Wahm's I've Got a Question

I'm not trying to sound insensitive, but why do you feel like you are neglecting your children? They are your children, that you are taking care of, and trying to do the best you can. What's neglectful about that? I work 40 or 50 hours a week, go home, cook, wash, etc. and have to be mom and wife and I only get to play and spend time with them no more than 2 hours out of the day and I don't feel like I'm neglecting them. Hunny, look at what you are doing and be proud of it. One day your children will be able to brag on how hard working, caring, etc. mother that you are. And if you feel like it would suit you better to spend morning time with them I think that's fine. Know that you are blessed to be able to work at home and be with your kids. Some of us, not too many (I see there are a lot of SAHM's here) have to go out and work and do the best we can do.......God bless you and thank God for you standing up and being a mom who loves her kids!

I work from home and have five children, ages 12 months through 11 years. I can relate to the challenge of choosing between time with the children and time on business work. I think you have to ask yourself how necessary the business work is, especially if there is friction between you and your husband about it. Is it really financially necessary for your family or are there ways you could adjust your lifestyle to do without? Can you realistically limit the growth of your business so it doesn't take so much time or farm out some tasks to other people? I do bookkeeping for my husband's business, and it is a very time consuming effort. We recently hired a housekeeper to come three times a week to help with certain tasks. Although money is a consideration, it was less expensive for us to replace some of my housecleaning duties than to hire an accountant for the business. As the business has grown, I have also had to train some of the staff to take on tasks that I traditionally did myself. Sometimes I get discouraged with the juggling act, but then I remember how grateful I am to be able to be home with my "kiddos." I wouldn't trade that for anything. As for the motherhood angle, it would be very helpful to know the ages of your children.

Get a mother's helper for a couple of hours. You don't need someone with that much experience, just someone that will play with the kids while you work.

Well, a lot would depend on their ages. At any rate, a good rule of thumb for work at home Moms is to have set work hours. Try putting up a sign to remind the kids that during this time, you are not to be disturbed. Like a "stop" sign to indicate that you are busy, and a "green light" when you "clock out." If they are old enough to know their colors, they can grasp this concept. It may take a while for them to get used to it, but they will. Try to avoid falling into the mindset that if you are working from home that you should be using every spare moment available to work. If you worked in an office outside of the home from 9 to 5, you wouldn't expect that of yourself, so don't do it from home. If the kids are old enough to entertain themselves, then that's exactly what they should do (within safe parameters). I don't know where the concept developed that we are supposed to keep our kids amused every second of the day, but it's wrong. And frankly, it doesn't do a thing to help them be critical thinkers, use their imaginations, or be the least bit creative. Unless you are neglecting your basic duties as a parent, or the kids are under the age of four, or if you are not spending any time at all with them, you probably needn't feel guilty. Do try to be consistent about what part of the day you set aside for them so that they know when they can expect to have your attention. Try to schedule it between two everyday events (like breakfast and lunch) so that there is an action indicating both the beginning and the end of "their" time. It eases the transistion.
That being said, do take time to enjoy them while they're young. Once they start school, the years will begin to fly by at a rate of speed that no Mother's heart is prepared for. Don't leave yourself yearning for lost time. Hope some of this is helpful to you. Good luck!

I work from home and have a 3 year old girl. In order for me to be able to work on my computer, I allow her to play her games on an extra laptop we have. She loves this. We are in the same room so the only problem is when a client calls. If she gets loud I have to let the answering machine get the call and then go into another room and call the client back. I also do the Mother's Morning Out thing, that helps. I also know a lady in my neighborhood who has a daycare so if necessary she can go there. I have to make myself keep the job a part-time one or I'd go crazy. It's always been my dream to work from home and have time with my kids, and we need the money so I don't feel guilty one bit. I've did the full-time working outside the home gig for 16 years with my older son and I think my daughter and your kids are darn lucky to have their moms so close at hand! That's NOT the norm these days.

No, it doesn't make you neglectful at all. I am a bit envious of your situation, in fact! Having been a SAHM for 6+ years now, I'd welcome the stimulation of having something to do like you are describing. You've gotten some good advice. I like the mother's helper idea during the summer. In the fall, have you thought about a church preschool? Not very expensive and will keep them busy for the morning (maybe just two days a week for the two year old...). But you really do need to find a way to keep from falling into the trap of believing that you have to entertain them 24 hrs. a day. Set some limits, regular hours, and let the kids know what they are. And don't give in so that they don't learn that if they whine long enough you'll quit working. I wish you could talk to your husband and make him understand... I'm sure it's probably not all about the money, and he needs to understand that. Good luck... I hope you find something that works.

