Before I begin, I would like to thank you all in advance for your advice and I would like you to bear up with me as this is very long.
My daughter, Clara, has a few phases. Every now and then, she picks up a new obsession. One year, she was obsessed with Harry Potter, next year the Hunger Games, so on and so forth. She gets really into these things and then she comes back around to normal. However, this was not the case with the Twilight Franchise.
When Clara first started high school, things were difficult for her. She had a hard time finding friends, her classes were extremely difficult and she was not doing so well in most of them. She was three months into high school and she had no friends. To the point where during lunchtime seniors and faculty members were sitting with her because they felt so bad for her. Clara was really unhappy and I just did not know what to do!
Clara loves to read and almost every week, I drop her off to the library for an hour or two and she just picks a couple of books and reads. The day I dropped her off, the library was receiving new furniture and they were reorganizing the shelves. So they only had a limited amount of books available. And one of those books was Stephanie Meyer's 'Twilight'.
The minute she picked the book up, she was hitched. In the beginning, I was happy because this book had snapped my daughter out of her depression when I had been trying for months and was failing. I even considered to write Meyer a thank-you letter.
Clara finished the book in two hours. The library was closed and she didn't have the second book with her. And it just so happened that this day was her thirteenth birthday. We were expecting family members to come over and I was busy preparing the house.
She threw a fit like I had never seen before. She begged us to go to the nearest bookstore to buy the rest of the books. My husband and I were in shock! We hadn't seen her this happy in months. So we were like, "What the heck, whatever!" and my husband drove her to the bookstore and she bought all the books AND the movies, spending over a hundred dollars.
That's where it all began. Ever since then, she has covered her room in print-out Twilight pictures and posters. She even has a Twilight pillow and blanket. She has tons of clothes but all she wears is her Twilight Forever t-shirts and sweatpants that have a picture of a werewolf on them.
My husband and I are not too keen on the idea of social media at this young age, but Clara went behind our backs to create a Twilight fan page on Instagram. Jade, an owner of another Twilight fan account, direct messaged her and they shared a conversion. Jade asked Clara where she lives and she responded "San Francisco". It turns out that Jade who is a year younger than Clara lives in San Francisco as well.
They decided to meet up at the library. Jade is a nice girl but she has just as much of an obsession with Twilight like Clara. We have told her to never share personal information online and yet she did. Thank God it was Jade and not some crazy person. We even grounded her for it. We took her phone away for a month. I can't let her stay away from Jade. She is Clara's only friend and I am scared if I forbid contact Clara might spiral back into depression.
What do I do?
Thank you for your advice. I would just like to clarify that Clara is now 15. The obsession has lasted for two years. She has been obsessed since thirteen years old. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Just try seeking help from jades family and try to get Clara into cheerleading, soccer, gymnastics, a book club, clubs at school, etc it will
Help
Why do you need to "do" anything? Let her enjoy her current hobby.
I'd be more concerned that she has no friends, and is attending high school at the age of 13. Did she skip a few grades or something?
Something "off" about this post...
I was obsessed with a rock band in high school. Posters all over the room, knew every word to every song...read every book about them, every magazine article. Cried all night when they played a town an hour and a half away and I didn't have tickets.
Now as an adult I have a fond place in my heart for them and will always enjoy their music but not with the passion I had back then.
The obsession passed by college...I still hung a few posters of theirs in my dorm room but life got so interesting that they lost their edge.
No advice just that I had a weird obsession and turned out fine.
As long as you have now verified that Jade is a real girl her own age, why not allow it? Why not go one step further and meet Jade's parents and invite the girl over to your house? I get the danger of her sharing personal info online. I'm sure you talked to your daughter about how Jade could have been some middle aged male creep posing as a girl her age to lure her. I'll bet she's going to think twice about doing that again while she's enduring her consequences. So yes, you just have to monitor her on-line behavior and whereabouts a little more closely. You can demonstrate a safer way for her to meet girls her own age that share her interests. What about local teen sci-fi fantasy book clubs? I think the Twilight obsession is basically harmless. I've read all the books myself, they are very good books! There's nothing wrong with being an avid reader, and many people enjoy vampire themed books. One thing I'm confused about is that you mentioned she just turned 13 and yet she is in high school? Is she then that much younger than the her classmates? That would make friendships more challenging. I'd really consider a school program that keeps her in the same age group, even if she is academically gifted
I have to clarify her age too - and being in high school at 13?
