What to Do with Almost Four Year Old Who Won't Participate

I know i am a little late. lol But if you are still having problems. My son was like this. We would get there early and preactice with him then when practice started the coach let us get out there with him. Then he got use to it. Now we cannot stop him. lol

When my daughter was 4 I put her in soccer and she wouldn't participate either. The coach said not worry too much about it because kids at that age have a short attention span and it takes a while for them to show interest. I tried practicing with her at home and even got my uncles to try and show her how fun it was, but she would always rather go and do other things. It made me feel a bit frustrated because I was always into sports and always a perfectionist at it, it was hard to accept the fact that my daughter was not like that. I was surprised how competative things got. Things got rough at the first game they played against the other team. My daughter wouldn't hit the ball and one of the other parents got mad and called her names. I got mad at the parent, and so on so fort. After several meets, I came to find out soccer just wasn't her thing. She wanted to play basketball all the time and when she was finally old enough to do that, she really enjoyed it. I hope your able to get your son interested in soccer, I'm interested to see what suggestions you get. Bye for now.

i agree with the other moms. maybe you should give him more time. or maybe you should try an individual sport. my son is in gymnastics and he loves it. he is on the boys tumbling and trampoline team. it took him three days to get use to the routine and the rules of gymnastics but he got the hang of it. now he is gymnast of the month. every time he has to go to gymnastics i make it a big deal. i tell him that i am very proud of him and that i am soo amazed at what he can do. i make it sound like he is my little superhero. lol.

K.,

I have a five year old daughter who is always very shy and reluctant to join in activities, and we've been doing things for years! This is just her personality/temperament. I've learned to be patient and go slow, but I don't let her refuse to participate.

Now, I'm not saying that's the right answer for your situation at all! What I would try is just taking him to the games to watch. Let him take it all in, and see if he begins to show a desire to play. My child needs to check it out and get very comfortable with her surroundings before she'll venture forth. We just started going to a gymnastics gym (not Little Gym anymore), and I had to visit with her twice and just watch the others before she would participate. Luckily, she spotted a leotard for sale that she wanted. I told her I'd buy it if she went through a whole class. She did it the very next visit! However, she is still shy when she first gets in the door.

My biggest concern with her is that I don't "enable" her to think everything is overwhelming and it's okay to always be a spectator. I'm trying to balance that with not pushing her into things she is either not ready for or not interested in. All of this is made more challenging when you are also caring for a baby!

Hang in there! I think the suggestion about trying some classes that call for parent/child interaction is a good one. Hope you hit on the right answer for all of you!!

I just put my son in soccer this season for the first time and he is 4 and he loves soccer because his two older sisters play, but his best friend is on his team and doesn't want to play! He will play with my son at home and by their self's but not with the team until he got to know the coach. My sons coach would stand in front of the goal and want them to kick the ball to him well to the goal and he would not do it. So I know that it takes time but see if you can meet the coach 10 min. before practice, or stay after a few min. after practice just so your son can get to know the coach with out anyone really watching. You can also try sitting in the car maybe he will play if moms not watching, well if dont see you..
I hope this helps!! Good luck. Jenaette

Hi K. -

I have a 3 1/2 year old son and we are are going through something similar. I know that part of it is a personality thing. We just attended our 2nd Blast Ball practice and I had a hard time getting him to participate. All he wanted to do last night was play on the playground, I told he could but after practice. We had to observe for most of the practice on the field and finally he showed some interest. I feel the same way I do not want to force him to play but at the same time if we are there with the team for practice even if he does not participate we will not get to go play on th playground until practice is over, I think it is important to introduce our boys to structure. I know next week will be a new challenge for us because next week they are going to encourage the parents to stay off the field up to this point we were allowed on. This week i am going to get outside and practice with him and use some of the same words that our coach used so he will more comfortable.

Good Luck!

If he really doesn't want to do it, there's not much you can do to persuade him to continue. It will only make the both of you very upset every practice and every game. Give it a rest for one week. Even at 4 years of age, most kids don't stay focused for a long time with soccer (both of my kids started at 4). He may just turn around and want to play the following week.
For other activities, you could try Story Time at the library, or Little Gym, ASI gymnastics. There's Kindermusik, usually given through a local Y. There's art programs too...you might want to call all the local Recreation Centers and Y's in your area to get their programs. Maybe even a swim class would be interesting to him.

Good Luck!

Hi K.. I think I would give it some more time. I also have a four year old but he just missed the cut off. He had to be four by Jan 1st and didn't turn four until Jan 21st. But anyway, I also have two older boys that are in soccer. They also started practices last week. I think maybe my four year old wants to play so bad because his big brothers do it. But I would definately give it some more time. If he is used to staying home, then it may take some time for him to adjust. Go to the practices, hang out, don't force him to play. That's not going to work, he may surprise you and after a couple weeks of watching his new friends play, he may just want to join right in! The coach should have no problem with this. After all, he is only four! If the coach does seem to have a problem, call or email the soccer association and get a new coach! Seriously! There are ALOT of good, understanding coaches out there that have kids the same age! Good luck and let us know how he adjusts!

Perhaps you could ask your son if he wanted to ride with his friend to soccer practice and take a ball along in the back seat with a given understanding that they both are going to play.
Tell the best friend's mom about the situation so the boy can help encourage your son. A crowd of strange people and kids can be intimidating. It still gets me every time!
Good luck with it!
C. S.

K.,
We started my son in team sports, soccer and t ball, when he was four also. He seemed interested for about half of the season each time and then didn't want to go to practice or games. You might want to try individual type sports like tennis, golf, karate, gymnastics. My son is 13 now and over the years he has had much more interest in these sorts of sports. He's just not a team player. He needs to be engaged in the action at all times to stay interested in a sport and did not at all like the nearness of the other players or the confusion of too many kids in one place. He's also a perfectionist who had a hard time with errors made by himself and others. If any of this sounds like your son, perhaps individual sports would be better. It could also just be that he is young. You could try playing in the backyard and watch to see if he sticks with the game of soccer or keeps changing it to running around kicking a ball with mom and dad. He might not be ready for the rules and constraints of a formal game. We tried soccer probably four seasons over an eight year period because Dylan kept thinking he might like to try it again. We let him try every time he wanted to, but it just wasn't for him. Good luck!
L.