What Would You Do? - Spring Lake,NC

I like the idea 8kidsdad mentioned. See if you can all work together to fix the insulation in that wall (don't forget the attic too!). You might only have to pull off one side of the wall to insulate it, but it will help! And it's a permanent solution that will increase the property value.

This is what happens if you live in a duplex, triplex, apartment, etc. She just has to get used to it. If she complains, just complain right back and tell her about 2 or 3 or 4 different things they do that you can hear right through the walls. Suggest earplugs. Suggest a white noise machine.

I looked for a solution to the problem that wouldn't involve either of you having to alter your habits. After all, each of you do the things you do because you want to do it that way. BTW, I feel sorry for your BIL.

I don't know who owns the duplex. I'm guessing its one or the other or both of you do. I would measure the wall that joins the two sides, go to Home Depot and find out how much sheetrock costs for that wall and some good insulation costs. I would then get the two brothers together and one side pay for the materials and the other pay for the labor, or both of them do it together and add the extra insulation.

I built a home with a family of 10. I knew some one would want to play music too loud or not the kind of music some one else wanted to hear or would want to watch tv late at night or . . .

I insulated the walls touching each room, the walls around each bathroom and our bedroom. No problems with noise coming through the walls.

How much will it cost? I dunno. But it will be less than bad relations with the new wife and her husband. It sounds like she is very picky. If you are looking to point fingers, that's one thing. If you are looking for a solution, you can move or insulate. Your choice.

Good luck to you and yours.

Well here in Hawaii, no one wears shoes in the house.
It is customary here.
So therefore, there is no shoe noise, as a person walks in the house.
And the floors are clean... because no one walks around in the house with their shoes from being outside.

Solution #2) insulate the wall that is shared between both units.

Solution #3) install carpeting

Problem #4) If they can hear you walking around and your Husband snoring... THEN that means, they can ALSO hear your conversations through the walls. And thus, you have NO privacy.

Then, since BIL's Fiance moved in now... that means that these PROBLEMS will go on for years... unless they break up, or they move, or unless he gets another girlfriend that is quiet and non-verbal.
So, its best to come up with a solution... or these problems can go on for YEARS... and it will get worse, and erode any sense of decency between all of you.

Yikes, how are your floors so dirty...that you'd have to wipe off your feet? (I'm halfway joking). Also, I could never have sex again. I bet they hear you!

Anyway, just live your life. It's your home, and you're only walking out the door. It's not like you put them on and do the tango.

Eh. I guess I'm having a bit of trouble feeling badly for you because a simple solution would be to wear your slippers until it's time to leave if it means keeping peace in the family. If she continues asking you to make accommodations or if this is just one more thing in a long list of accommodations she's already asked you to make, then yes that's a problem.

"Well, McPryncess'Lynn, I understand that your routine has changed and the acoustics in this building can make even the softest footsteps sound like horses racing around. We'll continue to do our best to minimize the noise over here as you'll be sure to keep down your sex noises over there. I just need to ask you to be understanding that with children in the household and an established routine, we're not going to be able to always be perfectly quiet. So how are those wedding plans coming along?"

Recently you posted about BIL and fiancee moving out and wanting to borrow $10k, which your hubby supports doing despite your objections. I'm wondering if the finacee has a valid point about the noise or is she just complaining to drive home the message that she wants a bigger place and to entice you to give her that $10,000 that they want to borrow? Is there any jealousy on your part that makes her request so annoying....perhaps that she is complaining about the house as if too good to live there, wanting to move somewhere more suitable to her needs but out on your dime and you'll still be living somewhere she was too good to live in while you pay for her to live elsewhere? (That'd probably really make me mad.)

Normally, I'd say it wouldn't really hurt you to put on a pair of slippers when you're in the house. However, if I were about to loan them $10k (against my will) to move somewhere bigger while I stayed in the other 1/2 of the duplex, I might think I'd purchased the right to be a bit discourteous for the limited time remaining. At the same time, whoever moves in after them probably won't be family and may complain much more. So, I think it's fine to do whichever you choose.

Unlike 8kidsdad, I don't feel sorry for your BIL. This is the woman that he has chosen, and it doesn't sound like she's hidden who she is.

I have to say that I would go ahead and do this for future relations since they are going to be married.

It's not all that hard. If you were used to not wearing shoes in the house (like I am - it keeps hardwood floors a heck of a lot cleaner), it wouldn't be a big deal.

I think this is more that you don't want her telling you what to do because you think that's what she is doing to your BIL.

What I would suggest here is that you do this ONE thing and when she has another request for you to change what you do in your unit, laugh and say "Oh no, now! I already go barefoot just for you, Jenny. That's quite enough!" Laugh again and change the subject. That will make it crystal clear to her that she's gotten all she's going to get.

