OK... So I've read some of the archives here and feel a bit better, but my son, age 3, has been "humping" for almost a year now. It's not just toys, but mine and my husbands legs or shoulder or arm if he's lying in bed with us in the morning or before nap time. What concerns me more is that he will also try this on his four year old sister.
We've tried to teach him that you don't rub your pee pee on other people and that other people don't like that. Our daughter will push him away or yell to us, if we are not in that room that he is rubbing his pee pee against her.
I'm wondering first how we stop this. The archive questions discuss people taking the child to their own room and saying you can do that in private by yourself. But I'm also worried about teaching his sister to defend and respect herself enough to not let that happen, especially if some other kid or worse tried to do that to her. I'm thinking I just need to teach her to "Slug the begebbies" out of her brother if this occurs, and then when he comes in crying to explain why...
I'm also afraid my son will turn into some kind of perverted sex predator. I know this is my imagination running wild, but why won't this just stop? Thanks for any help or suggestions.
Thanks to everyone for responding. I did tell and have been reinforcing with his sister that you need to yell loudly, push him away (I didn't teach hitting since I thought about the consequences with that...) and run to Mommy or Daddy or teacher etc... I also told my son that he can do this in the privacy of his own bedroom with the door closed and not on other people. I'm still reiterating that, of course, but hopefully he'll get the picture. He doesn't do it in public or when others are around, so like someone mentioned, it's probably a soothing thing, like before nap or bedtime etc... I didn't think of that...
Thanks again.
I would teach your daughter to fight back. Next time he touches her like that, she needs to hit him, kick him, whatever and let him deal with the natural consequences of it. Right now all he knows it that it feels good, so he doesn't think of it the way you do. But you need to stop it and do it soon.
I think he will be fine, but just in case ask his doctor. Your post reminded me of when my Godchild, who is now almost 30. When he was three, he did the same thing and his mom was worried and told him that he could "hurt himself". So he started hiding when he was doing it. His mom would look all over the place and once found him under the bed. She said "Max, what are you doing under the bed, the child replied, I'm hurting myself".
I still laugh every time I think about that. Thanks for the reminder and take heart. Happy Thanksgiving to you and ALL the MAMA's on this site.
Blessings....
Teach him there is a right and a wrong place to do it.
That's it.
No, is no.
And tell him, when he does it to you/your Husband, that is No.
AND to his sister.
And yes, teach your daughter (is she older or younger?)... to TELL HIM to stop it and push him away and to TELL you. I have a daughter, and I teach her to "defend" herself with her brother. Whether it is this or with them fighting. Your daughter needs to know, she can speak up and do something to make her brother stop it, on her. Or if anyone does that to her.
Then, just hope that he does not do this in Preschool, if he is attending a Preschool or Daycare. The other parents would not like it, being done to their kids or to the toys in the classroom.
Your son, is probably doing it, as a relaxing thing. Or as you said, before he falls asleep.
At this age, its not like a child has complete impulse control. But, since your son is doing it all over the place, then you need to try and contain it. Does he do this in public too? Or with other people in the room? Or at other people's homes?
Hopefully this phase, will not last too long.
Or ask your Pediatrician.
Please do not teach your daughter to hit her brother. You want her to learn to use her words. It is not appropriate to hit someone when you don't like what they're doing. She can push him away from her. She can yell for you. Most of all she must learn to say NO in a loud voice as she pushes him off of her.
To teach her to hit him is suggesting that he's doing something really serious. Yes, it may be good to hit a teen boy who won't stop when she says no. But you're not raising a teen girl and teen boy. Your children are little and are learning how to get along with each other.
I'm not so sure it's "normal" for him to be humping legs, shoulders, toys. Most children play with themselves but I've not known of a child to actually hump unless they've seen others humping. I'm a retired police officer who investigated sex offenses. I would talk with the pediatrician and see what he says if you do not have an explanation for where he picked up this behavior.
I suggest that you need to tell him that it's totally inappropriate to be humping anyone or anything. He can play with himself or even push himself against the bed but he should not be using people and objects. Using objects is a hazard. He can hurt himself against sharp edges.
Perhaps you need to show him how to safely play with himself. It is very normal to do that. Teach him to do it in privacy of his room or bathroom. But stop him from humping others. A time out when he does it is appropriate. It separates him from the action. It's a way to teach him appropriate behavior.
I believe that maybe it is a phase he is going through. But if it's not and it still concerns you, I believe you should speak to your pediatrician. Or monitor how he is acting around other adults and children. Or maybe, it's something on television that he is watching. But you have to monitor his behavior and be persistent in proper discipline, Implement the timeout chair or take away his favorite toy for a couple of day and try talking to him about the situation. Kids are smarter than what we give them credit for, so communication also is the key. Good luck
Although it is probably just a phase, I think it is a good time to teach him to respect others. He is young, but he can still be taught. If you are stern with him he will learn to be respectful of all of you.