My teenagers have been really into their interests. They've had to go to the bookstore the day such and such a book comes out, or see a movie the day it comes out, etc. I can't say to the extreme your child is - but I don't have a high school daughter yet, so can't say.
I don't typically (ever) give in to fits. So that ... I don't get.
If my child had depression as you describe, personally, I would have gotten her some help. I'd talk to the guidance counsellor and that sort of thing.
I think it's great she met a friend - bonding with kids with similar interests is good. Maybe not obsessions so much - but I haven't had a high school girl ... so maybe that's not the unusual. I'll leave that to the other moms.
I'd be more inclined to have your daughter get involved in activities, sports, clubs, interests ... where she could meet kids in person. Has she had problems making friends in the past?
Depression needs to be addressed in teenagers - counseling can help them with social skills too, etc.
As for Jade - why not meet her her in person, and invite her to the house? That's what I have done with kids I wasn't sure about.
Being obsessive can be signs of anxiety, etc. I'd book an appointment with a therapist that works with teens. Sometimes even just a couple of sessions can help your child (and you) know what the issues are, and what you can do to help. In this case, I think that would be most helpful.
Let her be. Lots of people get obsessed with different fandoms, I know people who love all things harry potter, doctor who, DC, Marvel, you name it and it probably has a following. Let her have her obsession, it is not really hurting anything.
Now meeting people from online would be an issue that needs addressing, but it sounds like you already handled that, I would not keep her from her friend, in fact I would suggest she invite this girl over so we can get to know her, include her parents, maybe get a little lunch somewhere together or something.
Let it go. It's annoying to you and your husband because you are likely not that interested in Twilight. Me neither. But it's not a bad thing.
I recently finished reading the Outlander books and really enjoyed watching the tv series. It's been over a year since the last new episode, and in the mean time I've enjoyed listening to podcasts. There are some OBSESSED fans. I'm not one of them, but I'm glad they're out there because I've gotten to enjoy listening to their thoughts. So I'm glad they exist.
It's important for her to do well in school and do her chores. Beyond that, you want her to have friends and have a social life. I think it's good to make sure she is safe on line. Obviously things could have turned out differently, and it's important that she be careful. Still, she made a friend. If she's happy, I would just be happy for her.
It's one of those things you need to get pictures of now.
Because someday she'll grow up, get married have kids of her own.
And when they drive her nuts like she's doing to you now - whip out the pictures and show them to your grand kids.
It's always good for an inter-generational laugh!
At work a long time ago we had this thing where we all brought in pictures of us as kids/teens.
We had this on database administrator that we NEVER saw not wearing a suit.
Well - back in the day he was a hippy dude with hair down past his behind.
Your bigger problem is walking on eggshells over your daughters depression.
While a hobby/interest and a friend is great - she really needs to see a psychologist.
The teen years have enough ups and downs to qualify as a roller coaster ride.
You can't go tip toeing around her - it just give her power she shouldn't have - and she'll hold you hostage to it.
And you totally have the power to shut down access to the internet.
Make an appointment and get this figured out before she's 18 because by then it's too late and you've lost leverage.
Seems like she needs some help. A friend is a good thing (although I'd be turning over tables about the way she and Jade became friends-- you're lucky Jade wasn't some weirdo) Obsessions are normal. I agree with what all other posters have said in regards to this.
This post makes no sense - you say she started high school *before* she read Twilight. She had no friends when she started high school. She started high school before her thirteenth birthday...? The fact that she is "now 15" does not change that part of the story. (If you wanted to invent a story like this, you should have said it was her sixteenth birthday, and now she is turning eighteen and is planning to run away with Jade to get matching Twilight tattoos....)
