Toddler Sibling Fights !!!

I had the same problem with my son and daughter, who are 16 months apart. I finally had to follow the advice in a parenting class I went to and tell them that unless someone is bleeding or something is broken, I don't want to hear about it. But they were older when I did that. I like the one mom's advice of separating them.

I feel for you! Sibling squabbles are natural, but not insurmountable. Kids will do the most natural thing unless they're given some alternatives that pay off in a way they can understand. Behavior then becomes habit, and it's probably more irksome for you than for them. When they get use to operating under the new alternatives, they will hopefully replace the habit they've formed so far. Figure out what you can use for a treat that can be 'broken up into small bits'. If they like sweets, get some that come in small pieces for this. Or those Crazy Bands? Whatever you choose, place about 15 pieces in a container they decorate or something special and personal for them, so that they feel like they're taking part and 'owning the solution' somewhat. You want them personally invested in this. Before you begin, explain that those things that now lead to squabbles and hurt feelings can be handled in a different way that will help them and you to feel happier, instead of annoyed. Give them examples from past squabbles they might remember, saying, "This is the way you handled it. How did that feel inside? Did it make you happy?" and then, "Instead of that, this is the way I want you to handle it'.... (It would be very helpful to practice with pretend situations and good resolutions at this point, even if it turns silly, so that they can start on a successful, hopeful place to reference back to when the decisions have to be made). 'If you handle it the happy way, I'll put a treat in your... (little jar, or whatever). If one of you tries to handle it the good way, but the other one doesn't cooperate, only the one who tries will get the treat. If you squabble and bicker instead, you'll both have one the treats in your jar taken out. At the end of the day, you'll get your day's portion of treats. If you handle your diffrences well, you'll both have treats and we'll all be happier. If you don't , you'll have no treats, and your hearts won't be as happy. If you don't know what to do, I'm here to help you so you can keep your treats and be happy.' Tell them you know they can do this, and that you're looking forward to them being the best of friends and enjoying each other a lot more.
As a side, I was the middle one of five kids, all of us 2 years apart. When you're stuck together all the time, it's easy to squabble, and it really takes a parent's wisdom to step in before things even start, if they can. Sometimes, we really had grievances that either we didn't know how to handle, or that we felt we weren't being considered for some reason or another. And at other times, we squabbled because we were bored and didn't know what else to do. As the mom, you have your hands full in this. You could head off some of the squabbles by noticing where they originate, and heading them off before they become a squabble. ie. if boredom is a trigger, give the kids a job to do and reward them for doing it under a certain amount of time. You all win. Or engage them in a game they both like. Also, you can teach them to not only settle squabbles, but turn everything even more positive, by showing them how to gladly share, help, serve, be sensitive to, and show affection to each other. Having a sibling so close is great training for life, either way they live it! I hope your home gets more peaceful soon!

Mom some advice i can give you try to find things that they can do together. Some type of game where they have to be on he same team. This will teach them that they can work together.These games help children to get past the personality issues and have fun and do it with love. Also how do they spend there time? kids who are bored tend to find things to do and that happens to be the wrong thing most of the time.How much time do you spend with them? Do you play with them ect....How are you reacting to there fighting are yo staying calm or are they getting a rise out of you too? That also will trigger children to agg it on. If you have any other questions on what type of games if you cant think of any message me will go over some.OH AND BE PATEINT WITH YOURSELF ....THIS TO SHALL PASS!

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You can try & counter it with having them tell you something positive about the other each time they complain about the other. I agree with the posts that say that mostly you choose the battles you're willing to wage. Probably most of it is to get your attention. I really love Super Nanny and while I know that some of that is probably 'made for TV' I think she has great ideas/solutions. http://www.supernanny.com/ this website offers help and advise on a wide range of issues facing today's parents. I hope it helps.

This too shall pass.

I make my boys go to different corners. They sit for a few minutes then beg to be able to play together again. If it's any consolation, if subsides after a while.

I read in a book somewhere that when kids fight the way your kids are, simply tell them that they are welcome to fight....just go away from you to do it. Tell them to go to the bedroom to fight or even to go outside to fight. They usually do it for attention and when they don't have you as an audience they almost immediately stop. I've only had to do this on a few occassions and now they say, "mom, we don't want to fight" or "mom, we will not fight". It works like a charm. Try it.
Best wishes for a sane future. I know how tough it can be as mine are all a little over a year apart, ages 5, 4 and 2 1/2.

I stopped all the tattle tailing by telling them this....I need to know if someone is getting hurt or something is getting broke. Anything else is tattle tailing and that is as bad as lying & hitting because a tattle tailer is trying to get someone else in trouble & that is mean. So then when you hear Mommy she said hush to me, then ask where are you hurt? they say nowhere, then ask what is broken? they say nothing, then you say oh, so are you tattle tailing? they always say no & run away. Mine just turn & walk away as soon as i ask where they are hurt....they know the drill. After a few weeks, I then treat it te same as hitting or lying....my kids pay fines for rule infringements...their money is their toys. Helps clean out their rooms & toy box & we donate non broken things to charity. You can see my other posts for more details on that. My kids are 4&5. Boy & girl. Hope this helps...mine had a hard time grasping when they should tell & when they shouldn't. This was easy for them to remember. Now they will come & say so 7 so is breaking this or hurting me here etc... So they really understand the difference now. I thoroughly appreciate it cause I certainly do want to know if someone is getting hurt or if something is getting broken!

As close as they are in age, you had better just learn to live with it because they will be doing it for a long time.

I've heard that the book Siblings Without Rivalry, by Faber and Mazlish, is extremely helpful. I haven't read that one, but regularly use another book of theirs called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, which you would also find helpful for common behavioral issues.

Good luck! Being one of 4 siblings, I have funny, and sad, and ugly memories of how my sisters and I would fight. My mom was always going nuts and punishing one or more of us, but that never helped.