What's Wrong with My Baby?

HI,

I had a somewhat similiar situation with my daughter. She was very anti social. She cried and hid under the table at her 1st birthday party. I had her tested free through Child Find. They said she needed speech therapy and that she had SPD. We were getting free treatments at home and I was told that she may never be "normal" as compared to other children. Well, I decided to start her in Preschool so she could she how other children behaved and interacted with eachother. After the first 2 weeks she LOVED school and ran to the door every morning and couldn't wait to get in the car everyday. I noticed a HUGE change in her personality. She became more affectionate with EVERYONE, she spoke a lot more, and her teacher said she was on level with the rest of the children in her class. She's now 2.5 and they have her in the 3 year old room, because they feel she was ready to move up. I think Preschool definitely helped my daughter with her socialization. Soon after I started her in school I stopped therapy all together.

Hope this info helps.

I would go to see the doctor immediately...sometimes kids who are autistic do not like being around others...but I don't know very much about that or if it's anxiety the doctor could lead you in the right direction or help you seek the proper person to talk too...I would not put her in daycare until I spoke to the doctor for fear that it is anxiety...you wouldn't want to stress her more...

Good luck

You might want to look into High Sensitivity - read "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron.

Highly Sensitive people are overwhelmed by external stimuli. As a Highly Sensitive person, I know that making her "tough it out" will just make her more miserable.

She may need to take things slow or avoid those things that overstimulate her for now, and then you can encourage her to try being with others or try a new experience a little later on.

She's lucky to have a Mom that cares about her. Good luck.

B., You may just have a very shy little one and she may need to cling for some time. If I were you, I would seek the advice of a health care professional. I wouldn't mess around with everyday advise. And follow your heart. -L.

Have you spoken to your daughters Dr?? That would be my first step. Could be Sensory Processing Disorder. An OT can definetly help. If you are in Tampa St Joes has an excellent OT for pediatrics. You will need to find a preschool that is supportive and possibly specialized.

The only thing with her starting daycare..Is she starting at a center or at a home daycare? It may be a lot worse if you put her in a center because there are so many kids...You really may want to look into a Home Daycare. I know from experience(I run a home daycare) that we have more time than a center would and definitely a lot more patience with the little ones. She may just really need to be around other babies her age. Has she only been cared for by you or your husband since she was born? It sounds like a sort of separation anxiety but there are a lot of things you have to look at...Was she born early? How is she developmentally?(on course etc) I would def have her checked out by her pediatrician before you start her in daycare.

I doubt in this situation, that forcing her to deal with it will help at all, especially if you have no idea what the underlying cause is.

I agree with the others who have suggested talking with the pediatrician and possibly getting a referral to a specialist in developmental assessment and therapy.

While a certain amount of mistrust of others is developmentally appropriate, what you describe is not typical behavior. It is much too early to diagnose your child with social anxiety. It could be a developmental issue, not merely a mental health one. The sooner you get an assessment, the better for both of you.

If a developmental disorder can be ruled out, I would suggest talking with the pediatrician about ways you can "systematically desensitize" the baby. This would involve planned very brief encounters with the public (with the entire purpose and goal of helping baby). The encounters would be made longer as the baby can tolerate them.

Hi B.. This message is a little old and I know you've received lot's of great advise. I just wanted to write and tell you how much I can relate. My now two year old was the same way and still is at times. Her first birthday was horrible also. A mixture of too many people, a very scratchy dress and a hot summer day put her over the edge. I believe that she gets sensory overload. I kept her in Gymboree for a over a year with the hopes that she would eventually become comfortable playing with the kids and following along with the activities they had, Instead she would scream from the time we got there until we left. I think the loud noise, bright colors and babies pulling on her and taking her toys were just too much for her. I would advise you to keep working on it but do it slowly. Maybe have small get together's with a friend and one other child so that she can begin to be comfortable and start to trust. Kaylie is pretty outgoing now, but has her limits. I commend you for taking a year off from your career. I'm also a SAHM. Don't worry. This will pass.
Blessings!
J.

