What Makes Your Marriage Great?

I have to that I'm pretty darn lucky to have my husband! Of course, he tells me the same thing every day too. The biggest success for us is how we talk to each other. It's really important. We talk about our day, talk about our kids, our dreams and our failures. He's an awesome listener and he sits there patiently while I talk about work or complain about the traffic I got stuck in.

It's good that we share the same interests. Of course, we also have our differences. He likes his shirts hung in order by color...I could care less as long as I can find it..but I do put his stuff away just as he likes it. He helps me in the kitchen..and he likes to have me out there talking to him while he changes the oil in the cars. We enjoy spending time with each other.

Oh..it's also very important for us to kiss each other goodbye or tell each other.."I love you" every day. We could be in the middle of a party and he has to run to the store...he will still find his way to me to kiss me goodbye. I kind of think those little things are important.

My husband is in the military and I know what it feels like to fear losing him forever. I know we all get wrapped up in the day to day and it's easy to forget or overlook the ones you care about, but I always try to keep in mind that..well, this could be the last time I talk to him or the last time I hold him. When you start seeing things in that way...you begin to appreciate every moment even if he might be driving you bananas!

I also will admit that even though I am open and honest with my husband...there are times when I have learned to keep my thoughts to myself especially if I am angry. When you are in a heated argument, it is so easy to say harsh things just to get back at the other person. Yes sometimes you slip up...but always always be ready to apologize.

When my hubby and I got married, we had to meet his pastor first before he would perform the ceremony. As we sat in front of him, he said to both of us that there is only one thing you should learn to say to each other. Do you know what that is? Of course, we said..."I love you?"" He said, "No..the one thing you need to learn to say to each other is "I forgive you!". OK..so we thought that was pretty hilarious. He even made us say to each other! And at our wedding ceremony, he brought it up again and it took every bit of control to hold the giggling in.

Needless to say, whenever we get in a heated discussion or disagree. One of us brings that up. He'll say, "You know what baby...I forgive you!" I could be giving him the dirtiest look, but as soon as he says that. I just have to smile. I guess his paster knew exactly what he was talking about.

I was married before for 8 years and I was so unhappy. This man, he proved to me that I could be happy. You know how when you were young, you'd watch a romantic comedy or read a romance novel and just say.."Oh..I wish I could meet a man like that!"?? Well, I no longer wish because I have. My husband and I have been married 13 years....and I can't wait until we are two old people holding hands while we cruise through the local Walgreens to pick up our meds!

Have you ever heard the saying, "God blessed the broken road
that led me straight to you"? Our story is complicated and we often tease each other that we are together. We've been married 16 years and b/c of many morals and values that we share and the love we have for each other we have a great marriage. Below are just a few things we do to show our love for each other...

Ignore the idiosyncrasies and love the quirks. Appreciate the faults, as we all have them, and marvel in the care, compassion and love that is given. Know it is okay not to like each other every single day. Learn to walk away when things get heated and run to each other in celebrations and successes. Say please and thank you! Hold hands often (in the mall, car, grocery store etc.). Always give a kiss when headed out the door. Even if you are right, know when to give in and move on. Know when to say I'm sorry. Always show respect, learn when sarcasm is appropriate and be chivalrous (that goes for both men & woman). Be supportive even if you think it isn't necessary. Adaptability and flexibility is key. Listen!

**As my husband sits here, he says he doesn't ignore anything about me - in other words, learn to lie when needed :)

we don't do anything special or specific. we're in this together. we said a long time ago, divorce is not an option. we're comfortable with each other, accept each other's quirks and qualities, and we talk a lot about things if things pop up. we don't hold grudges, and we have made a pact to never go angry to bed. even if it pisses us off, we stay up later than our bedtime talking things through.
when one of us becomes selfish, we point it out, no yelling, no screaming, no name-calling.
also, we do a lot of small getaways with our children (well, all of our getaways are with our children), but we break the year into 5-6 trips a year, i feel like mini-trips break the boredom from our daily routine.
also, fridays and saturdays we watch a movie together. we have dinner on the couch (after kids go to bed) and watch a movie. then we share a glass of wine.
really, we're not super exciting people, we're not big spenders, we just communicate well.

Married 7+ years, and counting our way to FOREVER!

