What Made Transition Easier for You and Oldest When #2 Came Along?

I made her a part of the whole experience. My oldest was 3 when the baby came. When I fed the baby, I let Shelby touch the babies head like she was holding it up for me...or help me hold the bottle. When I rocked the baby, Shelby rocked with me. Will make them feel like you aren't ignoring them and they get very attached to little brother or sister.. Good Luck

I second what everyone below says...

Make sure to encourage your child to be a part of the baby helping process - but don't force your older child. Ask for help "Oh I wish I could get a helper to get me the wipes." If she/he does it, make a big deal about it.

Also, be sure to tell the baby when there are things she/he is not big enough for. For example when your older child has chocolate milk or a pudding, say "NO babyname, you cannot have any because you are too small. Your brother/sister can have some because they are big! One day you will be big too." That way your child won't only be hearing how they are too big (to be nursed/rocked/given a bottle or binky, etc).

Plan special time for you and your older child. This doesn't have to be one day or evening a week. Anytime you can spare. My husband works second shift/nights Mon-Fri so after my son goes to sleep, my daughter and I have an hour or more together. Usually we watch a cartoon, cuddle and read in my bed and/or take a bath or play with her toys. Then on the weekends, I take baby brother with me for a nap and she gets alone time with Daddy to play.

Our kids are 21 months apart, and the only regret I have is not putting my son (older) into part time day care at least part of the time I was on Maternity leave. It would have given me much more time to bond with the new baby instead of trying to split it unsuccessfully.

I think the other moms have given some good advice.
I'd suggest making the older child your "helper" by getting diapers, wipes, helping pick out clothes, etc.
I'd also be very conscious that at 2.5, this is going to be a big adjustment, and plan "dates" with your older child - special time with just Mommy or Daddy and them without the baby.

As far as the hospital, most Maternity floors have not been allowing children under the age of 13 because of H1N1. You may want to check with your hospital to be sure your older child can even be present at the hospital. We were able to have him there, and it helped tremendously instead of Mommy/Daddy being gone for so many days and returning with something that rocks their world.

Good luck.

When my oldest was three I had a little boy. I involved her with a lot. She would give me the diaper had me the wipes and the powder. She would hand me things needed for bath time and sit with me during feedings. Since my husband was very involved I also spent at least one day a week with just her while my husband took care of the baby. My son is now almost three and my daughter and I still have a special day like that once a week. All we do is go walking, to adifferent playground, go for a ride in the car to see horses and cows and sometimes we go to a museum or something like that.

hi,
first congrats...my cdhildren are exactly 3 yrs apart. i have 2 girls, when i was in the hospital with baby #2 my mother in law brought my oldest up and the girls met and they both got a little gift, one for welcome to the world, the other on congrats! ur a big sissie. at that age it really isn't safe to let them help a whole lot but anything will do they can get u a diaper help with them bottle and eventually learn to feed him or her you'd be suprised how fast they grow up when there is a baby in the house. Set aside some time for you and your oldest to be alone and bond as well. My kids now are 5 and 2 and they are best little buddies my oldest helps out so much with my two yr old. she's protective it's cute! lol good luck it's very overwhelming so if u need to talk im here :)

Have the older one come to the hospital to meet the baby, and have her (him?) bring a "birthday cake." My daughter, now five, still talks about how she had cake in the hospital when her baby brother was born 2.5 years ago. Makes them feel like they are a part of something special right from the very beginning. The only other thing I would suggest is getting a good carrier for the baby (sling or such) right away so you can have your hands free for the older one. Good luck! I found the transition went WAY better than I thought it was going to.

I'm also expecting baby #2 any day and my daughter is 2.5. The best advice I've been given is at different times when baby doesn't need you (sleeping, happy, etc.) let your child hear you say " not now, baby...I'm (busy, playing, etc.) with Big Sister. You'll have to wait a bit." to make them feel like they're important and a priority also. Someone also suggested getting them a doll that they can take care of when you're taking care of baby. And enlist their help when you can, to fetch diapers, pacifier, etc.
I'll be checking in again to see what other good suggestions you get.
Good luck!

