When You Are Just Fed Up...

If someone here is pushing you over the top, then it's most definitely time to take a break. Life is stressful, and I come here for fun. The second I feel negativity I remove myself from the source.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to get away from everything -go on a hike or walk alone or go out and run errands or go to the bookstore or library ALONE! Take some deep breaths and get away from it all! Sometimes once will do the trick, and sometimes you need to do this over a period of several days.

As far as religious questions -if someone asks a religious question, then they need to be open to many different responses, but if someone asks a question and people give them un-asked for religious answers,well, that can be very annoying (even upsetting and definitely not helpful).

I get EXTREMELY annoyed with people who go along with the attitude (and tell everyone else this type of thing) of, "It's God's will," or "Just pray and everything will be okay," or "If God wants it to happen, it will..." -uh, NO, not necessarily true, and while I believe in God, I have my own type of faith and philosophy and I don't think God is some big puppet master controlling everyone's lives.

When my mother died, a woman I've known my whole life at the told me at the funeral home that when God wants you home, it just goes to show that nothing can stop it. It took everything I had not to punch her in the face. I don't think God gave my mom a huge, fast-moving brain tumor that killed her before she was even old. The woman didn't mean it that way or to upset me, but at that time what she said and how she said it upset me so much -it truly stands out as a terrible part of that time that I remember three years later. It was not comforting or even nice -it enraged me.

So when you decide to offer "religious" or "faith-based" advice -really think about it. If you know the person is like-minded, then go ahead, but if not -and if the question didn't come with any type of religious bent -then offer what advice you have without injecting religion or spiritual beliefs into it.

Sounds like you need a long soak in the tub.
Just remember that everything is temporary, next year at this time things will be so much different. It's amazing what 365 days does in our lives, honestly.

If something on an anonymous online message board gets you so riled up it may be time to take a break. People online can be rude or they just may be frank, not bound by the courtesy that real life demands and sometimes a frank opinion from someone SUCKS.

As for religious questions: not everyone likes being proselytized, I for my part don't particularly care for it myself. If you ask a religious question in a public forum like this you may get answers from all kinds of people of different faiths and they may not agree with yours. If you only want answers that agree with your faith, you may have to find a place of like-minded people where you can ask those questions...

I don't think there is any good excuse for making personal attacks, but remember that this board isn't actually "real life" and NOTHING and I mean NOTHING that happens here should make you upset... if it does you are way too emotionally invested and need to take a break.

Good luck.

When I think I'm going to lose it, I try to go for a walk by myself. If I'm the only parent on duty, I usually send my son to play in his room and lie on the living room rug and try some deep breathing exercises.

And sometimes, I have a glass of wine and chalk it up to being a heck of a day. :)

In regard to your query about religion and advice: that's a tough one. For some people, a suggestion to 'pray about it' is going to be encouragement; for others who might not participate/believe in a certain faith, it will be considered as trivializing their problem. And due to the anonymous nature of this site, it's really difficult to really "know" your audience, including the person you are trying to encourage. I do look within the post to see what might be most appropriate. If someone is asking for prayer, I take that as a sign that they may not want advice on how to change their situation; they may really be wanting to have some reassurance and solidarity that they are not alone. Although I am not 'believer, per se, I do believe that prayer and directing our loving thoughts to others is a real thing.

Should you stop offering advice? I don't know, mainly because I haven't really had a super-emotional response to anything you have written. (There are a few people whose responses regularly make me shake my head in wonderment at how they can be so rude or mean to people on a regular basis.) I do think that depending on what our backgrounds are, advice can come off as judgmental if a person as a vastly different perspective or are imposing one's moral/belief system/assumptions on someone else.

Should people quit asking religious questions? I don't know, but I also feel that if people are truly seeking information, there are a lot of resources online available besides this forum. I also see that religious questions are sometimes asked in a way that might come across as patronizing...but I also see the same tone being used across the board of hot topics, including politics and human sexuality.

Lastly, some days, I do need to step away from the computer. There are some questions that I know I cannot answer nicely, and some posters who, frankly, are going to be n-a-s-t-y no matter how nicely I do answer. The point is that I if I can't answer helpfully (unless it's a JFF), I'll feel better moving on or doing something else. Otherwise, I will fret later on it.

I hope this (very sincerely) answers some of your questions.

I haven't read your answers, so I don't know what you've said or not said about religion, but I think sharing what you believe about religion is fine. People who can be respectful about their own beliefs and the beliefs of others are always welcome in a good conversation. I have found, though, that while some people can do this skillfully, many cannot. As someone who is on the opposite spectrum from many, I don't mind hearing what someone else thinks, but when they present their views as realty, I tune them out. It doesn't advance the conversation at all, and it can be very offensive.

Stating your faith as fact "Do such and such and you will go to hell/heaven," "Demons cause such and such," "God wants such and such" does rub me the wrong way, and just a simple, "I believe" in the front of it softens it considerably. Of course you believe what you believe is true. Otherwise, you wouldn't believe it. There are lots of cases where I don't believe what the other person believes, and I can assure you, I'm as confident in my faith as they are in theirs. Personally, I actually think I have the right answers and the other people are wrong. I'll admit it. I think that way. Probably most of us do. I'm not in doubt or confused about what I believe, and I am capable of expressing my view of the world as fact. But I have found that saying, "You're wrong" is ruder than saying "I disagree." I know many people do not believe what I believe and have a different world view, and I try to respect that, so it is frustrating when I don't get the same respect in return.

So, you got me off on a tangent! Sorry, it's a pet peeve of mine. This message board can be fun, but sometimes it raises my blood-pressure waaaaay too high. When that's the case, I sign off for a week or two. If things on here are getting to you, it's probably time to find another escape for a while. Do you get any time off? Do you have family nearby, or a baby-sitter, who can give you a REGULAR outlet to get out and just be alone or with girlfriends? I have found this makes a HUGE difference in my life!

I wish you the best of luck dealing with everything you're going through. It sounds like you're on a rough road right now. I hope you are able to find your peace.

That's when you sit quietly in your knowledge that they're going to hell. :)