Thanks Ladies2 1/2 Yr Old Waking at Night and Coming to Get Us

Maureen got there before me! She is right on. Taper it off -- if you try to go cold turkey and stick him into bed tonight and say, "Starting tonight you're on your own," things will get worse instantly.

We would sit next to the bed with one hand on our daughter until she was asleep (no more lying down with your child). The after a week or more of that -- and it may take more -- move to sitting near the bed in the dark, no hand, and also no interactions once lights are out; resist any urge to sing to him or talk to him after the bedtime routine is done. Then after days or weeks of that position, tell him you are going to move to the hallway right outside his door; be sure you sit where he can see you through the cracked door. Yes, you stay until he's asleep (I used to read books out there by the dim hallway light). If he gets up to check on you in the hallway, return him to bed by walking him there but do not talk to or engage him or it becomes a game for him.

Gradually, leave your hallway post after 15 minutes each night, whether he's fully asleep or not. Then after a while, leave after 10, then give it time and leave after five minutes. He may have some times when he still gets up during this routine to see if you are there, or to say, "Why did you go away from the hallway?" but say nothing more than, "Night is for sleeping" and walk him firmly back to bed (don't fuss with him--this is not an issue for discipline at all because he is just learning new routines, not being bad or naughty).

This could take a long time -- weeks, maybe months. Be patient with him and don't cave to sleeping with him but do be nearby for enough time that he understands that you are still there even when he does not see you later on.

As for getting up in the night: That may well continue for a while. Again, not a cause for punishment as he is only seeking out comfort and you don't want to give him any message that comfort stops when it's dark; of course you want to end the cycle, so walk him back to his bed and put him in it but with NO talking or interaction (again -- it turns into a game for kids this age if mom or dad talks to them in the night). The very most to say is something like "Night is for sleeping" and that only on the very first time you do it, not on any other times that same night. Turn around and leave as soon as he's lying down again. Every time he gets up, return him in silence and leave. He will learn that there is no positive "reward" if he gets up and comes to you -- he does not get anyone to sleep with him and he also does not get any talk or attention from you; it's just another dull walk back to where he started.

It takes time and a lot of repetition and patience but it does work. If you push too fast, or fuss at him, or try to do it all in a few days, it could backfire and he'll feel less secure that you're going to be there for comfort at night, so go gradually and it will stick. Worked really well with our daughter though we started it younger with her -- since he is over two, he may take longer to get into this routine.

You need to taper off laying with him at bed time.
start by not laying with him .. sit in his floor and move closer to the door every few days. Eventually to the hallway.

Happy medium- we had my son's little cars couch on our floor and he would come in and that is where we put him. This lasted only a few weeks. This was him NOT in our bed and we all got sleep. He got to the point that we did not even hear him come in. His bed was more comfy, so he eventually stopped comming in..

Good luck

We have the samething with our 3 1/2 year old and the only reason we stay with her is because she shares a room with her 1 1/2 year old sister and we don't want her to wake the little one up. But when she had her own room we did our bedtime routine, kissed her goodnight and left the room without too much trouble. At about the age of your sone she did start to scream when we left the room but I would let her scream it out and when she calmed down I would go back in calm her down tell her it is time to go to sleep give her a kiss and say goodnight. It might be a rough week or so but he will start to go to sleep by himself. I used to give her a heads up that I was going to leave in a couple of min. so she it wasn't a quick goodnight and leave. If he comes to your room, tuck him in, give him a kiss and say goodnight. I will gaurentee that it will NOT be easy on either on of you at first but eventually he will learn to put himself back to sleep. My daughter comes into our room every night and then I put her back to bed. I do the samething you do right now. I lay with her until she falls asleep which I know is the wrong thing to do but I know if I don't her crying will wake up my youngest and then I will have an even BIGGER problem.

No, that will not stop the nighttime wakings. They are a habit at this point that needs to be broken. The best thing to do is to walk him back to his bed. Do not lay down with him. You can stay for a few minutes, but no talking and no laying down with him. It's going to take a few nights, but that should break the habit.

Exactly what Leigh R. said!!

Oh & add a nightlight to his room.

We had a phase like this. It started with him getting into bed with us. Then that wasn't really working for us, so I put a pillow and blankets on the floor and said he could sleep there. That worked some. But then we got him a twin mattress instead of the toddler bed and he had us come into his room instead. In my opinion that was better because at least I could escape.

Initially, I would stay in his room until he fell back to sleep, but then I started saying, "5 minutes" or "2 minutes". If he complained when I started to leave, I would tell him that I believed in him and his ability to sleep on his own and that I'd be watching him (or come back and check on him if I hadn't been to sleep yet). Sometimes that seemed to work.

We also got a clock that is blue for night time and yellow for wake up time. That helped too.

I would suggest tapering off how long you stay with him when you put him to bed so that you are eventually leaving when he is still awake. It took some give and take for us to get past this phase, but I knew he was capable because he would do it for the sitter.

Then if/when he comes to your room, put him back in his room instead. Start off staying with him in the beginning, but taper off how long you stay.

It worked for us...or he just grew out of the phase. We don't have any nightly visits anymore.

We do still stay with him when we first put him to bed, but it's just a few minutes and he's not asleep. We have twins and they share a room, so staying in the room a few minutes helps switch off the play or goofing off mentality and turns on the quiet time one.

Does your child know his numbers? What helps us a lot is that we put a digital clock in his room, and we would point to it and say, you need to stay in your bed until this number is a 6 (ie, until at least 6AM).

Then, when he gets up in the night, we take him back to his bed and say "look, the number isn't 6 yet, you need to stay in your bed to sleep". We were consistent about that for a few nights in a row, each time he got up. Now, when he wakes up in the night, if it's not 6, he rolls over and goes back to sleep.

Worked for both my kids.