What Should I Do? - Rice Lake,WI

You and hubby should sit down and discuss the situation. However the discussion should be about how each of you feel about the situation, why it happend and how you both plan on getting past this. The discussion should NOT be about what happened? If you trust him, you don't need any more info, pushing is only going to make it worse.

I'm sorry but I can't get pass Dawn B's response... what a Power MOVE, so right on... which I would have thought of it...

Boy, is your husband stupid. And even more stupid, that woman at work. Tells people she's a home wrecker while you are pregnant!

Wear your most pregnant looking outfit, put on some makeup, fix your hair, and go to that office. Walk around and say hello to people. Be very charming. Let everyone see you go in and sit down and talk with this woman. Tell her that everyone in the office knows she is bragging about being a homewrecker. Ask her if that's the kind of person she wants to be seen as in her career. Is your husband that interesting to her that she wants to ruin both of their careers? Does she really want to have a man who has to pay child support for 2 children as well as alimony? What could she possibly want from him that she can't get from some single guy who will get to keep his take home pay? Be very nice while you say this stuff to her. Don't raise your voice. Don't act like a beotch. Show the Power of the Wife by being business-like and strong with a smile.

Then go say hello to the Boss. When your husband sees you talking to both of them, he will start to think that he better stop screwing around at work on you if he wants to keep his job.

Forgiving is one thing. Putting your husband in his place is another. He needs to be put in his place. That woman is playing a really stupid game talking the way she is at work, and you going there in front of her coworkers, calm, collected, and looking beautifully pregnant, will not endear her to her coworkers. They will really dislike what she is doing and will let her know. She will then keep her nasty little mitts off your husband. He will be embarrassed and start behaving himself. If he gets angry at you, tell him you have an excellent lawyer.

And I hope you have a bank account with your name on it and some money in it too, since he's basically telling you by acting like this that you might need it. Show him he will pay for his sins, Amanda.

Good luck,
Dawn

Amanda,
Forgive and forget. If they both said nothing happened , I'd let it be. And as far as the girl bragging, she's either awfully young or just plain ignorant. It only makes her look bad to other people, it's not something most people would be proud of. Move past this ,(but, I'd personally have to remind my hubby about how bad something like this can turn out at work for him), and I'd concentrate on taking care of myself and the baby on the way. You certainly don't need to be stressed out. I'd also remind hubby those conversations (sexual content)with the girl while you were away , could have been the same conversations with you, his wife, while you were away. Maybe hubby should step up and set the record straight at work.
I personally would have to have a heart to heart with him and take it from there.
Hoping for the Best, C. S.

Wow. At least he told you...I guess. I don't put up with cheating, any kind. I would have major trust issues with him from here on out. If you want to try to save the marriage (the only reason this would be an option for me is if nothing physical had happened - not that I am okay with the emotional part), then he needs to earn back your trust. He should not be brushing this off as nothing, but should be grovelling at your feet right now, begging you to stay with him.

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. How frustrating! What is wrong with men? So many of them do it. My husband being on of them in the past...hopefully it stays there. In my opinion, he just lost any trust you should have had in him. And he really picked a winner if she is going and bragging about it. It makes her look like such trash. No one with ANY class talks to another married person that way. And your husband is in the same way, it is so tasteless and I'm sorry to say, trashy to do. I have used these words to my own husband, so I hope they do not come out harsh. Honestly, it took years of counseling for us to be able to move forward. And still, it comes up ALL the time. You and your husband definitely need to talk about it...and you need to know everything, IMHO. Then nothing can blindside you. But he needs to be 100% honest. And then you need to decide what you want to do from there. Do you really love him? Do you really want to forgive him? If so, work on it. It's hard, but work on it. Good luck!!

I would be extremely upset if my husband ever did anything like that!!!! I don't care if it wasn't physical- it is wrong!!!
I would go to counseling with him because this would just eat away at me until I got the the bottom of it. And if I were your husband and truely sorry- I would be looking for a transfer or another job- bother the economy- he can find something else. He should not be working around this woman because she will try to destroy your marriage. I wouldn't be able to handle it if my husband was flirting with his co-workers like that!
I think this is a lot bigger deal then most the other posters on this one- but I won't tolerate cheating in any form- I wouldn't do that to my husband and I expect the same respect from him. How would he handle it if the situation were reversed?
This lady is bad news- she did it once and got away with it- she will do it again and push it to go farther- make sure that it is not with your husband!
best of luck!
~C.

What a witch. My guess is that nothing is going on physically, but that she was flirting with your husband and they took it too far. It's not okay and you have every reason to mistrust him. The sad part is that she thinks it's funny... which is her way of continuing to get attention. Sounds like that's what she's looking for and your husband was giving it to her.