Dawn

No one should dictate to that level what you do in your own home. What if she wasn't your future SIL and just a neigbor. Would you do things differently? If so, then you have your answer. If not, you still have your answer.
I'd keep doing what I do and play it off if she mentioned it to me.
"L., your shoes are sooo loud."
"that's exaclty what I thought about the noises I heard coming from your bedroom last night. It is tough living so close, but you know what works XYZ"
then tell her about the fan trick. Maybe she doesn't know:)
Good luck on whatever way you choose to go.

Wear flip flops in the house and keep the loud shoes by the door. Then leave the flip flops by the door when you leave. .

I get the feeling you are just miffed because she said this to you, but I can understand. We live in an old house and we can hear the movement of everyone in every room.. The wooden floors squeak, creak and anything can be heard.

Rugs will help, but I hate rugs in the summer..

Even if she IS "one of those women" -- and that's possible, some people are high maintenance, your logic that -- "the last thing I want to deal with is walking through the house barefoot (wood floors), having to wipe my feet off to get my shoes on while juggling my 18 month old, her sister, and anything I have to carry. That and having to either keep my shoes by the door which would require me to know which ones I’m wearing for a few seconds of me walking down the hall" -- is pretty lame.

There is no reason you can't put your shoes on right before you leave the house, to be considerate. I have wood floors, and walk around barefoot all the time, and I put my shoes on right before I leave, and I can promise you it's not that terrible. I don't have to wipe my feet off, I guess because my floors are pretty clean most of the time. (Or try slippers, as suggested below.)

Sometimes living in a duplex requires that you be more considerate than you would have to be if you were living in your own home out in the country with no one else around. That's the downside of a duplex. So I think you should do as she requests, and keep relations amicable. If you don't, and things become unpleasant between you, the consequences will be worse than the hassle of not putting your shoes on till the last minute.

I will believe you that she is "one of those women," but I just have to ask, are you sure you're not one of those women too? Yes, you are being unreasonable.

I'd ignore her.
If she mentions it again, laugh and hand her ear plugs.
If the place transmits noise now - just WAIT till your kids are running around.
It's not going to get any quieter.
This is just part of rental living - and it's one of the reasons why people look to buy their own house sooner or later.

Oh fun, well just because you are reasonable doesn't make it that everyone must be.

I would love to say tell her to stuff it but mostly because I hate princessy types. :p

How about a compromise. Try the shoe at the door thing since it cost you nothing and if it just doesn't work for you, like starts costing you real time, then tell her to stuff it with a clear conscience knowing you tried. :)

I live in an old building with wood floors. I had an upstairs neighbor for a while who would almost daily, usually late at night, make one trip across her floors wearing shoes. The sharp noise would wake me from a deep sleep.

Since then, I have always put my shoes on right at the door, since I have a neighbor below me, too. I hear him blow his nose, loudly, every morning... and I had a next door neighbor for awhile that snored.

I don't think it's too much to ask for you to put your shoes on by the door. Put a small rug by the door for you to wipe your feet on. If you do what you can to comply with this request, you stand a chance that she will accept a certain level of noise. Refuse this specific request, and her annoyance with your noise could escalate.

Gonna go out on a limb here and think that you're all in this duplex because of other reasons that you each loved your half so much you just HAD to buy the halves, right?

I doubt your soon to be SIL would have the nerve to ask what she's asking of you to any other neighbors.

Things live rent, families, money, etc. just don't GO together well ever. And even if they start out OK, something like this happens.

I like the advice you were given to just go ahead and live your life. She has other options: earplugs, white noise, etc.

No, you are not unreasonable. I would tell her you understand her feelings and no, that will not work for you. Let her know you have a few things you do that help your family deal with their noise and if she would like, you can share them with her.

No, you are not unreasonalble! You should be able to walk around in shoes in your own house!

Wow! It sounds like you have been in that duplex for 5 years and she just recently moved in? And now she wants to call the shots and dictate how you walk in your part of the house? It doesn't make sense to me....I wonder what else she is gonna ask of you....

Maybe wear slippers?

You're just walking in your own house. Its not your fault there isn't enough insulation to help block the noise. I wouldn't change anything. You hear noise from them and they hear noise from you. That's what happens when you live somewhere other than a single family detached home. If you were being outright noisy and playing loud music and letting the kids jump off the couch, then I could understand making some changes. If she brings it up again, I would just say that unfortunately you have made some changes and because of where you live, you BOTH can hear things that are at unconvenient times and that you have bought a air filter/fan to help block the noise and maybe she can try that too. Good luck!

If she tells you again, ignore it. Tell her if it were not you and some other stranger living next door to them, would she make a bigger complaint out of it and make it an issue?
You're both living in rentals, and not all rentals are completely sound proof. If she wants perfect living conditions, tell her to buy a house.

Personally, I'd leave my shoes by the door. It's not that hard to slip them on as you're walking out (even carrying struggling kids). And if it's that important to your BIL's girlfriend, then not doing it will hurt your relationship with her. If she was asking you to not make *any* noise at a certain time of day (ie - keep your kids out of the house) it would seem like too much to me. But having to put shoes on at the door versus walking all over the house in them... not a big deal.