Have you looked into some of the "mother's morning out" programs at local churches? If business is picking up perhaps you can afford this type activity for them. Most are about 3 hours and the cost is not that much. You should not have to entertain your children full time. You don't say how old they are but this does seem extreme. When you are at home with them and need to do some work, try setting a timer for 30 minutes or so and tell them you will play with them when the timer goes off. Then re-set the timer and play with them for 30 minutes. If they interrupt you during your 30 minutes of work, it will extend the time for another 10 or 15 minutes. You may work out some play dates with other Moms in the area too where she would play with the children for an hour and on another day you would take her children with yours for fun. V.

As I've been researching the WAHM situation for myself. I have found your situation is quite common. I read some of the other responses and they have some helpful suggestions. Is your business doing well enough you could hire a teenage babysitter in your home to occupy your children while you work? I'd try to find other WAHM's and see what they have done. Could you find another WAHM in your area that would be willing to watch your kids for a day/a few hours in exchange for doing the same for hers? Then there is working through naps and when the kids are in bed. Not sure about the dh issue other issue. If you really need this supplemental income I'd try to let him know your doing this so he doesn't have to work so hard.

During the summer months, is there a young girl in your neighborhood (12, 13, 14) who might be willing to spend a few hours a day with your children while you're working? I have a neighbor's daughter who comes most Saturday mornings for three hours to assist while I get some chores done. I pay her $5 an hour, and I'm cultivating a good nighttime babysitter as well.

It helps me alot to have set routines in place...
I use Flylady.net for organizing and maintaining my home...
My youngest daughter is 3, and now that her three sisters are out of the house (they are ages 22, 20 and 17), she only has me to play with and really loves my attention (and I really love being attentive to her)...If I didn't have certain things that I do at certain times of the day, I would get nothing done :)
Best Wishes with your endeavors...
Sincerely,
G.
happily married mother of 4 girls, enjoying homemaking and providing an income for my family with yourshoppingrebates.com

I sell candles and I'm probably not on the computer as much as you are unless I'm making flyers or what not, but my kids can act the same way even if I'm just checking email!! I just try to set aside a part of my day that I can play with each one (2yr old and almost 8yr old) and when school is done for the day my daughter will play with her brother. But don't feel like a bad parent because you are tring to contribute to the household. And your husband should support you no matter if you are working at home, outside of the home, going to school, or watching Oprah reruns all day!! Well, maybe not that last one, but you get the idea. We support our hubbys with what they do and we need the same thing back!!

~S.

C.,
You gotta do what you gotta do!I know it's hard, I went to get my master's when I had three children under 5 and I worked outside the home!! It was rough, but I knew I was doing this to build a better life for them; and the master's program was a scholarship (free) so it wasn't like I could do it later. I didn't get a lot of sleep those two years-It was important that I cook and eat dinner with my family and I had a set playtime each evening. Most of my schoolwork was done after they went to sleep (that included my husband:)(Graduated in 2003 and haven't regretted it a moment!)Anyway, in the long run, your children will know you love them if when you spend time with them it is good, quality, time filled with lots of affirmations of your love. I am a teacher I know the set routine is priceless. If your children know that everyday, Mommy will watch Cailou with me and everyday Mommy will take me to the park, etc. they begin to expect those special times and not fight so much over the times when your attention is split. Congrats on your business growing!I'd like to work from home too.Also, have any pre-adolescents or teens in the neighborhood who will come over and play play with your kids? Even if this happens once a week, that's an hour that you could dedicate to your business and have the kids supervised at the same time. My children are now 12, 11, 8, and 2--my older sons play with the 2 year old outside for about an hour every afternoon usually while my husband and I wind down after school (both teachers) and begin dinner. But, this time is absolutely heavenly! My 2 year old, comes inside ready to settle down and play with quiet toys/books as I finish dinner and I am not worn out from taking him outside. I could tell from your email that your children are both young, that's why I suggested finding a reliable neighbor.
S.

C.,

I also work from home at a computer. I feel it is the ideal situation because I can be flexible with my kids schedules and mine. I do have a husband that helps me, so that I feel is one of your main problems. You need to address that.

Next, your kids need to learn to play without you. It is good for them NOT to be so attached. And, as long as you are spending time with them some during the day, then they shouldn't feel so deprived. I have a playroom right down the hall from my office and my kids, from day one, learned to play while I work. Have lots of hands-on toys for them to play with rather than TV all the time.

Last, I have found that inviting kids over is a great thing to do. I don't know how old your kids are, but I've found that inviting friends over from school or other activities not only helps free your time, but it helps your kids learn to be social and play without you.

Hope this helps. T.

I agree w/ Lisa K. If you dont have to work, dont. You might want to see if you can lighten your load some (contracting out, hiring help.)
Have you ever thought of putting your kids in a moms morning out, or a half day day care? If you did this you would still have time to spend w/ them. When they were there you could get a lot of work done. When they got home you could devote your time to them and your husband and maybe that would take some of the stress off. Just a thought:D