I would talk to her Dr. about this . I have never heard of a baby acting this way with everyone. My daughter at around that age developed a fear of men with mustaches. She saw her uncles almost weekly since age 6 months and when 2 of them grew a mustache she would scream and cry at the sight of them if they got too close to her. She out grew that. Something isn't right here and her Dr. would be the most likely one to have some answers. Good luck, granny

I would immediately see a specialist in pediatric sensory issues - and I would recommend more than one opinion. I would avoid diagnosing it yourself nor trying to resolve it yourself. From what you say, what you are doing and what she is experiencing is only making it worse because no one knows exactly what to do for her (I wouldn't know either!).

You are totally right, it is not normal for a child to have that much stess, misery and suffering at typical daily activities. She needs you to learn what do do for her from a professional, from someone that can evaluate her and offer an appropriate program. Until her situation can be helped, I would think daycare would be completely out of the question. This is just as much a problem that needs attention as much as if she had a sickness requiring your help and attention....

Let me start by saying as a mother you have got to trust yourself! You will get a lot of asdvice both on and off the message boards and as a mother you have got to trust what feels best for you.

With that being said, first my oldest dughter, who is now 12, almost 13, and very shy, her name is Serina, however was refered to b family as screama, was very similar. A few things that helped her were, first more sleep, consistancy, and positive reinforcement. I told her everyday after nap time we are going to walk to the park and play, when we get home we are going to have snack and play what you want to play. Every afternoon when she got up from nap we walked to the park, came home and payed play doh or watched Barney, whatever she picked. At first she had a lot of anxiety and wanted me to ush her on the swings and go down the slide with her, within a few weeks of coaxing and positive reinforcement, she would play by herself on the slide. I told her a lot, mommy will always be here for you, mommy will not let anything bad haapen to you.

I felt like for her it was a sense of control. I had to teach her that I was in control. but that she did not have to worry when mommy was in control, because I would protect her.
Sometimes it was hard, but I pushed her to do things and be around people. However I was selective and made sure she was getting nap on schedule everyday.

Second, you said you are going back to work soon, I am assuming August is when school starts. Have you thought about adjusting her gradually to one person coming to your house? Day care may be to much for her right away, however a nanny at your house may be easier for her. If you can not find someone to come to your house, you may call the licensing board and find a small licensed in home day care that only takes about 5 children. Thewy amy be willing to let you come a few times before you go to work and help her adjust to the change.

Good Luck!

Been here and done that with my son. Yes, could be a form of social anxiety. Unfortunately, at her age, there is no reasoning with her. All you can do is talk to her (the more you do, the more she will understand as she ages.) and try to get her ready for each "change". Of course, it may not be social anxiety, but Sensory Intregration Dysfunction. There are two kinds, hyper and hypo. One kind the child goes through extremes to feel things, like hitting themselves or running into walls; the other, they can't deal with stimulation like loud noises, textures, lots of people, etc. The kids almost appear Autistic because when they can't process the environment properly, they either withdraw or cry.

I truly believe that more you socialize her and gently introduce her to the overwhelming world, you will slowly see changes. My son was EXACTLY like this. We couldn't take him to a parade, watch fireworks. I couldn't vaccuum or use the mixer without him HYSTERICAL. He cried everytime the lawn service came to cut the grass. I just told him I (or we) had to go somewhere or I had to clean. I then told him how to handle it (wear your earplugs; go in your room and play with your door closed, etc.) As he aged, it gave him a sense of control, and as he got older, he became more curious, and would actually watch me vaccuum, or want to go to the parade (though the noise and people were hard for him, he liked the trucks and floats, so he would be brave.)

I never took him to a doctor about it, though I did let his ped know, as well as know his progress (or lack of). I had read an article about Sensory Intregration Dysfunction, then borrowed some library books on it, and that really helped. At 4, he was diagnosed with ADHD (which I still don't believe, as I've had other professionals over the years tell me it's the "easy" diagnosis some doctors give, and as he's gotten older, he doesn't act at all like a "ADHD kid".) and borderline Autism. Now that he's 8, it's much more apparent that he's Obsessive-Compulsive, which has some shared behaviors with ADHD and Autism, as well as other social anxiety disorders, which OCD is.

