Toddlers and Food

I don't think it is too much to expect a 2 year old to sit at the dinner table. Even if they don't really want much to eat, they need to learn how to sit and be at the dinner table.

I never, ever stressed over food or dinner time. There was always an array of healthy options (fruit, cheese sticks, trail mix, etc.) because let's face it, sometimes the adults want to eat more sophisticated things for dinner and there was NO WAY I was going to make two meals every night. So if I decided to make something very un-kid friendly, like seafood or a dinner salad for example, two things my kids hated, they could always help themselves to those other options. When they got a little older they were also welcome to reheat leftovers or make themselves a sandwich if they didn't like what I made.
As far as sitting for ten minutes? Well if she's done she's done. Let her go play and finish your meal with your husband and older daughter in peace. I don't really see why this is a problem.

I did not subscribe to "grazing". My kids were given meals at regular times, offered snacks at regular times and that was it. No snacking in between snacks. I fed them what we were eating, for the most part, but made sure that there was always one item I knew they would eat, and I would sometimes make their meals slightly different (hold the sauce etc). They never starved. The best ways I found to get them to try new foods were to take them to the buffet and let them pick, take them to friends or family for meals, or send them to summer camp (a little older). Both my kids started out pretty picky, but they eat pretty well now.

Some toddlers are grazers, but 2 year olds are capable of sitting for 10 minutes to finish a meal. Try to stick to a three meal a day schedule with a snack between breakfast and lunch then another snack between lunch and dinner. If she's constantly grazing/snacking, she won't be hungry when mealtime comes so it's not too surprising that she refuses food at mealtime. Also, being a bit hungry will keep her more open to trying new foods.

My kids are picky eaters, too. What I do is to make sure I have something during mealtime that they like/able to tolerate plus something new. The rule is that they have to try the new food at least once. If they don't like it they don't have to finish it (but I would continue to offer it every once in a while). Remember, kids have to try a new food 10-15 times (or more) before they start to like/able to tolerate it. For instance, my 3 year old hated raw carrots, but I kept offering it and she had to take at least one bite every time I offered it. Finally, after 11 months, she eats it voluntarily.

I'm not sure why food is being thrown away. Is it that inedible after she moves a spoon around in it and doesn't eat it? I think it goes back in the fridge, waiting for later. There's a difference between "I'm not hungry anymore" and "I'm not in the mood for what you fixed or what I chose 3 seconds ago."

I've seen all kinds of tricks, like loading an ice cube tray with 12 different foods and the child can choose from them during the day (yogurt in one, cheese cubes in another, fruit slices in a couple of them, veggies in a few others....). I think it's a cute idea in giving some choices in manageable quantities, but I do worry that toddlers will upend the whole thing if they get frustrated. For us, our child would happily eat waffles and French toast for breakfast, but stop there. So fruit was always his "first half" and when that was done, he got the carbs for his "second half." He got a choice between 2 "second halves" - French toast or pancakes, for example (both of which I had loaded up with extra nutrition. But he didn't have free reign of the whole fridge.

I think you have to limit the choices, which may make her frustrated at first. But she will not starve. Honestly she will not. If she's hungry, you know that she needs protein and healthy fats and fruits and veggies over the course of the day. I don't think you have a hard rule about "waffles are for breakfast" but you probably have to think that waffles are once a day and not followed by French toast and cereal and toast and crackers, you know? Your response has to be, "The waffles are gone for today. Would you rather have carrots or cheese?" Next meal is something other than those 3 things.

You can also add to your vocabulary, "Okay, I guess you are not hungry." Not "You HAVE to eat" or "You can pick something out of the fridge." Feeding on demand is okay, as you said, because kids graze and they definitely eat at least 6 times a day. BUT, that doesn't mean that you drop everything the second she's hungry, watch her ignore it, and then respond in 5 more minutes.

I think 10 minutes at the table is a great ideal and probably the outside limit. You want to make meals fun and involve some interaction and ideally Mom and Dad eating some of it as well - otherwise a 2 year old is not going to sit in a high chair or booster for a long time by herself and eat everything. But when she's done, she gets down, and the food gets put away. Which is where it stays. If she's hungry in 10 minutes, it's back in her seat and the same food comes out again if she didn't eat a reasonable amount. I don't think you gain anything by letting them walk around with food or not understand that meals are at a table. Not that they can't have a popsicle or a slice of watermelon outside in the summer, but once food is allowed in every room on demand, you've lost control, and they don't feel they really need to understand hunger vs. boredom.

Also, try dips - some kids will enjoy dipping in hummus and then eating the item, or even ranch dip.