-Kiss each other good night, every night (and if one is out of town, do it on the phone)
-Kiss each other as we head out for our day, every day
-Have sex frequently, taking turns being "in-charge" or the one "doing all the work" (sex begets more sex, and lack of sex begets even less sex)
-Take notice of what the other does (its too easy to not realize all the things we/they do!)
-Clearly show appreciation for what the other spouse does (hugs, kisses, thank-you's... it can be "hey that looks good" when one mows the lawn)
-Force the other to talk it out when upset (air things out--b/c we tend to be passive and silence ourselves)
-Be frank about asking for help/assistance **Don't assume the other knows when you need something, b/c there's a good chance they don't!
-Do something for the other w/o being asked (like taking in the dry cleaning or bathing the kids)
-Go on dates (although I wish we did this more often :-P)
-Let the kids spend the night at grandparents house sometimes
-Sit out on the patio with a bottle of wine and TALK... about work, politics, friends, kids... (although we try to not talk about the kids too much when we do this b/c we need to take advantage of the opportunity to be *adults*)
-Respect each other's brains and ability to be a critical thinker
-Compliment each other! ("good dinner" and "you're hot" ... )
-A FIRM belief that marriage is for LIFE. We are both COMMITTED to not hurting the other and working through differing viewpoints. (Hubby has also made it more than clear that cheating is grounds for separation so that will never happen!!!!)
-Talk to a trusted friend/family member when frustrated for support when needed (It helps when my MIL shares stories about FIL/hubby's dad--they are so similar sometimes!)
-Remind yourself that life is better married than single--you might get frustrated picking up someone else's dirty socks but there are other wonderful things you get to do that you couldn't do otherwise

Now, if I can just get him to say "I love you" more often...

Oh, what to say? I am an oldest child, hubby is a youngest and the only boy. So, things could have been rough. But, from the very beginning, our feeling has been that divorce is not an option. That makes you have to work on things. (If someone who is divorced reads this, please understand that I am not trying to be mean or hurtful - just telling about our relationship)

Also, when we got married, I promised to never use sex as a tool to try to get my way. I just figured that if I started out making that promise, then there wouldn't be the temptation and we would both know that I had promised.

We tease each other a lot. Not mean or hurtful, but just pointing out our silliness. When I was 18 months old, my mom told me that the lines in the sky that are left by planes are "so baby planes can find their way home". I believed that heart and soul. When I was 25 (no joke) Hubby and I were driving home from my folks' place. I mentioned the baby planes and he got a horrified look on his face. I thought he was worried that I believed the baby plane part. After that didn't remove the horror, I turned around, and we marched back in to my folks' and I demanded that she tell him about the contrail. There was a moment of absolute silence before....well, let's just say there was a lot of laughing. Now, when I say something Hubby thinks is silly, he calls me Baby Plane Girl.

Also, I accepted a long time ago that flowers are not his thing. Seriously, that guy you see frantic at the grocery on Valentines night buying the very last bouquet - that's my husband. But, when he has to go to the store, he will bring me chocolate sometimes. It's such a sweet gesture - it shows that he was thinking about me. Accepting that a guy's idea of romance in no way resembles ours was super helpful.

We always say 'I love you" and I always ask how his day at work was. I know that those don't sound big nor important, but they are. It just lets him know that I care. And we play together. A lot.

One last thing (I know this is long, sorry). I know he looks at other girls. I don't freak about it. Actually, we talk about it. It's a question of trust, I think. I'm comfortable with his looking - I think all guys look. But I also know looking is all he does. And I trust him.

We make fun of each other pretty freely, but not hurtfully. (I once was so enthralled by my first pair of toe socks that I announced, "someone should make toe socks for your hands!" My husband will NEVER let me forget.)

We are best friends, so no matter what kind of crummy circumstances we've been through, and the nastiest moments we've seen each other in, we have that underlying friendship. We really like each other.

Neither of us was ever in love with anyone else. Not that we couldn't be quite happy if we had been, but we were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend, we did not sleep together until we were married (well, maybe we fell asleep on the couch watching a movie, but you know...), and so we have never had any history of intimacy with anyone else. We also married young (20 and 22 years old), which is not always good for people, but after almost 7 years and expecting our 3rd son, we still can't imagine any other life.

We listen to each other, even talking about things the other isn't interested in (I should get better about football--I'm afraid he can still tell when my eyes glaze over). We kiss each of our kids and each other every time we get in the car to go anywhere. We've seen each other at our absolute worst and craziest and bitchiest moments, argued or said hurtful things, and then forgiven each other.

We are both like-minded Christians with the same priorities for raising our children and living our lives. We call each other at work at least once a day just to say hello and how the kids are doing (he is home days while I work then works evenings). I adore his parents, which certainly helps make some things easier. We try to take turns giving in on things we don't want to do or don't like.

I don't necessarily believe that everyone has someone waiting for them, and people certainly do other things before meeting that right person, but I do believe that we spent our youths becoming ready to meet at the right time and I cannot imagine anyone more perfectly made for me. Life is not perfect, and circumstances could be MUCH improved, but loving each other and loving our children is enough in the end.

We never say those things no one who really knows someones weakness can say in a fight to hurt the other. We are obsessed with our children. We can tell each other anything, We laugh together. We share the same dream, almost verbatim. We are very compatible in bed.

That was fun, its not fun thinking of the things that separate us

We have love and in our 20 years, we have learned how to communicate to the other one our expectations, so that disappointments & frustrations are kept to a minimum. The love is what motivates each of us to do whatever is in our power to meet the other's expectations. Also, we both acknowledge that every day we choose each other again and again.