I dealt with this issue for probably 3-4 years before getting true progress, which was when he hit 3 1/2 to 4 years old. That's when he went to speech, and a part-time preschool. I would NOT put your daughter into daycare BEFORE taking her to a developmental psychologist. The stress will be very very hard on her, as well as the daycare teachers and even the other daycare kids who will have to listen to her cry for the entire day. But please know that her behavior will not stay this way forever, with patience and love on your part. My son is a polite person that shakes people's hands and is just fine at parades and parties now, though he still has issues making friends and needs reminding on the right social behaviors. Good luck! I hope your road isn't as long as mine was.

I would speak with your Pedi. If they don't give you an answer that makes since or feels right then I would get a second opinion, see an Occupational Therapist for an evaluation,,,or someone in the field that specializes in Social problems in the pediatric area. It could be something she will simply grow out of, or it could be a problem. Best to find out and put your mind at ease or begin to help her where if it's needed. As bad as this sounds I would not let her tough it out. You might want to talk to her preschool and give it a try for a while. She may stop crying and screaming shortly after you leave. I would slowly introduce her to the preschool not just through her in there full time. One or two half days a week at first? Good luck!!! I can't imagine how hard this is on you.

My daughter is 5 and I have gone through this. Due to other medical conditions she has not been to daycare, Let me tell you how much I regret that , imagine me this August having to take her to school. I am no expert on this and it can get very upseting at times. I tried to do things slowly with repetition Like go for a walk everyday then 2 days later have a friend go with us. I would ask your doctor also some times they have good ideas. Just to let you know my daughter sill screams hysterically when we tell her she has to go somewhere (even Build-a Bear ) which she loves, But we pick her up and take her anyway and She loves it once we get there. So I guess I'm saying it got a little better with age. Just now did she start talking to other people. Good luck I wish I had more advice for you.

It's tough what you are going through and I understand. As a teacher, I had similar experiences with students, too. Think of your child as a person in a foreign country that cannot express with the same language and is obligated to endure experiences she doesn't want to go through. How would that make you feel? Stressed, frustrated, upset? Definitely mention it to the doctor....with details. Also, get her acquainted with the people and the enironment of daycare before letting her free in a scary unknown world. Lead her and guide her step by step. It could be a phase that needs to be dealt with much patience. Find small activities for you and your child together, incorporating one or two other people.....like music or play time in the sandbox. Keep it simple, be patient and loving. You are doing a good job. Your daughter may grow up to be a great artist!!!

Hey B.,
I know this maybe long but I know what you are going through. There are usually several stages of stranger anxiety. A stranger can be anyone that is not her primary caregiver. My older daughter had it really bad. She started earlier than 6 months. She wouldn't let anyone really hold her. Most of the time she wouldn’t even let my husband hold her. As for family, she saw in the area family ALL the time as well and would freak out as if they were trying to steal her if they came near her. Anytime ANYONE would say hi she would freak out, even other children. She actually was in daycare for almost a year and she would scream when I dropped her off and she would still be screaming when I picked her back up. They would tell me she would calm down after a few hours but would start back up after her nap. She is just shy. Due to other reasons (I was concerned her speech was behind) I had her tested in all areas and she is completely normal, just shy. At first with the test they were really concerned. She wouldn’t speak, look, or have anything to do with them. But after a while she warmed up and they basically had to reevaluate her during that test because she was acting so different at first. I have taken my daughter to the beach also several times when she was 9 months to a year and a half and she hated it. Now that she is 3 she loves it. And at both of her 1st birthday parties she screamed the whole time. She calmed down after everyone left. She didn't well with new environments and it really took her awhile to get used to something new. We just kept trying to expose her to everything.
She is still shy but now that I have had another baby she has come out of her shell. It was so amazing what a little sibling can do. She is so excited to talk to everyone about her little sister. So she will talk to people about her little sister then she hides behind me. Oh yeah and my second baby is the complete opposite she will let everyone that she knows hold her. She just started getting stranger anxiety a little with complete strangers but as for family she reaches for them. Hope that helps! I would research stranger anxiety as an option.

