Update to He's Not Sure If I'm the One...

Well... even though it's hard to hear, I think that when men say they are not sure if you're the one, then probably you're not the one. (I'm sorry, I know that is not what you wanted to hear...)

Now, you could be right that it is just the lack of nicotine that is making him cranky. However, let me tell you a little story about a friend of mine. Before she got married, she went on an overseas trip with her fiance. Practically as soon as the plane lands, he tells her that he's not sure if she's really the one because he's not totally attracted to her physically. So for the rest of the trip, they argue over this (and it's not like she can leave because they are halfway around the world from home). Anyway, they did end up getting married, but now she's always thinking, "Does he really find me attractive? Is he just not that into me?" Well, the flip side to this story is that my husband is friends with her now-husband. One night they went out and had a few beers and the husband starts spilling his guts to my hubby. Guess what? He is still not that attracted to my friend physically! After all these years! I think she knows this because they have been in counseling for a long time now and they don't seem very happy together. (And they have two kids together too, which complicates everything.)

Anyway, just think long and hard about how you will feel 10 years from now knowing you may not be "the one," even if you stay together. Are you okay with that? I think you are worth more than that. Why settle for someone who may or may not think you're The One when you can have someone who adores you? (He's out there somewhere!) At this point it is still relatively easy to move on and go your separate ways, but in a few more years, maybe married and with kids together... it would be a different story.

Best wishes with whatever you decide! You'll be in my thoughts.

Stop listening to what he is saying and start looking at how he acts -- and, when I say that, I mean how he acts here and now, not how he acted during your first 3 months of dating. Guys can be very careless with their words, saying contradictory things, making half or completely false promises. But if you take the words out of the equation and really take a look at how they are behaving, you can get a more acurate picture of what is really going on without all of that verbal clutter.

And it is so important to look at the here and now of your relationship. I can't tell you how many of my friends (this includes me as well) have fallen for a guy who was really great and did all of these grand acts during the first 3 months and then almost completely backed off the relationship not long after that or just strung the girl along enough so that he still had someone to flirt with, someone to take care of his needs, someone to keep him from being alone. The guys would drop little hints that they were not completely into the relationship but kept stringing the girl along, wasting -- literally -- years of her time. Meanwhile, the girl is fighting hard to validate the relationship and get the guy back that she had met during the first 3 months of their courtship. The problem is, that guy really doesn't exist.

I'm just concerned that you may be headed down this path. Take care of your heart.

My original thought from your first post was, he's probably leary of ANY woman right now, and hasn't completely healed from the hurt his wife has caused, understandably so. I tend to think that nicotine withdrawl has nothing to do with it. He probably wasn't ready for a relationship when you two got together, but he did get into one with you. He needs to realize that you are a good woman and if he is leary still, then he needs to be free of any woman so he can learn to think clearly again. Good luck to you.

If you are sure that he is the man for you, then give ample time to develop and build the relationship. On the other hand, if he says he 's not sure yet whether it's you for life, this indicates that there is still uncertainty on his part.

You have to continue building the partnership on the basis of trust, love and concern for each other, and friendship. Certain situations may happen to both of you wherein your attitudes toward each other will be put to a test. Be brave and patient. Much Love! (^ v ^)

Hi there.. My husband was a heavy smoker for about 15 years and he quit last summer. I swore we were going to end up in divorce. Emotions do run high (and low. haha) It was a very hard time for us to get through, but we did, thankfully. It seemed like a drop of a pin would set my husband off and I just think the addiction and withdrawl is just that hard. I agree with Laurie D and watch his actions. Also, try to be super supportive of him quitting. Quiting smoking is extremely difficult and Congratulations to him for that!

Our kids were 2 and 3 at the time he quit so I am sure you know our house was never quiet with the kids running around crazy like and when my husband got stressed and "Wanted" a cig.... he would just step outside (As if he would if having a cig) and chug a bottle of water. Another thing he would do is either eat an apply when he was stressed or again wanting a cig or he would go brush his teeth. The activities seemed to really help relieve that "need" for a cig. But I think also, just stepping outside or away from the situation that was creating the trigger for the cig helped a lot too.

Good Luck!!