The Unfavored Parent

Hi T. and welcome to Mamasource.

Well, my DH and I work FT, too. And we had our second son in August 2007. Towards the third trimester, my son Jacob (2 at the time, now 2.5) became a Mama's Boy. Daddy wasn't allowed to do anything! Since I knew Ryan was coming and that I would be breastfeeding him, I stopped making myself so available to his needs. I didn't ignore him in ANY way, but I slowly started having my husband do more with him. Now, with both boys, we trade off all night. Feeding, diapers, bath, playing, etc.

At 2.5, Jacob still wants "Mama" for certain things. I HAVE to be the one to read books and tuck him in. If he gets up in the middle of the night, "Mama". But, when it's playtime (rough-housing), that's Daddy's job. We have a basement full of the toys I don't want around our good furniture and Daddy has to be the one to take him down there to play.

As for the talking back to you and not Dad. Jacob already knows who is the strict one in the house (me). He will raise his hand to hit me, but if I give him the "look", he backs down. Dad isn't so strict and Jacob will push the limits with him and will hit. He still gets the same punishment (time out), but I think that Dad allows a little bit more when I'm not around.

A part of your 3.5 y/o's resistance to you may be the new baby. As Mom, I think you have been tending to the baby now. And if you are breastfeeding - or were - even more so. Up until last week or so, I still nursed my 6 month old when I was home. (He stopped nursing for some reason and only wants my milk from the bottle). Jacob would get SO angry when I was feeding Ryan. So, there was some jealousy. Maybe your son feels this way, too.

If I were you, I'd take your older son out for a nice lunch this weekend. Just you and him. Hit McD or somewhere fun - as a treat. Take him to the store and let him pick out some books that are for him and MOM to read at night. We're big on reading in our house and I SO enjoy the time at night reading with my son before bed. He does, too.

I'd also start taking on bath time or play time or whatever and have Dad take the baby in the other room. If your son cries for Dad - tell him that he has to take care of Baby.

Not sure if this will work - just some ideas.

Good luck!

T.

My 5 yr old is at this stage right now. Has even told me- he doesnt love me.. just kidding. it hurts. but I know its just a stage. there will be time in his life he will favor me.. let him have his time with daddy. dont feel guilty. I am sure you are a wonderful mom. Play. And when our boys are older- they prefer there mom- ask any man you know. parent.child relationships change with age. just think of your own. also- talk to your husband about this. My husband shows me tons of affection in front of the 2 boys.

My son is a yr older but goes through periodic "no, i don't love mommy... i love daddy" and I stay home with him and dad works. I realized that it goes in cycles. afer a month or so he'll only want mommy. The talking back thing... I just wonder... does dad talk back to mommy? lol. i think at that age they want to be like the same sex parent, but if dad gives you mouth he may be imitating that too (?) And with the car? yeah. I left my son in the back seat in the closed garage until he could say he was going to be nice (i'd come in and ask him every minute) (he was hitting me and saying no i don't want mommy).
try not to cry. I think some of it is normal!