What Should I Say or Do?

I would agree with Maria B. I think it's important to let her know that although you don't care for the way he treats her if that what she chooses to do you'll be there for her. However she should hold off on the wedding until after the baby is born. If they really love each other they will still love each other and waiting would be the best thing for everybody. I firmly believe you should never marry because of a baby but because you love one another. It's not the taboo it used to be, so have the baby then decide if that's what they really want.

You're in a tough position. Honestly, I'd tell her flat out how you feel. Remind her that you love her, she's your friend, and you're worried how things may go. It's pretty early in both the relationship and the pregnancy. She may just be afraid of going through it alone (I was during my first).

In my opinion, the best thing to do right now is to make sure she knows she has a support network to fall back on (friends, mom, siblings, etc) and to weigh all her options for her future with the father. If she wasn't too happy before, pregnancy will just tarnish the relationship more, and pushing things too fast may make them grow further apart, rather than together. At this point, just being there for her to talk to may make all the difference in the world.

It looks like everyone is saying simular things. It's her life, if she doesn't ask your opinion then you should keep it to yourself. Bite your tongue and let her get her own bumps. My own friends keep telling me to run from my own relationship, but it's up to me to do it, nothing they say that is new to me, nothing I cannot see for myself, but my shoes to walk in. kwim? Good luck, I know it hurts to watch a friend mess herself up!

My husband's cousin is 22 and preg with her on/off boyfriend that NOBODY in the family can stand. I can tell you that the reason her and I get along so good is because I am the only one who is honest with her while being supportive of her. What I did was tell her that that I didn't like the way he treated her....asked her to put the marriage plans on hold (until she can get her figure back....that's the excuse I used)......and also make it VERY clear that no matter what she decides to do, I will always be there to support her and help her in whatever way I can.

She liked the fact that I came right out and told her how I feel without making it sound like a lecture (she gets that enough from everyone else) and that even if she stays with this *@#$*&^ she will at least have one person in this family that is in her corner and only wants her to be happy!!!!

Good Luck!

Hi i dont know personal the situation but, i do think that true friends should be honest with one another no matter what? Sometimes the truth hurts. If u guys are true friend, she will understand that you care enough to voice your opinion. She may/may not like what you have to say but she will respect u for speaking your mind.
U will be friends in the end
Boyfriends come and go and true friends are forever!!!
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Stacu

I think you can tell her the truth and still be supportive. As a friend, she should respect your opinion, but she is entitled to make her own choices. I was engaged after 4 months (not prego though) and my husband and I have been happily married for 6 years. Stay open-minded about it, maybe he is her Mr. Right.

Good Luck!
A.

You do not develop deep friendships by being shallow and looking the other way. I think you owe it to your friend to be honest with her. Whatever you say needs to be said out of love and not out of judgement. And you need to make that clear! Tell her that you will be her friend no matter what, and you won't badger her about it, but tell her how you feel and what you are afraid of. Speak in facts, not opinions. Do not dominate the conversation.. listen to her!

On that note, I want to share a personal story.

When I married my husband, we had only been together 7 months. Fast forward 2 1/2 years later. We have a 3 month old child and are about to get divorced.

I think it takes a year to REALLY know a person. It gets harder to hide behind a facade. DO NOT GET MARRIED JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE PREGNANT! I don't think you should make any big decisions pregnant, because your emotions are such a roller-coaster, and wedding planning is extremely stressful.. which is bad for baby in utero.

Say to your friend:

I care about you/ love you and
I'm feel worried about you because....
I'm feel scared because...
I want to be honest with you because I care, and
You deserve the best..
I will be your friend no matter what, and will not be judgemental towards you and your decisions,
But I owe it to you as a friend to be honest with you
Because I care/love you...

If you can't say it, write it.

Then listen to what she has to say without interrupting.

My husband would say live and let live. If you feel strongly about this then I think you could tell her you care about her and let her know how you feel. As a friend you may want to be supportive even if you disagree. This will take some strengh on your part and in the end just don't rub anything in her face if things backfire on her. I wish your friend all the luck and I hope they make the best decision for themselves and as a family.

I would gently tell her your worried about her going too fast. Don't say anything too harsh, she is going to make her own choices, and if you sound against them, she will be afraid to talk to you if it doesn't work out, when she needs you the most. I was in kind of the same situation as her a few years ago. I was with a guy who was GREAT and at 5 months into the relationship, I got pregnant. We decided we would get married because we expected to someday anyway and it was better to do it BEFORE having a baby. Well, within a month of finding out I was pregnant, he completely changed and didn't care about my opninions anymore and even got violent. I wasn't willing to put up with that, and ended it. I even ended up having to get a restraining order because he wouldn't accept that it was over and wouldn't leave me alone. Now I have a 2 1/2 yr old little boy... with no father. His dad chooses not to see him because he only wants me and can't have me.

You don't know who someone really is that fast, and I think she would be better off waiting. It is a lot easier to break up than get a divorce. I have known people who got married because of a baby, and 90% of them were divorced within a few years, including my own parents.

Give her all the support you can and reassure her that there are other people who would be happy to support her emotionally and in other ways through her pregnancy. Check out the website totallifecare.org for contact inforamtion. They are willing to help, others are too.

Hi,
This has been a hard lesson learned for me. I totally love my friends like family. I have watched them all make mistakes, and I have made my own. You can tell your friend till your blue in the face what you think of her situation, but belive me it will make no diffrence in her choice. SO, my advice is to smile, give her a shoulder to cry on when needed and always say "I am your friend and I support you".