Update - Chicago,IL

I strongly suggest that you spend as much time being with her and holding her as you possibly can. She is feeling very insecure. You've made a major move to a different country. Everything around her his different. She's very anxious and perhaps even frightened, especially if you without intending to but because of your feelings of being overwhelmed are pushing her away.

This move is a major change for you too. I suggest that you spend the next few weeks focusing on supporting her and each other. Pick her up and hold her even when she's not asking for it. Give her lots of attention.

And most of all, find a way to manage your feelings so that you aren't feeling irritated and drained. Perhaps you and your husband can spell each other so that one of you can get out of the house and do things for your self. You need time without her so that you can be all there for her when you're with her.

Because she was a cheerful, well adjust toddler before she'll be back to that soon. In the meantime she's only asking from you what she needs. Think of her as being anxious and needing reassurance. Give her all the attention that you can. When you're feeling anxious and overwhelmed pass her along to your husband and take a break for yourself. Work out a routine with him so that you can deal with your toddler. She'll probably let him hold her if you're not there unless he's more stoic and less able to soothe her. If that's the case, leave her with him anyway. You need the break.

She will be less whiney and demanding if you're able to cheerfully give her the attention she needs. Hold her when she's not whining. Work on being proactive rather than reactive to her needs.

I agree, this is not the time for a playgroup unless you're able to stay with her while she plays.

This too shall pass.

the answer to the playgroup ? should be based on whether or not that is something she enjoyed prior to the move. If she was regularly with other children, then that might help her settle.

As for her behavior, please be very thankful that the whining & neediness is only during the day! Rejoice that she is able to sleep at night & for naps! & the fact that she's saying, "it's okay, it's okay, it's okay" brought tears to my eyes.....bless her heart....she's doing her best!

& as for the clinging to your leg & whining, you know she's needy right now.....pick her up & let her sit on your lap while you're on the computer! She needs you! ....which also factors into that playgroup idea: make sure it's something you can do together! This is the worst time for you to push her independence. This should also apply to your entire day together - find a way to incorporate her "help" into every single thing you do.....whether it's laundry, dishes, unpacking, etc. She needs to feel needed to stop feeling sooo needy....it's a roundabout circle which only love & nurturing will heal!

This behavior sounds very normal to me. She had her whole little life which she was comfortable with completely overhauled. Her sleep schedule would be off; her environment, home and visible surroundings are different; she may be teething; she's reverted to her last completed level of coping - which is "I need Mommy".

Just be supportive of her and pro-active. Hold and hug her BEFORE she whines for your attention. Ask her if she wants to go for a walk outside so you can tell her about her new home and area. Give her teething tablets or gel to help the teething pain.

Just remember - she may be talking but she's barely a toddler. Treat her as one and not as a miniature adult.

Well it sounds like you are doing the right thing by giving her lots of love and attention, it's just a very hard situation for a toddler. There she is, at the age where her world centers around a routine that she is used to, and rules that she is figuring out, and the whole world gets turned upside-down on her. It may be that, in her eyes, you are the only real constant she can count on-and if she doesn't hold on to you, you might dissapear too. I'm sorry if that sounds dramatic, but I'm trying to look at it from the standpoint of a toddler, and I know that they thrive on rules and repetition, and they are just figuring out the object permanence thing, so it sounds like a big move would be pretty traumatic. If you keep giving her the love and attention, and get her into a new routine, perhaps it will sort itself out.

I agree with Marda – she's still adjusting to the new surroundings and is feeling anxious. She's not at all sure the changes won't continue, and might even include new parents coming into her life. So be proactive in giving her lots of attention and reassurance. She tells herself "It's okay" because that's what she desperately needs to know right now.

But DON"T tell her she SHOULDN'T be anxious or afraid. That doesn't work for children or adults. Acknowledge that she is, ask her to tell you more about her stress, if she can (gentle yes/no questions might help draw her out), and tell her it's okay, you will always be here for her. She'll take comfort in knowing you recognize and accept her fears. She'll gradually come to trust that you will be there, and her anxiety will ease.

I have moved five times in the last four years. I have three children. Now the oldest is four, the second is two (and also VERY verbal!), and the youngest is almost four months.

I agree with Ladybug C. that the move may have been stressful on you. That is the extent of my agreement with her. Having moved several times with small children, I've found it most helpful to talk with them. "Are you scared because things are different?" "Are you sad because you want to see your friend Asher?" Or just a simple, "Tell me what's going on, and let's talk." Those conversations really help.

And then you know what helps even more? Saying that you feel the same way, too!!! My kids knew that I was grieving for our friends and familiar places, too, but that we were okay, we were together, and we were starting a new adventure. For me and them, the sense that we were all a little broken (even though we moved for really great reasons) was enough to unite us and make us a team.

So when we were in the grocery store and I had no idea where anything was, and what would have been a 10 minute trip took almost an hour, I asked my kids to help me find the broccoli. And we were hunting together. And when we had to cut 16 trees from our small plot of land because they were too close to the house, we stayed out of the way together.

It is much better now, but it's taken time. We've worked through it together.

I am wondering if she is missing her old home. Maybe you can put together a special photo album for her (make it a small one) that has pictures of your old home, friends and family and then go out with her and take pictures of your new home, friends and favorite places that you have discovered to add to it. I think this way, she has something tangible that she can hold onto about her old home and you can use it as a tool for her to understand the transition she has had to make in moving from one place to another.

Hope this helps and the she is feeling better soon.

Oh she has a lot to deal with. Perfectly normal behavior for her age. Some kids start terrible twos early! Im sure she is trying to adjust to the new surroundings along with teeth possibly. I have two terrors of my own, I know what you are going through. Independent children are the hardest let me tell you. You just have to be calm and persistant. No your kid is not a terror they are just trying to figure life out. Try the playgroups even with this behavior. It can really help to possibly curb it.

Kids read parents very well. I'm sure this move has not been easy for you or your spouse. I'm sure she senses your insecurities...
You can't just put on a brave face, you've got to believe that you are capable of doing all of this. We moved many times when we were kids. My mother was always the most confident, self assured person I knew. I'm sure she was panicked many a moment, but she never let us know. I am SURE that's why we went off to foreign schools not speaking the language secure that we, too, could succeed. We'd arrive home in the afternoons to tutors and homework, but mom was always the same. She disciplined. She never let us get away with anything no matter where we were... AND - we were 8 years apart with very different needs...
My sister moved as a toddler - she did just fine. She got away with nothing. If she whined, she whined in her room. If she got clingy, mom would hold her for a while and then tell her that she was a big girl and needed to play on her own. Mom would set her up to play in the same room, but things needed to get done... The "Cling-on" didn't last long at our house.
Re-establish your rules.
Be consistent.
Do not waffle....
YMMV
LBC

we are going through the same things with our 17mnth old, its a tough age. alot is going on that they dont completly understand and its frustrating (for parents and child) just count yourself lucky she is so verbal, our son doesnt talk all that much (only about 6 words or so and lately he doesnt even want to use them) so he gets extra frustrated when we cant understand what he wants