What Have I Done?? - Homewood,IL

Oh my gosh, I have two boys 15 months apart and what a joy it is to see them interact together. I felt a bit like I was taking something away from my first when I found out I was pregnant but now see what it is I have given him. You will love it, I wouldn't have it any other way, I'm so happy they are so close in age. Just look at it the other way, what she is gaining.
Good luck.

Well, you are going through the same OMG! moment I went through with my first pregnancy. Though for me it was "how many?!" I had triplets, and now have another 9 yrs later, and even though it can seem overwhelming sometimes, you will be amazed how you handle things. You do what needs to be done, rely on daddy to help, and put off what is not really important. It can be difficult but everything will fall into place. So, once you get over the OMG moment, you'll be able to see that everything will be fine and you will see the joy in it.

Just wanted to tell you some good stuff:

Yes, you'll have 2 in diapers at the same time. That also means you'll have 2 out of diapers at the same time.

Older child won't remember being the only child, so less rivalry

Will actually have 2 kids young enough to take naps to allow you some time to yourself during the day

Your kids are more likely to be good friends, hang around with the same friends in school, be in the same level of lessons for music or sports -- all of which means less divided time for you

Yes, your house will be a mess for now but soon they will both outgrow the neediness at near the same time -- you won't have a new baby making messes just when the older outgrows it.

That was all I could think of right now. Good luck. As soon as you see that baby (or more likely just the ultrasound) you'll wonder why you ever thought it was not a good thing.

I know exactly how you feel. My oldest wasn't even 3 1/2 and my twins were barely 6 months old when I found out I was going to have #4. (I had been so stressed with the twins, that I wasn't very good about taking my pill. OOPS!!) I cried for 3 days and didn't tell my husband. I felt everything you're feeling. It made me feel even worse to think about my cousin who at the time was on her 3rd unsuccessful attempt at IVF. She wanted a baby so bad...how could I have this happen so easily and so unplanned???

Well, my baby is now 4 months old (oldest is 4 1/2 and twins are 21 months). All girls. Yes, life in our home is loud and chaotic, but I wouldn't change it for anything now. My life would just not be complete without my newest little angel. You are feeling a lot of stress now, but you will get to this point eventually.

Try not to think about the negatives. Easier said than done, I know. But everything must happen for a reason. There will be hard times down the road, but there will also be MUCH joy from having 2 kids so close in age. And it will be easier on you and on them to go thru the same stages at the same time or at least close to the same time. Everything will be fresh in your mind.

It will all work out. Once you get used to the idea, you can start to enjoy your newest miracle!!

Jenn -- you've had some really great responses (I especially like Julianne's). My daughter was 6 months old when I became pregnant (very unplanned) and I was crushed too. I cried and cried, racked with guilt for what I believed my daughter was going to lose. But today, I can barely remember what it was like having only one child around. My kids, even as young as they are (32 and 17 months) are completely enamored with each other. I can already see that they fulfill a special place in each other's heart, in addition to the love Daddy and I give them. And my daughter does NOT remember a time without her brother! I simply had to let go of the guilt I felt regarding what I originally planned to give her (2 years on her own without a sibling, etc.) A sibling close in age will be the greatest gift you will ever give your daughter.

Blessings to you and your growing family!!

PS: In case this sounds too flowery, it's true that your children will fight like cats and dogs. But you wanted to be talked down from the ledge! :)

EDIT: I'm reminded of what a good friend told me when my second was very young: The most wonderful sound you will ever hear is your baby laugh for the first time. UNTIL you hear your child make her sibling laugh for the first time.

My third son was unexpected also. They are 19 months apart. I understand your feelings! They are now the best of buddies though- They are so close in age that they go through most of the stages at the same time. I can honestly say their baby days/toddler days are a blur to me. You will get through , esp. because you have a supportive husband! You are not selfish to state your feelings- you are being realistic.
Congratulations on your babies !

Congratulations!!! Our friends had their first and were happy...when he was 8 months old they found out THE TWINS were on their way...when they were less than a year...number four "suprised" them...all boys. The early years were hectic but I soooooooo envy how close the boys are and how much fun they have together...you are truly blessed...congrats again!

N.

Jenn,
You will LOVE it in the long run! I also found out I was pregnant when my "baby" was 9 months old. We stopped "being careful", but figured it would take some time...it didn't. My boys are 17 1/2 months apart and I love it! They have their moments, but overall they are best friends. They love to play together and make each other laugh all day. I am pregnant with #3 and wishing the last 2 were closer to 18 months apart rather than 2 years. I think it is the perfect age (18 months) to introduce a sibling. We had NO problems bring home a baby...my oldest was happy to "help" and not really old enough to be jealous. It was perfect timing in my opinion. Congrats and good luck!

