Thanks for Your Help - San Angelo,TX

It sounds as though you are facing discrimination because you are obese. Sadly, there is a perception of obese people being lazy, which also seems to be the case here.

I think you should try joining a group like Weight Watchers, where you will meet people in similar circumstances, who will help you on the road to becoming healthy. Once you are healthy, there is a good chance the chronic pain and medical issues will be greatly alleviated, and you will have more in common with these people.

Good luck.

Okay, first of all...ignore the moms that don't think your size has anything to do with it. It ABSOLUTELY does. How do I know? i am obese too! Welcome! I remember when I did join the gym last year. I started at 410lbs. NO ONE talked to me. NO ONE looked at me. NO ONE had one single nice thing to say to me. Then I started dropping weight. And amazingly people started talking to me. After I had dropped 100lbs people really started to be supportive and talkative. While I certainly thought it was nice to have people to chat with, i did not forget that these were the same people that snubbed me.
You have done all that you can with these mamas to make friends. DOn't let people think that you haven't. But, you did say that you enjoyed your WW meetings. So, get back into that. You don't have to be able to excersize to join WW. But, you can start getting your diet on track. Then, once you start chatting with those women they can probably steer you in the right direction of people that THEY are friendly with. Some of my friends are people that I have met through other friends.
I will say, I am friendly with a lot of women (even at my size) but I only have TWO very good friends. I often wish that I had more girlfriends, but I know that i am quite busy with life, work and kids, so I count myself blessed with the two I got!
True friends take time. you don't want those snotty women to be your friends anyways. I have found that the PTA (or PTO) is FULL of women that I would never be friends with, churches are OFTEN (though not always) full of women that are "holier than thou" and my friends are women that I have just met out and about.
Good luck to you.
L.

I know this sounds bad, but I agree with Laura that it is your weight. And i say this as well, because of my weight problem. I started loosing weight, not to make friends, but to set an example for my kids. I notice that people do smile at me now, and take me seriously. I was always blown off in front my kids and not taken seriously. I lost 10 so far, have 60 more to go. I know people say "appearance isnt everything", but it does make up 50% of how others see you. If they see the outside and dont approach you, they will never get to know the inside. I am also joining weight watchers and aiming to lose all this weight by next summer.
Hope this didnt make you feel bad, but we are in teh same boat!

I just want to say I'm sorry for what you are going through. My husband is from a very small town and it is REALLY hard to fit in. These people have grown up together and do not welcome outsiders with open arms, especially if they are different. Even where I live (which is not a small town) it amazes me how possessive moms are of being room mother and running class parties and such. Please hang in there and hopefully you will find one good friend, which will lead to others at least being nice. I hope your health improves.

I am sorry you are going through this. Let me assure you, you are not alone...there are thousands of women out there who feel they don't have any friends at all (myself included) and lots of them consider themselves "normal". Here's the thing...there's no such thing as normal. You are not weird. Every one of us is different and has their "issues". Just be kind to everyone, smile and be friendly, don't participate in gossip or bashing (excuse yourself) and you will make friends. Honestly, your best bet is to join a small group at your church and just be yourself with them. It takes time to nurture friendships. I also agree with joining a weight watcher meeting and finding a "buddy"...I go and it's a great way to meet people as well as lose weight. Best wishes!

First of all I CAN believe that you have given these women a chance. Small towns are notoriously cliquish and unsophisticated about what they consider a "GOOD friend"

In polite society, we do not have to explain our personal business to get people to accept our help.. Instead we are inclusive because we want everybody to have the honor of helping.. We want to make new friends, We enjoy getting to know new people and introducing them to our good friends.

I would make an appointment and speak with your church Minister. Let her/him know that these "Christians" are not being very Christian. Ask him what up coming project could you possible help with and could he please suggest to the group you be included..

Some people are so insecure they cannot accept people that are different from them, have different experiences. It scares them. They are like teenagers.. Check out or purchase the book, "Queen Bees and Wanna Bees".. It was actually written about teenage girls, it sounds like the women you are dealing with .. They have never grown up..