One tip is when I was brestfeeding (would also work for bottle feedings) is I would sit on the couch instead of my rocking chair so that way my son (age 2) could sit with me and his baby sister. I kept a basket of books next to the couch and while I was nursing my daughter, I would read to my son. This made feeding time not just a special time for me and my baby daughter, but my son didn't feel left out either. Just try in different ways to involve your oldest in everything. Go out of your way to make them feel special. Make sure that when people come over to see the new baby, that they say hi to the older child first - some could even bring him a small toy or treat.

I haven't read the other posts so sorry if there are any repeats.

Things went pretty good with our older son who was 2.7 years when our 2nd boys was born. The hardest part, actually, was because I broke my foot during the last week of the pregnancy, and later, the older one was diagnosed with high functioning autism. It went surprisingly well otherwise, though.

My biggest suggestions are to buy a gift for your older child and have it be a present from the baby. Second, prepare food ahead of time a freeze! There are some pretty good cook books that you can interlibrary loan through your library. One is called Don't Panic, Dinners in the Freezer, and a second called Don't Panic, More Dinners in the Freezer (or something like that). We bought a chest freezer partially for this purpose.

Also, do what you can to get the older one to take his nap when the baby is sleeping so you can nap. Also, get a co-sleeper or just co-sleep with the new baby so you can sleep as much as you can at night. (I organize a playgroup, and you'd be surprised at how many of us co-slept at some point).

I don't mean to assume, but based on your screen name, and the fact that you are home birthing, I'm guessing you are going to breastfeed. That is the one thing I found that made it hardest with the second baby. I of course do not discourage breastfeeding (my 2nd went until 18 months), but it takes a lot of your time, so find ways to entertain your older daughter when you are nursing.

I also would sometimes tell the baby that he had to wait because I was with his brother. This made the older one feel important. So does having the older one help you with the baby. Have him fetch a diaper, or get you a kleenex, etc.

Also, take as much help as you can get!

Anyway, congrats on your pregnancy, and good luck with your home birth! I had both of mine at home too, but we didn't have the older one at the second birth. I just knew that he wouldn't handle it well; he has a lot of anxiety, and I needed to focus on myself.

btw, how do you like Westchester? We are planning on moving in the next couple of years, and Westchester is one of the first places we looked before we bought the current house.

My son was 2 weeks shy of his 3rd birthday when his sister was born. We never really had any jealousy issues to speak of. At one point I noticed my son was upset I couldn't do something with/for him due to being stuck on the sofa in a nursing session, so I explained to him that I realized how hard it was for him to have to share mommy and daddy, but that he had almost an entire 3 years that he never had to share us. But his little sister would never have ANY time that she didn't have to share us. I don't know how much he understood, and I doubt he remembers it now, but it seemed to make such a difference. They have always been close, though, best friends even.
After that incident (she was only about 2 weeks old) I tried to make it a point that whenever I was nursing, I sat where he could sit with us, and I would have him pick a story and I'd read to him, or we would watch Winnie the Pooh or Franklin together or something. Never had any jealousy problems.

The biggest reason, though, really, I think, is because DURING the pregnancy, I never blamed ANYTHING on the baby. He would want to sit on my stomach (while I was laying down on the sofa) and I didn't say = the baby is in there.. I'd say "that makes mommy's tummy hurt"... NEVER blame the baby for ANY inconvenience. Since I was nauseous throughout, I never said "the baby is making me sick" I just said "I don't feel very well" or whatever.
They are 11 and 8 now, and other than the typical sibling squabbles here and there, are the BEST of friends. Just last night she was upset about something, and here came her older brother with her favorite stuffed dog, turning him into a puppet to try and make her laugh/smile.