Looking for advice on how to handle my own OCD about the house being clean all the time. I love when my house is clean, and to be honest, I am usually in a bad mood if the place is a wreck. I admire and envy my friends so much who just "let it go" and don't worry about it so much. Me? I stay up hours after the kids go to bed at night...tidying and cleaning up the house. I am also very guilty of letting my kids watch too much TV sometimes just so that I can do housework. How do I learn to just be more relaxed about it? I try and try to remember that my kids (ages 1 and 3.5 years) won't be this little forever and that one day, I'll have an immaculate house but no children living in it, but I still can't seem to grasp that concept and still prefer a clean house at all times.
Thanks in advance for any responses! Sidenote, we don't have a cleaning lady...I would love one but my husband doesn't want strangers going through our things.
L.
Thank you so much for the responses so far! First off, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who goes crazy if the house is a mess, but it's even better to know that I really should just some things go and focus more time on the kids. Trust me, they aren't neglected in any way....we get out and do things daily...I just meant that on a snowy day I am guilty of putting a video on for the kids instead of baking with them, etc. To answer one of the questions, my husband travels weekly and is gone M-F, but he does help me out on the weekends, more than most husbands do I would say. He loves doing home improvement projects and gives me a hand with the laundry and cleaning so that's good. I really do need to start letting things go! My babies are growing up way too fast. Never too late to change your ways, right? :)
Cooking and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow, for babies grow up I hae
learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my babies and babies don't keep.
The time goes fast. Enjoy eery moment. There will be plenty of time
for the immaculate house. You do want to look back and hae regrets.
keep the main rooms clean and hide from the dirty ones... lol im the same way as you, i like it spotless & it drives me nuts. If I cant clean it all, i do the main rooms, and do literally avoid the messy ones, I get anxiety looking at chaos or mess.
I definitely am not a neat freak, but I am definitely guilty of my own OCD tendencies. I just had a baby and went back to work at 4 weeks and I've always been anxious my entire life. But, I have become better about letting things go. I just look at my kids and really remind myself that this is the last day I will have with them at this stage, tomorrow they will be a little older, a little wiser (or not so much) that I have this moment to connect with them and then it's gone. My mom came to visit this weekend and I told her our car was a disaster, but I didn't clean it because I decided I would rather hang out with the kids and not stress myself out. She said, "you have seemed a lot calmer recently--it's great!" And I realized I was feeling anxious that she was going to make a comment about my car and instead she was happy that I was happy. I realize so much of my anxiety is based on what other people think and I realize I don't want to live like that...maybe my revelation will be useful? Good luck!
hey can you come to my house once a week :)
I just saw this today, and thought it might be helpful for you...puts things in perspective. The housework will always be there, but they will not always be...
http://www.drmomma.org/2010/10/i-took-his-hand-and-follow...
You will have to learn what is important and let the rest go. If there are crumbs on the floor by all means sweep them up. If the books and papers are all around just straighten them up. Your kids are at an age that it shouldn't matter about clutter other than toys all over and the toys can be put in their rooms.
Every one dreams of house beautiful but what you are missing out on is enjoying your kids for being kids and the messes they do make in learning. Your kids aren't going to remember you having an immaculate house only being with them or not being with them running around with the vacuum in hand cleaning. Which way do you want them to remember you? The reason I ask you this is the energy you expend cleaning could go elsewhere in enjoyment to your family.
When things look out of place count to 20 and think what I can leave alone and live with that is "mess" that is in your eyes. Everyone else would probably think that your house is in order. So stop beating yourself up over the "perfect" house. The only ones I have ever seen this way were in new homes in a subdivision that no one lived in and there was dust there sometimes.
You will find your OCD balance that you can live with and you won't be driving everyone else "nuts" with your cleaning. Besides if you clean the way you say you don't need a cleaning lady as she will have nothing to do.
The other S.
PS The person that comes to mind is Kate Goeslin when the show first started and her cleaning her house 3 times a day. Think of the cost of the cleaning supplies - ugg.
I used to have a clean house. On any given day you could eat off the floor. (Just an expression). Then I had kids and learned to "slack Off". It was hard at first. I make sure the coffee table and sink are clean at night, most of the time. I might vacuum once a week instead of 2-3 times a week. I might mop once or twice a month but spot clean with swiffer in between. When I clean I let my kids help out. One will dust, another will sweep. Yeah it might not be up to my standards but they are helping and it's clean. I made the beds every day. Now I might make them only on weekends. I learned how to let it go in time and feel less stressed.
If you arent totally neglecting your children to keep your house clean there is no problem with that. I and many other moms do/did that! The ones with a messy house are the ones that freak out.