FYI, San Angelo is one of the MOST conservative communities in Texas..
I personally would stand out like a sore thumb, Too fat, too dark and too opinionated, a self thinker..

When you attend a large church you have to join the home groups if you really want to connect, it's just a way life with large churches. If you don't want to join a home group (although I think it's probably the BEST way for you to meet new people) then consider finding a smaller church.

I also don't think you're really giving people a chance. You want them to be your friend, but you don't want to open up about yourself. You attended 15 out of 36 Mom group meetings and never told them that the reason you missed half was because of health issues? You never gave them a chance to help you because you didn't let them in. I understand that there is discrimination against the obese, I have obese relatives, but it seems like you are using it as an excuse to insulate yourself and not really extending yourself to make friends. Smiling at people in the hall, saying hello, waving, idle chit chat in line are all being polite; they are introductions, it's up to you to deepen them to friendships. When the mother lectured you about leaving class on time - agree that it's not the best time to socialize and ask for her phone number so you can set up a playdate for the girls. To those who you feel have slighted you - approach them and say "Hi, I'm W and I think we got off on the wrong foot last year. How can I be most helpful to the class this year?" Not everyone will be your friend, but you will make some friends eventually if you just be yourself and stop hiding behind your physical limitations.

wow, I am not overweight, but it is heartbreaking hearing you and other moms who are say that this is how people treat you because of it. just know that not everyone is that self-absorbed!

I get self-confidence issues at times and when I ran into this quote, it made me feel better.

"You'll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how
seldom they do." ~David Foster Wallce. Infinate Jest

As far as being snubbed... just give them their space and ignore it. Do not give them the power to make you feel that way. like the party, you brought things, you signed up, you know you contributed... and other moms know too. I can guarantee you these women will back stab the wrong woman one day who will expose them... if it hasn't happened already.

There was a post awhile back on here asking how many moms had best friends... very few actually did, myself included. Maybe you can take a step back and try less on impressing others and more on making yourself happy. People pick up on that over time. Also, take in interest in people... ask them questions, it's amazing how much people like to talk about themselves!

Perhaps you could find a new church home?

In a truly small town there is always the difficulty of making friends. Especially if you are an outsider (I'm from an extremely small town in Texas myself), and you don't already have one friend set in place its extremely hard. The best thing I can suggest about the homeowners association and city tattletale problem would be at the next HMA's meeting stand up and say "Hey I'm not responsible for any of this if you think I am please don't because I etc etc".

As far as making friends in the parents of your class I guess all you can really do (After watching my mom go through it for YEARS) is grin and bear it. Most people are "permanent fixtures" in that town meaning that they believe the world ends at the end of the city limit or county line signs. They are always going to snub and outsider. The best thing you can do is take on their attitudes face to face, be sugary sweet to them and not show that their snubbing you bothers you. That just lets them know that they are bothering you and that they can cause you harm. I saw my Mom and I suffer a lot in my home town because we weren't originally from Texas and we weren't related to anyone in small town we moved to. So I relate an feel your pain.

Just keep doing what you do and eventually (not immediately as adults we realize that no results like that are immediate) they will start to be friendly and helpful and want to talk. It'll just take time.

Ok when you say you've joined moms groups, attended church, etc. how long did you stick it out? All these moms can't be wrong - is there some mannerism or some way that maybe you're saying something that could be taken in a wrong way? It takes more than 4-5 weeks in a moms group or at church to make friends. At church get involved in a small group, volunteer at the church, invite people over. Join a book club, volunteer in the community. When you move to a new place it takes time. I've been in Florida three years and it's just in the last year and a half that I've made friends.

W.T.
I think you might be trying too hard.
And I'm sure you are being to hard on yourself by combining the friend issue with the weight issue. They are most likely not related.
As for the moms that have snubbed you--look around--surely you will find non-cliquey moms like yourself that practice what they preach as far as "be nice to everyone" and "not leaving anyone out."
I would suggest that you find a book club, maybe?
Stay involved at the school but you see just how excluding and cliquey some of the moms can be but they CANNOT ALL be like that! Good luck!