My dd has been asking lots of pointed Santa questions lately, I've been dodging them by changing the subject or telling her we'll talk about it later. She already knows about the tooth fairy & the easter bunny, she figured those out last year. Here's the twist - she's my youngest (7) and her older brother (8.5) wholeheartedly believes in Santa - to the point that he gets offended if you suggest Santa isn't real, it's really sweet and we want to let him have that as long as he needs it. Dd did ok not telling her brother about the tooth fairy (yes, she guessed that first too), but I think knowing about Santa is just going to be too much for her to keep secret and I really don't want her to wreck it for her older brother - as the youngest she delights in 'beating' him at things.
So, what do all of you wise ladies suggest? I think we're going to have to have the 'talk', but how should we do it so that she doesn't spoil it for her older bro? If bro were younger it would be easier to ask her to keep the secret, she's had no problems keeping the tooth fairy & easter bunny secret from her younger friends & neighbors, but I'm really afraid she's going to want to one-up him on this one.
Just tell her that if she doesn't believe in Santa, then he won't bring her any presents!!! My son is 8 and starting to question it, but I think he's a bit afraid to question it too much just in case Santa is real and finds out that he doesn't believe in him anymore than he won't bring my son any presents!!!
Say - oh, no! Children who don't believe in Santa don't get any presents at all. You better not say that ever again. It will work.
You could try explaining that St. Nicholas was a real person who enjoyed making children feel happy. He gave away all his money to the poor and needy. The tradition of Santa Claus helps us to keep the spirit of Christmas alive. I would say, "I believe in the spirit of giving and I believe in the spirit of Christmas." You could involve her in a service project where she could help raise money to buy toys for other children.
WHAT?!?!!!! Santa Clause is not real!?!!?! NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Have Santa mail her a letter stating that he is aware of her doubts but urging her to keep believing the the magic of Christmas. Make a reference to something you know she will really like (such as "I know you really like your Hannah Montanna CD so maybe you may find a new one under the tree"). Something that says "Santa knows".
Honestly, even when I found out Santa wasnt real.... I still believed :)
There will always be that element of doubt that keeps you hanging on... I still go outside and look at the sky on Christmas Eve to see if I can see the sleigh and Rudolph!.
Rather than having "the talk" with her, just ask her "what do YOU think?" and then smile and remain ambiguous, it will all be illuminated in due time and when their little minds are mature enough to stop believing they will also be able to rationalize WHY we do the fantasy in the first place "BECAUSE ITS FUN!" (and thats when you have the talk)
..... I have no personal friends or family members that suffer from post traumatic stress disorder over the santa fantasy. I think its good for the imagination, and when they stop believing it is a certain milestone in development that would be good to jot down in their babybook for future reference for when they have their own kids.
Tell her what I told my son he did not ask until age nine. Where the santa claus we know came from> I told him santa is real. Over in I think it was germany? A man named saint nicholas left items outside peoples doors that needed help. He would leave hams -toys and other items. I told him that santa took over leaving gifts and things when st. nicholas past on to heaven. If you need to back this up you can find information about this saint in encyclopedias or the internet. This is actually where the story of our santa stems from. When I showed him and read out of our encyclopedia the story of saint nicholas he is now 11 and he still tells his friends that santa is real.
If you don't want Santa ruined for your son I wouldn't confirm her belief, but just keep repeating that Santa is real. Beside, Santa is real, it's mommy and daddy! =) I would just say, Santa is real but he doesn't bother to bring presents to kids who don't believe in him. Good Luck.
If you want to continue Santa with your son, pull your daughter in as your helper. Let her know the truth (she probably already knows), but tell her that brother still enjoys believing in Santa. Tell her that she now has an important tole of protecting it from him and she can be your helper in it.
I believe it is very important to be truthful with your children. We personally don't do the Santa character. We do Christmas with gifts, etc., but our kids know that the gifts come from their parents, who love them very much. We used to do it, but it exploded on us when our 2nd son was defending Santa to his friends because Daddy told him there was, and Daddy would NEVER lie to him. {gulp} He was devastated. The oldest figured it out around age 4. LOL I guess what I am saying is that your daughter already seems to suspect. To continue to facade could be detrimental because she will either know or figure out quickly that it isn't true. She will then wonder what else isn't true. Your son seems oblivious. I would watch his cues. If he seems to be questioning it, then I would tell him. I don't think you should perpetuate something that they aren't sure about in the first place, if that makes sense. Don't keep the truth from your daughter. Let her be your little helper. It should be fine.
If you really think it's time to have "the talk" let her know that there will still be gifts from "Santa" under the tree for her and her brother, but if she spoils it for him by telling then she won't receive any extra "Santa" gifts.
