done and maybe what you guys can do after you do what you need to do. then give him a timer or somehting so he knows how you still need your time to take care of stuff. I used a timer when my kids were little and it worked a little bit. They still got impatient though.
I understand his actions but not yours. Why isn't HE the 1st one you run to when you get home? Carry him, kiss him, hug him, etc. Not a hit and a miss. He's only 2 1/2. He's missed you terriably probably all day. The phone or visiting can wait until dinner or when he's been put down for the night. Sounds pretty easy to me.
Sounds like you are doing a great job! Stick to it: he'll get there! :)