I wanted my kids to be close in age and am glad things worked that way. My daughter and son are 12 months apart and while the first few months are challenging, as with any newborn, once the infant was around 3-4 mos old, everything started to fall into place. They had the same naptimes, mealtimes, bedtims, and even diaper changes were similar! As they got older, it was so great to have the same toys and books and tv shows for them. We also never went through jealousy or regression since the older one was too young to understand she was not going to share mom's time. They help each other in so many ways. Now they are 4 and 5 and are best buddies and still on similar schedules. Enjoy!

Jenn,

You will be fine! I actually planned to get pregnant with my second child when my first was only 10 months old. I wanted them 18 months apart. Yes, there were times when this was difficult. Orginially it took a little time for me to get used to two wildly different schedules of a newborn and 1.5yr old, but I managed. And I did this while my husband was working very long days, essentially making me a single parent. I am by no means a super mom -- far, far, far from it. Really.

These days though, and actually for most of the time I've had both children, I've been extremely happy with their closeness in age. It's worked very well for us. They are close and I think the closeness in age gives them a special bond too. And since they are now 5.5yrs and 4 yrs old, their schedules are pretty much identical and that really makes things easy. It's easy to devote the time they individually need. My son can be off playing by himself while I help my daughter with her homework. And whem I spend time reviewing and practicing my son's letters and writing, my daughter is off looking at books or even helping.

Seriously, this is not a bad thing. I know you may be scared, but maybe that's just the initial shock of things because it was an unplanned pregnancy. You can make the best of this. And if you run into difficulty, we're all here for you with advise or just an ear to listen. :)

Good luck and take the time to enjoy this pregnancy. There's really nothing quite like it. :)

Oh, and I should mention that you are very, very lucky to have a supportive and involved husband! You guys will both be fine. Congratuations.

-Jen

Come off of the ledge.....well, you can sit there for just a few more minutes and enjoy the peace and quiet! No, your comments aren't selfish or bad. It's that wrench that life throws at you. This is a shock for you! Understandably so! My sister with 5 children ALWAYS said that her hardest, most challenging organizational time was when she had one child! I love the fact that you describe your husband as "wonderfully supportive and involved" ....that in itself will make your life so much easier! You can still focus on your baby for a few more months, years. I started my family around 33 and had my second at 36....in retrospect, I never realized that my second, was my last opportunity and if I knew then what I know now, I would have had my children closer together, in a heartbeat. I understand you are so grateful.....no one will think badly for you. It's just not the path that you thought you were going to be on.

Just make sure that you are not too proud to ask for help or accept help when it is offered. DELEGATE, DELEGATE, DELEGATE! When a person asks to help....let them. When a friend comes over and says, "What can I do for you?" Don't be afraid to let them help! This can work so well for you - you just have to know that others love you and want to help. The "control freak" in you is being challenged and it's time to lighten up on yourself. Bringing a sibling in this world is a wonderful thing - my 13 year old (girl) and 10 year old (boy) still claim each other as their "best friend." NOW.....get off the ledge and enjoy your family! And do your best to not get too stressed out or worn-down. Get the rest that you need, when you can get it! Best of luck to you.

Congrats on your pregnancy. I felt the same way as you when I found out that I was already pregnant with the second. My little boy and daughter are 16 months apart and now that mydaughter is 21 months old, they are the best of friends. The first couple of months are hard but honestly, I would not change it for the world. To see my kids play together is the best thing ever.

Hi Jenn,
Let me start by saying I totally know how you are feeling. I too was a first time mom at 35. I had my son 1/19/07. In April of 07 I found out I was pregnant agian. I had ALL the same feeling you just wrote about.How in the world was I gonna manage 2 under 2? I had my daughter 1/19/08...Yep a year and a couple weeks apart.I thought now what? How dan I do this? You know what? I did and so will you. If I can do it with a 12 month old you can do it with an 18 month old. You'd be suprised at what your capable of doing when you have no other choice! To tell you the truth, I'm very happy and I wouldn't change a thing and I'm sure you'll get to that point also.Congrats and best wishes!
S.

Hi
You'll be OK!! Same exact thing happened to my sister, who was also completely freaked out. And although I was able to only have 1 child, if I could have, I would have chosen to also have them so close in age.
Here's why - to my nephew, even though he's nine months older, he's never really been aware of life without his sister - he was 18 months old when she was born and having the new baby wasn't a big deal for him. One day she wasn't there, one day she was!
They are, and always have been, 2-peas-in-a-Pod, meaning they play SO well together. Now they're 9 and 8 years old, and although they can get on each other's nerves like any siblings, there's a "unit" bond between them that their other 2 younger brothers just don't have. IMO, it's easier than twins because you only have one infant at a time!
Good luck!