It helps that my husband and I are compatible with each other. We are flirty with each other, understand each other's sense of humor, and really get what the other is about. We have definitely evolved into a stronger, more nurturing and more loving couple with each passing year but I think what really what makes my marriage work is that both my husband and me really want to be married to each other. For that reason, we are safe to trust each other, safe to agree to disagree, safe to not alway be as attractive or as pleasant as we normally are because it has just been that kind of day. And, on the flip side, we both very motivated to be a "peace, love and happiness" kind of family. I don't know . . . for me, this just works.

Great question. I liked how you phrased it and also like to learn from other couples. Great answers here.
I think the key is being patient and selfless. If you think about marital discord or divorces, they are usually caused by one or both people being selfish.
I am the luckiest girl alive. We are very compatible in so many ways and knew each other for 5 years before being married. Marriage has never been hard for us and I feel very lucky and blessed to have him. We discuss everything and respect each others point of view- sometimes agree to disagree but most often we both make great points and agree. We appreciate each other and express that daily. If I apologize for the messy house or not a good meal, he always says it's okay and he means it and appreciates/thanks me for what I do. I try to do the same when it comes to him working and making all the money. I believe men need and want to hear that from their wives as they want to take care of us. We are compatible in bed and do it as often as we can. We have the same committment to each other and God. We try to go to bed at the same time each night and kneel by our bed nightly to pray together. I think this has taught us a lot about each other and ourselves as it has humbled us before God.
We have only been married for 13 years, 5 kids, he had cancer, and we were dirt poor our first 6 years of marriage but we plan to be married forever. I know there can be tough things ahead but I am excited to face whatever comes with him by my side.

We have only been married 2 1/2 years, so maybe we are still in the newlywed stage! :). My husband's family went through divorce when he was a teen, and because of that he is (and I) are very commited to that not happening. Of course we've already had differences of opinion and way to do things, as any marriage does, but we don't let them take over our relationship. We learn to talk about things (of course still learning) and forgive each other.

My husband is wonderful at keeping romance and respect in the marriage:
He brings me flowers sometimes, opens my car door everywhere we go, carries my bags, helps me be seated, and leaves notes occasionally in the morning when he leaves for work saying how much he loves me and will miss me that day.

I try and do special things for him also. Sometimes I decorate the room with hearts and reasons I love him, make his favorite dessert, I try to have dinner ready by the time he is home (he works 13 hours so he is very appreciative of this when he comes home), since we both like the house clean I try and clean after I get home from work when I am able, do little things like sew up his pants if they get a hole. Also, he loves a big long hug when he gets home from work, sometimes I feel very tired by the time he gets home and just want to give a quick hug and relax, but I try and remember that this is very important to him, and that he loves to hear me say I love him often.

We also agreed on family goals, finacial goals, spiritual goals. We try and go to bed at the same time every night (I know this isn't possible for every couple) and we always do just a little cuddling before sleeping.

Overall, I just say I'm a very lucky girl, blessed with a wonderful husband. I know there will still be hard times ahead, but I am glad I have someone to combat those hard issues together with.

There are so many wonderful stories. All the things you mentioned are all wonderful factors. My hubby and I are 15 plus years. It has been very good and very awful at times. We were friends first and still are best friends. We have grown up together ( first bf/gf met right after high school) I think some of the most important things to us are the little things. Saying thank you for all the daily stuff, whether it is me making dinner or him bringing up the laundry. Him knowing how much he is needed and loved, Me being told how he sees me beautiful even in sweats and how much I am loved. Holding hands when we watch TV. Taking time out for just each other, but also taking time out just for ourselves, or going out with a friend. A sweet kiss before bed and before we leave for work. Saying sorry ( this is the hardest thing) and saying I love you everyday, even when we are mad. Most importantly we laugh, play silly games, flirt, and tease ( in loving fun only) He will still pretend to pick me up at the bar using his best Butt-Head voice. (sorry that nails which generation I am from) We are far from a perfect marriage, but we have come a long way together. Even though tomorrow I may want to strangle him for something, I am very thankful for my hubby.

I think the big one in our marriage is forgiveness of our imperfections. When you live with someone so long, you know everything that they do wrong. I'm grateful that my husband looks past those things and is very forgiving of my weaknesses. It makes me so grateful for him and love him even more.

My husband and I have been married 8 years and it wasn't a smooth start. We met at 28 years old when he was engaged to someone else! Our friendship was effortless and felt very easy... like we were friends in another life. He called off the engagement and we've been together since.
1. Respect- most important to us... changes the way we speak to other, the way we fight is fair... and we don't say bad things about each other to others.
2. Ability to be silly, we joke about things and we are able to tease each other.
3. Kind to each other. He gives me back rubs that don't lead into anything, tells me how much I do for him and our kids and always says love you. He also is able to say sorry if needed.