Being a little OCD myself, I get it.
I don't have any great advice, just keep trying to tell yourself the things you wrote in this post. Maybe you can try keeping a certain amount of order, i.e. stuff being put away, without the house being perfectly clean.
For some reason, a commercial saying, "Life is messy, clean it up," has been a little helpful for me. Life IS messy. Mess is life. Relax, accept and enjoy it.
I definitely wish I'd been able to learn to let go more. When your kids are gone but your house is all sterile, it really will feel pretty empty and pointless.
Patty K. that is a wonderful poem.
Maybe see a Therapist?
I would really... seek professional help... not a maid. I mean... for your OCD.
It is 'time' to seek professional help... when a person cannot help themselves... AND when it is starting to impact AND handicap... their own DAILY life.... and cannot be stopped.
A friend of mine, her friend is OCD... and her child... has gotten real behavioral problems, because of it... per her Mom's behavior and the 'stress' it causes... her daughter. Her Daughter... is not a happy kid. And really acts out... and it originates... from the Mom's... OCD condition. They have to all get therapy now.
So, maybe if you keep that in mind... it may help you to, curb... your behavior.
Kids... get stressed and affected by these things too.
It is not only 'your' OCD... is also impacts others in the family and ripple effects... onto them.
all the best,
Susan
Wow, I waste time feeling guilty because my place is a mess... It is hard to strike the right balance. My mother kept a very clean house - and there were six of us living on a farm. I have a one bedroom apt and it's messy. I've learned (mostly) to accept this as my way of being. Things are clean, just not neat.
Now, I freely admit to letting my daughter watch a movie or cartoons just so I can relax, or get something done that needs doing. But, if you truly are letting the kids watch too much TV so you can do more cleaning, often, I would suggest stopping and taking a breath. You are right that they grow up fast (I've raised two into their 20s already, and the time just raced by) and doing things together is what creates memories.
I am not saying you should just let things go, but you might want to reevaluate what "needs" doing and what you "like" to have done. Think about how many hours you spend cleaning versus interacting with your kids. See if you can add one thing to do with your kids, and let one thing about house cleaning be delayed. As they get older, they can help you with some things. I remember that helping my mom gave me more time to talk with her, and it felt good to help.
And just a question - how much does your husband help to clean? the one who doesn't want a cleaning person...
We opted for a cleaning lady and my husband eventually got over the idea of someone else folding his undies. Honestly, it was one of the smartest things we ever did.
My husband jokes that I start 'twitching' when things are out-of-order and messy, but I know that Rosy (yes, our housekeeper's name is Rosy) comes on Monday and Thursday, so I remind myself that it will be scrubbed very soon!
I do, however, put my son's toys away several times a day b/c the clutter makes me crazy! We have a "rule" that he needs to put one "thing" away before taking out another. It works pretty well and at least he's learning to pick up after himself!
I look at things differently, so please ignore my answer if it does not resonate with you. My suggestion is to look into the causes of your OCD, and see if changes in nutrition help you to be more relaxed and able to let things roll of your back. A wonderful book is "The UltraMind Solution", in which Dr. Mark Hyman makes some very compelling arguements that brain chemistry can be changed by what we put in our mouths and how we treat our bodies. I for one am less depressed and have more energy after following a diet like his. He has very specific chapters on different things that can go wrong as well as suggestions very specific to an individuals situation.
No matter what you do, I wish you luck!
Just be glad your house gets clean! I stay up all hours cleaning and cleaning and I'm always in a bad mood that my house is such a mess.
But my husband and 3.5 yr. old are both so messy and uncontrollable that despite my constant cleaning, it continues to be a total mess. I'm miserable and run ragged.
After the kids are in bed, set a timer, do 10 minutes in each room, and STOP.
Turn off the TV, involve your babes in your housework - minimally - and just play with them.
If you are truly OCD - and know it - you need to get to a therapist because no one here is going to give you what you need. No, I don't mean medication - I mean someone to help you work through your OCD - which if you work through improperly may evolve into something else that is just as detrimental to your marriage and children. Be the best Mom you can be. Decide what you need and go get it. While you still can - while they are still small.
Only other thing I can tell you - get rid of stuff. If you are constantly picking it up - look at it -do you need it - if not, get rid of it. If so, make a song and start having your kids go with you to put stuff away. You will be surprised at the results!
good luck!
M.
I am the same way. I need to read what they wrote. I thought I was alone with this. I always wonder and no offense to anyone how could peoples homes be so unorganized. I get so upset when my house gets to this point. I really do not care how people keep there homes just wonder why. I bet they have better days then I do and enjoy there children more for it.