Most foods need to be tried something like 20 times before a kid really gets used to them (taste and texture). So don't give up on the first try. Taking a kid to a farmers market or the produce section is really helpful. A number of grocery stores are giving kids a free piece of fruit to munch on in the carriage so they aren't eating Goldfish crackers. I usually gave my kid a banana and then had the cashier ring up a spare banana 2 times (I didn't want him to think that grazing is free!). But now they are encouraging kids to try new foods/textures and that's great.

L., I gotta say that since you "know toddlers tend to graze", you are causing the issue yourself. Why wouldn't your 2 year old be picky? You do what she wants. You don't require anything of her. She rules the roost where dinnertime is concerned.

I will tell you flat out that if she refuses what you give her and won't sit in the highchair, and you tell her "You must be done" and take her down and put the food away, she will eventually eat what you give her. After a few times of stubbornly refusing to eat, she will start eating her dinner because she will realize that you aren't going to put up with the nonsense anymore.

I have a friend who used to allow her son to do this. His diet was limited in the EXTREME. He ate a few fruits, bread, pancakes, yogurt, french fries, candy, drank a ton of milk and soda, and one or two fruit juices. That's pretty much it. She had to add amino acids to his yogurt because he didn't get enough. He wouldn't eat ANY meat or vegetables. He wouldn't even eat pizza. He never got enough protein. She put Citracel in his juice because he got so little fiber. He was overweight and pre-diabetic by the time he was in college. As an adult now, he is trying hard to overcome this.

I'm giving you an extreme example, but the point is that his mother allowed all of this because she wouldn't stand up to him when he was one year old and keep offering foods that were healthy instead of just giving in when he demanded endless milk, bread and bananas.

I watched a woman at a Sunday afternoon party following her toddler around someone's house spoon feeding her as she wandered around. I couldn't get over it. The kid didn't care one bit about eating, but that mother was bound and determined that her child would eat.

Breakfast, snack. Lunch, nap. Snack. Dinner. Bedtime. Repeat, repeat, repeat. No grazing. Only eating at the table while sitting in a high chair. You have the power. You just need to ignore when your child fusses and doesn't eat. The pickiness will resolve at some point if you just stop trying to make sure your child eats.

Wow... my son was never allowed to 'help himself' at that age, either in the cupboard or the fridge.

My usual method with picky eaters is put three things on the plate that they've eaten with some reliability recently. The child can then have the 'choice' from the plate, not the cupboard or fridge. Toddlers are notorious for changing their minds, by the way-- to ask for one thing and then not eat it is very common. I stopped asking my son what he wanted and just put on the items *I* wanted him to eat and moved along. If any mess was made, I had him 'help' clean it up.

Remember, the more you talk about it and focus on the food, the bigger a deal it becomes. If he asked for blueberries, I might put some on a plate with some hummus and bread (which he liked) and then leave him to it. If he finished the blueberries, great, he could have more. If he didn't want to eat, then he got down, I covered the plate, returned it to the fridge, and let him play.

I gave up, years ago, on the idea of having perfect dinnertime with toddlers. ;) I saw what happened with the families I was a nanny for. It was far better for me to make Kiddo an earlier light dinner while I was cooking more sophisticated fare for my husband and myself. We do eat all together at the table now, but that took quite a while to happen successfully. Be patient and remember, this too shall pass! And my picky eater is now involved in what he has for dinner, setting the table, etc. Teach them to help and make the load easier for everyone in the long run.

(I should add that, years ago, I was the lead caregiver for a group of eight 20-30 month old toddlers. During meals they were all required to sit in their chairs for at least 5 minutes-- but they were usually eating longer than that, because that's what their peers were doing. They could also clear their own places with a little help and stack their plates, cups, put silverware in a bucket... in nice, neat stacks. When you make it routine, even little ones can adapt. If they didn't do it, we just guided them through it calmly-- it wasn't a choice to help, it was *life* and just 'what we did'. )

I had offered food of some kind (meal or snack) every 3 hours at that age. But in between I limited them to water only. One of mine in particular would want to drink milk all day and then eat nothing at meals. That's when I laid down the water only if it wasn't a scheduled meal or snack rule, and his appetite at meals was much much better.

I never gave my kids a choice. Grazing was not allowed and they were expected to sit in the high during meals. They were also expected to eat the food offered and to try new things.
Now they are from 41 - 25 with kids of their own and none of them are picky eaters, not even the grandchildren.
I always made healthy meals including veggies and they ate it.

I think that kids must sit in a chair while eating. They don't get a choice at my house. Not at all. I have too many years in child care to ever consider them not sitting down while eating.

When you've had to pick up too many kids and do abdominal thrusts to get food out of their throats...you just know a smart person never lets a child get up and walk around with food.