Beth

i had something similar when i was a baby. i hated to be around people. my mother reports that i would hide my head under blankets when people would come around me. i did this from the time i was 3 months old. at the age of 16, i would still physically hide behind my parents when strangers came around.

i am 35 now, and i have had to learn to deal with people since i am an "adult" and i have children of my own.

i would suggest speaking to your pediatrician about it - but i will tell you that it can be worked through with time and patience.

is there anything she really likes as a safety blanket idea? take it with you when you go out. and take her out in small doses. go grocery shopping (for short trips - need bread, butter, 2 or 3 things). this will help her adjust.

i don't think i would try daycare any time soon though - not until you get this resolved or you will be getting phone calls to come pick her up daily.

Dear B.,
I would recommend reading both Dianetics and Child Dianetics. There is some data in there that will help clarify what's happening. As a teacher, you will also be able to use this powerful and useful information. Let me know how it goes. ML

I would suggest talking to your pediatrician about a referral to a place like Florida Center (that's in Sarasota, not sure what is similar in Tampa) to see about an evaluation for sensory sensitivities. Your daughter is IDENTICAL in nature to my oldest son. He had/has EXTREME sensory sensitivities particularly to sounds/noise, chaotic movement, and touch. We finally found all of this out at age 2 after banging our heads to try to 'fix it' ourselves. He saw an occupational therapist for a long time, and we've since learned how to handle his Sensory Processing Disorder (this is the EXTREME diagnosis, not the norm... sensory sensitivity is not a DISORDER in of itself) at home and to control certain aspects of his environment to protect him. This means he does not go to birthday parties, avoids movie theatres unless he's wearing sound drowning headphones, and we try to keep him away from as many loud, chaotic places (the mall, etc.) as possible unless we are a) prepared to handle the meltdown or b) are sure we'll be able to give him a quiet 'wind down' zone while we're there. He's almost 6 now and has come VERY far thanks to the OT. There are all kinds of terms you can look up to find out more like 'sensory sensitivity' 'sensitive nature' and 'sensory processing' to find out if you think this may be a helpful starting point in assisting her. If there is a true problem, then 'tough it out' will never happen.
Also take heart in the fact that kids just plain grow out of one stage or another. Just when you think you can't take it anymore (or that she can't either), it will magically or gradually get better. Then you can move on to more important things like preparing for a teenage daughter! ;-)
Good luck B.. I wish you both well.

The only thing I would add is to start daycare BEFORE you need it. You don't want to be at work on the first day of school (noted you are a teacher) with her at preschool for the first time. It may take some time for her to get used to the idea of being away from you. Get her there ASAP and make it a slow transition. Start with one hour the first day, two the next, etc.

Dear B.,

Your daughter sounds similar to my son. He didn't let anyone else hold him, even his father, until he was around 9 months. He would scream if I stood up and left his side, go to another room, move in a way that he wasn't ready for. I carried him in a Bjorn all day every day and pushed the stroller when were were out. He was too nervous to be in it alone. It was agonizing! The one time we left him with friends he cried for a solid 2 hours until we got back. At his first bday party he let someone hold him for about 10min. That was a first! But now... He is now 15 months old and a changed baby!

The answer for us was sleep. It took 3 months of good sleep for him to feel more comfortable with his surroundings, people, etc. Until he was 9 months old, he would wake up every 2 hours. He didn't nap for more than 20 min. and he resisted not being held while he slept. After reading 6 sleep books, we ended up following, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I truly believe he was sleep deprived and it made him extremely anxious. Be sure to look at your little one's sleep habits. Is she getting enough and are you? I was so sleep deprived I was going crazy and feeling very very upset about everything.

I hope this helps. I will pray for you. On a personal note, I caution you against Dianetics as it has to do with Scientology.

God Bless,

S.