Personally I'd stall her for a while longer. We've gone with the "if you don't believe in Santa, he won't come" and that has completely worked!
She might not tell him on purpose, but she's young and you never know what she might do if they are having a fight. It's best to keep them both on the same page!
If you really think she has discovered that there is no Santa then by all means have the talk with her.
BUT, tell her the story of the real St. Nicholas and ask her to help keep the myth alive for her brother until he figure it out on his own. Explain that the myth of Santa is part of the magic of Christmas and the greatest gift that she can give to her brother is keep the magic alive.
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=38
My son is 14 and Santa still leaves him a gift every Christmas - I know he know its me, but we have never admitted it to each other....keeping the magic alive.
I would suggest having a talk with her,but, explaining the whole Spirit of giving, the real story of St Nick, (the real person) and the spirit of Santa . He is alive because that feeling is alive in 95% of us. It is just easier to show it at the Holidays but, we should all one up it to be giving all year long, even if it's just your time ,to volunteer somewhere,anywhere to help somebody else.
Explain to DD that she shouldn't want to one-up her brother in this case , as it would cause alot of unhappiness for him. When you give her the talk ,re: above, maybe you should include brother in that conversation. It really is more about the Spirit of giving than the Image of Santa. Santa is just easier for very young children to get . Best of Luck, (and I'm with you on keeping childhood dreams,images, etc, aound as long as possible for kids. They grow up way toooo fast. C. S.
I am going to quote a friend's 9 year old having a conversation with a friend about whether or not Santa is real. "Do you really think your parents are buying all those toys in this economy?"
If she were an only child I would have "the talk" but since she gets great pleasure from knowing things before big bro, I would not have the talk and confirm that yes Santa is real, i'd keep it that way till big bro knows the truth. My son is about to turn 8 and he is all about Santa. Kids grow up way too quick for my liking and as long as he still believes it we go with it.
Can you turn the question on her?
When she says, "Is Santa real?" Ask her "what do you think."
Every Mom I've known that has used this trick has gotten an extra year out of their kids (because if she's asking, she already knows the answer) simply because they want to make sure they get presents!
Good luck!
i totally agree with cathy, explain that his spirit is real just like there was a st nick and his spirit IS santa
explain to her in detail how miserable that you will make her life if she does tell. If she is old enough to be in the know she is old enough to honor the 'code of silence' on this. If it were me I would not tell her until after this Xmas though.
i would try to get her to hush about it, but thats sort of a rite of passage for a kid, having your siblings spoil the mystery of santa for you. Its just usually by the older siblings.
I hope my daughter will soon help me keep santa alive, she is 7 and is realizing the jig is up, but i have a 2 year old daughter as well, who next year will be able to start understanding this magic.
I'm 31 and I wholeheartedly believe in Santa. Dang... battery about to die... more on that in a few hours.
I believe in being honest with my children. However, I would NOT have a talk with her at this point. Let her keep guessing for another year.
We still "believe" in Santa in our house and the girls are 14 and 15. I make a fuss about it. They write their "paperless" lettters to Santa and e-mail them to me. We bake cookies for Santa, and leave out carrots for the reindeer, it's tradition. We like to keep the spirit alive.
If your daughter comes to you and asks point blank is there a Santa? Then I think you'll need to tell her the truth, but explain that it's important to believe in the Christmas spirit and not offend those around her by not beleiving.
Years ago, when my older two were teens, they were teasing their next younger sister. Someone asked me for the truth in front of her. I just said that if Santa isn't real, all they need to expect under the tree is socks and underwear. They wanted a video game system that year so that was the last I heard of it. Apparently, they felt that I needed to believe because none of the six of them ever mentioned the idea of not believing in Santa Claus to me and now the youngest is 19 and has a new baby of her own.
Just tell her that you don't know if he is real or not.
... "Santa" is different for everyone... when my Daughter was in 1st Grade and 6 years old... some of her classmates would say Santa is fake... Santa is make believe... Santa is for babies.... BUT my daughter still believed in Santa and still does at now 8 years old and in 3rd Grade.
Her 1st Grade Teacher... would get asked by the kids "Is Santa real????" And HER reply was "He is at my house.... and in my heart..."
That is what I tell my kids.
Don't spoil it for your son.... tell your daughter everyone is different... what she thinks is not the same as her brother... and it does NOT have to be.
all the best,
Susan
I liked the other suggestion of "he is real in my heart" and I also think it is okay to tell her that some things just can't be explained ands he if she'll leave it at that.
My kids are only 2&3, and I really dread that conversation!
