Whatever Happened to Instinct??

I come up with my most brilliant ideas when I'm trying to help my friends solve their problems. And my friends say the most brilliant things to me when I share my problems with them.

Instict is great and some people could benefit from trusting it more. But if it is the only tool used then the child is at the mercy of their parents knowledge and experience.

Well, there's nothing wrong with instinct...if your instinct is good, but there's also nothing wrong with people realizing they need more information or further suggestions either. Not everyone is brought up in the same sort of environments to learn effective parenting skills. I, personally, was never around babies growing up. I was the youngest and opportunities with babies never were part of my youth. I do have good common sense and good instincts, however, I would also talk a lot with my neighbors who had several kids for their parenting advice.

As well, I worked...sorry, for me it was our best decision. My daughter was in a wonderful home getting fun loving care while I earned money to supplement my husband's military income. We didn't live with large screen tvs, fancy cars, nannies or anything extraordinary. However, for some families working is a requirement to put food on the table. Some of us have husbands who do noble work, but compared to those with husbands in white collared work, one income doesn't pay the bills.

So, while I agree with some of what you say, I believe that moms make tough decisions. My daughter turned out fine. She's in honors classes, plays soccer, plays two instruments, is actively involved in our church and is a smart and caring individual. Part of her past and part of her character includes the loving care she received during hours I was at work. I don't regret any of the decisions I have made in this regard. It's a matter of balance and a loving environment.

N.!!

My dear, although common sense has taken a backseat for a number of parents these days, I see NOTHING wrong with "reading up" on tips to help your children and parents be the best they can be. Would you take an exam without studying? Would you drive a car without being qualified? Any dog on the street can have a baby, but it takes a real woman to admit she doesnt know everything.

I am a firm believer in staying home with my child, and teaching him how to conduct himself, have respect for himself and others, and show him that I love him no matter what, but I am blessed enough to do that - I would NEVER begrudge another mom because she is not able to do that.

We need to stop all of finger-pointing, and mom-bashing. We are all doing the best we can, and should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down.

You may have raised your kids without reading a single book, article, or word of advice, but if you look back, I am sure there is something you would have done differently if you had known better. Just because they are "alive" dosen't mean you did a perfect job.

Respectfully yours,

J. - a mom in the 21st Century.

I don't think parenting comes as easily to some people and in this age of information many rely heavily on the expertise of others. While I agree with a lot of what you've said, I think what you may want to keep in mind is that our media portrays children as accessories, rather than as humans. Humans are complex. Our human societal system has also changed. We don't always have the good fortune of being close to extended family and solid community. Information seems the safest route sometimes.

I think its good to admit that it is not always easy, questions do arise, and if one wasn't raised in a loving yet firm environment, parents may find they are at a loss when they want to go outside of their own experience. Also, many women must work as they are single women. Compassion and admiration is what they deserve.

I am a SAHM, I'm taking time off, but I doubt myself frequently though I think I'm a fantastic mother. I don't think I would believe someone who said they never doubted themselves. Doubt can lead to some good self-reflection and hopefully there in lies intuition.

Jen

I think your right on, I have watched tooo many people raise their kids with this idea of me, me, me. It crazy, then they wonder why their children are such spoiled brats. People need to start understanding that there is a huge difference between caring for your child and cripping them. I totally agree with you and i think parents should really start to understand the importance of tomarrows youths and raising they in accordance!

parenting in the past has been modeled throughout the generations. the culture in the United States is more commonly to have both parents working. Therefore many of the traditions or parenting skills are being lost.

Also, some families are not as close as most all families used to be. That is in the sense of other relatives giving advice on how to parent.

Fortunately, now we have other mothers to look to. The focus is coming back to parents raising their own children. More and more parents are making the sacrifice of having at least one parent stay home with the children.

We are also more health educated as a country and we are able to see how certain parenting techniques affect us as adults.

So while instincts are very good, they still exist and are expressed. We have to encourage everyone to have confidence in their instincts. But we also can ignore what we have discovered to foster health in our nation.

I have the same question as Linda G.

Just because some of us read or refer to books for parenting, it does not mean we do not use our instincts or doubt our parenting abilities. We could all use a little help sometimes, and raising children is not "easy" as you say. I personally find it to be more difficult than my full-time job outside the home, and I also have twins.

I also do not "dump" my kids off on other people to raise them, and some of us have to work. My kids have been in quality daycare since they were three months old, and they are doing great, have become socialized and have learned a lot. I am very involved in every aspect of their lives. Sometimes I wish I could spend a little more time with them, but I do not feel guilty about our decisions, and who says that a child's life cannot begin right if you work. We all do what we have to do.

Your concern for mothers today is definitely a valid one. I hope the following information might help fill in the jigsaw puzzle we are facing as women today.

I found it absolutely fascinating to learn that the generation born in the 40's was the first generation in our nation to be primarily raised on the TV set. If your family escaped that trap, how lucky for you! That generation of highly-saturated, TV watching children accumulated into the devastating delinquency of the 60's. I think a lot of people who were effected by that are just trying to recover themselves from the lack of reality that caused them, let alone the children they went on to raise. (However, that is not to ignore the other equally destructive extreme of perfectionism that effects so many.)

The media-warped, body-image issues alone are destroying so many people. Maybe you and your family could find some way to join those who are praying for and helping recover those who are struggling and lost. It isn't like the battle is over. TV and media influences are more powerful now than ever.

What spurred such a posting?
I do agree with your point on spending money, instead of spending time with your kids.
But as far as having to work; some people don't have a choice nowadays. Dual incomes is the reality, as is the need to work to pay the ever increasing medical insurance deductables... not to mention retirement. Really, don't mention it because that is becoming obsolete. I am lucky enough to stay with my son up to this point. It wasn't until recently I started working part time and my son has preschool most of the day, and relatives who can care for him, free-of-charge. I wish I could raise my kids like my mother did; she never worked outside of the home during her days of "motherhood."
Please give us new generation of mothers a chance as we are facing obstacles unlike previous generations before us.