OH Jenn I remember asking myself the same question!! (only now I can laugh about it) I am a victim of the old wives tale "you can't get pregnant while you breastfeed" How wrong those wives were!! My girls are 13 months and 1 day apart. My oldest turned 3 at the end of August and "the baby" just turned 2 at the end of September. I felt the same way like I was commiting a crime by having a second child so quickly. So far we have made it with no major difficulties. I tell you what though, no matter how many times a day I clean my house it always looks like a bomb went off, but honestly if I had to do it again I would do it the same (ask me again when they are teenagers!!). Having your kids close is good, hair raising at times, but good. And Although they will fight like cats & dogs, Your children will have a close bond (not to mention they will be very protective of one another). So come on off that ledge and join the rest of us here in CloseKidLand, its not so bad! It is great that you have a supportive husband, that will help you greatly. Make sure to ask him for help when you feel overwhelmed, (now and after the baby comes) and dont sweat the small stuff. There will always be laundry and dishes to do, your kids are your number one priority. One piece of advice I wish I would have followed to was to spend alone time with each of your kids. I figured they were both babies and it was not going to make a difference. Looking back I really regret not spending that alone time with my second as I did with my first. I cant explain it, the time just went so fast that I looked and she was no longer a baby I feel liked I missed that period of her life. Okay.. I'm rambling. You will survive I promise and I wish you the best of luck for a happy and healthy pregnancy! MJ

You will be fine. My boys are 13 months apart. I found out when my first was only 4 months old I FREAKED! I was nursing and thought oh I can't get pregnant. Here are the bonuses!! Your kids will be best friends!

You will actually be better off because they will entertain each other. The 18 month old will LOVE the new one and be excited about it! Probably even help you get diapers etc.

Of course 2 in diapers is REALLY tough but it will be ok!!

Its really great having them so close together its hard at first but seriously you will be happy you did!

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Dear Jenn,
Congratulations on your expanding family! Your daughter will love having a sibling and her life will be richer for it. I think there's no point in dwelling on the negatives. It happened, it wasn't planned, so what. That's life. Now you need to just embrace this blessing and start preparing your family for the edition. It will all work out just fine : )

I have twins so my kids never had the luxury of all the attention on them :)It will be fine and these feelings will pass. Just think how close your kids will be. I'm sure they will best friends and always have someone to play with.Also you will be out of diapers and formula sooner . And you can retire earier! Life happens while we are making other plans(John Lennon).Hang in there !

I can! Just a few months ago I found out I was pregnant (with my 3rd) and my daughter like yours, was just 9 months old at the time. I was devastated, excited, freaked out, call it what you want, I felt it seeing that positive test so soon.

To be completely honest, I'm 21 weeks pregnant, and just NOW starting to feel great about this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, a third child was in the works, but not so soon. I was hoping to wait until my daughter was 2.

It will be alright, I'm just starting to realize that myself. Women have children close in age every day. In fact, I come to learn that there are lots of benefits to this.

Just as the new baby comes your toddler will likely being potty trained or just about there. No changing double diapers all day.

Your little girl will be very eager to help care for the new baby and love her. My daughter is getting to the point where she just loves babies to death and is expressing her maternal nature.

Yesterday my friend came over with her 2 1/2 year old daughter and I got a glimpse of our future. Our kids are about 10 months difference in age. They were so sweet together, watching them play. (I'm not delusional, I know it won't always be like that).

But you'll have two little ones that will more likely than not grow up to be best friends.

Good luck with your new baby!

Congradulations! Try not to beat yourself up about it. You are pregnant and there is nothing you can do about it now! Try to spend as much quality time with your daughter as you can. My sister is 15 months younger than me, and I don't remember the attention being taken away from me, I was too little! Write down a schedule of what you want and need to get done each day, goals are easier to achieve when you write them down. Most of all, relax, you are going to do great!

Congratulations! My daughters are 21 months apart and I love it. They are now 17 and 18 years old and being so close as made them great friends. They are able to talk to each other about everything from friends, school, boys and their wonderful parents. They are going through a lot of the same issues at the same time so it is nice for them to have each other to turn to. There are pros and cons to having them close together and far apart.I was always close to my brother who is 18 months older than me but I never had that closeness with my sister who is 4 years older then me. So enjoy your being pregnant and don't worry everything will be fine.

Congratulations!
How wonderful for you to be expecting again. Many first time moms of 35yrs. are overjoyed to have had just one, and you are double blessed to be having another baby. You will be fine and one day you will wonder why you ever doubted having the second child so soon.
My daughters are also 18 months apart and it wasn't always easy when they were very small. In fact, it can be exhausting. However, now that they are grown, they are each others' best friend and that makes it all worth it. This past summer, my oldest daughter got married, and her best friend, her sister was her maid of honor. It makes me proud and happy to see the way they look out for each other. Your children will grow up and hopefully be this close someday. Good luck.
M..