I would have a long talk with him about EXACTLY what happened, when, and share the messages (texting or emailing, I'm assuming) with you. I would insist that he remove her from his phone, email, facebook- whatever and let him know that he will need to earn back your trust. It sounds as though you all work together, which is unfortunate. At this point, I would insist that your husband not contact her in any way, unless it is necessary for work.

Try to work through this, but openly let him know that you are hurt and that trust, once lost, is very difficult to regain. Carve out time for the two of you b/c he was likely flattered by her attention and finding him attractive. Let him know that he's important to you and focus on rebuilding your relationship. I'm sure that the "office" will lose interest quickly and she'll just look like the slutty witch that she is!

Couples counseling.

Sit with him, talk about how his actions make you feel and what you want him to do to stop the rumors in his office. If he respects you, then he will do it. If he finds this amusing, then I would be really upset. Yeah, you should discuss it further and get it cleared so he knows you do not approve of it.

Amen to what Dawn B. said!

I personally would be very happy if no "physical" cheating happened. But there is still emotional cheating, and that can hurt your emotions and your trust just as much. I honestly think that I would ask him to start looking for another job. And I would expect him to stop socializing with this woman, because that would just upset me. She not only had some sort of inappropriate relationship (even if just flirting) with your husband and has now decided to speak openly about that and your family to other people that the two of your know. I do believe marriage is a committment that should not be taken lightly though, so I would try my hardest to work on yours.
Best of luck!

Seems to me that obviously your husband is looking for something from her that he is not getting from you. I have no idea what that is, you would be the best person to decide that. BUT, that does not make what he did ok in any way. Sounds to me like she is a skank, and maybe he just wanted to see if he still "has it". I have no idea not knowing you/him personally. I would be very upset if I were in your shoes. I would make him show me all of the correspondance, and see exactly what was sent back and forth. Also, when the economy gets better I think I would ask him to look for another job. (but I definately wouldn't have him quit right now because jobs are hard to come by) and I would be checking his e-mail and his phone on a regular basis and he better get used to it.....Maybe I am over reacting, but that is what I would do. He has given you reason to be looking at these things and checking on him. How did you find out, he just felt guilty and spilled the beans? What does he say about her going in to work and telling everyone that? I don't think that I would've contacted her what so ever. For one, the issue is really between you and your husband. And two, it just adds fuel to her fire, and she may try to stoke it whenever she gets a chance if she is as skanky as she sounds.... Are you friends with any of the other ladies that he works with? If you are, then maybe they can give you some insight into the situation. I have worked with some pretty skanky women, and they will send texts to the guys at work, and are known as the "do the crew" girls. All the guys know that they are skanks, and they just use them..... I would definately pull in the reigns on my husband and keep a close eye in the future! Sorry that you are going through this. I am sure it is very difficult. I think that if he is truly sorry, that you can work through this, but it really depends on his attitude if he thinks he did something wrong or not. It really doesn't matter if the other girl thinks that she did something wrong, she is not the one married to you. If HE apologizes and feels he did something wrong and understands why you are upset, then you have a better chance at working through this. I hope that you guys can work things out.
~ Janine

how is that OK? why are you even seeking this woman's persective when you're not married to her? It is your husband you should be dealing with.
i am sorry, emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating. Why did he do it? What was he trying to achieve by sending messages to another woman?
Here, when you say help please, this is what i would suggest:
find the time to get him to sit down, tell you everything, and then you decide what next. Forgive and forget would not exist in my vocabulary. I believe in 'once broken can never be mended.'
good luck

He didn't physically cheat, so I'm not sure if its grounds to call it completely over. But I do think counseling is in order if you want to move past this. You have to figure out why he was "talking" with her when married to you.

Good luck, hope you get things figured out!

.

You "went home for a few weeks"? If you are married, your home should be with him.

I've been married for 37 years and my wife has never visited some where other than our home for a "few weeks" since we've been married.

If you and your husband were having problems, you should have stayed with him and not deserted him "for a few weeks". He shouldn't be having conversations with anyone of the opposite sex of a sexual nature, but you are equally wrong.

Get the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and follow its suggestions. Its written about 75% for women and 25% for men. After you read it, give it to your husband to read. Watch the movie, "Fireproof" with your husband. Get the companion manual, "The Love Dare",also get one for your husband and you and he should follow its instructions. (BTW, I'm on day 13,000 plus).

His co-worker "bragging" about being a "home wrecker" probably has a great deal to do with the conversation you had with her. I wasn't at his work to hear her tone of voice, but I've worked in different offices and that kind of talk wouldn't have been tolerated in any of the offices I worked in. Unless you went to his work, how did you find out she was "bragging about being a home wrecker"? Some important facts seem to have been left out of your story.

Step back, cool down and get some marriage counselling for the both of you. Get the books and movie and be pro-active rather than re-active.

Good luck to you and yours.