So yes, you do have the right idea. Kids do NOT get to walk around with food in their hands. They sit down in a high chair and pay attention to the food in front of them.

I do think you are also right that at this age they are starting to really gain independence and they don't want to eat what they don't like and they want to be up moving around. Still, you are the adult and they are not. If you allow them to have their way in this, something so important and dangerous for them you can bet they'll give you fits later on and know this is how to make mommy do what you want and not what's right.

When I've had kids in my care either picking them up at school or transporting them on a field trip I've had parents come up to get their kids from my vehicle and be astonished their child was sitting quietly with their seat belts on. They are so stunned. I tell them "I'm the adult, they have no choice. Either they fasten them and keep them fastened or we sit still with the car turned off". They don't get a choice when it's a safety issue.

I pray no one has to lose a child by them choking on a gummy that shouldn't have been given to them without being cut up since they weren't old enough to eat it in the first place.

I hope no one has to lose a child that grabbed a marshmallow off a table and then choked to death on it. There are SO many choke hazards out there for the kids and it's our responsibility to search those things out and protect our kids. Age appropriate foods, sitting down in a chair at the table to eat, cut up foods in 1/4 inch pieces or smaller until they're 3(ish) and they can chew and swallow these foods without them gumming up in their throat.

I have had to perform life saving rescues on toddlers and pre-school children. Some in my own family. It's scary. So scary that I learned that I have to give the kids no choice.

You put them in the chair, sit down next to them, give them a bit of the food, let them manage it. If they throw it on the floor they have to help pick it up/clean it up. If they don't want it then they're not hungry. Let them down. Clean the tray and close the kitchen to them. They need to sit down at meal time with the family so they can be used to sharing conversation, learn about table manners from both seeing them used and being taught to use them, and they need to learn it's time to eat with everyone else so they will get full and not be wandering through the house wanting food for the next 4 hours.

I think expecting a two year old to sit for 10 minutes is reasonable. Your two year old will outgrow this. For us it helped to not make a big deal out of pickiness and just enjoy our dinner. It will help if your toddler is hungry too. Don't give out snacks in the afternoon and make him/her wait until dinner. My friend got tired of her picky daughter not eating and she stopped all snacks after lunch. Her daughter suddenly was ravenous at dinner and ate well. Also, give your two year old the same foods you are eating most of the time (cut up small). Don't let them eat "kid foods" and snack foods instead. Also - once they leave the table no more dinner. They can't expect to walk around and play and then grab food to go when they feel like it.

This is my 2 year old exactly!
He wanders to the fridge and pantry ALL THE TIME, bringing back his own snacks for me to open! I thought it was so weird, and that it must be a boy thing. My 2 girls NEVER did that.

I try not to overthink all the child nourishment issues. Honestly, it's such a long road from breastfeeding to toddler food to pickiness to helping them be mindful about junk food and choices when they are older... so many parents get caught up in food battles at any one stage.

I pretty much let my 2 y/o eat whenever he wants, but I still serve him meals. As a grown up, I eat when I'm hungry. I don't deprive myself. Why should I deprive my kids. If my 2 year old wants to go to the fridge and bring me back a string cheese, why not?

(I have all the acceptable snacks at reach, and the treats up high... way up high because the little tot will drag over a dang stepstool to check out what's available!)

Mine can't stay at the table for more than about 5-10 minutes. he is the first one to sit down, and the first to leave. I just reiterate "Are you all done, let's wipe your hands" or whatever and send him off to play like it's perfectly normal. Sometimes he eats a lot of what I put out, sometimes he eats just a small nibble because he filled up on bananas, applesauce, goldfish and string cheese in the 30 minutes I was trying to make it and keep him out of my hair. Oh well.

Your 7 year old is doing okay right, you must have done something right ;) Don't overthink it.

The two year old is most likely mirroring the seven year old. I was pretty hard core about my kids always trying new foods. I don't tolerate "picky". Eat it or not but the prepared food is what is available to eat. If they didn't eat it, I would make a mental note about what they didn't like and tried it at a later date. If they didn't eat, there was no snacking until the next time food was served.

We put a child guard on the fridge.
When our son was a toddler he couldn't get into anything food wise.
So when we gave him a snack, he usually ate it up - but we didn't leave it around for him to graze on later.
Mostly he really liked it if I offered food to him off my own plate.
We were fortunate in that he wasn't very picky.

Try not giving him food all day.
Have some set snack times in between meals and if it's not snack time he can wait until it is.
When it's time to eat, she either eats or doesn't, and if she doesn't then she doesn't eat until the next time to eat.
Eventually she'll learn to eat what's in front of her when it's in front of her.